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the digitiser2000 friday letters page

16/3/2018

30 Comments

 
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Not been a bad week overall has it? When last we had a Digitiser Friday Letters Page the Kickstarter campaign for Digitiser The Show had just launched - but I don't think any of us expected it to do this well this quickly. Thank you to everyone who has chosen to join us on this ridiculous and ambitious adventure.

We've still got three weeks to go, however - and if you haven't backed us yet, and would like to feel you've played a part in getting a proper gaming telly show made (albeit not for telly) then please head over to Kickstarter.

You're not going to be charged until the end of the campaign, and the sooner we know the sort of budget we have to work with, the sooner I can properly start working out how to make this thing a reality. 

But enough about that for the moment: if you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com
GUEST LIST
Having been suitably excited by the success of the Digitiser The Show Kickstarter, and reading through the list of guests, I was put in mind of other gaming TV bods from back in the day. I know you said you were going to be careful not to make the show into an endless nostalgia fest, but just wondered if there were any other famous names in the pipeline?

For example, your last meeting with Dave 'Games Animal' Perry went rather well and he appeared in Found Footage, so any chance of him popping in to do a turn?

I know Stuart Campbell is busy trying to liberate Scotland from the evil clutches of the Empire (British), so he's probably otherwise occupied.

I did wonder about Dominik Diamond appearing for a bit, but then I remembered he went into self-imposed exile after that unfortunate crucifixion incident... took me a while to find him but apparently he's now on CJAQ (Jack 96.9) in Calgary, Canada doing the breakfast slot. Was kind of strange hearing him again after all these years. I can't remember if you had any dealings with him and GamesMaster back in the Digi days, but I do know there's still more than a bit of frostiness between him and Perry at least over the famous Mario 64 debacle.


Anyway, can't wait to see the end result. Can't go wrong now that Mr. T's on board!
Rick Fiasco
I don't want to give everything away about the show just yet - some of it must remain a surprise. But... we have indeed reached out to additional potential guests which have yet to be revealed... 
ARTEFACTUAL
In light of my film The Museum potentially borrowing some artefacts from you as museum exhibits, what artefacts from your life would you bequeath to a museum? 
Chris Bullock
Jeez. Hmm. That's a good question. I guess it depends on what sort of museum it was. Truth is, I'm not really much of a hoarder these days. I used to be much more of one than I am now, but nowadays it's just all... stuff. I'm not sure there'd be much interest in a Museum of Mr Biffo... and I don't have much in the way of memorabilia to put in a Digitiser Museum. 

But I do have an original Sweep puppet from when I worked on Sooty. Let's shove that in. The puppets had big, long bodies which almost went up to the puppeteer's elbow - and were just big enough to hide bottles of wine inside.

Oh - and go follow Chris's short film on Facebook. 
SPACED IN
I always thought Spaced was a bit smug, but the best thing it said was "Babylon 5 is a big pile of shit". I watched it of course because I was a nerd and at that time it was either that or Byker Grove, but it was boring back then and got even more boring when Deep Space Nine came along.

​Deep Space Nine had the benefit of having a nutter of a commander and Picard in the first episode, and also had the benefit of not being shit. They could afford to do models too, so it didn't look like those weird French CG anthropomorphic insect cartoons on Channel 4 and actually looked like, well, Star Trek. And then it got even better with the wars and the moral stuff and more explosions to the point where many people remember it more fondly than any other Star Trek, even the one with the whales.

The only thing anyone remembers Babylon 5 for is having its security guard named after biscuits. Not even good biscuits, either.  
Charlie Brigden
I liked Spaced, but yeah... some of it sort of felt a bit pleased with itself. I mostly saw it as an honest attempt to treat geeky culture as a normal thing.

I wonder why all the references and whatnot in Spaced were so well-received when Ready Player One has been getting so much grief. They're both laden with references, but was it the different approaches, or an issue of timing? Geek culture really is the norm now, so perhaps Ready Player One feels like less of a novelty. Also: all that misogyny and the bloke what wrote it being friends with Harry Knowles doesn't help.

But anyway... Deep Space Nine. It was alright, but I apparently stopped watching before it got good. Which is weird, because you'd think I'd love a show which featured a policeman who lived in a bucket.
A BIRTHDAY MESSAGE 
I know you don't like long letters, but it's this one too short?

Thanks,
RG

PS. Friday is my birthday, could I have an unpleasant reveal-o?
Press reveal to find out:
REVEAL:
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BEST WISHES
Well looks like the Kickstarter got off to a great start on 9/3 Mr. Biffo.

Turns out that day has a tinge of sadness to it, as my father passed away the same night after a long battle.

So me and the family are really devastated about it, I can remember when I was a kid he would always help me try and tune them in on the television or if there was a technical problem he would usually break out his soldering kit.

But honestly, I feel empty and I don't know what to do... I backed the Found Footage where it gave me some happiness during the whole thing leading up to it but now im at a loss.

Sincerely,
Nicholas McDonald
Nicholas, I remember you writing a letter about your dad's illness in the run-up to Found Footage, and I'm so sorry to hear that it has had such a sad ending. There's literally nothing I can say to make it better. Grief is its own beast, and it's a tenacious and brutal process. It'll get better, but I'm so sorry that you're going to have to go through something so wretched before it does. 

​I did consider replying to you personally, and not putting your letter up, but I know that in choosing to publish it the Digitiser community will rally round in the comments below.
AMIGAGA
Oh, Biffster.

I'm sorry about the abuse you've received from Amiga owners both in the past and -- apparently -- to this day. I'm going to come across like one of those #notallmen idiots, but I am an Amiga fan and we're not all like that.

Honest. I both like playing Monkey Island from eleven 3.5" disks and think you do excellent work, so they aren't mutually exclusive positions, and I don't know why the Amiga seems to attract more idiots than other computers and consoles do.

A couple of years ago, an engineer from a well-known broadband company came to "unblock" my internet "pipes", spotted my Amiga 1200, and gave an appreciative and nostalgic coo. He was a nice enough chap, so there's at least two halfway decent Amiga fans out there. That's counting myself, although I accidentally pocketed my girlfriend's car keys today and left her stranded in the city centre, so maybe I am a bastard after all.
Kelvin Green
Of course there are a lot of lovely Amiga owners out there. I don't tar them all with the same brush, and never have. Even in the old Digitiser days we were only really trolling them to amuse ourselves; there was no real genuine malice towards Amiga owners. And I think most Amiga owners - or former Amiga owners - know that when I do it these days it's in the spirit of a very long-running joke. I mean, I'd have to be mad to still hold a grudge after all this time.

When I do it nowadays, it's with the knowledge that I bring any grief upon myself, so I can take it on the chin if it turns unpleasant. However, where I do draw the line is when other people - Digitiser readers - are getting abuse from humourless idiots who think any of it matters. Hence; that's the main reason I took the article down the other day. Digi's here to make life better - not to make it worse for anyone.

​But anyhow... something that has happened since the noisiness of the Kickstarter campaign has started up is a slight uptick in the number of idiots gravitating towards me online... 

YES WE KNOW DESTRUCTION DERBY WAS BASED UPON A REAL-LIFE ACTIVITY: THAT'S THE POINT.

Irritating as it is, if somebody chooses to be sarcastic about Digitiser The Show, or calls me an unpleasant name, or chooses to be a downer on something just for the sake of it, I'm always aware that it's really saying more about them than it is me.
EXCITEMENT LEVELS AT MAXIMUM
Dearest Biffs,
Wooooo, it's been dead exciting watching the Kickstarter progress, hasn't it? Super pleased that it's going so well and absolutely can't wait to see the show. Every update makes me look forward to it more!
Sam
Whoop! Here's a nice little interview I did about it. These are indeed exciting times.
ARCADIAN
Dear Mr Biffollow the Yellow Brick Road. As a lad on holiday in Blackpool I remember an amusement arcade called Mr B's, though apparently it's now called Mr T's.

​Do you think the forces behind the universe are trying to communicate something to us? Having not been to Blackpool for a while I can't comment on whether the change in nomenclature has impacted on the number of bin based incidents but you never know. 

Yours etc.
Treacle
Wut?? Is this true? Well, that's a bit weird.
SPITS AND EBAYS
I was thinking about your successful TV writing career with much admiration. Its a tough business, as I found out for myself many years ago when I was commissioned to adapt the Arthur Ransome classic Swallows and Amazons for a modern audience.

A week after delivering the first draft, I was summoned into the office of famed television executive Michael Grade, who barely looked up from his desk as he motioned me towards an empty chair. As I was about to sit down, Grade (Britain's pornographer in chief) leaped from his chair and started hitting me with a rolled up copy of my screenplay shrieking "Titty's out ! Titty's out, we must take the Titty's out!"

Shocked and disturbed by his outburst I left the building never to return, and gave up on writing completely.

I'm sure this is the sort of thing you manage to put up with on a regular basis.
Regards,
DCM​
P.S. I'm in Beetroot now.
What do you mean you're in Beetroot? What is "Beetroot"? What does that mean?
NOTHING
Dear Digitiser. I rarely send a letter because I have very little to say.

This week is no exception.
Nicola Head
...
WHAT?
Dear Mr Biffo, when a security chap tells you that he's scared of 13 year olds who want to use the toilets what should you think? Does he deserve backup? Could this be in the form of a Mr T teletext-style meme to help him out, sucker? Thanks.
A Geeky Girl
@1waytofindout
No - seriously: what??
RIP VIPS
What with Ken Dodd, Stephen Hawking, Jim Bowen and that Russian spy not doing so good, prospective guests for the Digitiser show are dropping like flies. I hope you are wrapping up Dara O’Briain and former England goalkeeper David James up in cotton wool so you at least have someone to appear.

I hope you are literally wrapping them up in literal cotton wool so they are not dropping like literal flies. Some of the Royals will now be free as they are no longer off to the world cup, so there’s another possibility. It’s the very least I deserve for my £10 pledge. 
Chris Dyson
I'm not having Dara O'Briain on the show after he tweeted me when I got his name wrong, and loads of his fans called me an idiot. He seems like a nice bloke though. I saw him once at Derren Brown show. He was up in the balcony.
MR PSB'S LETTER
Hello, This is just a letter to say I am very glad that the Kickstarter has been so successful so far and that I hope that it will continue to be so.

I haven't played any games very much recently other than Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, which I am assured is the worst game Nintendo have ever made, because unlike mobile games where you download them free and then if you want to speed things up you pay a bit of money or a lot of money, it is a mobile game where if you want to speed things up you pay a bit of money or a lot of money. 

THE THING IS, I've not felt the need to give Nintendo ANY money for it. It's a fun time killer while sat on a train or toilet and sure, it's not got the same depth as the full games, but it distils their essence down and cuts out the guff. Go to place. Give animal something. Get thing in return.


The problem I have with this game is I don't want to stop playing, because I've been playing since the start and they keep adding new events and items and animals, and if I were to stop I might miss some of these things. Even though there's no real reason to keep playing because they're just adding new stuff all the time to try and tempt me into paying. Maybe I'll get a life one day and stop but until then this is my life.

I had a quick go on Final Fantasy 15 the other day, but it hasn't grabbed my attention which means I'm the stupid one for buying it full price on release when I was doing other stuff. It's no Final Fantasy 8, is it?

I'm aware I owe everyone a special story because the Kickstarter got funded, but it's been a while and I can't get it to come out. I might have to get a pad ready and work it out with a pencil.

OK WELL UNTIL NEXT TIME

BYE
MRPSB
I've not played Final Fantasy 15 either. Hey - talking of games which demand you give them money because they keep adding things... has anybody heard about this Fortnite game? I hadn't even heard of it until the other night, when my mate told me that his step-son was spending loads of money on it. Then the next day I see it all over Twitter. Apparently it's the new Minecraft. What's that all about?
30 Comments
MrPSB
16/3/2018 10:16:05 am

Insektors was amazing, and so are Garibaldi biscuits. I forever refer to Michael Garibaldi as Mr Biscuits because I'm a charming wit.

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Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x
16/3/2018 10:19:22 am

I love Final Fantasy XV. I really do.

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Kelvin Green link
18/3/2018 06:03:58 pm

It's wonky in places but the four leads have such charm I can't help but love the game anyway.

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Nick
16/3/2018 10:32:58 am

From one Nicholas to another I'm so very sorry for your lose. My father died suddenly last year, just before the found footage premiere in fact. Feeling empty is normal, once the shock is past there's just the realisation that a part of your life, future and history is gone and it's not coming back.

Well meaning sentiment is easy and it can sound patronising but the feeling does subside and something approaching normality returns. If your like me you will still find yourself six months later weeping at odd moments for no discernable reason (a bloody Guinness pump).

Found Footage helped in a strange way. It was one of the few things I could watch that had no ties to a shared past. It felt like mine alone and I would watch You Tube in a quiet stupor after my wife had gone to bed. Weirdly, I find re-watching it practically unbearable (sorry Biffo), so intrinsically linked to such a sad time.

If you would like a chat I'm such Biffs can pass you my email address.

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Mr Biffo
16/3/2018 10:56:44 am

Sorry for your loss too, Nick. Absolutely happy to pass on your details if Nicholas wants that.

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Starbuck
16/3/2018 10:53:51 pm

I'm with you and you, Nicholas x 2. However bad the last few years have been for me, I've been lurking here, helping ease the strain. Memories of sitting on a post-funeral toilet reading D2k and considering the inappropriateness of doing a Brown Trumpet...

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David
16/3/2018 11:31:04 am

I think Spaced was well received as it worked as a sitcom in its own right, rather than just as a "geek culture" homage. There's something slightly cynical with Ready Player One and other things that openly court the geeky pound. People can see right through it, rather than just thinking "oh man this references games/sci-fi and I like that so I love this too."

I also never liked Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Just to throw that out there.

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MENTALIST
16/3/2018 12:16:31 pm

There is a difference between making references to popular culture, or even niche cult stuff in a work, and laying reverently out a great big list of old stuff you want people to believe is cool.

At the very least, one ought to have to work to spot the references, rather than have it declared "And then a thing from X 80s entertertainment property appeared".

Ready Player One is probably the most excruciating book I have ever read. It made me feel embarrassed to have enjoyed any media released in the 1980s.

I wasn't keen on Scott Pilgrim either, but more because I couldn't get on with the protagonist (and normally, I quite like Michael Cera). I had a similar problem with Attack The Block, it started with its main characters doing too many horrible things for me to warm to them.

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Chris Wyatt
16/3/2018 12:17:37 pm

I liked Scott Pilgrim, but mainly because it's directed by Edgar Wright, and I liked all the stylistic stuff and the cinematography really more than the story line, which I guess was a little weak.

It's a nice film. Not his best work but I enjoyed it.

Spaced is a classic, and I used to sort of fancy Jessica Stevenson, but was disappointed when I saw her in an interview, and she wasn't quite as mad as she is in the sitcom.

Random and probably boring fact: I used to work with someone who went to the same college as Edgar Wright, and he saw him shooting his first film, which I think appears on the special features of Shaun of the Dead (or maybe Hot Fuzz).

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Mrtankthreat
16/3/2018 12:31:33 pm

Never got the appeal of Spaced myself. And whenever I see Simon Pegg interviewed for movies nowadays he comes across as an insufferable twat. In fact the whole of nerd culture can't disappear quick enough. We need a geek gulag, first entrant: Kevin bloody Smith.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
16/3/2018 01:37:45 pm

The trouble is that nerd culture has become too self-celebrating. Over the last decade or so it went from the healthy "you know what? I don't have to be ashamed that I still like Star Wars or play videogames" (which is kind of where Spaced came in) to the obnoxious "I am proudly spending all my money on boxes of literally random pound shop stuff with the Avengers on it because I define myself overwhelmingly by the media I consume". And this isn't helped by the fact that it's very, very profitable for the media companies that own those IPs to market to that.

Anyway, in defense of Kevin Smith, Clerks is still an amazing film that has fun with quirky pop culture dialogue, but acknowledges that the guys sit around talking about media from their childhood while refusing to take initiative to improve their adult lives.

Yoga Hosers was a pointless mess, though.

Mrtankthreat
16/3/2018 01:48:20 pm

I love Clerks. It's a masterpiece. In fact it's so good compared to anything else he's ever done I'm beginning to doubt he had anything to do with it. Or maybe he had a brain tumor that affected his personality for the writing and filming process and then went into spontaneous remission after its release.

I 100% agree with your assessment of the state of geek culture though.

Also more for the gulag: Anyone who likes the Big Bang Theory and anyone who had anything to do with it (apart from Johnny Galecki, he gets a pass for Roseanne and Suicide Kings).

Spiney O'Sullivan
16/3/2018 01:19:47 pm

Scott Pilgrim the movie, or the comics?

If your only exposure is the movie, then I can understand why you've written the series off as it's so focused on translating (admittedly faithfully) the books' fight scenes, music and general videogame/nerd/indie quirkiness that it really loses out on the meaningful parts of the books.

Spoilers, but it's been a while since they were released, so: the film just has Scott's big dilemma be that he's cheating on Ramona and Knives with each other, while the book delves into the fact that he's actually been a delusional, possessive, unnecessarily violent, irresponsible creep on top of that. The Hollywood filter did that book a huge disservice, as it did with Kick-Ass around the same time (the whole book was about how in real life you don't get to fly around with minigun-jetpacks and end up with the girl you've been manipulating and lying to, while the film made that its ending).

Also speaking of media that thematically worked against its source material, since I didn't get to say this on the JMS article: JMS's Spider-Man run had some great issues (the one with Aunt May confronting Peter about his secret identity is one of the best Spider-Man comics ever in my mind) and some interesting ideas (like Peter ignoring his creepier spider abilities), but the whole idea of Peter as a spider totem with a preordained mystical destiny struck me as standing at odds with the relatable figure that he was originally written as. Sorry, JMS.

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Chris Wyatt
16/3/2018 02:21:12 pm

So I thought the comics came from the films, not the other way round. Might have to check that out.

Notice a few Zelda references in the film (or at least, I assumed they were Zelda references). Does the comic book reference Zelda much? I thought perhaps Edgar Wright was a Zelda fan when I watched it.

David
16/3/2018 02:33:23 pm

Yeah the film. I kind of thought that the book would go a bit deeper, but, I dunno, all that Street-Fighter-2-homage-fight-scene stuff put me off.

Going off on a tangent, one thing that irks me is that any time a film or TV show wants to portray a characher as being a bit of a "quirky, nerdy outsider who's also kinda cool" they always have them being into 1980s indie bands, like The Smiths or Joy Division/New Order. It annoys me because those bands had load of Top 20 hits and were/are massive.

Creators - having your character being into The Smiths doesn't make them "different" from the other teens.

Spiney O’Sullivan
16/3/2018 02:56:40 pm

There were a couple of Zelda nods if I remember right, though many game references are a bit non-specific. Mario and Final Fantasy get quite a few nods, and River City Ransom is definitely homaged in a pretty pivotal scene that the film skipped.

Kelvin Green link
18/3/2018 06:08:39 pm

JMS' Spider-Man run had some dreadful moments, most of which seemed to be driven by editorial, but it also had some of the best Spidey stories in the character's history. The Aunt May issue you mention is one of them, and I adore the issue in which Peter and Mary Jane reconcile(this was before Marvel decided they were never married) in the middle of an assassination attempt upon Doctor Doom.

Sam
16/3/2018 02:03:32 pm

I'm not particularly geek-culture savvy, so it works in reverse for me. I'll finally catch up with a movie that people tell me off for not having seen already, and realise that's what Spaced was referencing.

So yeah, I loved Spaced without 'getting' the references. I remember when it was first advertised as coming soon to the telly, and I just thought I'd like it because it looked funny and a bit weird.

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ChorltonWheelie
17/3/2018 11:21:29 am

Spaced had the best representation of a night out raving I've seen. 'Twas spot on with no moralising, hand wringing or clumsy social commentary and I thank it for that.

Also, I was an Amiga 1200 owner and really am a massive twat.

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Mrtankthreat
16/3/2018 12:19:19 pm

I like Dara O'Brian as a stand up but he can be very touchy. My mates met him in a pub once and one of them said Mock the Week wasn't as good since Frankie Boyle left and Dara went ballistic at him. I don't think he said it was bad just that it wasn't as good. Still though I guess he probably hears it all the time and you're gonna be defensive of your stuff. The rest of the lads thought it was hilarious though. (For some reason the predictive text on my phone thought I wanted to say holocaust instead of hilarious there. wtf? )

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Chris Wyatt
16/3/2018 12:27:37 pm

Not familiar with Dara O'Brian's stand-up, but as a presenter I just think he's kind of meh. I don't dislike him, but I'm also not sure why some people rate him so highly.

In Go 8 Bit, I sort of felt like his heart wasn't there, and he didn't seem to be all that passionate about the games, so I sort of think they could have found a more suitable presenter for that show. Go 8 Bit was OK, and Dara O'Briaiaiaian (or however you spell it) was OK, but it didn't blow my socks off.

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MENTALIST
16/3/2018 12:41:16 pm

Dara is very good at working an audience in standup, kind of like Al Murray he goes out and does a lot of back and forth with them at the start of the show. That ability to be funny whilst thinking on his feet is probably what has got him so many presenting gigs, but Go 8 Bit doesn't really show him at his best.

Mrtankthreat
16/3/2018 12:47:05 pm

His gift as a stand up is how he incorporates the audience. He has the bits he's worked on but almost every show is a different show because the audience is new.

Don't really watch much of his other stuff. He's decent as a panelist on QI but I would have been harsher on Mock the Week than me mate. Can't watch Go 8 Bit either. Star gazing live is probably the only other thing of his I get on with.

Mrtankthreat
16/3/2018 12:50:52 pm

Agh, you got your post in there before me Mentalist. You must have read my mind.

Rich
16/3/2018 04:33:54 pm

As a resident of sunny Blackpool, I can confirm that Mr B's became Mr T's a few years back. I will be going into town tomorrow and often park round the back. I will report back on any bin related shenanigans.

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RichardM
16/3/2018 04:54:46 pm

Much love and sympathy to Nicholas and family. I wish I had a good suggestion or advice, other than to say that feeling desperately shit is normal and allowed. What Biffo says is true: it will get easier.

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Brickos
16/3/2018 05:34:59 pm

Fortnite is a rip-off of PUBG

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Adam
16/3/2018 09:27:59 pm

Hey Nicholas, really sorry to hear about your dad. You and I have never met and probably never will, but hopefully it helps you just a bit to know that there are people out here in Digi-land who are holding a good thought for you and your family. My sincere best wishes to you all.

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Dr. Budd Buttocks, MD
17/3/2018 11:06:51 am

I loved Spaced at the time. It was well-written and had a lot of heart. The geeky references were sprinkled throughout in a way that didn't feel too forced or laboured, although I haven't watched it in a long time, so I don't know if I'd feel the same way now. I feel Simon Pegg has become a bit of a sellout in recent times, but that's neither here nor there.

Lately I've come to resent a lot of what passes for "nerd culture" nowadays, especially among the retro enthusiasts. I've no plans to watch Ready Player One, but from the trailers I've seen, it seems to embody all of the worst excesses of today's retro game/movie nostalgia, ostensibly taking the "shoehorn as much as possible in to try and get as many cheap reactions from as many people as possible" approach, as opposed to the more clever homages in Space.

I was a teeny bit apprehensive about Digi the Show at first. Clearly a lot of people are craving a big nostalgia fix, but I think the fatigue has definitely set in with me. Every time some Mario or Sonic parody comes up in my Youtube recommendations comes up, another little part of my soul dies. The hyperbole about the NES and SNES mini just felt absurd to me, and smacked of people falling over themselves to prove their nerd cred.

I must say I have enjoyed the way Found Footage and Do You Remember This have been subverting nostalgia "content". So, I said I was apprehensive at first, but I do have faith that Biffo and co will find ways to surprise and delight in ways that the likes of Go 8-Bit decidedly did not.

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Mathew H
22/3/2018 05:11:07 pm

Is your Gmail the right place to send potential letters-page letters? There's where I sent one.

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