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THE MAN'S DADDY: HILARIOUS JEREMY CORBYN JOKES

15/9/2015

8 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. Apologies for my shaky handwriting, but I can't stop trembling: I've been gripped with existential terror ever since the election of new Labour leader Jeremy "Beadle" Corbyn. 

I heard that he presents a threat to our national security, economic security, and my family's security, and wipes his bottom on Remembrance Day poppies, and uploads the videos to a Tumblr account jointly run by ISIS and the Provisional IRA and a Dracula.

The only way I know how to cope with the imminent destruction of our way of life is by writing excellent jokes, mocking and undermining Corbyn's wayward, dangerous, lefty ideology. Please assist my campaign further by laughing at these jokes, and writing to your local MP describing your laugh. Anyway, here are the jokes, ok? Ok then. Bye. Yeah - bye. See you soon. Ok. Bye? Bye. I hope my jokes are ok, yeah.

QUESTION: Who is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's favourite rapper?
ANSWER: MC Hammer and Sickle.

QUESTION: Why is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn never out of milk?
ANSWER: Because he has the mos' cows (Moscow/most cows).

QUESTION: Why is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's bed so comfy?
ANSWER: He has "Lenin" sheets.

QUESTION: Why did Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn take his car to the garage?
ANSWER: It kept Stalin (stallin').

QUESTION: Why did Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn fit skis to his horse?
ANSWER: He wanted to see if it could Trotsky (trot-ski).

QUESTION: What is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's favourite Robbie Williams song?
ANSWER: Engels (Angels).

QUESTION: Why does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn like crustaceans?
ANSWER: He's a seashellist (socialist).

QUESTION: What is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's favourite vegetable?
ANSWER: Trade onions.


QUESTION: Where does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's buy his shirts?
ANSWER: Marx and Spencers.

QUESTION: Why did Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn win the leadership election?
ANSWER: He has the Maoist (most) supporters.

QUESTION: What sort of oil does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn use on his violin?
ANSWER: Fiddle Castrol (Fidel Castro) 

QUESTION: Why is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn so out of breath?
ANSWER: He's always Russian (rushin') about!

QUESTION: Why did Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn need a new curtain pole?
ANSWER: He tried to fit a pair of iron curtains!

QUESTION: What does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn rub into his chest when he has a cold?
ANSWER: Bolsheviks Vapour Rub.

QUESTION: Why does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn only ride his bicycle at nearly 20-past-seven in the evening during one particular Autumn month?
ANSWER: Because he wants his own 19:17 October Revolution.

QUESTION: Why does Jeremy Corbyn refuse to use upper case letters?
ANSWER: Because he wants to abolish capitalism.
 
QUESTION: How does Jeremy Corbyn like to relax?
ANSWER: By going to a prole-dancing club.

QUESTION: Where does Jeremy Corbyn go on holiday?
ANSWER: Billy Bragg's Red Shed.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • THE MAN'S DADDY'S EXCELLENT SUMMER HOLIDAY JOKES
  • THE MAN'S DADDY'S HILARIOUS CHICKEN JOKES
  • THE MAN'S DADDY: POLITICAL JOKES
8 Comments
Adam
15/9/2015 10:13:34 pm

QUESTION: How would a cockney American with only a limited number of characters left in a text message refer to Labour's new leader?
ANSWER: Corb limey.

Reply
Paul Morris
15/9/2015 11:29:59 pm

Why does Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn wear his underpants on the outside?
Because he's a pervert.

Reply
Mr Smith
16/9/2015 08:09:25 am

Q: What does Corbyn do on a bed with his beard?
A: Leonid Brezhnev (Lay on it, brush nev[er])

You try finding words that rhyme with Brezhnev!

Reply
Mr Biffo
16/9/2015 01:08:19 pm

The Man's Daddy applauds you all.

Reply
Brillston O'Neil
16/9/2015 06:19:16 pm

QUESTION: Which labour leadership candidate is the most diligent about recycling fruit waste?

ANSWER: Jeremy Core-bin (Jeremy Corbyn).


QUESTION: Which labour leadership candidate was sacked from the butchers after succumbing to pyromania?

ANSWER: Andy Burnham (Andy Burnham).


QUESTION: Which labour leadership candidate makes an excellent gift for a young relative who enjoys Barbie accessories?

ANSWER: Liz Ken-doll (Liz Kendall).


QUESTION: Which labour leadership candidate should you consult if both of your pet pigeons become ill?

ANSWER: A vet coo pair (Yvette Cooper).

Reply
SplashWellyKid
18/9/2015 12:22:01 am

QUESTION: What's the difference between Karl Marx's grave & Jeremy Corbyn's allotment?

ANSWER: Nothing - they are both Communist plots.


QUESTION: Why does Jeremy Corbyn drink herbal teas?

ANSWER: Because he thinks that all proper tea is theft.

Reply
SplashWellyKid
21/9/2015 03:24:45 am

QUESTION: What's the difference between vegetarian Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and Tory PM David Cameron?

ANSWER: Jeremy Corbyn won't put dead pigs in his mouth...

Reply
SplashWellyKid
21/9/2015 11:23:48 am

QUESTION: What's the difference between Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and Tory PM David Cameron?

ANSWER: Nothing, they're both friends of HAMmas.

Reply



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