THE DISTURBING WORLD OF SONIC FANFIC

11/4/2019

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Do you ever feel like you're not entirely the same as everyone else, that the world is depraved and full of weird perverts? I know we're not supposed to kinkshame, but if you've ever had the gross misfortune to stumble upon the world of fan fiction you'll have been exposed to some of the darker, more messed-up, elements of humanity. And, well, I don't care what you say; some of that stuff just ain't normal.

Nowhere is this more evident than the troublingly popular sub-genre of erotic Sonic The Hedgehog fan creations. Here's a brief sampling of the weirder, more awful, examples of amateur storytelling featuring the asexual hedgehog.

Please be aware... this gets rather NSFW.

SONIC HIGH SCHOOL by DARKDOOMFIREMASTER

In this rather epic tale, in which all of Sonic's friends attend a sexy high school, Sonic's teacher is called "Mrs Lesson". Sonic gets embarrassed when she reads out a chapter from his journal, about how he's having a problem with his testicles. Chapter 1 ends when Sonic and Amy start kissing during history, but Sonic is once more left humiliated when Rouge brings up the issues with his "balls and penis and butthole".

Later, Sonic writes the following poetic entry in his journal: "A sickness still ravages my balls".

Later still, Tails has sex with Cream - who looks "like a beautiful naked man with a vagina". Furthermore, Tails' "penis got as hard as a printer because her vagina looked like a cold cut platter".

Yes: "hard as a printer".

The story ends abruptly as Sonic returns to life - having previously been brutally murdered - and everyone engages in an filthy orgy. The Principal - who Sonic jokingly refers to as "The President" - congratulates Sonic for being the best, and Sonic pays a heartfelt tribute to his friends.

SONIC'S SUPER SEXY ADVENTURE by RENOMAKIFF

This story depicts a short battle between Sonic and Doctor Robotnik, which is "super sexy" only in as much as it spares no opportunity to find colourful terms to describe Sonic's genitals - aka his "floppy wanker". Additionally, the author explores a myriad of ways in which they get damaged.

FUNNY BUSINESS by THE REAL SONAMY FAN

An all-too brief tale in which Sonic and Amy enjoy a steamy, graphic, romp, before being interrupted by Tails. Notable because the characters are all wearing clothes (at the beginning at least).

SONIC'S ULTIMATE HAREM by LIL' SONIQ

A 50 chapter-long odyssey, which features a crossover between Mario, Sonic, Crash Bandicoot, Resident Evil and The Avengers - among other properties - and climaxes (quite literally) in a bawdy session between Sonic and Princess Peach, which lasts at least 48 minutes.

DIRTY FOREST by UNKNOWN WRITER XD

A troubling encounter between Sonic, Shadow and Scourge, which features the phrase "unexpected ass".

SEMI-EROTIC FANFIC ABOUT SONIC THE HEDHEHOG AND APPLEJACK by SINFULSTORIES03

An all-too brief coupling between Sonic and Applejack from My Little Pony, told in two parts: The Date, and The Backstory. In which they "watch Moana on Sonic's MacBook Air and have coitus".

I DON'T MIND by CIEL-AND-PAYTON

A heartfelt romance which finds Sonic and Tails having sex and declaring their love, but - there's a twist! As the author explains: "Sonic and Tails and everyone else who will be mentioned are humans". Which rather defeats the point of it all, I would've though, but what do I know?

Nggh!

SONIC SEXY JOURNER by FIVENIGHTSATFUKER

Though this stream-of-consciousness ramble never quite lives up to its name, this crossover for the ages features Sonic, Pokemon's Charizard, Waluigi, Thomas The Tank Engine, Slenderman, Darth Vader, Robbie Rotten, and others - beat that, Avengers!

Indeed, in comparison to most of the tales on this list, Sonic Sexy Journer is practically PG. Apart from one bit where the characters start choking one another while dancing. Because of course they do...

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16 Comments

Dave link

11/4/2019 10:11:31 am

I don’t understand any of this.

A Cat Typing

11/4/2019 10:30:10 am

Hmm.
Personally there's not enough fish or milk in any of these stories to arouse my tail, although I think I could probably find a warm spot to curl up and sleep.

Also purrrrrr-fectly excuted erotica from the keyboards of 13 year old boys. I'd imagine.

Dominoid link

11/4/2019 11:10:17 am

This is both the best and worst thing I've read in a long time 🤣

Voodoo76

11/4/2019 11:27:25 am

To be fair it's a better read then 50 shades.

Romaldus

11/4/2019 12:45:41 pm

I have may questions...
None of which I want answered.

Jorp

11/4/2019 01:19:10 pm

Once i googled a phrase and it ended up leading me to Sonic Fan fic. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. (Hint: aroused)

Spiney O’Sullivan

11/4/2019 02:26:55 pm

In recent years Sega is said to have really clamped down on the Sonic franchise, apparently requiring -amongst a range of other conditions- that Sonic characters don’t do romance.

Though this is supposedly in large part due to legal drama around the US Sonic comics, you do have to wonder if it’s also an attempt to mitigate the brand damage from this kind of thing. I don’t know why exactly, but while every IP has awful fanfiction and fanart, Sonic just seems to be more associated with it to the point that I could definitely see a parent Googling Sonic The Hedgehog and deciding that little Billy is better off with Minecraft.

Collossal Nige

11/4/2019 09:19:07 pm

Not having romance in the property has never stopped the shippers. Sonic's a sex symbol to a bunch of people now, for whatever reason, and that ain't changing regardless of what Sega does. Might as well accept it.

Hell, there could even be licencing money to be made. I reckon a good number of the people writing this stuff would buy a Princess Elise body pillow or a Big the Cat gimp mask.

Grembot

11/4/2019 05:36:11 pm

You don’t have to be an expert in forensic linguistics to see that Mr. Biffo wrote all of these. He even had a Megadrive. Case closed.

11/4/2019 07:34:28 pm

It all makes sense now. Giving Sonic 3 a mere 72% was actually just a smokescreen so we wouldn’t suspect him of churning out this sort of lurid awfulness over the coming decades. Talk about the long con.

Floop

11/4/2019 06:21:30 pm

https://i.imgur.com/6gRCnAr.gif

Robobob

11/4/2019 09:28:03 pm

Crying laughing with some of these. So many great lines. I really like:

"Tails fit so much genitals into Cream that it looked like there was an upside down couch sofa in her vagina"

"The Chinese doctor is the best at medical things and Asian abilities".

All About Toilets

19/4/2019 02:36:28 pm

From what i have gathered some or maybe a lot of this stuff is written by people with mental disabilities, e.g. look up Christian Weston Chandler. Certainly some of the above fits that bill

B3tanTyronne

20/4/2019 09:01:09 am

Blimey I thought I was depraved but after reading this it feels as if someone has opened a trap door below me and shown me the abyss of weird beneath my feet.

Anonymous Coward

21/4/2019 06:33:51 am

You think this is bad? You should see the fanart.

Ian

23/3/2020 07:03:26 am

Please someone write a fanfic involving my favorite character: Ian the Hedgehog. Email me and I will send a photo of concept art for the character to provide inspiration. Feel free to get wild.

THE DISTURBING WORLD OF SONIC FANFIC

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