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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

9/2/2018

25 Comments

 
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Unless you're reading this on Sunday, then there's still time to come along to Play Expo in Blackpool, where TV's Mr Biffo will be holding court on stage at midday on Saturday - and revealing all about our plans for this year's Digitiser web series. Also: his bare midriff. 

Even if you can't make it, and you happen to be in the area, why not join us in the evening
 at The Highlands Pub in Bispham, just down the road from the convention centre, from 5.30pm onwards? You can get tickets to the show here. 

But enough about that: if you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
WELCOME TO THE PLEASURE BEACH
Did you know the Blackpool Pleasure Beach opens on Saturday? Would you record yourself on a terrifying ride and post it for us loyal fans to watch and giggle to?

ThemeParkWorldwide will be there also, it would be good if you could stand in the background in one of their vlogs and make faces. Tee-hee. Thanks, you.
Adam Grimsdale​
I have to say, the thought of being in a ThemeParkWorldwide video has gotten me all in a lather. I love those little guys!

Sadly, looking at my schedule for Saturday - which has, inexplicably, now been taken up with meetings to do with Digitiser: The Show, interviews, and other things, I'm barely going to get the chance to even play on the old games, let alone visit the so-called "Pleasure Beach". Therefore, I can only hope the ThemePark Worldwide team make their way up to the Expo, so that I can meet them and cry and tell them that I love them. 

Also: I don't tend to get scared on rides alas. Spinny ones do make me feel sick though. That said, if I have time, I will be trying to take some videos while at the show, though it's somewhat compromised by the camera on my stupid BRAND NEW iPhone deciding to stop working.
JAWS ON THE DOORS
Dear Digi. We're starting a YouTube show called Jaws 19. It's a movie discussion and general waffle type thing. As you seem to have employed YouTube and social media so wonderfully with Found Footage (and also traumatised 1000s of people) what tips would you give for new starters to help get people interested in something you believe in and want to succeed? 
@jaws19show
True story: I'm actually wearing a Jaws 19 t-shirt as I type this. Nothing to do with your show I'm afraid, though I commend your choice of title. I wore it in order to take the Christmas tree up the dump (a whole five months earlier than last year... #WINNING).

Anyway, I wouldn't take any tips from me when it comes to using social media. Found Footage did okay for my purposes, but it hardly reached Logan Paul levels of ubiquity.

I wish there was a formula for getting stuff noticed, but there's just so much content out there. I mean, we had lots of support from your Danny Wallaces and Rab Florences and Rufus Hounds, an association with Charlie Brooker, tons of you tweeted about it and shared it, we had coverage on Gizmodo and Polygon, but even all that failed to really help it break out beyond its core audience.

Admittedly, that might be down to what it was: a poo-flecked stream-of-consciousness that went out of its way to be as difficult to watch as possible, with a weird underlying sci-fi story about sentient bums. The masses want accessible, and Found Footage was never that. I have come to terms with the reality that what I want to do is probably more Bill Drummond than Billy Ocean.
THE RUNS
I recently invested some time in ‘Sonic Runners Adventure’ on mobile (which is all right, for what it is): I was sufficiently bereft of other entertainment to 100% it, all stars and achievements and so on. But on completing it... the game didn’t acknowledge this in any way.

​No little video, or bonus power up, or anything. Not even something on the level of the ‘Well done! Time for a holiday!’ message I seem to recall for getting all the Shines in Mario Sunshine. Maybe there’s more content coming and they wanted to leave it open ended? Maybe they never expected anyone to bother finishing it? Or maybe they just didn’t care? I dunno. Perhaps I’m expecting too much.

Have you ever felt unappreciated for the time you’ve invested in a game, Mr B?
Richard M.
I too have Sonic Runners Adventures on my phone, and sort of quite like it. Your tale of completing it reminds me of the time I finished Peggle Nights, having spent far, far too much money on micro transactions. I was left feeling terribly empty and cheated and disgusted with myself.

Now press reveal to see something that recently made you feel disgusted with yourself.
REVEAL:
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MUSK RAT
So with that rocket thing happening earlier in the week, I was wondering: Elon Musk sent a car into space, but what would you have sent if you were to send a monument to yourself and human kind out into space?

Also, if sci-fi has told us anything, surely this is the starting point for some future cataclysmic event? In a few hundred years time, that car is going to return as either a sentient, god like space super being, or.... or it will crash into a spaceship desperately fleeing a dying earth with the remnants of human kind!
Bruce Flagpole
I would really love to do that thing where people send up a balloon with a GoPro attached, and a funny object. Press reveal to see what that object would be.
REVEAL:
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THE FOOD OF LOVE
This letter is answering a plea for letters. I'm embarrassed to admit I have only recently discovered what Digitiser2000 is through various Twitter goings on (I'm enjoying it and will stay), and in all honesty, I don't play computer/console games now but have a little in the past.

Beginning with a beige Acorn Electron (Daredevil Dennis, Citadel among my favourites), then only ever using a PS1. 

My addiction to Ridge Racer Type 4 and the first Gran Turismo became out of hand. Around the same time I got into 'Music 2000', which is laughable now, but actually could be tweaked a hell of a lot beyond the cheesy techno loop-based music it was perhaps intended for. 

It's no exaggeration to say, it was for me, a life-changing piece of software. I was obsessed. Every spare minute was used on that thing. I'd taken drum lessons as a kid and could strum a guitar but wanted something to help me get ideas out without building a studio and learning every instrument that I wanted to hear. 

After I'd exhausted all it had to offer, I bought a PC and still make music to this day. When using Music 2000 I had no idea it was roughly set out like a lot of the professional software that exists now and reduced that intimidating learning curve. 
​
I made an album with Music 2000. No one will ever hear it because it's god-awful, but it was a foundation for everything I know about making music on a PC. 

So, hurrah for Music 2000, I owe it a lot. 
Crusty Wheelbarrow 
Man, I was well into those Music 2000 programs! I bought a ton of them, and made some real nice music that, sadly, the world never got to hear. I could've been the next "Brahms"!
IDLE HANDS
Idle speculation about your announcement at Play Expo tomorrow:

1. Noisy departure from the retro games industry, like the KLF, but with more wet sausages thrown into crowd.

2. Digitiser show to be retitled "The All Pauls". Now exclusively by, and for, people called Paul. Third presenter revealed as Paul McCartney.

3. Inaudible due to ill-timed Quorn and sugar-free Polos detox diet.
David W
You are this: completely wrong. Alas, I should temper enthusiasm: I probably won't be announcing our third presenter on Saturday, as originally planned, but I might mention one of the other Digi-related Secret Things I've got on the go. I will, however, be discussing some of what we've got in mind for the Digi series, prior to - hopefully - launching the Kickstarter later this month.

​Press reveal if you want a sneak peek at who our co-host is (SPOILERS!):
REVEAL:
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NOT MR PSB'S LETTER SURPRISINGLY
​​I am minded today of a time I was in Kenya in the late 1980s, and was fighting a nagging urge to do a poo. It was a safari holiday, and I was on a journey to Nairobi. It was a long drive, and all of us in my party were suffering from various degrees of upset stomachs. We had all declined the use of a toilet break after one brave soul described the facilities as “you know the ones in Piccadilly Circus?” - a clear signal that we should just move on. 

So, on we trekked. A few stops along the way as various people’s sphincters gave up the ghost and they ran bravely into the scrub. I didn’t want to do this as I knew that knowing my luck, I’d be bitten by something nasty. So I clung on 

Eventually we arrived, checked in and used some civilised toilets. I think I had been battling the need for more than five hours by then. Cramps, the sincere hope that the farts would be just farts. The whole gamut of “I need a dump” signals. 

That, it seems, is nothing. Not even heroic or epic. Right now, in a police station in Harlow, is a suspected drug dealer who has been on “toilet strike” for (at the time of writing this) 21 Days. Two more days, and he reaches a record. Apparently, he has concealed a package up his bottom, and isn’t keen on letting it go. So he’s just not going to the toilet. 

Essex police are Tweeting about this using the hashtag #poowatch http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-42972989

I wonder if, by the time this letter gets aired, he will have buckled. I kind of hope that he doesn’t now. He’s close to setting a record. I certainly wouldn’t want to be the poor sod who sifts through three weeks of poo looking for a condom full of drugs. 

All the best,
Paul
Years back, when I went on a monster hunting expedition to Guyana with my chums from Centre For Fortean Zoology, we stayed in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. You know: mud huts, no electricity. Like you get on documentaries.

The communal village toilet was outside, about 50 metres from the village, and comprised of an L-shaped brick wall, and a plank over a hole that was - I noted - full of the worst sort of spiders. I'd tried to hold on as long as I could, because the wall only came up to my shoulders - and thus everyone in the village could watch me having a poo, if they so wanted - but eventually I could tame the big brown beast no longer.

After disposing of the spider's nest, and emptying myself to my great relief, it then dawned on me that there was no toilet paper, and that I was expected to wipe with the pages of a children's picture book, which had been hung on one of the two low walls. It wasn't even a book with soft pages; but one of those books made from really thick paper, and thus wasn't exactly fit for purpose, as it were. 

If you wish to know how this all felt, try having a poo in one of the glass tanks at zoo's insect house, then wipe your arse on a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. 

Fortunately, later that day I noticed that the meat we'd been eating up to that point had all been sourced from an unidentified animal carcass that was hanging from a tree to air-bake. I made the mistake of walking around to the back side of the meat, to see it crawling with a living carpet of flies. Suffice to say, I didn't eat any more of that meat for the remainder of the trip, and thus never needed another poo until I returned to civilisation. 
WHITE BITS
I’ve literally never been so excited about a new Spiderman game as I am this year. It looks quite nice and it’s my most anticipated AAA release of 2018. Don’t like Crackdown, Redemption, Last of Us, God of War, Detroit... Sea of Thieves looks good, but I don’t like multiplayer.

The game I’m most looking forward to is actually Concrete Genie but with the caveat that I might think it’s shit when I get to play it (about 50/50).

Sky from ThatGameCompany on iOS looks very interesting as does the thought of playing Mario Kart on my iPhone.

Most excitingly of all is that Namco may be working on Ridge Racer 8 (the 8 tells us it’s a proper RR game) for the Switch.

​I’m sorry it’s not rumoured to be happening on the PS4 - I’d love it to look all max’d out - but beggars can’t be choosers and, shucks, I’d even buy an Xbox One X just to get my hands on it - that’s how sick in the head for Ridge Racer I am!

How about you? Anything got your periscope a’poppin’ on the 2018 radar?

One more thing before I go - have you come to peace with the white bits on Spidey’s suit? I’m still a fan, but I’m starting to take them a bit for granted if I’m being honest.
​DEAN
That Spider-Man game does look good, but no... I've not come to terms with the white bits. I don't like his costume in the new Avengers: Infinity War trailer either. I just want my Spidey to look like classic Spidey. At a push, I would also accept him in his black costume.

In terms of what I'm looking forward to this year... probably only really Far Cry 5 and Red Dead Redemption 2. Actually... maybe Days Gone too, as it's by the people who did Syphon Filter, which is terribly underrated these days. I'm also going to give Dark Souls another go when it comes out on the Switch.

ST-AYING POWER
Dear Mr. Biffo, how can I ably engage ST "fans" when they persist with their alt-right tactics of Amiga erasure?
Concerned of Middlesex
You really don't have to do much at all. In my experience, simply breathing seems to upset Amiga owners.
GAMESMASTER
Excuse me, Mr. Biffo, on the "Itchy & Scratchy" CD-ROM, is there a way to get out of the dungeon without a wizard's key?
Mikey
You have appeared to have erroneously sent this query to the Digitiser letters page. It's the Chips & Teats section you're after. Try again, with the subject line "SEND STRAIGHT TO SPAM FOLDER".
SPARSEHOLE
Dearest, dearest Mr. Biffo. I had to answer your call to arms for the sparse mailbag this week, as what else am I supposed to do on a Friday morning during my break at work? Admittedly re-reading my own words won't be all that entertaining, but I'm counting on others heeding your call.

Anyway, the pressure is on to say something interesting now... I'd like to say I thrive under pressure like say, a brain surgeon, but instead I flail about like some sort of flannel-brained goon. I shall ask this: You are tasked with creating a games console. What would you call it?

And what era would you prefer to release it in? Would it have any special features (e.g. Vinegar dispenser)? No need to flesh out a business model; Egon Must has bankrolled it or whatever. That's all I've got, sorry.

Regretfully,
The Fitcher
Press reveal for an hilarious comedy answer!
REVEAL:
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DARK SCIENCE
I've always enjoyed the dark and visceral aspects of your writing: Mutants, science experiments gone wrong, body horror all seem to be regular themes, where do you feel your penchant for the unpleasant comes from?  

As an extension to that what other movies/series/art would you recommend for similar content? 

Change of pace: what's your favourite Lego theme and why?
Glyn Heaviside
Hmm. I honestly don't know where the - as you call it - "dark and visceral" stuff comes from. I guess I don't see it that way. That description makes me sound like David Cronenberg, and I'm trying to think back to other examples of work I've done which would fit that description... and can only think of Found Footage.

Which was sort of semi-consciously inspired by The Living Bum, which I did here on Digi a few times. And that just comes from being amused by the idea of a bum being "living", rather than being into body horror.

That said, I guess do have a streak of darkness running through my writing - but that's really down to comedy often being about juxtaposition. So, if you put something dark and horrific or weird next to something that's completely incongruous (like, say, off the top of my head... Dale Winton inhaling a Yum Yum so hard that it gets lodged in his lung), then that - in theory - is funny. Occasionally.

But - hey - it's subconscious most of the time, so you might be a better judge of it.

​In terms of stuff that I'd recommend in that area... I honestly don't know, because I don't really tend to like "dark" comedy as a general rule. And I'm pretty squeamish. I'd say check out the art of Brendan McCarthy. He's my favourite comics artist, and very surreal, and weird, and funny.

Favourite Lego: Star Wars, obviously. Though I've not bought any since the ruddy cat knocked my Slave-1 off the bookcase and smashed it.
GAMING MILL'S LETTER
Yesterday I had to go out to see if my leather trench coat was in the boot of my car... don't ask why, it's a long story, but no. Since I moved house last year I haven't seen it, which is odd. It's probably in a box that I've not unpacked yet. Either that or some Nazi ghost or something stole it because of the cold weather.

Anyway, walking back I slipped on the bloody ice and cut my knee pretty badly, which reminded me of the first place I bought. I was a bit of a skinflint and never put the heating on (I was single then), not even in the winter. This was a bit detrimental to the health of my Sea Monkeys; they were swimming around really slowly and the water was getting dead cloudy.

I took a pan from the kitchen, turned it upside down and put it in front of the gas fire in my lounge. I lit the fire and put the Sea Monkeys on top with the idea that the heat my 'perk them up' a bit.

When I got back from the pub about eight hours later the Sea Monkey aquarium had melted. I had forgotten about them before I went out. I cannot imagine the horror they had to go through whilst being slowly boiled alive, the conversations they must have had whilst they were being slowly (but accidentally) tortured to death.

Moral of the story? Winter weather really hurt my knee...and don't go out to your car with just a t-shirt on and boxer shorts. Oh, and bleach is also not too good for Sea Monkeys I was to find out. I wish someone would breed a bigger, harder version. I'd call them Ocean Gorillas.

I'm still unfit but strong and that is all,
Gaming Mill.
Gaming Mill, everyone: he's Hans Christian Andersen for the YouTube Generation!
+++ PLUG ZONE +++ PLUG ZONE +++ PLUG ZONE +++
I've recently acquired a whole bunch of retro gaming books, for some reason, all of which I heartily recommend.

First of these is the Crash Annual 2018 - a brand new, hardback, edition of the classic ZX Spectrum gaming magazine, which picks up exactly where the mag left off in the early-90s.

Secondly, I cannot recommend more Stuart Ashen's Attack of the Flickering Skeletons - a second instalment in his Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard of series. It features brand new teletext illustrations from the legend that is Horsenburger.

Lastly, Dan Whitehead's Speccy Nation - volumes 1 and 2 - are an excellent summary of some of the beloved Sinclair computer's greatest, and less fondly remembered, games. I recommend the second volume. Mainly because I wrote the introduction...
25 Comments
DEAN
9/2/2018 09:21:34 am

Jesus Christ, Gaming Mill!

It's just gone 9 in the morning and I've already had my day absolutely torn asunder - the image of of your mini aqua friends cooking and then their entire ecosystem being melted like one of Trump's 'bergs is just too tragic.

And I've blood on my hands too - if memory serves me right I hooked you up with a link to get a good price on those little guys - FFS!

Years ago I was in a pet shop in Barnstaple (Devon) and they had a pair of marmosets for sale - they weren't too pricey either (about £50 each but I'm not 100%).

I really wanted them but knew that my mum would 'go spare' if I saved up and bought them and so instead I just used to go in and watch them - brilliant little buggers them is.

Anyway the owner of the shop was getting pissed off at me for just coming in and loitering around the monkeys and so I stopped going but I have never stopped thinking about them and, not that we had Tekken at the time, but I'd like to have thought that I'd have called the feller Heihachi and the lady Miss Widdecombe.

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2014/09/26/multimedia/science-take-marmoset/science-take-marmoset-superJumbo.jpg

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RichardM
9/2/2018 09:56:11 am

A bargain! Had a quick look in the classifieds there, seems a marmoset will run you about £700 nowadays. I’ve always wanted a grey parrot, but they live forever and about 70% of them are real bastards. I’m not sure my family would welcome the addition of an immortal bastard to the household.

Anyone watch that show about the small, failing zoo in the Lake District last night? It felt close to a Mr Biffo sketch at times, sadly (for them).

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DEAN
9/2/2018 10:22:14 am

Bloody hell - I didn't even know you could still buy them. But yeah, they were nowhere near as expensive as that. Mind you we're talking 30 years ago-ish.

I love parrots too but I dunno... Hey, I went a viewed a house the other day and the owners had a pet tortoise - it was freaking awesome and as I watched him he (hard to tell) started doing press ups like he was a ponce at the gym showing off. I thought he was great and had he been included I'd have made much more realistic offer on the house!

RichardM
9/2/2018 11:34:05 am

This may be a Northern Ireland thing: we have different laws about owning exotic (ie. dangerous) animals. A quick Google search reveals 2 tigers, a pile of animals I’ve never heard of including a ‘gila monster’, and a slew of deadly snakes in private hands.

I am unsure why this is felt to be wise when we haven’t even got capacity for a functioning government, but never mind. I’m off to buy a shark and keep it in my bath.

Treaclle
9/2/2018 12:27:11 pm

A couple of years ago I saw a chap strolling through park with a grey parrot sitting on his arm. I assume he was taking it for some fresh air and wasn't empolyed by the council in an attempt to encourage more pirates to visit. Watched the show about the zoo last night and for some reason I had the Blubber Johnny song going round in my head.

RichardM
9/2/2018 01:12:29 pm

It was real good, wasn’t it? This entrenched madness that they’re a brilliant zoo, and the new guy they all hate who wants to get rid of half the animals. The team meetings were agonizing viewing.

Mrtankthreat
9/2/2018 04:16:45 pm

Have you ever seen that heavy metal band that has a parrot as the lead singer? Immortal bastard would be a great album title for them.

Starbuck
10/2/2018 04:47:38 pm

Mrtankthreat, I remember a heavy metal band with a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder, a wooden leg, and a chainsaw (I think his name was Chainsaw Cane). Would that be it? Your one sounds even better though!

Mrtankthreat
10/2/2018 09:50:15 pm

Nope. They're called Hatebeak. The parrot is called Waldo. Worth checking out. I like the sound if that pirate band too though.

Starbuck
11/2/2018 11:18:43 pm

Hatebeak look brilliant. Not actually got as far as listening to them, but their Wikipedia is great! Shame they don't play live for fear of scaring the parrot.

Nick
9/2/2018 11:20:46 am

Not the place I'm sure, but, Peter Bradshaw's For One Horrible Moment is currently available on the radio iPlayer... Whilst his views on dog based family entertainment films should be taken with a pinch of salt his writing is twisted and very funny.

I found it by accident, felt the need to share and this is the only place on the internet I ever write anything.

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Mr Biffo
9/2/2018 11:23:29 am

Nothing to do with his views on Pudsey, but Bradshaw's writing irritates me. Too much arrogant middle class sneering for me (Kermode hated Pudsey too, but I love his reviews - seems to have a real passion for film).

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Biscuits
9/2/2018 12:48:51 pm

I remember a story about Marilyn Manson racking up a couple of lines of Sea Monkeys on a mirror and leaving them backstage somewhere, the idea being that unsuspecting relaxing pop stars would snort them, and then have the fellows roaming around in their sinuses. Sea Monkeys are far too delicate for such antics, but it's a nice thought

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DEAN
9/2/2018 03:47:17 pm

That reminds of a thing a mate told me about zombie spiders that were controlled by some kind of parasite. I'm genuinely not 100% sure it's bollocks either.

Let's assume it's not bollocks, just for arguments sake, and we apply that science to your Manson tale - what if certain rock stars are zombie hosts for their sea monkey masters?

I'll get the ball rolling - Lars Ulrich of Metallica.

Evidence:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/static/article/news/7/61067_0_wide_ver1496782077.jpg@534

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Gaming Mill link
9/2/2018 01:26:53 pm

DEAN. The Sea Monkey Disaster (known by my friends and family just as SMD nowadays) was many, many years ago. I knew someone showed me where to get a load of eggs from dead cheap so it was probably you. I've got over 100000 (approximately) in the fridge, ready for when it starts to get warm again.

Why in the fridge? It's what was recommended in the packaging to ensure the eggs have a higher survival rate. That being said, they can survive in conditions just like the vacuum of space. They only cost about £1.99.

Fun fact: I caught a lady fried sprinkling some of them over a baked potato because she thought it was some sort of weird mountain salt or something. "What made you think it was salt?" I asked. "It tasted like it."

Some people.

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DEAN
9/2/2018 02:14:27 pm

Thanks for clearing that up, GM, but it's made me realise that I was w-i-d-e of the mark anyway. I actually gave somebody a link for Triops and it was probably off the back of you talking about Sea Monkeys. I think that someone may have been Nick.... Nick?

100,000 sea monkey eggs in the fridge? What are you planning to do with them - whatever it is you have in mind PLEASE make a documentary about it because I for one would love to see something like that.

Day 39 - they've grown much stronger and the holding tank can no longer contain them.

Day 40 - ..........fuck....&%^$&£*$@£($!)$)£$@%&%

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Biscuits
9/2/2018 02:24:55 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWxHOwjJzCI

check out THESE bad boys...end of video highly recommended. Apologies if linked before or if indeed this is the video you linked

DEAN
9/2/2018 03:07:31 pm

That's brilliant, Biscuits; thanks for sharing the link!

Funny thing about sea monsters is that I don't find them scary at all.

Example - I'd happily pick up a crab but I'm fucked if I'd pick up a spider.

Before you start saying stuff about speed - NO - you're wrong because if the crab was a fast one it wouldn't matter - no fear here. If the crab lived in my shed and the spider lived in a rock pool then, and only then, would my position change.

Makes no sense but I don't think it has to.

Nick
9/2/2018 03:18:01 pm

Your conscious is clear. It was me.

Their still in the box in the Kitchen. Nick Bakers little face looking at me... "Why havn't you given them life? Don't you care about the wonders of the natural world?" We moved house and then I brought a Switch. So.. yer know.

DEAN
9/2/2018 03:29:45 pm

Thanks Nick!

Well they're super cool and when you get a chance you'll have you some fun.

I wonder if that's what science thinks about us.... Look at them, drawing pictures and eating pizzas and playing the Popeye theme tune on the piano. Because, Nick, that's exactly what triops would be doing if they were us. Basically anything that starts with P..... probably.

Homer Simpson
9/2/2018 05:49:22 pm

@Mikey:

What the hell are you talking about?

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June Bellamy
9/2/2018 09:28:40 pm

You're a lifesaver, Homer, I can't deal with these hardcore fans!

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Dr. Budd Buttocks, MD
11/2/2018 02:52:28 pm

A few years ago I spent an absolutely shameful amount of time getting through every single level of a puzzle game called Juice Cubes. Being the principled sort I am, I made a point of not paying for a single power up or extra moves, despite the later levels clearly being specifically designed to be nigh on impossible without it. I somehow did it, mostly out of sheer luck and intransigence. My reward? Nothing. Just a map screen with nowhere left to go.

I rarely play mobile games now, and I still feel bitter.

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RichardM
11/2/2018 04:55:31 pm

Yeah. Mobile games are a font of disappointment. I’ve bought Pako 2 and Downwell recently, both of which are farts in a teacup. Why can they never be actual solid experiences? It’s not like mobiles are really terribly limited graphically or in storahe space.

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Chris Wyatt
14/2/2018 11:31:20 pm

Gaming Mill,

I too seem to be terrible at keeping pets. Luckily I haven't had a proper pet yet.

All my Sea Monkeys have ended up dying. I think it's because you aren't supposed to leave them in direct sunlight for too long. I leave them to frolic on the windowsill, and they seem happy enough, then their numbers dwindle :(.

I also had those Triops, which are similar to Sea Monkeys, but they're bigger. Anyway, I ended up killing them. You're supposed to keep a lamp on them constantly, but I accidentally knocked the lamp over in my sleep. The triops died, and I almost set the house on fire, as the lamp landed on my dressing gown. Luckily my housemate smelled the burning and knocked on my door!

So, I probably shouldn't keep pets.

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