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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

22/9/2016

6 Comments

 
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It's Friday, love, if you hadn't already noticed. You know what that means don't you? Incorrect: it actually means it's time for the Digitiser2000 Letters Page!

Send your emails for next week's Friday Letters Page to here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

Furthermore, we still have about three or four evening tickets left for next weekend's Digifest nonsense. Drop us a line if you'd like one. £10. Bargain. Rass. Letters, yeah?
SONIC MANIA
I was going to write to you this week asking what you thought about Sonic Mania but forgot. Then you mentioned Sonic Mania in a reply to a letter - saying that you are hoping that it will be "a return to form", thereby answering my question without me even needing to ask it.

Therefore, my new question is thus: are you a witch?

My love to the wife and kids.
Ric
Yes. Yes, I am a witch. Now press reveal to see what my favourite spell is.
REVEAL:
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PYROMANIA
Following your tribute to the Penny Falls machines, I thought I'd share a story that happened to me last Thursday, when on a trip down to Brighton, I spotted a funfair. I always hit the arcade when I see one - 90% of funfair arcades seem to still use 80s and 90s machines, so it's a great way to get a cheap retro kick.

No such luck this time sadly - but there was a near-infinite supply of claw machines and, inevitably, Penny Falls.

They didn't take pennies though. They weren't even 2p machines. They were 10p machines. 10p! Inflation is out of control, and Theresa May has a lot to answer for.

Anyway, normally I wouldn't be tempted. I know how they work, with the slots at the side of the coins that quietly capture them, so you can never truly win. I'm smart. I went to school a couple of times. And honestly I wasn't even tempted by the £5 notes they'd placed on top of all the coins. Miles away from the edge, they were. Miles. By which I mean 10cm. But still, impossible to get. You'd have to be an idiot to think you could win them.

But there was one machine that, inexplicably, had a £5 note dangling right off the edge, held on by only the smallest paper corner trapped between the thinnest pile of coin. It was tantalisingly close to falling. Well, I'm no fool. I changed £1 for ten 10ps, and strategically dropped them. Biff-oh, let me tell you, I got that damn note even closer to coming loose. As if it wasn't close enough already!

Well, I'm no fool. I changed a second £1 to ten 10ps, and dropped them in. The note was almost defying gravity now. I was in. I was in for the long run. After all, I'm no fool. So, I changed a third £1 coin. And then a fourth. And then... a fifth.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I won the £5 note.

It cost me £12.

There's probably a lesson in all of this, but I'm too stupid to learn it.
Chris
This is the only time I have ever heard of this happening. It may have cost you £12, but surely it was worth it to know you were the one who beat the system? Oddly, my daughter is an expert at claw machines. I've never seen anybody win so many Minions. She's like a latter-day Jesus Christ.
MEGALOMANIA
I was going to do you a picture in Mario Paint for your letters page, but I didn’t feel qualified to contribute to the debate about whether video games are art or not, so please use your imagination to think about the picture I was going to do you in Mario Paint. I hope you like the bit on the top left with the dolphin, it took me ages. 
Wangleberry
Yeah. It was great. Press reveal to see what Zombie Dave made of it.
REVEAL:
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HYPOMANIA
I'm a fan of No Man's Sky - one of those rare few that doesn't knock it with such vitriol and hate and, even rarer, one of the few that doesn't knock it and ACTUALLY OWNS A COPY. That being said, this clip of a mod made for Doom based on No Man's Sky made me laugh way too much and for way too long (move on to 2:07 if it doesn't work correctly from the link): https://youtu.be/acM7PElWI_4?t=2m7s

It's the expression on Sean Murray's face that kills me the most!
Gaming Mill
By that do you mean he's like a sort of basilisk, who can kill with a gaze?
KLEPTOMANIA
​Who'd win in a fight between the Dali Lama and Gandhi?
Harry Steele (not proud of myself but I want to know)
Reveal-me-do to find out.
REVEAL:
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NYMPHOMANIA
Did you watch Games World on Sky and if so what were your thoughts on it? Amazing to think it was on five nights a week, never seen before or since for gaming on TV. Bringing it more up to date have you seen Dara O'Briain's Go 8-Bit?

Would you consider being a guest on it, if asked?

More generally what are your feelings regarding games as a spectator sport?
​Glyn Heaviside
I not only watched Games World, but went to visit the set while they were filming. I recall being shown around by somebody who didn't seem to want to be showing us around.

I watched a bit of the first ep of Go 8-Bit, and there was a lot I liked about it. It was merely the sort of shiny floor comedy panel format which slightly put me off. I wanted it to be a little edgier, I guess. A little less polished, and a bit more anarchic. I've heard the live show is great though, and have been meaning to see it.

Would I go on it? Uh... in the extremely unlikely event I was asked... yeah, I suppose.
CASTLEVANIA
I've been very much enjoying Digitiser 2000 since launch: the improved frame rate garnered by moving from Teletext to HTML is much appreciated.

But aside from technical improvements, I've been disappointed that several functions from Digitiser 1 that were expected before launch have seemingly been rolled back for the sequel. Repeated requests by fans for the reinstatement of legacy features, such as Turner the Worm and Mr Cheese, have met with silence from the developers.

I'd like to ask whether these features will be reinstated for the rumoured Digitiser 3000 sequel, and whether said sequel will also move across from the now-outdated HTML system to the formats of the future, i.e. virtual reality, 4K TV and MRI.
Senso Entitelment
Turner the Worm never appeared on Digitiser until the very last day. C'mon now. Get a grip! 
ROMANIA
​​I have been enjoying the new video game related tv show "Go 8-Bit" on Dave. It seems like an updated Gamesmaster for the Gamesmaster audience that have now got old. 

However, I am not sure why Dara O' Briain needs to say "Let's go 8-Bit" after the countdown each time. It doesn't make sense. 
​
You have connections, can you make him stop doing that? 
Seam 
Yes. Ok. Press reveal to see what we've asked him to do instead.
REVEAL:
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BROMANIA
I do hope you can help me in this delicate matter. I've got a bit of an embarrassing problem... downstairs, if you know what I mean. I woke one morning to find it covered in mould and smelling like Patrick Kielty circa February 2007.

My neighbour had a good look and a feel but only made things worse when bits started dropping off in his hand, much to my shock and horror. He tried to stick them back on but it was no use; clearly rot has set in. My wife has been supportive, but even she couldn't hide the look of disgust in her eyes when first gazing upon it. 

So please help me, Mr T and tell me what to do. If I can't stop the mould spreading I fear I'll permanently lose the use of my cellar.
Dr Dagless
Unfortunately, you appear to have sent this letter to us, instead of Mr T's personal email address. However, we passed on your message to him. Press reveal for his response.
REVEAL:
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MR BIFFO'S BEGGING BOWL
Look now. Listen up, brah. Thank you - once again - to everyone who supports us either with an ongoing Patreon donation, or as one of our PayPal donors. You are absurdly lovely, and I can't bang on enough about how much I appreciate it.

Here's the thing: Digitiser2000 gets no funding from anyone other than these sexy, generous donors. None whatsoever. Mad isn't it?

Everything we do in the name of Digi2000 - be it writing this site, ordering and designing merchandise, or staging the Digi-fest on October 1st (those of you who can't make it to Cambridge for October 1st will still be getting to see most of the videos I've made for it at some later date - and I hope you'll think they've been worth the investment of time and money) - comes out of our Patreon and PayPal fund. Even our review copies are paid for from it.

Consequently, we don't make a lot of money from this site - if anything. Even our t-shirts we priced so low that we never really recouped the cost of setting up the shop, and ordering samples, and stuff. Because we have to do low runs of things, we don't get much of a discount, and so our profit margins are quite low.

This isn't a whinge... because I love writing Digitiser2000, and I love interacting with all of you. I get so much out of it, and I hope the effort I put in comes across. This site will never require money to be read, but nor do I want to become beholden to advertisers.

Life is pricey, and I'm down with those who can't afford anything, but (and I always hate doing this) if you do love Digi, and you are able to spare anything - even a couple of quid - to show your appreciation and support, while helping us invest it in moving forward in ever more exciting ways (we're already talking about a potential Block Party/Digifest for 2017, in London or Manchester), my joy would be off the ruddy scale. 

You can click on the Patreon link below, or the PayPal button on the side bar to do this. LOVE YOU!
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6 Comments
Hamptonoid
23/9/2016 11:41:09 pm

A perfectly crafted letter from Chris there!

Reply
CahtCat
26/9/2016 12:21:14 am

Hi, friends! It's me, CahtCat. I came into the Bubblegun IRC chat room about six times back in the year 2000. My name was originally ChatCat but someone hilariously called me "CahtCat" by mistake and I changed my name to reflect that. We had some good times. Six good times. Anyone remember me?

Reply
Timymposo link
26/9/2016 09:40:28 pm

Yes! I don't.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
28/9/2016 09:54:01 pm

I remember going on the Digitiser IRC chat many moons ago.

It was full of cunts (at the time)! Was too scared to go in there again. I got moc-moc-a-mocked by zealots and was too scared to ever log in again. To be fair, I probably committed some kind of social faux-pas, 'cause I usually do.

Chris (not the one who wrote the letter above)
27/9/2016 01:44:55 pm

I like that you've said you'd go on Go 8-bit if asked... and then, two letters down, proceed to ensure you never, ever, get asked.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
28/9/2016 10:01:39 pm

Mr. Biffo should say: "No, but I'll go 1-bit" ... then slowly lift his middle finger and waggle it in Dara O'Briaiaiain's massive face.

Another good (or, more likely, terrible) comeback would be: "Why don't you go 8 shit?

If I went on the show I'd look as miserable as possible when the stage starts rotating, glancing at my watch occasionally.

Reply



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