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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

10/11/2017

32 Comments

 
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Get this: Digitiser2000 is three years old now! How time flies.

​Now get this: next year is the 25th anniversary of Digitiser. It feels to me like this should be marked in some way. 1st January is the actual date Digi first came into being, but it's probably too close to Christmas to hold an event (and we still have the Found Footage DVDs/scripts/props to get ready to send out to people)... but what sort of special celebration would you like to see?

Some sort of anniversary Digifest party later in the year? Guest articles on here? Merchandise? That sort of thing? Other sorts of things?

I'm open to all (serious) suggestions - by email or in the comments below.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
PLAY IT AGAIN
I recently completed the wonderful Deus Ex Mankind Divided. I always play through stealth/non-lethal and explore every inch. However there are certain points in the game where you can miss out on missions based on choices/mistakes, and others where it's a straight 'this or that'.  

So I wasn't going to see everything on a single play-through. I rarely have the motivation to go through a game a second time, but when this offered New Game+, carrying over your inventory/unlocked augs into the start of the next game, it was too tempting to pass up. So this time I'm just running through the main missions mostly completely undetectable and seeing the bits I missed the first time.  

I had thought it was great value for money just on the first playthrough, this small feature has given me many more hours of enjoyment. 
​
What features do you like to see in games that add replay value?
Glyn Heaviside
Hmm. Well, Super Mario Odyssey is currently doing it for me, given the fact that the game is far from over once it's over.

Similarly, I always get completely hooked on scouring every last inch of the Crackdown games for those glowing orb things. I think if a game feels "nice", and there's a big playground to explore, those two elements are guaranteed to get me coming back.

Also, Half-Life 2 is one of the of the few games I've completed multiple times, simply on account of the fact it's so damn good.

​So: good games = replay features.
BLANK'S BLANK
​
Blankety blank, blankety blank-blank-blank! Blankety blank, blankety blank-blank-blank! 

Blankety blank!

"Harrier Attack was a fun game to play in 1984; however, nowadays it would be confused for BLANK or BLANKS."
AGeekyGirl
@1waytofindout
"A lefty liberal snowflake cuck agenda or more alt.right racist misogynistic posturings."
GOODBYE MIIVERSE
Miiverse closed for good this week.

Although I didn't use it too much, the odd time I did I found it a thoroughly pleasant message board, where you could ask for in-game help, post screenshots, or just write random musings, all without fear of abuse or unpleasantness that you find on other messaging services and on the internet in general (or the abuse-a-net as I call it - do you see?) 

Anyway I have attached a pic of the message I posted before it closed, I thought you might like.
Ste Finneran
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Brings a tear to the eye...
KOK ON
"OH, PRITHEE, MR BIFFO!" quoth Otis, the quiz-slug. Loudly.

"WHEN SHALT KOKOTONI WILF BE REMASTERED FOR THE XBOX ONE X, THEN?".
​
Your humble servant,
Jabberwoc
Press reveal to find out.
REVEAL:
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"STOP IT, EMU, WE'LL FALL...!"
I downloaded OpenEmu onto my wife's Mac when she wasn't looking, and have been thoroughly enjoying some retro emulation-y goodness. 

Then I got pissed off that Doom got a SNES release, but back in the day I had to own a 32X to play it on my Mega Drive. Luckily, I was one of those people who actually bought a 32X for some reason, so I guess that all worked out in the end.

Now that elements of the old Digi have wound their way into live action in various forms, when can we (and by we I mean me) expect to see a live-action web series of the Snakes? Or you afraid of using ACTUAL snakes? Cos I would be.

I'm sorry I can't think of more insightful questions at this time.
​Kris
True story: there was a live-action version of the Snakes, directed by the guy who did a lot of the early Gorillaz videos. I worked with him on a show for Fox Kids called The Adventures of Brush Lee and Jackie Chain, and we pitched a Snakes series... which they didn't go for. The brilliant Phil Cornwell did the voices. And no, I don't have a copy of it.

Now press reveal to see another sort of "open emu". Vrrrrrrooooom!
REVEAL:
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SONIC FARCES
I recently received concrete evidence that Barry White made sweet love to a bottle nosed dolphin and am currently under FBI investigation. Is it worth buying the new Needlemouse game?
16 year old Emily from Gwent.
If I am to understand that stream of nonsense, you presumably mean the new Sonic game, and I've no idea. Sonic Mania should be purchased however.
GOUJON AND ON
Hello Mr Biffo I love your Found Footage series. I even wanted to help contribute to your wonderful series, but you respectfully declined. Very understandable.

I lost my grandmother November 6th of this year. I know this is less cheerful or silly as some other entries I just wanted to thank you for this wonderful YouTube series it's helping get this this loss, it's not easy but your series has helped me laugh again so thank you. Stay goujon my friend.
stevenumland
So sorry to hear about your grandmother, Steve, but I think the thing we should all strive for is to try and leave the world at least a slightly better place than when we entered it. So... thank you.
THE 50 Q'S OF WHYTE
1. 
What do you think is the best in-game vehicle? From a nostalgia point-of-view, I would say the Qirex in Wipeout 2097 or maybe the batmobile in Arkham Knight but I'd be curious to hear your opinion.

2. Without meaning to indulge in hyperbole, do you think that it is fair to say that 2017 has been one of the best years for games ever? I cannot remember many others with so many good games. My own top 3 (so far), not that anyone asked are Horizon: Zero Dawn, Mario + Rabbids and Nier: Automata.

3. I found the consternation over Detroit: Become Human's 'Abuse' scene to be quite confusing. I do think that the scene is uncomfortable and is worryingly close to turning a serious subject into a game. Having said that, though, this is done with murder all the time, which really is the most serious crime of all, except maybe genocide. Nathan Drake is probably the most prolific killer in history.

While I personally didn't like the scene, I would hope that I wouldn't and I believe that Mr Cage is not doing anything wrong by showing this subject matter. He quite correctly challenged Eurogamer's interviewer by asking them if a film director would be questioned over the appropriateness of the material - I don't believe that they would.

I must express some doubts over whether such subject matters should be in a game, but nevertheless I do not logically see why not and feel that Mr Cage is being given an unfair time in the press.
John Whyte
1. Hmm. I've come back to this question too many times, and I can't think of one. So let's say the jetpack in Pilotwings.

2. I really do! I think it has been one heck of a year for gaming. I know I moan a lot on here, but really... there's something for everyone, and the quality has never been higher.

3. I've not heard anything about this, but it sounds awful! I did watch that new The Last of Us 2 trailer, which got a bit of flack because it featured some women getting beaten up, and hung, and having their arms broken and that. It wasn't very nice, but it wouldn't have been very nice even if they had been fellers.

As to whether such topics as sexual abuse should be in games... well, I'm a bit of a limp lettuce. I don't even put swearing in the things I write. I don't write about drugs, and any sex references have all the sophistication of drawing a weenis on a school locker. I guess that sort of content has its place, and can allow us to explore the world we live in, but maybe I'm the wrong person to ask.

Usually, it just seems like titilation to me, and I always wonder why people create stuff that reflects the more unpleasant parts of humanity. Why would you want to direct or write stuff showing people doing horrible things to one another?

Maybe we should ask Louis CK...
GOUJON AND ON AND ON
I may be misremembering (which is a very real possibility) but didn't you say earlier on in your Found Footage escapades that you didn't think that our saviour Goujon John would be appearing much in the upcoming series as you didn't want to overdo the joke.

So yeah, what happened there then? Were you deliberately spreading false facts to lay the ground work for the surprise rise of GJ or did the inspiration come later? 

Either way, well done on Found Footage. Well Done!

Although I do have another question. Did you sneak any Marillion references in to Found Footage us normal people wouldn't notice?

Cordially,
Chris D
Well... he wasn't going to appear until much later on, and then I realised that there may have been people who might not have seen the earlier Goujon John clips, and would've been confused by his sudden appearance in the series.

​So, I had to seed him in earlier somehow... then I had - at quite a late stage - the idea to spoof Games Master, and realised that it might be a good way to get some celeb cameos in. And then all but two of the people I asked said yes... and so I had to use all of them.

There weren't any Marillion references in there, but I did ask Fish to do a Goujontation Zone. He was up for it, and was going to do it... but then never did. And then I saw he'd gone and gotten married rather suddenly, which explains it. I tweaked his script and asked J.Wilgoose Esq. from Public Service Broadcasting to do it instead (as I'd already got GJ's response).

For the most part, though, I think I succeeded in moving the character beyond the original joke...

ELECTRIC BLUE PLANET 2
Was catching up on the first episode of D.Attenborough’s Blue Planet 2, and a big chunk of it involved a bunch of dolphins making an absolute racket of what sounded very much like guffs, blow offs and parps, while the smallest one was too nervous to “rub himself” against a “frond”. It was the most accidentally Digitiser thing I’ve ever seen.
Chris Welsh
I watched that too, and was deeply amused by the parping. What a shame the dolph' didn't wrap itself up in a tarp.
FEEL THE WIDTH
Dear B-B-Biffo,

I meant to write to you last week, but frankly I forgot. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If you can't then feel free to ignore the rest of this letter, I won't take it personally. I was going to write about your review of Mario Odyssey, but that ground has been pretty well-trodden now. Luckily for you I have something else to talk about. Luckily.

For once in my life, I'm in a long and meaningful relationship which has culminated in me and my girlfriend moving in together. I never thought I'd find someone insane enough for that, but insane she is so it's happening, damn it. This has led to me looking at most of my possessions and inevitably thinking: Do I really need this?

​Included in this stock take of my mountains of detritus was my not-inconsiderable collection of what the kids these days would call "retro games". Nothing before Playstation; I sold all my Mega Drive and SNES games years ago for 10p a go (almost literally), but my Playstation, N64, GBA and Nintendo DS games were all still hanging about like some sort of vast electro-stink. Do I really need these? No, no I don't.

There are one or two exceptions. My copy of Final Fantasy VII has too much emotional value due to the time in my life that I played it, and Capcom's Rival Schools is another I can't bring myself to part with due to how much of a profound effect it had on my formative years. This is despite it now selling for around the princely sum of £50, which brings me to the crux of this letter.

Around five years ago I remember checking the prices of some of the games I own out of interest more than anything else. Most of them were worth about £10-15, which I sort of expected.

One or two were worth a little more, with the exception of Suikoden II, an RPG I adored at one point (that point being a time when I could stand Japanese RPGs) which was worth upwards of £100. Imagine my surprise when I checked various games in my collection a couple of months ago. Pretty much none of the Playstation games I owned, bar one or two, were worth less than £20, and many were in the £30-40 range.

Luckily for me I had a very niche taste in games and had an almost superhuman sense of knowing which games were going to be sought after in twenty-odd years time. Even Nintendo DS games, which I thought were far too recent to be worth much, fetched far more than expected.

In all, so far, I've made about £1200 by selling off my collection, with a few more pricey titles yet to be put up for sale. When all is said and done, I'm probably going to be around £2000 to the good, which is going towards a deposit for a first home.

Why am I telling you this? No, I'm not showing off how rich I am with my unimaginable sum of two grand (har har), it's more like a public service announcement.

The prices of second-hand retro games, especially those semi-obscure Japanese titles, seem to have skyrocketed in the past few years and if anyone, like me, has a collection that they simply don't use or has no attachment to, try looking up some prices on various sites. You may be pleasantly surprised.

While I'm on the subject of public service announcements, anyone who collected the British version of Sonic The Comic back in the day might want to dig them out of the attic. Some bloke from America paid me £235 for just 30 of them. Admittedly I kept them in perfect condition, especially the later issues which I didn't even read because a) the stories were all repeats of older ones and b) I didn't read it by the end regardless, I just collected out of loyalty.

So if anyone has a forgotten stack at the back of the wardrobe, it might be a good idea to cash in - some of the issues were fetching £16-20 each.

That's it. I bet you wish I talked about Mario now don't you? I know I do.

Yours Financially,
The Fitcher
What a long letter!
32 Comments
John Veness
10/11/2017 10:04:29 am

I'm always up for a Digifest-style party, or any kind of similar meet-up.

It would also be great if you could dig out your old Digi chums, and get some guest articles (or at least, some reminiscences/quotes) from Mr Hairs, Violet Berlin, Stuart Campbell, Mr Cheese etc.

Reply
Mr Biffo
10/11/2017 10:58:09 am

Yes! Already thought of doing this. Great minds...

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Adam
10/11/2017 03:05:50 pm

Yeah, i'd be happy if you just got a bunch of Digi people on a stage and all did a bit of a talk, followed by audience questions.

Nick
10/11/2017 12:21:14 pm

Seconded for a silver anniversary party.

I will attend and awkwardly stand around drinking.

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Monkey Head
10/11/2017 07:55:48 pm

I'm liking the Digi themed party idea but also would definitely buy or donate to the crowdfunding idea of the book of all the Digitiser pages from over the years.

Paul
10/11/2017 10:31:27 am

Hooray! Digi and Dolphins! I stil, remember that the Ecco the Dolphin competition required the reader to post their answers to "Gresy blow hole Compy". That phrase has lodged in my brain for decades now.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
10/11/2017 10:38:24 am

@Glyn: I'm playing DX:Mankind Divided for the first time right now, and it's excellent, even if I'm the worst stealth player in the world. As always, the maps are so densely packed with detail and hidden stories told through environmental design and emails.

Though I wish they'd put in an aug to permanently extend your health bar. I am pathologically incapable of using biocells, as I have to save them for a rainy day that never comes. This makes some augs, like invisibility, completely useless.

It's also too bad we'll never see an ending to the Jensen story. Cheers, Squeenix.

Reply
DEAN
10/11/2017 10:42:25 am

Stop it, Emu, we'll fall!

Still makes me laugh and, honestly, now you've said it I'll be thinking it all day and just randomly laughing.

True story - I was out for a meal with my eldest brother and his wife and I was telling them both about Found Footage.
I was explaining to them how this guy (you) has always been hilarious and gave them a quick bio - teletext, chatroom, blog, Eastenders, Kids TV and Pudsey.

After explaining to them the idea behind Chatroom Freak (easy to understand) I went on to say how you're the guy responsible for the funniest sentence I've ever heard...

They smiled but I think they found it to be in poor taste.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the evening stifling laughter about it and I think they thought I was 'gone in'.

Which brings me nicely to this:

Can you do some more top 10s for your celebrations! But please don't do a top 10 top 10s - I don't do well with clever stuff and often feel left out.

Reply
Mr Biffo
10/11/2017 10:57:00 am

Well... I've toyed with doing Top 10s a fair bit, and always get stuck on them for some reason. But I'm going to try - just for you, Dean!

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DEAN
10/11/2017 12:08:50 pm

Very much appreciated!

Mrtankthreat
10/11/2017 11:12:14 am

Ah Louis CK. Might sound like I'm trying to be one of those "I didn't like Louis CK before it was cool not to like him" people but I never understood why he was so revered. I thought he was average at best. Admittedly I never saw his sitcom which I've been assured is great but I didn't get why his stand up was held in such regard. Other comics seemed to fawn over him in a way that you wouldn't see for other comics that I would consider superior like Doug Stanhope or Bill Burr.

On another note I just watched Norm MacDonald's latest Netflix special again. The guy is a bloody genius. I must have watched all his Conan and Letterman appearances over 100 times too. I don't think anyone has a told a joke better than Norm telling that moth joke on Conan.

Reply
Biscuits
10/11/2017 12:02:14 pm

Norm's great but his material is all old bar jokes - he's really good at telling them and he's very charismatic, but they are essentially fluff. CK's jokes were about what it means to be alive in a certain place and time though, and resonated for days afterwards...he helped a lot of identity-less people find an identity (one which respected and appreciated all people in fact), he truly elevated the form.

Yesterday's news is really shit.

Reply
Mrtankthreat
10/11/2017 12:57:24 pm

Bit unfair to say all his stuff is old bar jokes. He mainly does that on his chat show appearances, not so much in his stand up. There's certainly more than fluff going on under the surface of some of his routines particularly the ones to do with death.

Biscuits
10/11/2017 01:41:36 pm

Yeah very true, I forgot about his latest Netflix special too, which is superb. I like him a lot, I don't mean to sound dismissive.

This reminds me of the first time I saw Norm on TV, on the Larry Sanders show - acting alongside the brilliant Jeffrey Tambor.

Huuhhnn [exasperated noise].

I'm very grateful for video games in times like this, I can't wait to beat people up in Watchdogs 2 tonight

GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrRRRRR
10/11/2017 11:51:58 am

"Usually, it just seems like titilation to me, and I always wonder why people create stuff that reflects the more unpleasant parts of humanity. Why would you want to direct or write stuff showing people doing horrible things to one another?

Maybe we should ask Louis CK..."

Yeah, maybe we should Claude Lanzmann if he masturbates in front of unsuspecting women, and that's what caused him to create his epic 9 hour holocaust doc 'Shoah'- it didn't make me smile once, the noxious rapist!

Given Found Footage, It's only reasonable to assume you have a deeply ingrained scat fetish too.

I still find your "Only smiley haha culture is acceptable!" stance extremely distasteful and childish and think it comes from a place of obvious privilege, Monsieur B. Now you are suggesting that anyone that creates something that is in any way transgressive is a secret creep? For shame. As a 'cultural commentator', especially one that operates in a previously-maligned industry (one that is still rampant with no end of childish infatuations, and where 'mature' means 'includes murders and weapons and swearing and tits'), I would have thought this opinion would have been jettisoned out of necessity.

It's blithe, very offensive, and advocates a staid cultural landscape. If you don't like the scary bad shows/songs/games then don't watch/listen to/play them, there's no reason to presume malicious intent behind their creation because you find it distasteful though, Whitehouse.

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Nick
10/11/2017 11:58:55 am

Blimey!

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Mr Biffo
10/11/2017 12:00:00 pm

Don't be a nob-end, yeah?

Reply
GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrRRRRRRRRR
10/11/2017 12:28:00 pm

You have taken the brunt of my morning-long dissatisfaction here, and in time I'm sure I'll find an apology for my wording, but right now I'm filled with righteous moral surge and am busy furiously hating the many people that are now arbitrarily associating difficult work with being a creep, because they don't like it and it makes them uncomfortable - that's the point of difficult work. Afterwards, you might find yourself improved or expanded, as with anything difficult. Surely you can see the potential for detrimental effects.

But, even if I feel this strongly, there's no reason to spill it all over your comments section, for which I sincerely apologize.

Mr Biffo
10/11/2017 12:35:01 pm

Well, it's fine. I don't think as a whole that all content raises iffy questions, but the Louis CK thing certain has, and... it's just odd. But, I mean, I watch The Walking Dead, and that's the most violent show on TV, and it doesn't bother me. I love the show. But... I also know that it isn't something I'd want to make. At the same time, I don't think the people making it are al psychopaths. I'm not saying I'm right, in that I want to make stuff for family audiences - or, more accurately, the sort of stuff that I would've loved when I was 13, back in the 80s, when The Young Ones was as edgy as it got. That just happens to be where my sense of humour got locked in place.

Picston Shottle
10/11/2017 12:22:17 pm

I have about 3000 CDs and a couple of hundred vinyl albums in my mum’s garage that she keeps on threatening to throw away. So, I started to check some of the prices of ‘em and, just like your obscure JPRGs, Fitcher, they’re worth a fortune. I have niche tastes in music - I have pretty much the first 50 odd albums released on the Earache label, all first editions, and people are paying a lot for ‘em. Same goes for a good bunch of the CDs, a lot of which are rare editions, and signed, in a lot of cases too. Now, if I didn’t live 5500 miles from my mum and her garage, I’d be spending the odd weekend here and there getting rid of ‘em (I say that, but probably I wouldn’t cos I’d still make the excuse that I’d still listen to ‘em, when I know I wouldn’t cos I listen to ‘em all via Spotify, but whatever!) because, and here’s the thing, I have a feeling these good prices are gonna take a nosedive. They’re only good prices cos you have people of an age who all of a sudden have enough disposable income to spend on, well, let’s be honest, other people’s shit. The next generation aren’t really gonna be interested in rare JRPGs they can only play on consoles that were “dead” before they were born, or having to arse about playing a grindcore album by two blokes from Birmingham which only ever sold about 500 copies; they’ll either get every game ever made via emulation (like I do) or listen to every badly recorded Japanese noise record on Spotify (like I do). So what I’m trying to say is this: get rid of your shit now while it’s still worth something, before it inevitably becomes worthless.

Reply
DEAN
10/11/2017 12:43:44 pm

That's an interesting call, my man!

I sold my collection of Nintendo Game & Watch things years ago and recently saw one (Zelda) on eBay for a load more than I sold mine for.

A friend of mine has a fair stash of Green Lantern comics that he's biding his time over. Optimistic that the Justice League movie will get Hal Jordan back in the wider view. He's also got a great collection of Punisher comics and is hoping the Netflix series will see them appreciate too.

But music and retro games - that's a hard call. I'm inclined to agree with you and with exchange rates being what they are then international auctions are going to make British stuff seem like a better deal than they have done for a while. Worth a punt and yeah, your old crap is another person's BOBBY DAZZLER!

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Neptunium
10/11/2017 03:15:01 pm

"They’re only good prices cos you have people of an age who all of a sudden have enough disposable income to spend on, well, let’s be honest, other people’s shit. The next generation aren’t really gonna be interested..."

This is sound advice. My parents in law spent their adult lives collecting china figurines, plates etc. When they died we found out pretty sharpish that these handmade in England items of beauty which cost a fair bit back in the day, are next to worthless. Even an antiques expert we went to see bemoaned that figures he could flog three figures for a decade ago are now worth a couple of quid and that "your generation" (pointing right at us) isn't interested in having display cabinets filled with collectibles.

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Spiney O’Sullivan
10/11/2017 08:53:00 pm

Our generation are interested in stuffing our cabinets with figurines, it’s just that instead of hand-crafted china, our shelves are full of Funko Pops and mass-produced tat from supposedly “limited edition” videogame boxes.

Just think: when our generation dies out, a strata of Funko Pops tossed into landfills by our kids will be the longest-lasting reminder that we were here.

Jareth Smith
10/11/2017 01:41:31 pm

Spaceman, I always wanted you to go, into space, man... intergalactic... great song that!

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Jas Mann
10/11/2017 01:48:42 pm

Thanks! It's about being in space

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Jareth Smith
10/11/2017 02:29:33 pm

Oh okay, I always thought it was along the lines of Technohead's I Wanna Be A Hippy. The space stuff is better, though.

Starbuck
10/11/2017 06:28:42 pm

Kokotoni Wild was overrated. More accurate caveman simulators included Frak and BC Bill (despite the dodgy politics).

Harrier Attack was satisfying on the 16k but lacking on the 48k.

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S Hawke
10/11/2017 09:32:27 pm

Maybe some Digitiser 25th anniversary underpants?

Reply
Lodge Rebel
11/11/2017 03:09:40 pm

Hello everyone I've lost my shoe!

Reply
applelemon
11/11/2017 05:00:28 pm

At the party, could we play a game of "throw the Amiga"? Or better yet, how about "throw the Amiga owner"? Prize for the longest throw.

How about getting Dave Gibbon as a guest of honour?

Reply
Smilin' Peter
12/11/2017 10:08:52 pm

Here's a low cost, boring idea that people will like anyway - how about posting digi pages from the archive throughout January.

Now... I know there won't be an archive as such, and probably 99.5% of everything that was ever on teletext was not saved for very long. But if such a feature was 'crowdsourced', who knows what might be turned up.

Reply
Lodge Rebel
13/11/2017 11:12:15 am

Perhaps my shoe.

Reply



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