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THE GREAT GAMING CAKE-OFF: A GALLERY OF VIDEO GAME BAKERY ABOMINATIONS

6/9/2016

9 Comments

 
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With The Great British Bake-Off back on our screens, Britain has baking fever once more. But what does such a show have to offer we, the great British gaming public? Digitiser2000 attempts to remedy this oversight with a gallery of spectacular games hardware cakery.
"Greetings, cake artisan. I wish to buy a cake in the following form: Imagine the Commodore 64 didn't have a hard plastic shell, but was hewn from the lumps of ambergris that washed up on Hebridean beaches."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, pray... did you never wonder what the ZX Spectrum would've looked like had it been subjected to the blast of a thermonuclear attack? Picture this image. Create my cake in its form."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, please... I hate myself. I want a cake which encapsulates the sheer futility and failure which runs through my life like a ruddy sewer."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Please, cake artisan, can I have a birthdo cake in the shape of my child's favourite console - the Game Box 17? Yes, it's a real thing. Don't forget to put a Dreamcast swirl in the top right corner, for some reason."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, I would like my son to have cake which combines his three favourite things: the Sega Mega Drive, the number 25, and explosive diarrhoea."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"I think the tastiest colour in the world is grey. Don't you agree, cake artisan? Bake me the greyest thing you can think of."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"I could drink you under the table."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"No, I've never seen a Super Nintendo joypad, cake artisan, but let me try to describe to you, as best I understand it from hearsay..."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, I want you to create a cake based upon this quick sketch I did of a thing I found in my child's bedroom. I think it's a calculator."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, I wish to commemorate the day my son, Tom, was killed by falling in a tar pit on his birthday. He was clutching his favourite birthday present: a PlayStation."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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"Cake artisan, I want you to create a cake based upon this Xbox 360 joypad, but you must create it while I wave it around in your face, and conceal it beneath a tea towel, only giving you glimpses of one part of it at a time."
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PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE BIRTHDAY BOY OR GIRL:
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POKEMON! HERE ARE 17 REGRETTABLE PIKACHU CAKES
THE GREAT STAR WARS BAKE-OFF! 23 TERRIBLE STAR WARS CAKES
16 TIMES RONALD MCDONALD INDUCED NIGHTMARES
9 Comments
3D
6/9/2016 03:28:02 pm

TRIPHOP 4 EVA!

Reply
Gary Taylor
6/9/2016 07:06:07 pm

My friends wife made an Atari 2600 cake for me a couple of years ago. Puts all of the above to shame. I'll try to find the pictures

Reply
Stereoscopic 3DS Gateaux
6/9/2016 07:43:30 pm

Oh.. presumably you'd be 3D from Massive Attack. Listen guy, ever tried stereoscopic chocolate gateaux? Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase 'help, help please, there's chocolate in my eye and it hurts'

Reply
Kara Van Park
6/9/2016 08:42:14 pm

My family made me a lifelike replica of the original Gameboy. After wolfing the whole thing down, I was told it was not a cake, but an actual Gameboy, which explained the lack of flavour and chewyness. On passing said device, I wondered if it would deliver the trademark 'ping' upon hitting the bowl. Sadly it only produced excrutiating rectal pain and a alarming amount of blood.

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David W
6/9/2016 10:02:13 pm

I don't think that was a real Nintendo console, otherwise your discharge would have been grey sweat.

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Larry Bundy Jr link
6/9/2016 10:53:53 pm

My Mum bought me a official DS cake for my birthday, then forgot to give it to me and stuck it in the loft.

Strangest thing is we found it years later and it looked exactly the same, just dried out a bit!

Reply
Chris
8/9/2016 12:38:16 am

At last; some love for the Game Box 17.

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Kara Van Park
9/9/2016 08:55:41 pm

I had Wii-themed cake last year and the year before, but Nintendo said I couldn't do it this year as they didn't allow third parties

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Cc
11/9/2016 05:42:27 pm

Cakes are fun.

Reply



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