DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

THE DIGITSER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

13/10/2017

53 Comments

 
Do you remember the Sir Clive Sinclair music video in an episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage? Do you remember how it appeared to have been done on a ZX Spectrum? Well, the man responsible for Spectrumming the visuals - David Walford - has put together a blog post explaining how you too can do it, while avoiding all the mistakes I apparently made.

So, this Sunday, it's the final regular episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage, which will no doubt be a relief to those of you who have either hated it, or couldn't be arsed with it after the first episode.

For the rest of you, it's your last chance to have your senses assaulted by glitchy VHS footage, puerile nonsense, and a grand sci-fi conspiracy. This last regular ep sets the stage for next week's standalone finale, The Trojan Arse Protocol, which wraps up the story - or introduces you to it, if you haven't been arsed - in needlessly ambitious style. 

Even if the series thus far hasn't been your bag, please give the finale a go. But first... Goujon Day! Sunday night. YouTube. 9pm.

If you would like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com
WOC ON
Oy. Biffo.

Right - it's like this, see? Some expensive cinemas fire smells at you from the seat in front. When console manufacturers (Parker Brothers, Tomy) catch up, which odours and sensory enhancements will they be using and how will they be delivered?

Bye.
Jabberwoc.
I'd like to know what Mario smells like. Because I'm a racist, I suspect he smells like Ragu and the stench of waving your hands around in the air.
DANONYMOUS
I’m currently using teeth to augur dog racing. I have four teeth, which I found outside the haberdasher. Casting them into burning sage oil typically augurs a number and a colour – number 7, brindle, for example – but lacks the resolution to produce race, time, or location. I was wondering if you or your readers could send me their teeth in exchange for a cut of the profits?
Dan
I've no idea what any of that means. Thanks, though.
USED UNIVERSE
With all of the intensive study I've done on Found Footage in the last year (you may have noticed), I think I've come to understand what it is that I love about your writing style and why it's always intrigued me. 

While reading the fake Digi Ads, with things like Benson's Brown Honey, it made me think back to Gossi the Dog and the terrible treatment he alluded to and occasionally stated outright.  It's the fact that there's something not quite right about any of it, it's otherworldly. 

Bizarre things are talked about as though they're normal and every day. There always seems to be more going on at the edges, there are loose threads to pull, curtains that invite you, dare you, to pull them back and see what's back there. It always felt like it was coming from another world, probably something we shouldn't be seeing.

Found Footage shows us that world in gory detail and of course provokes yet more questions. Your writing is never passive to me, it's never been something to simply read/watch, consume and move on. It stays with me, the imagery is never anything less than evocative in the truest sense.  It inspires me to try to fill the gaps, make connections, roleplay through expanded narrative possibilities.

With Star Wars, back when we only had the classic trilogy, my mind would wander in the same way to fill in the obvious blanks there.

Before we got the EU which laid out every last minute detail. It was a world you could live in, whole stories were suggested just by locations and events that were mentioned.  Stuff like The Spice Mines of Kessel or The Clone Wars for example. 

I feel your world captures the best of that magic. It was only this morning (Tuesday) with you and few other folks in our community talking about The Last Jedi trailer, that I even thought about the fact we've got another film coming up. 

​THAT is the best way I can describe the impact this has had on me.

While I love looking for the answers, celebrate when I find them or they're presented outright, I suppose; I hope there's always something left to imagine on.
Glyn Heaviside
Cheers, Glyn. That sense of the Star Wars universe being real, and existing beyond the confines of the movies, is a big part of what made me fall in love with it as a kid. I always buy the fictional reference books, detailing made-up nonsense about technology and vehicles. I think that had a major influence on me with Found Footage - albeit on a much lower budget.

The level of prop/set dressing detail on the Finale was far more exhaustive than it needed to be; I even wrote Xenoxxx memos and other paperwork which will never been seen on screen. I think, hopefully, that it still helps the level of immersion. Can't wait for you to see it.
C&C MUSIC FACTORY
Confessions of a First Generation Gamer’ triggered something in me! Whatever happened to the RTS?

Well... I sort of know what happened. They were really good (Warcraft 2, Command & Conquer, Total Annihilation, and then they got really crap and Westwood got shitcanned (C&C Generals), and then they turned into MOBAs. StarCraft 2 fits somewhere into this jigsaw: the last ‘proper’ RTS in my view. I don’t think there ever will be a StarCraft 3, or a Warcraft 4.

I think it’s more the death of C&C that I regret: the first few of the games in both the Tiberium and Red Alert universes were genre-defining spectacles, the latter stuff becoming played out rubbish with Page 3 girls in all the cinematics. Was I alone in really liking the story of those early games? Einstein going back in time and killing Hitler?

Oh well. Who’s up for crowdfunding a classic RTS with dodgy FMV cinematics and the same units reskinned on both sides?

(Not me! I’m just going to play Red Alert forever.)
Richard Morrison
Man, I loved those Command & Conquer games so much. I remember visiting Virgin's offices back in the day, and seeing an early version of Red Alert, and being SO excited. Part of the issues is that they work best with keyboard and mouse, and with consoles being the default choice of gaming for the majority, I'm guessing that's part of the reason we don't get as many. Surely there are some decent ones on Steam, though?
THE TIMEWASTER'S LETTER
I don’t want to write this letter, but I saw a request from you that we should write a letter whether we want to or not. I don’t, as previously discussed, so here it is.

The problem with this is that I don’t really have anything to write about. Currently the only thing on my mind is how I need to go for a wee but am instead writing a letter. Hopefully I’ll be finished with the letter soon so I can go and sort that out.

Typing on an iPad screen as well so forgive me if that goes a bit awry, especially with the new iOS 11 keyboard where pulling downwards on the keys unleashes alternative characters, the main upshot of which is that words I write that end with -ing invariably end up with an 8 in them (“search8ng”, for example) which I then have to go and manually fix.

This bladder situation isn’t getting any better, I can tell you. It’s clearly distracting me from the point of this letter which, I’m sure you’ll recall, was about how I didn’t want to write a letter and didn’t have anything to write about.

Nope, I’m sorry but the call of the wild is proving too powerful. I should end on a powerful, thought provoking statement.

Don’t write letters that you don’t want to and that have no subject.

Yours etc
Verdant Zork 
It's fine. I didn't want to write this reply either.
BLUE TICKS - TACKY!
Read the title.

And they're white. In a blue thing.

I don't have one and if I were offered one I'd send it away. Because I'm hard core.

They make my mouth curl at one edge.

Congratulations.
Daz Woodcock
Alright, mate. Bit salty.
PRAISE OF SONGS
All of the songs in Found Footage have been fantastic so far, and it's great that you've been putting them up as individual videos. I've found that they're a good way to introduce people to the show - giving them quick taste of something weird and catchy. Do you have any plans to compile them into a playlist?

Hail Xenoxxx!
Sam
Yes! Once the series is done, I'm going to start breaking it into smaller parts, and releasing the bits and pieces individually. Certainly, I'm wondering if the length of the episodes might be part of the reason the series hasn't done better (though every time I've released a shorter video it has done even worse than the full eps!). But anyway... yes. 

There are a couple of new songs in this week's final regular ep. One of them I'm slightly nervous about because it was written this week, and isn't really funny - so might be a bit of a jarring tonal shift - but watching the news coming out of Hollywood wasn't making me feel very funny. 
50 Q's OF WHYTE
1. As a more mature game player (no offence intended), what do you value more in new games, originality or quality of implementation of existing concepts?

2. I went to see Blade Runner 2049 last Friday and I thought that it was brilliant. When you consider that it is a sequel of sorts to one of the most iconic films ever it is a titanic achievement to not only be a worthy follow-up but also to possess its own voice and style. Some of the visuals are truly incredible. Unfortunately it succeeds, as the original did, in not making any money (at time of writing).

This made me think of the Westwood PC game, which, to me, is a classic of its genre and is still highly enjoyable today, if you can make it work on a modern computer. While it isn't an adaptation of an existing property, it must surely be one of the best games-of-the-film ever. Did you ever try it and if so, what was your opinion of it? What games would you say we're other great adaptations of films/books?

3. Are you ever surprised that no console manufacturer, of the major ones, that is, has ever tried to use Android or a similarly available operating system? An open-minded console by a major manufacturer could be revolutionary in the industry. Ouya was a great idea held back by poor hardware and a lack of funding.
John Whyte
1. Oh man. I dunno. A bit of both? I'm really at my limit with open-world games set in forests and mountains though. I need some new environments to wander around in.

2. Yes, I did play that Blade Runner game. It looked and sounded amazing, but I remember getting very bored with it very quickly. It might even have been the point at which I slightly fell out of love with the point-and-click genre.

3. Uhhh... in all honesty, I have never given that any degree of thought. Like, at all. Not even for a second. Not even now you've mentioned it.
VORTEX OPENING
Thanks to Found Footage, I was barely concerned when Goujon John appeared promoting holiday sickness claims. He is the both disease and cure - good for business.

Then, the closer I looked, it became clear that this entire advertisement had spilled out from another dimension. How else could one stock photograph of the runs be so incomprehensibly wrong?

"My trousers are around my ankles. Are you ready to take the photograph?"

"No, unbolt the toilet from the floor, stretch them around the bowl, then slip your feet back through them."

"The leg holes are too small. What now?"

"Cut out the inside legs."
David W
Picture
Bless him. It was thoughtful of him to only take on other work which in some way enhanced the overall Found Footage story...
GUITAR WRIST
When I’m not working for a living, spending time with my family or playing games, I like to play guitar.

I try and wear as much brown as possible, stick an abalone rosette around my naval and strum myself along with my favourite songs (wife’s shoes).

None of that is reliable apart from this - I like to play guitar.

I’m sure you know lots of guitar players and some of them no doubt are a bit obsessed with instruments. I’m one of they-there-them ones, at least I was up until quite recently when I decided to build (I didn’t drill it or anything… erm, I guess I was the picker?) a perfect guitar. Subjectively so, quite right, but that’s all that concerns me.

It’s based on a Fender Telecaster but has one humbucker (magnet thingy) in the bridge (keeps strings on at the body end), 1 volume knob (self-explanatory) and, most excitingly of all - an unfinished neck (it’s completed, but it has no lacquer on it) made from ROASTED MAPLE. This is a superb thing because of these things:

1 - It looks mighty cool.
2 - It smells like maple syrup (really it does).
3 - It’s stiffer and less likely to warp or bow with humidity.
4 - It doesn’t need a finish on it to protect it and so it’s more resonant and feels gorgeous - like a freshly shaved Elton John.
5 - The tone it lends the instrument is loud and woody and it’s more fun to play because it really responds. 
DEAN
​

PS. I welcome any questions but here it is:
Picture
Thanks, Dean. THANKS.
ANOTHER LETTER FROM DEAN AND THIS ONE IS REALLY LONG
I love the Nintendo Entertainment System.

I love most everything about it; I even love the fact that’s it a “system”; like in those ‘merican movies when they talk about not messing up the settings on their system (car stereo)…

Anyway, with all the fuss about the also ran SNES, I thought I’d do my own tribute to my precious NES (P-NES) by making a collage for 10 of it’s classic games.

You’ll notice that I left out the big one - The Legend of Zelda.
I had some ideas but I couldn’t bring myself to do it!

And we’re off:

No.1 Ice Climber

Not a bad game… not brilliant either.

This game, well, this image at least, got the ’snow’ ball rolling. I was bored on Sunday waiting for my wife and kids to get ready to go out and I gots to thinking about my old art teacher from 2ndry skule. He didn’t like me much because I never took things very seriously and one day he placed a blank piece of paper before me and asked me what I could see…

Erm… a blank piece of paper, sir? (Ironically taking it facetiously seriously).
NO! See, Dean, you have no imagination - when I look at it I see a white cat in a snow storm.

I saw his point but still couldn’t make out the cat… probably like those old 3D images covered in colorised noise and W00T there it is. Whatever happened to them?

Anyway, Sunday morning. So I’m staring at a white screen and reminiscing and then Brrrrrr Ice Climber.

Yeah, I got carried away and over-egged (lNogged) it a bit but it works… hopefully!

No.2 Bubble Bobble

I spent a term drawing Bub and Bob in art. He hated them and told me to be more ambitious. I wound him up by drawing some of the baddies too!

Do you know how to tell which one is Bub and which is Bob? It’s easy if you remember that Bub is green.

Yeah, I thought I’d stick it to the art teacher man and think outside the box for this one. Sorry if it’s too weird or something. His fault.

No.3 Double Dragon

Loved this game in the arcade - remember queuing up to have a go on it as these two men were there pumping money up it all the way to completion. Finally got a go and loved it. 

Always thought it was a bit nasty seeing the woman being punched in the stomach and then fighting your brother to the death at the end for her ‘hand’ but you know…. it was different back then.

Favourite thing about D.D. was The Hulk and Mr T - obviously!

Billy and Jimmy!!
You know how you tell which one is which? Nor me!

No.4 Ghosts ’n Goblins

Absolutely freaking loved this game because of the music. It wasn’t half hard though, eh? Brutally so but I always went back for more.

I don’t think this collage is very funny but I loved the colours too much to disregard it like faeces. I think the look on the damsel’s face saves it but… what does this imaginationless n’er do well know?

No.5 Punch Out

Great game but can you guess which movie I stole the image from?

This was a bit of a bastard to make but still had it knocked up in good time.

Hear that, Mr arty-farty-man?

No.6 Balloon fight

Great game this; excellent on Nintendoland, too.

Shit collage, though, but I love the guy that looks a bit like Will Ferell’s face (not all of him)… you know, like the drummer out the Chili Peppers. Do you know how you tell which one is which? Sunglasses.

No.7 Metroid

My wife was sat next to me watching TV when I was doing this and she looked at the screen and asked, in her own words, “what the fuck are you looking at that for?!”
I saw an opportunity and…. “oh, nothing, just… they look so fit and strong… could probably lift up a car!”

I’m going to carry this on by buying her some weights for Christmas… and steroids…. My ’troids. Haemorrhoid.

No.8 Excite Bike

Really cool little game and amazingly influential.

Ok, I know, I know; I was bit lazy on this one but if it works, it works! Makes me laugh, anyway.

No, I won’t try harder!

No.9 Super Mario Bros.

The big kahuna! Do you remember the 1st time you found a warp pipe? I nearly exploded with excitement.

Okay, went a bit weird again but I enjoyed playing with the idea that the whole thing was just two kids whacked out of their mind on psychotropics.

Do you know how you tell Mario from Luigi? Ron Jeremy.

No.10 Donkey Kong

I’m so glad this game is called Donkey Kong and not Monkey Kong. Never really enjoyed playing it, though.

I was going for a King Kong sympathy for the beast vibe. May have nailed it too hard, though, because it’s quite dark and menacing really. Ho hum.

And that concludes my tribute - Thanks!

DEAN
Now. Dean. Your letters were as well-written and interesting as ever. I published them both here - without the two-dozen pictures you included, because editing those into the text is an absolute nightmare with the blog editing tool we use - as a sort of cautionary tale.

You see, it takes a long time to read and sub-edit all the letters we get, and the ones we like getting best are the more concise ones. So... I love getting letters for the Digi Friday Letters Page, but please... please... for the sake of my health and sanity, let us not confuse letters with blog posts, as I am at the arse-end of a year of making Found Footage, and my energy reserves are all but spent.

​Please, Dean. Puh... please? Other than that... yeah, good letter.
53 Comments
Jareth Smith
13/10/2017 09:50:16 am

The letters were always one of the best bits about Digitiser. Hopefully Stuart N. Hardy will turn up at some point.

Mr. Biffo, did you know Super Page 58 is still in action? It's not been updated since 2001, but it's still epic!

Reply
Mr Biffo
13/10/2017 09:56:55 am

I did! The lovely Chris Bell, who originally set it up, is still around and we commune on Twitter from time to time.

Reply
Jareth Smith
13/10/2017 10:48:02 am

Belting! I just had a gander and there's a copyright symbol on there dated to 2017 - "All rights lovingly fondled". He is clearly proud of his work and rightly so.

PeskyFletch
13/10/2017 11:22:25 am

Someone on here mentioned Stuat N hardy a while back, i think he said he works at a supermarket now?

Reply
Sleuthy William
13/10/2017 11:59:02 am

Stu-balls Hardy boy now operates under the initials J.S....

Reply
Sleuthy William
13/10/2017 12:30:08 pm

J.S. Bach? I doubt Hardy has the talent.

Sleuthy William
13/10/2017 12:31:11 pm

I am Stuart N. Hardy. I apologise for keeping up this charade for decades. I am a no good sandwich loving bum, don't I know it.

Sleuthy William
13/10/2017 01:17:19 pm

I am NOT Stuart Hardy, and the indisputable fact that Amiga reigns supreme will not change this

DEAN
13/10/2017 09:55:49 am

Message received loud and clear, Sir!

I don't mean to go on but.... That big letter really does seem a bit rubbish without the offending images. I'll add some links and I promise that none of this will ever happen again.

I thought I may have been pushing my luck!

Ice Climber
https://ibb.co/e5N7kb

Bubble Bobble
https://ibb.co/dYpsJw

Double Dragon
https://ibb.co/hJaSkb

Ghosts 'n Goblins
https://ibb.co/k9yrBG

Punch Out!
https://ibb.co/fYoPWG

Balloon Fight
https://ibb.co/ihp9yw

Metroid
https://ibb.co/iRtf5b

Excite Bike
https://ibb.co/epxwdw

Super Mario Bros.
https://ibb.co/c0JPWG

Donkey Kong
https://ibb.co/iS2ZWG

Reply
Mr Biffo
13/10/2017 09:57:20 am

Ah, good man. You did what I didn't have time to do. I've an episode to finish!

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 10:05:42 am

All cool, Mr B.

Really, really looking forward to this one - Big time! :O)

DEAN fan
13/10/2017 11:13:13 am

BOOOO RIP OFF BOOOOOO

Nick
13/10/2017 10:27:55 am

I love the Ghosts 'n Goblins one. That's my new wallpaper. Computer, not bedroom.

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 10:31:17 am

Thanks, Nick - that means a lot, man :O)

The colours get me. All quite by accident, though.

Chris
13/10/2017 12:32:10 pm

Ghosts&Goblins has everything!
* Ghosts
* Goblins
* Screaming bride
* Googly-eyed zombie
* Random ladder
* Pants

DEAN fan
13/10/2017 11:12:38 am

WOW!!!!!! What a treat for a gloomy Friday!! I have no words. My favourites are Double Dragon due to the nostril bat and Donkey Kong due to the IRL Mario. But then the detail in Ice Climbers and the unsuitable Dragon in Bubble Bobble are also highlights...not to mention the fellow whizzing around on Excitebike. DEAN?? More like DAMN!!!

I'm going to have them rotating as my desktop background

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 11:22:29 am

I'm a people pleaser and I do it all for you - my fan!

Cheers for the kinds words :O)

Goujon John
13/10/2017 11:56:42 am

Do you have the runs?
Do you have them, like, right now?
Hi. I'm Goujon John, owner of Holiday Sickness Claims.
Have you ever eaten a bad goujon?
Has that goujon given you diarrhea from every hole?
Don't worry. Just give me a call and I wil be there in moments.
I'm a qualified doctor.
Even if you don't call, I'm coming round.
I will lick your brown honey off the floor.
I will scrape it into my jars of goujon poupon.
WARNING: If you see Goujon John do not approach him. He is not a real doctor and highly dangerous.

Biffo does it better than me.

Reply
SonOfPurple link
13/10/2017 07:21:27 pm

What tickles me is the first couple YouTube comments on the Holiday Sickness Claims video make unexplained reference to goujons, which must be utterly baffling to anyone genuinely looking for claims info having not seen Found Footage, in a "what have those got to do with it, did I miss something?" kind of way...

Reply
(Cheese) Monkey Head
14/10/2017 12:32:54 am

That's been making me chuckle these last few days, thought I was seeing things at first with the clip of him. Feels nice to be in on the joke for once.
Dean, I don't know much about guitars but I think it's nice that you've provided Donkey Kong with a chocolate biscuit.
Richard Morrison, I miss them too, the C and C games and Speedball 2 are the ones most responsible for my missing sleep for entire nights before trudging to work providing myself an early night but knowing really it would be the same again as soon as I started playing.

Goujons on the john.
14/10/2017 07:57:35 pm

Holiday sickness clams in the next episode of Found Footage, please.

Carlos Nightman link
13/10/2017 12:40:10 pm

What did/do I love moist (most) about Biffo's writing? The laughs.
What did I love most about Digitiser? Everything that everyone else has already mentioned, though I don't think anyone has really talked about the movie/TV scripts - Eastenders, Stars Wars and such. I loved those.

Reply
John Veness
13/10/2017 12:50:37 pm

My wife and I still occasionally chuckle about the script for Titanic 2, which had an exchange something the following:

Jack: I'm back from the bottom of the sea, and now I have laser beams for eyes!

Rose: Radical!

Reply
Carlos Nightman
13/10/2017 01:15:15 pm

See, you don't get such humour and insight on games mags or sites these days.

Kara Van Park
13/10/2017 01:11:03 pm

I see Dean's telecaster copy has a vintage three saddle bridge...

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 11:35:18 pm

You know your onions, Kara!

It's a modern take on one as it has no tray and the saddles are compensated.
And the string spacing is slightly narrower than a true vintage.

You a Tele fan?

Reply
Luke N. Reid link
13/10/2017 01:43:31 pm

Why don't you build yourself a word?

Build yourself a word with an 8ng!

To show it's Happen8ng!

Reply
Biscuits
13/10/2017 01:53:05 pm

That really is a gorgeous guitar! The maple neck! Unfinished too! It must feel smooth as a newborn's fat arse.

No scratchplate, one knob, that single, big ol' humbucker... the stripped down bridge taking charge at the back....quite flash, but cool with it...a thing of understated beauty and authority! I'd love to see you playing Link Wray's 'Rumble' on it.

I'd love to hear your music in general, don't see many Teles around these days with all the blink eighty twos and the dubsteps.

And topping it off with discs of sugared carbs - divine.

Reply
Spiney O’Sullivan
13/10/2017 02:05:05 pm

That is awesome (though the idea of not having a scratch plate terrifies me). I’d love to make a custom one some day.

Or, on a videogames note, just buy one of these expensive and tacky things: http://www.musicradar.com/news/guitars/esp-japan-unveils-fastest-guitars-yet-with-sonic-the-hedgehog-25th-anniversary-models-640228

Just look at the headstocks on the models further down the page...

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 11:44:44 pm

I'm glad you brought up the pick guard thing:

I'm really used to playing Gibson guitars and the distance between your fingers and the guitar body is greater on them - even the flat tops. I love the sound of Fender guitars but always found them to be uncomfortable. This one is actually based on a La Cabronita (hence the rear rout) and also has a 12" fretboard radius - another nod to Gibson.

DEAN
13/10/2017 11:38:48 pm

Thanks, Biscuits; didn't let you down, did I!

You wanna hear me play? I don't have anything recent but leave it with me :O)

Reply
Picston Shottle
13/10/2017 04:48:53 pm

DEAN! DEEEEAAAANNNN!!!

Sweet guitar, man. I am one of those guitar lovin' types too. I have more guitars that it is possible to play. Not that I can actually play...But yeah, I have loads of guitars, and they are dotted all around the house, hung on walls and used as artwork. If I had to choose a favourite, it'd probably be my '58 Reissue Explorer, closely followed by my PRS Custom 24. I have a 50th Anniversary Tele' , but I just haven't bonded with it. Next up is another Les Paul - I want a '75 Custom - but I wouldn't mind another Flying V, cos why not? However, grown up stuff is likley to get in the way; we need a new, massive SUV, cos that is the American way for a family of 3, and my missus wouldn't be happy if she ended up with another expensive plank of wood instead.

Reply
Spiney O’Sullivan
13/10/2017 05:12:55 pm

Aternatively, you could buy more instruments and force your children to be a in a band! It worked for Michael Jackson’s Dad, and all of his kids turned out fine.

Reply
DEAN
13/10/2017 11:52:27 pm

Oh man - and you're right near the Fender factory too... coincidence?!
Though sounds like you should be in Nashville with all that Gibson love :O)

Gibson are awesome and I know what you mean about not being able to bond with Teles... any fender for that matter. But I love the sound of them and that's really what this guitar was all about.

I had a Tele custom years ago, like Keith's. I loved how it looked, sounded and after the first band rehearsal with it, I sold it. Hated it.

Never had a V but I think that's 'cos I ain't cool enough - those things are badass!

Massive SUV? cool as - chrome alloys?

Reply
Picston Shottle
14/10/2017 12:24:31 am

Funnily enough, I was in Nashville earlier this week. They have a big Gibson display in the airport, which is trying to flog the new double cut. Nah. Not feeling it.

As for SUV - thinking Chevy Tahoe or something like that. Huge and totally unnecessary.

DEAN
14/10/2017 11:35:44 am

I like big cars. I'm a big guy (I hesitate to use the word morbid... er... candid! It's even sorta got candy in it!) and I need a big car. If I had a Mini or something I'd look like I was in a bumper car or Noddy!

Yeah, never really took to double cut Gibbos either. They just look wrong somehow.

Over the years I've owned a fair few guitars and for me the one that got away was a P Bass that my dad bought me. He was dead against me learning the guitar (bass, at the time) but when he saw how committed I was, he sat me down and asked me what the best bass was.

Without hesitating I told him it was a Fender Precision.
He got out the yellow pages and rang around every music shop in Devon. Found a 1967 one in Torquay (about 1hr45mins away), it was all original but had been refinished - stripped and glossed - and cost around £500. It was cheap for what it was but the collectors market for vintage instruments, particularly basses, hadn't really boomed at that point.

We drove down there, I loved it and he bought it for me.

I've actually got tears in my eyes as I write this - See, when I shifted over to the guitar I sold it to help raise the money. Wish I hadn't now but... what you gonna do?!

You have any guitars you regret selling?

Picston Shottle
13/10/2017 05:29:41 pm

It's a good idea. And it's already implemented. She's two and she has drums, xylophones, ukuleles, recorders, more drums, maracas, some more drums, tambourines, bongos and other assorted stuff she can hit and make a noise with, and she does love playing with my acoustic guitar, which isn't on the wall, but on a stand in the corner of the living room. She doesn't mind singing, either, god bless her.

Reply
'Super' Mario
13/10/2017 11:21:52 pm

I smell of Dolmio, not ragu.

By a freaky coincidence, your mama smells of Dolmio too. That's because I've been banging her.

You sould start calling me papa Mario.

Reply
Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 03:21:24 am

No whammy bar DEAN? For shame. The tremolo arm snapped off my squire strat with the thread end stuck in the hole and I can't get it out or put a new one in. It's like playing with half a guitar. Contemplating getting a Floyd Rose conversion. Seriously though great job. I'm always impressed when someone makes their own guitar. Kudos.

Reply
DEAN
14/10/2017 10:45:52 am

Tanks, Man!

No whammy. I've had Strats and never used the trem... maybe because I'm so used to Gibsons that my hand just never goes wandering!

The first expensive guitar I ever had was an Ibanez RG550. I absolutely hated the damn thing and that hatred stemmed from the Floyd Rose.
They're a nightmare, mate! Restringing and tuning them is an absolute art form (pain in the ass). But, if you like Steve Vai etc, I guess that's the way it is.

See, I know I never touch the tone nob, waggle the trem or use a neck pickup. I'm very meat and potatoes and my favourite guitar before this one was a Gibson Melody Maker.

This one sounds so pissed off when you wind it up and so blue when you dial it back. It's comfy and easy, stays in tune a treat, intonates perfectly (a big issue with the Melody Maker)... just the job for me.

I didn't drill or screw anything - I just picked everything out.

I bought the body and neck from here: http://www.warmoth.com/default.aspx

And my mate did a brilliant job of putting it together. He's an amazingly talented luthier:
http://www.millmanguitars.co.uk

Reply
Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 12:57:11 pm

Oh my God there's not enough words to express how much I don't like steve vai. In fact I hate most of those guitarists you might term as solo guitarists like malmsteen, stevie ray Vaughan, joe satriani etc. Hendrix would really be the only one but he still wrote tunes and wasn't just about fretboard wanking. That's not to say I don't like shredding, dimebag would be my all time favourite guitarist and I love learning and playing complicated solos but the riff backing it up is more important than the fiddly shit. Those solo pricks are soulless.

Spiney O’Sullivan
14/10/2017 04:13:13 pm

Say what you like about solo guitar wankery, Surfing With The Alien is really good.

Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 06:08:33 pm

Not for me. It's just another example of exactly what I hate about these dudes. It's actually one of the most boring things I've ever heard in my life. It's basically the music equivalent of the star wars prequels. It's not even a case of style over substance as it has neither.

DEAN
14/10/2017 01:25:10 pm

I like all those guys apart from Yngwie - a friend of my went to GAK and said Y.M. did a seminar while he was there and that all the students were under strict orders to not look Mr Malmsteen in the eye. Really shy or just a bit silly?

Dimebag is cool as are Pantera generally - they made such heavy music so accessible. Awesome band.

My favourite guitarist is Slash. But not so much anymore. Er... I also like David Gilmore and lately I really like this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoLK4Gq3wMA

Reply
DEAN
14/10/2017 01:29:13 pm

Correction - not GAK but fittingly enough, GIT.

Reply
Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 06:58:50 pm

I like that hybrid picking style. My fav acoustic guy is Erik Mongrain. All his songs use different weird tuning though so I'm never bothered to try to play any of his stuff.

Used to like Slash but his stuff is very samey. Him, Vai and SRV etc. all come from that blues base and rely too much on the pentatonic scale and standard 4/4. I could probably delve more into their back catalogue and find more complicated rhythms but any track that's been recommended to me so far has bored the trousers off me.

Satriani is a bit more jazzy but nothing he does grabs me. It's kind of like background music, that kind of stock music you used to get during snowboarding montages on Eurosport.

My recommendations for intricate guitar instrumental stuff would be Blotted Science, particularly the track Synaptic Plasticity and Wave of Babies by Animals as Leaders.

A little side story as well. I won tickets to go see DragonForce a few years ago. They're impressive shredders and they blew me away with some of their technique (upside down harmonic sweep picking anyone?) but I wouldn't be mad on many of the tunes. The crowd weren't up to much either until they played the big hit, Through the Fire and the Flames at which point the crowd went mental. When the song was finished it calmed down again and one of the guitarists took the mike and asked why the crowd loved that song so much when it sounds exactly like all their other songs. That's really the main problem with the whole of the shredding genre. Unless there's definable riffs behind the shredding it's impossible to tell one track form the next.

Reply
DEAN
14/10/2017 08:58:59 pm

Yeah, I've never been big on alternate tuning. Drop D now and then but that's about it for me.

Gun 'N' Roses and Hendrix were always a pain to jam with (on CD!) because of the half-step difference.

Can you play slide? I only ask 'cos we're talking about weird tunings.
I can't really but I was determined to give it a go, even so far as to have a lesson with a guy called Jim Crawford. I knew him a bit anyway but his slide lesson was brilliant. We did practically fuck all apart from talk about the blues and listen to music. Turns out he went on a tour across the States and met up with Son House. How cool is that! I love Robert Johnson and certainly I've heard plenty Son House.

Dragon Force! Only reason I've heard of them, and that track, is because it was on one of the Guitar Hero games; it's mental!

Surfing with the Alien is a classic! And it's pretty seminal really when you think about it. I remember hearing about how Joe paid for the recordings on his credit cards and I really admire the guts and conviction he had - gotta give the guy that!

I listened to that track by Blotted Science. Truly impressive stuff and, it's funny the stuff you think of when you get older, but damn that drummer must be fit as an ox!


Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 10:52:28 pm

I play travelling riverside blues by led zep which uses an open tuning but I don't own an actual slide. I used a sprocket and it worked for the most part but just wasn't tight enough on my finger. Fine for messing around with in my bedroom but wouldn't be playing that in front of a crowd.

I like weird tunings but yeah it's a pain in the ass with all these half steps and full steps. You're basically stuck playing one band for a period until i can be bothered to tune up again. My guitar is currently a full step down to d as I've been playing along to mastodon. Was thinking of getting a 24 fret so that I can leave it tuned down that full step and use a capo to play along with half steps and standard. Mastodon also drop the low e string to a c (as do system of a down) and then to an a for some tunes. You can get some monster riffs from that.

Then you have at the gates who are tuned all the way down to b and pantera are even worse because almost every album is a different tuning. Cowboys from hell is in standard with a at 440hz, vulgar display of power is a set to 432hz I think with some drop ds then everything after that is a to 432hz and a full step down. Nightmare.

I'll give satch credit, he's clearly talented but his stuff just isn't for me and I think most of those solo guys are vastly overrated when it comes to where they get placed in the pantheon of guitarists. I'm not a huge fan of the smiths but Johnny Marr is one tight guitarist when it comes to some of that jangly stuff. I think it can be harder than shredding at times. Same goes for R.E.M. The accuracy of the space between the notes is machine like.

As for the drumming, totally agree. The double bass pedalling requires shins of steel. I wish I could play drums but it's like that whole patting your head and rubbing your belly at the same time. I can do some basic tunes but anything too complicated and I'm flummoxed.

Have been getting into bass as well recently. I love funk bass. You'll never see a bigger smile on my face than when I'm playing along to ain't no body by chaka khan. The groove is immense and the way your fingers kind of walk, I love it.

Reply
Mrtankthreat
14/10/2017 11:33:17 pm

Quick thought on the blues as well. For me it's like reggae. There's only a handful that can actually do it properly. Like with reggae, I'm not really into it but when I listen to bob marley there's an authenticity to it that I don't get from say UB40. So yeah with blues I like Robert Johnson and that's about it. Even travelling riverside blues that I mentioned is an admitted Johnson pastiche. Then you have all the plagiarism claims against led zep. Not so much the stairway/spirit case which I felt was more inspiration than outright theft, but their early blues inspired stuff I can't really listen to anymore (well, since I've been loving you I can still tolerate).

Now I hate the concept of cultural appropriation. We're supposed to be a multicultural society and I firmly believe we should be able to mix and match from all over but the more I delve into the history of the blues and even from just hearing them play it I've become one of those people who think white people have no business playing the blues. It's like, they're playing the same notes but with none of the feel and they're never gonna get it.

Reply
DEAN
15/10/2017 01:04:03 am

Reggae. The charm of those off beats is a bit lost on me. Not that I hate it or anything but I'd never put it on.

But I do love the blues!

White guys can't play the blues. You gotta lived the blues before you can play the blues... yeah, I'm familiar with all that.

I can't stand it when Eric eats a banana (sorry) plays his soulful blues. I think he's probably the poster boy for white guys can't play the blues. And yet he's worshipped and adored: Clapton is God!

Peter Green is very well thought of in this area because he's so sensitive; I get that but I still think he's different.

Hendrix, on the other (left) hand is an amazing blues player!

Yeah, REM are an interesting band; the bass player, Mike Mills, is extremely talented. Speaking of underrated guitar players that nail it - Tom Petty's guitarist, Mike Campbell. The last album I heard him play on, Mojo, and he was a total badass!

Sure, Page and Plant are well known blues plagiarists but the funny thing about that is that, to my understanding, that's always been the way with the blues - they're merely carrying on the tradition! And, to be fair, what they did with it is phenomenal.

I wouldn't want a 7 string guitar. I never play anything particularly heavy and the extra width would just wrong foot me. You ever played one?

Reply
Mrtankthreat
15/10/2017 03:03:05 am

I was actually thinking about Clapton right after I posted that. Couldn't agree more. Layla is up there as one of the greatest rock songs ever written but other than that I can't stand him and have never understood his reputation.

Still haven't had the chance to try a 7 string. When you think about it it's only 5 extra notes. Plus I'm not great at sweeping arpeggios which is what they seem to be good for more so than the heavier sound of that b string which you could get anyway on a 6 string with lower gauge strings.

And Spiney yeah. I'd add country music to the same sort of category I was talking about with blues and reggae. You have to have lived it to perform it. I think country is sonically different enough to distinguish it from blues though but yeah, they both come from a fairly similar place.

You know I always thought I hated country music till I heard cash and gram parsons. Generic country music by the likes of garth brooks though is probably the worst affront to music, possibly even eclipsing westlife.

Spiney O’Sullivan
15/10/2017 01:26:18 am

I have mixed feelings on that, mainly because I like
Johnny Cash a lot, and the line between country blues and blues is kind of blurry.

Reply
Treacle
15/10/2017 03:54:26 pm

Loving the guitar talk, it's inspiring me to dig out my old Ibanez V (actually it's a Randy Rhodes body but sold as a V) resplendent with its studded leather strap and crank out some gumby metal as I did in my youth.




Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ