Good evening (unless you’re in Australia, in which case: a belated good evening). I’m a popular comedian called The Man’s Daddy. I recently attended the funeral of Schrödinger's Cat. What a waste of everyone's time that was.
When I've not been attending potential funerals of paradoxical felines, it’s my job to make jokes, which I shall endeavor to do shortly.
This time I haven’t been writing some really excellent political jokes. Except – the joke is on you here, because that is in fact what I have been writing.
And the time of the political joking begins… now.
QUESTION: Why didn’t David Cameron take any photos on holiday?
ANSWER: He forgot to switch his “camera on”.
QUESTION: And where does David Cameron go on holiday anyway?
ANSWER: Cameroon.
QUESTION: On which format does an urban version of David Cameron like to watch movies?
ANSWER: He watches them on “da vid’”.
I’ve had enough of political humour now. It's too controversial. Let’s have some other jokes instead.
QUESTION: Why did the person refuse to put up any Christmas decorations?
ANSWER: He was a Muslim.
QUESTION: Why did his friend put up decorations in spite of this?
ANSWER: His friend was a Christian man (going by the name of Murray C. Wignall).
QUESTION: What's the funniest thing in the world?
ANSWER: Putting a snake on a roulette wheel, and spinning it around really fast.
QUESTION: Why is it a bad idea to invest in a cloud business?
ANSWER: Too many overheads (clouds).
QUESTION: What were Henry V's favourite TV shows?
ANSWER: "V" and Man "V" Food.
QUESTION: What's the worst thing to eat in a sandwich?
ANSWER: Your mother's brain.
QUESTION: What is the second worst thing to eat in a sandwich?
ANSWER: Your mother's drain.
QUESTION: Why is Sonic the Hedgehog blue?
ANSWER: He suffers from bipolar disorder, and that isn't even a joke.
QUESTION: Why was Ebeneezer Scrooge so mean?
ANSWER: Poor life choices.
QUESTION: Why do dromedaries have humps?
ANSWER: Some little guy must've got up under their skin.
When I've not been attending potential funerals of paradoxical felines, it’s my job to make jokes, which I shall endeavor to do shortly.
This time I haven’t been writing some really excellent political jokes. Except – the joke is on you here, because that is in fact what I have been writing.
And the time of the political joking begins… now.
QUESTION: Why didn’t David Cameron take any photos on holiday?
ANSWER: He forgot to switch his “camera on”.
QUESTION: And where does David Cameron go on holiday anyway?
ANSWER: Cameroon.
QUESTION: On which format does an urban version of David Cameron like to watch movies?
ANSWER: He watches them on “da vid’”.
I’ve had enough of political humour now. It's too controversial. Let’s have some other jokes instead.
QUESTION: Why did the person refuse to put up any Christmas decorations?
ANSWER: He was a Muslim.
QUESTION: Why did his friend put up decorations in spite of this?
ANSWER: His friend was a Christian man (going by the name of Murray C. Wignall).
QUESTION: What's the funniest thing in the world?
ANSWER: Putting a snake on a roulette wheel, and spinning it around really fast.
QUESTION: Why is it a bad idea to invest in a cloud business?
ANSWER: Too many overheads (clouds).
QUESTION: What were Henry V's favourite TV shows?
ANSWER: "V" and Man "V" Food.
QUESTION: What's the worst thing to eat in a sandwich?
ANSWER: Your mother's brain.
QUESTION: What is the second worst thing to eat in a sandwich?
ANSWER: Your mother's drain.
QUESTION: Why is Sonic the Hedgehog blue?
ANSWER: He suffers from bipolar disorder, and that isn't even a joke.
QUESTION: Why was Ebeneezer Scrooge so mean?
ANSWER: Poor life choices.
QUESTION: Why do dromedaries have humps?
ANSWER: Some little guy must've got up under their skin.
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