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THE MAN'S DADDY: HIS JOKES HAVE ARRIVED

8/1/2016

5 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. I don't even know if I that's my actual name, or if I even really exist. Oh well.

​I'm afraid I haven't been around for a while. I've not been ill, or busy - I've just not been around. It doesn't matter. 

Anyway, I'm here now, and I've written some new jokes that I'd really like to share with you. Some of them are probably alright, but it's difficult to know, really. Comedy is really subjective, so you might like different ones to me. I suppose that's just how it goes. Never mind.

​Anyway, I'm off now. I'll see you again, I expect. Bye, then. Yeah - bye. Hope you like some of the jokes. Bye. Have a good day. Thanks.

QUESTION: What sort of ghosts put their fingers in your bottom at night?
ANSWER: Dirty ghosts.

QUESTION: How deep is your love? 
ANSWER: Two-to-three inches.

QUESTION: Who is the best writer in the world?
ANSWER: King Author (King Arthur).

QUESTION: Why couldn't the Knights of the Round Table get their chairs underneath it?
ANSWER: It kept rolling away.

QUESTION: What is the most relaxing mountain in the world?
ANSWER: Mount 'Avearest (Everest).

QUESTION: Why does it always rain on me? 
ANSWER: You live in Scotland.

QUESTION: Olbin is to tolbin as rufford is to...?
ANSWER: Nemmit.

QUESTION: What's black and white and red all over?
ANSWER: Apartheid. 

QUESTION: Which late-80s British-American supergroup was best at digging holes for spears?
ANSWER: The Javelin We'll Burys (The Traveling Wilburys).

QUESTION: War, huh - yeah! 
What is it good for?
ANSWER: According to Sun Tsu the purpose of war is to advance the goals of the state.

QUESTION: Can anybody think of a different way to say 'throw a frisbee'?
ANSWER: Let's discus (discuss).

QUESTION: Which Muppet is a member of the Green Party?
ANSWER: Climate the Frog.

QUESTION: What is Conan The Destroyer's favourite Beach Boys song?
ANSWER: Bar-bar-bar, Bar-Barbarian (Barbara-Ann).

QUESTION: Are you lonesome tonight? 

ANSWER: No. I'm at a party.

QUESTION: Why shouldn't you ever start a carpentry company with rodents?
​ANSWER: Because the best-laid planks of mice and men often go awry.

QUESTION: Former US President Bill Clinton has an imaginary friend he turns to for advice on nutrition. What is his name?

ANSWER: Klim Clinton.

QUESTION: Who let the dogs out?

ANSWER: Professional misconduct.

QUESTION: Which Roman Emperor would suffer convulsions when he got envious?
ANSWER: Jealousy Seizure (Julius Caesar).

QUESTION: What happens if you open Pandora's Box?
ANSWER: Bird comes out.

QUESTION: Why are you always dreaming that you're Chairman Mao?
​ANSWER: You're Chairman Mao.

QUESTION: Which actress is the best at part-cooking food in boiling water?

ANSWER: Kate Blanch-It (Kate Blanchett).

QUESTION: What's new, pussycat? Whoa-whoa-whoa-oh!
ANSWER: I've been spayed.

QUESTION: Why do you cry when you chop onions?
ANSWER: They're the only family you have.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE MAN'S DADDY: THESE ARE HIS JOKES
THE MAN'S DADDY'S NEWEST JOKES
MAN'S DADDY: GENERIC JOKES

5 Comments
deKay link
8/1/2016 01:22:32 pm

When buying animal shaped crockery in sub-Saharan Africa, which types should definitely be on your shopping list?

The Hippo pot's a must (Hippopotamus)

Reply
Perfume Owl
8/1/2016 02:35:05 pm

I liked the following things: these jokes.

Reply
Damon link
9/1/2016 11:18:16 am

I laughed more than I should have.

Reply
Dirty Barry
9/1/2016 07:02:49 pm

I've been gagging for the Man's Daddy for ages, it is the best thing on the internet after all. Initially I was enjoying the autobiographical stuff, but once I realised it was at the expense of Man's Daddy I flew into an ungovernable rage from which I will never truly recover.

Anyway, thanks yeah, much appreciated and all that. Cheers, then. Bye.

Reply
Admiral Vev Vroom
10/1/2016 09:28:24 am

What do you call an assertive popular comedian who only wants to see his father?

Demands Daddy.

Reply



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