I know what I intend to do with these, but - at the risk of you annoying me by passive aggressively criticising my past output under the veil of being "helpful" - I'm intrigued to know what your ideal Digi book and web-series would be like. You can send me an email, or leave a comment, or just stick your ideas up your cranston. I don't care. Whatever. Do what you like.
Read this weeks letters first, yeah?
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: firstname.lastname@example.org
Found Footage finished almost three months ago, so it's practically retro now. Perhaps you could capitalise on short attention spans by making the physical version even more special?
The Trojan Arse Protocol deserves Blu-ray. You might not fit it all on one DVD anyway. Unfortunately, that bumps up the unit cost, and you've run out of children to mortgage.
However, I think there's more than enough latecomers for a pre-order Kickstarter to make good the shortfall. Mostly thanks to Stuart Ashen, who tirelessly alienated 98% of his followers to bring you the 2%.
You could offer the Blu-ray for £35, warm glows of satisfaction from £1, and public shaming by Voiceover Pete for £5.
Relatedly, though a most tentative suggestion: the theatrical edit. Something like the premiere, which had funnies, context, and contrast in one hour. Found Footage in one sitting for retro gatherings, film festivals, children's parties, and maybe even BBFC certification. Though only if the prospect "tickles" your "fancy".
Anyway, please make appropriate noise when the extra-stuffed release happens, even if you're already into the next project. Launch party at Dean's chip shop of dreams?
I'll be sending a message to the Kickstarter and Indigogo backers shortly, but I'll put it on here as well because - evidently - the vast majority of the Found Footage backers never bother to read my updates... Would you all rather you receive the series on Blu-Ray or DVD? Basically, we're thinking Blu-Ray because - yes, Trojan Arse - but also, as you say, you can fit more stuff on it. Everyone's got access to a Blu-Ray player now, right?
I'll have a think about doing a pre-order Kickstarter. That's not the worst idea ever. Not sure about a Found Footage theatrical edit though... I mean, that's a lot of Found Footage to have to sit through, and I think the 30-minute length of the episodes were already pretty challenging for people to sit through. But I have thought about doing a sort of best-of compilation which removes some of the Xenoxxx stuff.
Sometime over the next week, I'll be recording the commentary for certain episodes, which I'm planning to do Gogglebox-style.
So... if you didn't sign up for a DVD when they were offered first time around - is anybody interested in purchasing one if we made a limited number available?
As somebody that has recently entered their 40s, I find that I'm much happier than when I was in my 20s, and now only weep once every two to three days. As you get older, do you find yourself becoming more content, or more discontent ... and why?
The older I get, the more angry and frustrated I get at the world, but the less I feel I have any ability to change it - because it would mean trying to change the fundamental brokenness of some people. Equally, I also see the power of just being nice to everyone, and how that in itself can be transformative.
Which was all a bit serious and deep. Thus: poo, bum, willies.
Hooray! It's me, Dr. Eggplant! You may not remember me from the non-existent game Dr Eggplant's Mean Aubergine Machine!
After years in the wilderness I have been woken due to the sudden yet seemingly somewhat unpopular aubergine revival. Not since Gordon Ramsay named his first restaurant Aubergine (true story, look it up) has their been such lukewarm interest in me and my kin.
Revivals are all the rage at the minute. Gee, only recently, Christmas came back for its 2017th run, although admittedly with ever diminishing returns. But what happens when the nostalgia fever is gone? Is the new stuff not as good? I pondered this as I watched the new Star Wars reunion last Sunday.
Normally I'd have been there on opening night but I waited and waited before finally deciding to go. As I watched it, I knew it was a well made, character driven movie with all the basic ingredients required. But I came out knowing that I didn't love it, even though I should. Why? Because it did things differently than I thought it would or should. The nostalgia kicked in, right in my gonads.
The recent Marillion article explained things better than I could, therefore I won't repeat the analogy with another progressive rock band.
But since this should be about video games, what of them? Of course people love old consoles and games from their youth. Retro gaming I hear them call it down the local. So the nostalgia is there. Yet I personally have never played a new Mario or Zelda game for example and immediately compared it to one from thirty years earlier. But I definitely did it with Star Wars: The Last Jedi, as did millions of others.
My conclusion is that gaming, whilst not nostalgia-proof, seems to acknowledge progression and the new, moreso than other mediums. We gamers for the most part embrace the new technology and don't cry out in fear when a new innovation is presented. Old and new mesh well, there's a place for both which can't be said in other areas of life.
This is why I'm glad Digitiser came back for a week, but that it was only a week. Looking back at the past is nice, but you wouldn't want to do it all the time. I wish everyone felt the same way as me. Then my career as an aubergine would sky rocket due to the hilarious article that appeared today. Instead people around me wonder if worms and snakes and sows are coming back and tell me it was was better when we had to start an article on page 3 because the teletext gods put us on that page when we started. Luddites.
P.S. I am in no way affiliated with Sega, Teletext, Mr Biffo or anyone else looking to sue me for my blatant shameless rip-off character. Unless any of the above want to pay me for it. His name was Robotnik anyway.
However, when you compare something like, say, Skool Daze - a favourite game from my youth - to something like Assassin's Creed: Origins - a favourite game of mine from the last year - it simply doesn't measure up. I'm not even talking about it at an aesthetic level. Just everything about games now is more accessible and user-friendly. Apart from the massive update patches.
That's a right pain in the cracksie.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope that 2018 will be a great year for you and your family, full of propserity, inspiration, pleasant adventures all accompanied by health and luck! I'm sorry that my Season's Greetings are belated - this year manages to be busy even on it's last week, plus in Post-Soviet countries Catholic/Western version of Christmas is only a start of a quite long winter holiday season.
I should say that this year would have been much harder without "Mr. Biffo's Found Footage" for me, so I can't thank you enough for all the inspiration and massive joy it provided.
And, of course, great thanks for the new addition to my personal Christmas songs playlists. "In Dulci Sexilo USA" is great!
The genius that is Chris Jerden-Cooke sent it over unbidden, and - by chance - my brother-in-law (Korky Snapperz) was staying for Christmas, so it seemed like we had an obligation to throw something together. Also: there are some reindeers living near me, and it seemed a shame to waste that.
Unfortunately, it was rather busy up there, so we drew some strange looks - and also, some lady now has a video on her phone of me doing my Sensorium Girlybox shuffle. She thought I didn't see her surreptitiously filming - BUT I DID.
Anyhow, here come some more of the intended-for-classic-Digi-letters... NOW.
I have an Amiga 1200 which I have spent £4000 upgrading into something still inferior to a £1000 PC. Why will you not cover Amiga games when Alien Breed 3D is going to blow every PC and console game out of the water?
Stuart N Hardy
I wrote in to Digitiser only once, in 1993, with the opinion that games mags were a dying format. I think the intervening years have proven me right. That is all.
Congratulations on 25 gloriously unhinged years. To think, I was but a bum fluff-moustachioed tot when I first gazed on your blocky visage - and now here I am, in many ways the same tot. And that's probably your fault - you're certainly largely responsible for my sense of humour. For that, and so much more, I thank you. Hussss!
I wish to take issue with your review of Fish Tales even though you already have done so yourself, because this is the internet and impotent rage must be released somehow.
Back when you reviewed this there was an arcade in town which had one of these in. I was very good at it owing to the fact that I couldn't kick a football or talk to girls, so I could often spend my entire lunch hour playing just a couple of games.
Now I am a middle aged, fat, short sighted, slow, lady-talking person that can't play pinball 5% as well I used to, I saw that you had a Fish Tails review and was looking forward to an onslaught of detailed memories about the intricacies of the ramps or the method for actually catching a fish. It was not to be, you superficial hog.
I hope the you from 25 years ago thinks about what he has done, then waits for 25 years, goes back and finds that page off an old VHS and then points out the lack of detail in the review on the internet thus making my entire email above pointless.
At least I spend my time wisely these days.
Tommy (from off of Tommy the musical about a Pinball Wizard called Tommy)
I bought myself a new PC just before Xmas, along with a 28" 4K monitor. With it also came an 11GB Nvidia 1080Ti GPU and a six core Intel i7 8700K CPU, overclocked to 5.1Ghz. It's the most powerful system I've ever owned and it'll play just about every game on ultra settings at 3840 x 2160 resolution at 60 FPS.
As a result Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook looks amazing on it, and I'm glad I spent the few thousand pounds to enjoy the experience as I'm sure it was meant to be enjoyed. I'm somewhat disappointed I can't get Deer Hunter 2005 to run on Windows 10 though - I've had to install it on a Windows XP virtual machine instead.
I am still unfit but strong and that is all,
Video games: Are they good? Or bad? I like them. And you!
As a one-time youthful reader of Digitiser back in the nineties, I was delighted when I spotted Digitiser2000 had launched, and have been reading it with the same daily fervour as its original incarnation. How you have changed, yet stayed the same!
So on the one hand it was a particular pleasure to read the Digitiser unearthed from the early days. But on the other, it made me very aware that I have somehow missed all the Digitisers from numbers Two to One Thousand and Ninety Nine. I do hope that you will be delving into some of their history in the coming months.
Also: the first two instalments of Turner The Worm....
Dearest Mr Buffer, I have sun glasses, a rain coat, but no foghat. Will this be a problem?