It was fine, I can deal with it, though last night - after 24 hours of being called most of the unpleasant names - my patience petered out. However, it makes me very, very grateful to have this place, and to have all of you who took the time to say something nice or show your support. For every noisy idiot out there, there are 10 sweet lovelies. Thank you.
Anyhow... in other news... I have a new thing going on. Do You Remember This? is based on the Mr Biffo's Found Footage segment of the same name - and you can find it on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. It's my recovery therapy, after the exhaustion of finishing FF. No idea how long it'll last, but I'm having fun with it at the minute. You're not an idiot. Do a search. You'll find it.
Anyhoo - let's have some lettarz shall we? Yiss. Yiss. "Let us" (letters).
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: email@example.com
You wrote that Super Mario Odyssey's plot felt like it was written in a bubble. I like that bubble, where Bowser abducts Peach but it's not a sex thing. Is that even possible? Pop!
Yes, children in a hermetically-sealed room might get some funny ideas, if that's all you're sending through the airlock. Though it's charmingly old-fashioned of Bowser to consider marriage before consummation. Mario? Comfortable wearing almost anything or nothing, and the only place his hands might wander is down your toilet. Tingle? Wrong game, but fluid long before it was fashionable.
Peach? I dunno, unless someone lends me a Switch. Do some children really worry about being Mario because he's a man on that mission? Perhaps, but they could probably learn how to hack their own Super Mario Sisters in less time than it takes to find something significantly unwholesome.
Stinky Williams: I'm still angry. The media, which thrives on fear and anger, were accomplices. Like the BBC, suppressing their Newsnight investigation, because it was embarrassing to reveal that this national treasure should have been kept in a secure place. More recently, glowing reports from Hollywood parties, but never the gossip that mattered. Then, scattershot zeal after someone with more courage breaks the story, taking out the odd Matthew Kelly or Cliff Richard. Lessons will be learned. Always.
There's a cancer in the entertainment industry. The news, the narrative of now, might once have cut it out, before the news became part of that industry. Even Radio 4 can't cover Pudsey The Dog without desperately seeking controversy.
Tough lines are reserved for soft targets, and it feels like Super Mario's oddities are one of them. Strange little lumps need investigating, but it seems that every single one of them gets rushed under the microscope, while known malignant tumours grow undisturbed.
Please, do keep mentioning things outside the bubble. I'd do my happy dance if the next Mario game opened with the usual Bowser abduction, only to end seconds later with a precision kick in the peaches. At the same time, please leave some bubbles free to float around. I need those little retreats from the fear, anger, and fresh Stinky revelations.
If I wrote about society as a whole then I'd probably not even mention Mario, but this is a blog that's (mostly) about video games, and so that's what I use to look at the wider world. I don't have some massive feminist agenda. I just think it's the decent thing that every person on the planet is treated with the same level of respect.
And let's be honest here; Super Mario Odyssey wouldn't be remotely affected if Bowser had kidnapped Yoshi - a green sexless nonsense. Anyway. Bored of talking about it.
Press reveal to see some Snakes.
Any chance of releasing a YouTube video which has all the Sting segments from the Found Footage episodes combined? Wey-aye it would be well canny pet!
PS: I am not Fecophiliac.
I saw your tweet about needing letters so here I am, but my letter is not just to you but for all the lovely viewers who make comments below too.
I missed out on the Wii U because I kept putting off buying it expecting the price to drop but it never really did go as cheap as I wanted. I have put off buying the Switch due to me not really being able to justify spending that much just for Zelda but now Mario is out too.
Should I bite the bullet and get one, these were the two games I have been looking forward to. I can't see Nintendo dropping the price anytime soon so will trying to get a Christmas bargain in be the right idea?
Top 5 shit sarnies:
5. Banana sarnie.
If you like eating baby food this should be right up your street.
4. Egg ‘n’ cress sarnie.
Great if you like your sarnie to smell like a dog fart.
3. Lettuce sarnie.
If your the most boring person in the world then look no further.
2. Peanut butter and jelly sarnie.
You must be an American nut case,If you want to taste the scrapings of a kids party table cover slapped between two pieces of bread go for it.
2. Jam sarnie.
Happy 6th birthday.
1. Bloater paste.
Do you like the smell of blocked dog anal glands, do you like the texture of a really thick wall paper paste, do you like the colour brown?
Are you my Grandad? Then you’ll love this.
Can goujons and poupons be substituted for cousous and houmous? I love the letters 'o' and 'u'; I wonder if this love can form the basis of a wholesome diet?
Your thoughts please,
1. What is your opinion of David Cage's games? I have enjoyed almost all of them and while his writing isn't always great, he's at least original.
2. Do you think that single-player games are under particular threat after recent controversies. Personally I don't see them disappearing but I do think that they've already been overtaken by MMO games as the predominant style.
3. I miss the days of non-FIFA and PES football games. They weren't always great but many of them had good elements to them or interesting ideas that others games should have adopted.
I also feel the same way about non-serious racing games. A new Daytona USA or Ridge Racer would be brilliant.
2. Well, yes and no. Clearly, MMOs can make more money for a publisher, but also... there's clearly still an appetite for single-player experiences - and Nintendo is certainly all for it. I don't think they'll go away entirely.
Despite all the racist nonsense that we've had on Twitter it shouldn't overshadow the overnight success of "Do You Remember This?". Considering you started it as a joke and within, what? A week? It's got 2,500+ followers?
Best of all, from my perspective, is the fact that, with every tweet you basically give us free reign to build around the initial concepts.
The Hair Collecting one just exploded into its own world of creepy hobbyists, with a living history, celebrities and slang. Truly inspiring and even more fun when we got someone who, at least appeared, to believe it all. Everyone who participated silently understood the shared conceit, reinforced each others narrative and more intricately embroidered the shared facade.
It's the Xenoxxx expanded universe and we can all add to the story! And being able to draw on FF footage is going to massively reinforce it too. Really hope you're planning to make good on the promise of "digging out" Hair Eater.
Dear Liberal Leftist Cuck,
Having now pondered the snowflake agenda, what secrets have you revealed?
Lots of Love
GT Sport is a bit of a let down isn't it? It's all geared up for playing against knobheads online. Sad smiley face y'all.
Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x
First of all, thank you for the brilliant Found Footage series; it was a pleasure to behold that even my wife enjoyed (which is quite unusual because her tastes usually don't vary from "trains" and "telling me I'm doing everything wrong" so well done!).
Secondly, I have recently needed to get in touch with HM Revenue and Customs because apparently companies have to pay tax. This means having to deal with their "online filing system" (which isn't great and crashes a lot, so I dislike it). As a result I'm wondering when the Xennoxx invasion of our universe will take place and will they be any better with their tax systems?
Also, as a final thought, where was The Man With A Long Chin in Found Footage? I was disappointed to not see him, as he's great.
Earlier this week Mr B. had a lovely chat with Fern from the Kyle Rickards show on Resonance FM, in which they discussed Found Footage, and lots more. Listen here.
Chinny Hill Calendar
YouTube nostalgist Chinny Hill is once again flogging a calendar for the coming year, featuring images from old games - taken from the original hardware! Buy it here.
Colin Surname has written a song about Sega in the style of Hey Ya! It's well nice, and you can watch/listen right here: