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THE FACES I PULLED WHILE PLAYING THE RESIDENT EVIL 7 DEMO (PS4) - AS ILLUSTRATED BY BABIES SUCKING ON LEMONS AND LIMES

20/6/2016

5 Comments

 
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One of the less surprising surprises to come out of last week's E3 show was the revelation that there's a new Resident Evil 7 on the way. Furthermore,Capcom dropped an egg on us all when it announced that a playable teaser was available already on the PlayStation Store.

Though the content in the teaser won't feature in the finished game, it exists as a sort of proof-of-concept, demonstrating the atmosphere that they're aiming for with the finished product

Here are all the thoughts and faces I made while playing it... 
OK THEN. AN UNPLEASANT OPENING CUT-SCENE. ALL A BIT SAW-LIKE, OR THE HILLS HAVE EYES. "WELCOME TO THE FAMILY".

​IT'S ALL A BIT GRAINY AND DARK, SO HARD TO MAKE OUT EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON.

MAKING IT MORE POWERFUL, THOUGH... IT'S ALL IN FIRST-PERSON.
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AND NOW THE GAME BEGINS, AND I'M IN A DUSTY, DARK, OLD LIVING ROOM AND... WAIT. WHAT? THE WHOLE GAME IS IN FIRST-PERSON? THAT'S NEW FOR RESI.
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I APPEAR TO BE EQUIPPED WITH THE WORST TORCH EVER. AND ADDING INSULT TO INJURY... THERE'S A FUSEBOX ON THE WALL, WITH A MISSING FUSE. IT'S LIKE THEY'RE MOCKING ME.
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THIS FIZZING, STATIC TV NEEDS A VHS TAPE APPARENTLY. ALSO... THIS DARKNESS... MAN. IF THIS WAS REAL LIFE I'D HAVE BRUISES ALL OVER MY SHINS.
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THERE'S A "DUMMY FINGER" IN A DRAWER IN THE HALL. AND - THOUGH I'M RELUCTANT TO GO UP THERE - A SET OF STAIRS LEADING TO AN ATTIC.

​WHICH, MERCIFULLY, JUST SEEMS TO HAVE A LOAD OF OLD MANNEQUINS IN IT. PERHAPS THE OWNER USED TO BE A SHOP WINDOW DRESSER. PERHAPS ONE OF THE MANNEQUINS IS MISSING A FINGER...
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BACK DOWNSTAIRS AND INTO THE KITCHEN. WHICH MIGHT BE THE DARKEST ROOM YET.

​THERE'S A MICROWAVE FULL OF WHAT MIGHT BE ROTTING MEAT. AND WHAT'S IN THIS BIG COOKING POT? IT'S A... OMIGODTHERE'SACOCKROACHONME!
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NO VHS TAPE IN THE KITCHEN. BUT THERE IS A WARDROBE JUST OUTSIDE IT, THAT'S CHAINED SHUT. OH, JUST SMASH IT OPEN! I CAN'T. 
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AT THE FAR END OF ANOTHER CORRIDOR IS DAYLIGHT. BEHIND A LOCKED DOOR, WHICH, FRUSTRATINGLY, LOOKS AS IF IT WOULD SPLINTER WITH A SHARP SHOULDER BARGE, WHICH I'M NOT ABLE TO DO EITHER.

ALSO... A SMALL ROOM FULL OF MORE ROTTING MEAT. BUT HEY - BOLTCUTTERS! OPEN THE CUPBOARD, AND - ALSO, HEY! - A VHS TAPE.

I WONDER WHAT'S ON IT? OLD EPISODES OF THE ONEDIN LINE PERHAPS?  BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM TO FIND OUT.
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THIS DARKNESS IS GETTING ON MY NIPS. I HOPE IT ISN'T ALL LIKE THIS IN THE FINISHED GAME.
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CLEVER. PUTTING THE VHS TAPE IN PUTS YOU "IN" THE EVENTS IT DEPICTS. APPARENTLY, YOU'RE THE CAMERAMAN FOR A 'MOST HAUNTED'-TYPE TV SHOW. ALAS, THERE'S NO DEREK ACORA.
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AND THESE FLASHBACK EVENTS ARE VERY EFFECTIVE: PLAYABLE BACKSTORY. CLEVER. ALSO, THEY SEEM SLIGHTLY LESS DARK, DUE TO THE VHS TAPE EFFECT. 
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SUFFICE TO SAY, CREEPY SHIZZ HAPPENS. ONE OF THE TEAM GOES MISSING.

​THEN THERE'S A BIT WITH A SECRET SWITCH IN THE FIREPLACE, THAT LEADS TO A SECRET ROOM, THAT LEADS TO A CAVE BENEATH THE HOUSE.
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AND THERE'S YOUR MISSING TEAMMATE! HE'S IN THE CAVE! LOOKING AT THE WALL, AND HEY - WHAT ARE LOOKING, FELLER? ARE YOU... WHATHAPPENEDTOYOURFACE!?!
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NOW BACK IN THE PRSENT. AND I KNOW WHERE I MIGHT FIND THE KEY TO THE BACK DOOR: HIT THE HIDDEN SWITCH.
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BACK DOOR KEY FOUND. LEG IT. OH. SOMEBODY CHUCKED A MANNEQUIN AT US. UNLOCK BACK DOOR. DAYLIGHT. AND...
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OH. OH THAT'S NOT GOOD...
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VERDICT: PRETTY SCARY. IN PART, BECAUSE NOT MUCH HAPPENS, AND YOU SPEND THE WHOLE TIME WAITING FOR IT TO ALL KICK OFF.

​BUT... THE FIRST-PERSON PERSPECTIVE REALLY WORKS. AND IT'S GOING TO BE TERRIFYING IN VR, PROVIDING THEY CAN KEEP THE FRAMERATE UP. CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC.
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​10 VIDEO GAME QUOTES WRONGLY ATTRIBUTED TO JEREMY CORBYN
10 STUPIDEST ITEMS OF VIDEO GAME MERCHANDISE
10 VIDEO GAME CONTROVERSIES

5 Comments
Voodoo76
20/6/2016 12:17:24 pm

That'll teach the greedy bastards to eat anything that's put in front of them. Also Jif lemon in the eyes is good for discipline.

Reply
Vern Diagram
20/6/2016 12:59:07 pm

What's the finger for? ooooooooOOOOOO spooky

Reply
Dan Whitehead
20/6/2016 01:10:12 pm

I felt it was all a bit desperate, like Capcom has no idea what to do with Resident Evil and so just threw together a load of stuff that seems to have worked elsewhere, like an old rock band trying to do a dubstep because that's what the label says kids want. "You like indie-flavoured first-person exploration? Fine, we've got that! Spooky mannequins like in Condemned? Yep, got those too. And lots of meat in weird places, because Silent Hill, yeah? And you like Saw? Cool, we do too! And that bit at the end of Blair Witch, boy that was freaky. Guess what - IT HAPPENS IN THIS AS WELL. It's Resident Evil, but with all the Resident Evil stuff removed and all this other stuff put in. But none of this will be in the game, because we're waiting to see what people say about this before making any more decisions. Please like Resident Evil again. Please."

Reply
Walter Peck
20/6/2016 03:50:11 pm

You can play it again and using the knowledge you learned the first time see an all new exciting ending.*





* May not be all that new or exciting.

Reply
Mickey 'One Eye' Swain
20/6/2016 05:47:13 pm

Wait till you get to play it with the fabulous new PS VR and stumble around your living room projectile vomiting like most of the people who've already tried it - it'll add a whole new dimension of terror!!!

Reply



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