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THE MAN'S DADDY - Hilarious Comedy Jokes

6/12/2014

17 Comments

 
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Hello. I’m a popular comedian called The Man’s Daddy. It’s fantastic being me. I bet you're really jealous now I've told you that. Do I look like I care?

Here are some of the best new jokes I’ve written recently.

QUESTION: Why do you have alopecia?
ANSWER: Maybe you’re an alpaca.

QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a wyvern with a cavern?
ANSWER: Steven.


QUESTION: What happened to the eskimo who tried to kiss a bee?
ANSWER: He suffered from “frost-sting”.

QUESTION: Which type of batter pertains to time?
ANSWER: Temporal batter (tempura batter).

QUESTION: Who is the cheesiest pop star in the world?
ANSWER: Stilton John (Elton John).


QUESTION: What happens if you do maths backwards?
ANSWER: I don’t know. I haven't tried it.

ANSWER: What’s the best way to ruin a wedding?
QUESTION: Break your vows.

QUESTION: What’s the last thing you’d want to find in a Kinder Egg?
ANSWER: Hitler poo.


QUESTION: Which former member of the Star Trek cast suffers from conjunctivitis?
ANSWER: George Tacky-Eye (George Takei)

QUESTION: What do you call a puma wearing lipstick and a hat?
ANSWER: A show-stopper. 

QUESTION: How did Noah communicate with dogs?
ANSWER: Noah’s bark.

QUESTION: What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
ANSWER: Biting into your hand, right through to the bone.

QUESTION: Where does your boss come from?
ANSWER: Bosstown (Boston).

QUESTION: What happens if you cast a spell on your wardrobe?
ANSWER: A gnome will come out.

QUESTION: Why do you have nightmares?
ANSWER: Your brain is making up for the fact you don't watch enough horror movies. 


QUESTION: Why does Batman dress up like a bat?
ANSWER: He's a real big idiot.

QUESTION: Why did the man have an orgasm whenever he left?
ANSWER: He was bye-sexual.

That's probably enough for today. They were all really funny. Ok. I need to go and be sick.

17 Comments
lilock3
6/12/2014 02:13:18 am

The scary thing is these are actually better than my dad's jokes...

Reply
Mr Biffo
6/12/2014 06:07:21 am

The scary thing is HE is your real daddy.

Reply
Monsieur Milk
6/12/2014 03:18:37 am

What do you call a cat on a ceiling fan? A Ocelotting cat. (oscillating)
...
...
*throws up into small bag*

Reply
Mr Biffo
6/12/2014 06:07:44 am

Joke: approved.

Reply
Doctor Stranger
6/12/2014 03:30:25 am

What did the horny tree say to the passing woman?
'I would!' (Wood)
What did the horny tree then say to the now terrified woman.
'You've given me wood.' (an erection)

Reply
Mr Biffo
6/12/2014 06:07:57 am

Sexxus.

Reply
Dyf
6/12/2014 06:56:41 am

What do you call a man who drives around in a transportation vehicle full of pigs while wiping water of poultry?

Sty-Van Hen-Dry (Stephen Hendry)

Reply
AlmightyCasual link
6/12/2014 08:10:59 am

What do you call a fat man that has covered his drive in potatoes?

Pave-o-rosti (Pavarotti)

Reply
Bracken Daniels link
6/12/2014 08:29:40 am

What do you call a man who batters his own willy?

Chris Peacock.

Reply
Dacanesta
6/12/2014 08:59:35 am

My go my go!
QUESTION: why didn't the wasp want to play cards?
ANSWER: coz they were playing u-NO!

And again!

QUESTION: if two twins, Lexus and Newton 16, stand side by side, which one is the best?
ANSWER: Lexus!!!

Reply
snapsy
6/12/2014 12:05:57 pm

what was the neurosurgeons favourite game? mind-graft! (minecraft!)

what was the nudists favourite game? lewd-o! (ludo!)

Reply
dan de la peche
6/12/2014 07:30:44 pm

What do you call a horrifically still-alive tory prime-minister suck-off: Edwina Curry-Favour With The Tabloids!

I've still got it!

Reply
STEVEN GREENAWAY
7/12/2014 05:54:27 am

What's the difference between a duck?


One of its legs is both the same.

Reply
Mr Biffo
7/12/2014 06:03:55 am

My actual daddy first told me that joke. Fact.

Reply
Mr Biffo
7/12/2014 06:04:14 am

These are all appalling. Please keep them coming.

Reply
snapsy
7/12/2014 08:07:38 am

what did the tall man say to the short man? ALL FLESH BEINGS MUST BE DESTROYED!
(the tall man was really a cyborg from the future!)

what did the short man say to the tall man? ???? he stressed the importance of not getting ripped off when paying for he services of a skilled tradesman! (the short man was Dominic Littlewood!)

Reply
Frank Chickens
7/12/2014 09:58:03 am

I just had a shower in Tippex.

Now I stand corrected.

Reply



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