Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. You're probably wondering what I'm doing here, and why. Answers to all of your questions will be answered momentarily...
...And now the moment has arrived: I am here to tell you some jokes. These are not any old jokes - these are special sexist jokes about mother-in-laws, that I wrote back in the 1970s when it was considered acceptable to hate women (before everything was ruined).
Where are the jokes I mention? That's an easy one: here they are now. Ok. Well. Bye then.
...And now the moment has arrived: I am here to tell you some jokes. These are not any old jokes - these are special sexist jokes about mother-in-laws, that I wrote back in the 1970s when it was considered acceptable to hate women (before everything was ruined).
Where are the jokes I mention? That's an easy one: here they are now. Ok. Well. Bye then.
QUESTION: How many mother-in-laws does it take to change a lightbulb?
ANSWER: Three (these mother-in-laws are lighthouse keepers, and the bulbs are massive - normally it'd only take two to do the job, but one of them is in a wheelchair, and the others don't want her to feel like she's useless, even though they secretly hate how bitter and passive-aggressive she has become).
QUESTION: Why did the mother-in-law cross the road?
ANSWER: She was a massive racist.
QUESTION: What do you get if a mother-in-law eats a bar of soap?
ANSWER: A lather-in-maw.
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a mother-in-law with a man?
ANSWER: A father-in-law.
QUESTION: Why was the mother-in-law confused?
ANSWER: She was half-watching Tron.
QUESTION: What's the second worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A talc bottle full of crow nipples.
QUESTION: What's the worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A legal document that requires you to swig crow nipples from the talc bottle.
QUESTION: Who is the most powerful mother-in-law in the world?
ANSWER: Mothra-in-Law.
QUESTION: What's a really funny thing to think about?
ANSWER: A mother-in-lawnmower.
QUESTION: Even though she was drowning, why didn't the mother-in-law scream for help?
ANSWER: She had water in her mouth and throat.
QUESTION: What's the best way to asphyxiate a mother-in-law?
ANSWER: Depends.
QUESTION: What would be a really unusual name for a mother-in-law?
ANSWER: Manfred Honk.
QUESTION: What is something you wouldn't expect to see if you broke open a wasps nest?
ANSWER: A mother-in-law, all curled up and completely motionless - apart from her twitching legs.
Well, that's probably enough jokes about mother-in-laws. I hope I don't get into trouble for them. But if I do... so what? It doesn't matter. Bye then.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
ANSWER: Three (these mother-in-laws are lighthouse keepers, and the bulbs are massive - normally it'd only take two to do the job, but one of them is in a wheelchair, and the others don't want her to feel like she's useless, even though they secretly hate how bitter and passive-aggressive she has become).
QUESTION: Why did the mother-in-law cross the road?
ANSWER: She was a massive racist.
QUESTION: What do you get if a mother-in-law eats a bar of soap?
ANSWER: A lather-in-maw.
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a mother-in-law with a man?
ANSWER: A father-in-law.
QUESTION: Why was the mother-in-law confused?
ANSWER: She was half-watching Tron.
QUESTION: What's the second worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A talc bottle full of crow nipples.
QUESTION: What's the worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A legal document that requires you to swig crow nipples from the talc bottle.
QUESTION: Who is the most powerful mother-in-law in the world?
ANSWER: Mothra-in-Law.
QUESTION: What's a really funny thing to think about?
ANSWER: A mother-in-lawnmower.
QUESTION: Even though she was drowning, why didn't the mother-in-law scream for help?
ANSWER: She had water in her mouth and throat.
QUESTION: What's the best way to asphyxiate a mother-in-law?
ANSWER: Depends.
QUESTION: What would be a really unusual name for a mother-in-law?
ANSWER: Manfred Honk.
QUESTION: What is something you wouldn't expect to see if you broke open a wasps nest?
ANSWER: A mother-in-law, all curled up and completely motionless - apart from her twitching legs.
Well, that's probably enough jokes about mother-in-laws. I hope I don't get into trouble for them. But if I do... so what? It doesn't matter. Bye then.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
+++ COMING VERY SOON: The Man's Daddy's Book of Popular Comedy Jokes. Click here to find out how you can obtain a copy. +++
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