But - hey - the Digitiser2000 Friday Letters page can always be relied upon.
Send your emails for next week's Friday Letters Page to this place here: email@example.com
Is it possible that while Rome burned, Nero was actually fiddling with his Roaming Thomas to try and stop it from causing fires?
Makes you think, yeah?
Would you rather have Spectrums for hands, or Commodores for feet?
Much as I love Twitter, I wanted to say a bit more than 140 characters allows.
Although I've said it more than once, thank you (and your family and friends) again for putting on the Digifest at the weekend.
I'm very glad me and Matt arrived early, so we could have a chat with you before the madness truly began. Matt was such a massive fan of yours 'back in the day' and (like me) was very excited about the whole thing. I'll admit that I was much more of a casual fan, and all the double entendres had gone completely over my teenage head. It's not until reading the website that I realise how subversive it all was. Incredibly so really!
I enjoyed the teletext side of things much more than I thought I would. The extraction and recovery of data from old tapes was really fascinating. The two special guests were excellent. I could have listened to Mort talk for hours about the start of Ceefax.
Your panel with 'Horsenburger' in the afternoon was really great; two old mates being barely kept in check by Dan. He looked genuinely perplexed at times. That just made it better! He did a brilliant job of getting the story of Violet's name out as well. I'd never considered that it might not be real!
Of course the Quiz-Me-Do was just genius. I really haven't laughed that much in ages. Whilst I know you've said you were worried about it you'd never know you hadn't done that before, but the fact that you write scripts for a living really did show through. Some great jokes in there. Very much looking forward to the videos. Speaking of which, the intro and intermission videos are so bizarre. I've shown them to people who weren't there and they think I'm slightly nuts. I kind of like that.
This slightly rambling email does have a bit more of a point to it than saying how good it was over and over again.
I've known Matt, who came with me, all my life. We grew up at primary school together, and were round each other's houses all the time. We played endless hours of Harrier Attack on his CPC464, Ghouls on my Electron, Elite on my BBC, Mario Kart and SFII Turbo on our SNESes, loads of stuff on our STs, Ridge Racer on his PS1...
And as we got older we ended up sharing a house, where we bought a Dreamcast between us, so we could get one at launch - as well as doing the same with the original Xbox. He was best man at my wedding, and I at his.
I moved about 40 minutes away about 11 years ago, when I met my wife and we bought a house. Matt met his wife about 6 months later, and while we didn't drift apart, we saw each other to play games 'in person' less and less. Our social lives differed, so even online play wasn't something we did very much. And then my wife and I had a baby 29 months ago, so that got even less. They take up a surprising amount of time...
So really - my thanks is not only for hosting a great day in general, but also for giving me an opportunity to spend a whole day with my best mate, where we could play Street Fighter II again and talk about old computers.
It really meant a lot to me.
Of late I have seen you slag off the Amiga, and I really don't care. However, at the recent teletext meet, and in other places, I have seen you say that The Commodore 64 was better than the Spectrum. This is clearly inaccurate, and I want a full and frank apology and your word that you won't do it again!
The Spectrum has more charisma in its dead man's hands rubbery keyboard than the Commodore ever had. It was a big brown ugly box of poo that gave you hepatitis if you used it too much...
So there, let that be the end of it...
Good day Mr B. Are you a witch? I ask, as just this week we have had the BBC announce a Roaming Thomas is on the way, and the W Channel are doing celebrity haunted hotel. Although unfortunately the celebs appear to be very much alive.
This inspired me to go on a quest to find a Goujon delivery service. After doing questing things I found Guccii’s. Times must be hard in the haute couture industry, but at least there are always chips to fall back on. Perhaps Chip Shop man could branch out as a fashion designer. Who wouldn’t want a £10,000 apron covered in Chip Shop Man’s special fishy batter, with wooden forks stuffed into its front pocket by him indoors?
Please use your new power to shape the future with spoof adverts - wisely or not. Up to you really.
Well I must say, Mr Biffo, I thoroughly enjoyed everything you posted from the Digifest event; it's had me chuckling aplenty, so thanks for that.
Really wish I could've attended, but I'm a Norverner and... you know... distance an' tha'.
What I really wanted to say is the Quiz-Me-Do theme tune is now embedded in my head and I can't get it out. I've found myself walking around whistling it cheerfully and now I've even used an app to have it as a ringtone on my phone.
I've tried jamming cotton buds deep into my ear canal to release the hypnotic jingle, but now I'm just leaking fluids from my head holes and I can't remember where I live.
What can I do to stop said ear worm?
QUIZ MEEE DOOOOOO! QUIZ ME DO!
Waynan The Barbarian.
I would like to complain to you in the strongest possible terms about one of your advertisers, Mr Goujon John.
I recently stayed at Goujon John's Ghostel, and while the toast WAS a ghost, my daddy wasn't in the toast. I asked at reception if that was because my daddy wasn't dead yet, but they had no idea, and didn't seem to care.
The food was a disgrace, consisting of nothing but Goujon John's Goujons in a pile under a bedsheet which were labelled "Goujon John's Ghost-ons", and a semi-nude waiter serving drinks. When I asked the waiter why he was unclothed below the waist he said he was clothed, but they were "Goujon John's Ghost-Johns", and only other ghosts could see them.
All in all I feel this was a very disappointing experience, and would invite you to take it up with Goujon John directly. Accepting this advertisement reflects very badly on Digitiser 2000's reputation. It was almost as if the entire thing was meant to be a joke, but someone else tried to emulate it and ended up with something that even Goujon John wouldn't put in a Goujon.
The Digitiser Block Party was excellent! From sober technical panels to evening insanity, it had everything. Including Mr T, alcohol, and the lingering smell of a burnt BBC Micro.
It would have been nothing without all those special guests, though. People from the dawn of Teletext, modern enthusiasts getting deluged with VHS tapes, and those sacrificing their dignity for Quiz-Me-Do!
All the Cambridge Computer Museum staff and volunteers were unflappably great, recording professional footage for those who couldn't make it, while dealing with occasional hardware explosions. The atmosphere was nice and friendly - everyone was there for nothing but a good time. Rock on Block Party 2017!
I especially liked it when you messed up before the raffle and everyone started leaving early.