THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

This time next week, the Kickstarter for my next big project - Digitiser The Show - will be live. I confess, I'm rather anxious about the whole thing, which I suppose is only natural. I feel a lot more pressure than I did with Found Footage... which I knew I couldn't go wrong with, really, because it was such an unexpurgated stream-of-consciousness. 

Digitiser The Show is in some ways simpler, but also more of a complex organisational challenge. I'm confident that we're going to make something special, something quite unlike any other video game show. Nonetheless, there are the usual worries about whether it'll get funded... how we fulfil everyone's pledges... it's aiming to be rather more crowd-pleasing than the wilfully obtuse Found Footage, but I still worry about letting the backers down.

Plus, if we do get funded - and funded well - there's the question of just how the hell we're going to realise all these ideas we have. 

If you can afford to back it, I promise we'll use your money wisely. If you can't afford it... please support the show by spreading the word where you can. It's about time we got a proper retro gaming show for our generation. Nobody else is doing it. This might be the one chance we get. 

But enough about that: if you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

ASK-ME-DO!
After The Centre for Computing History in Cambridge put out a tweet that they'd been demonetised by YouTube because they didn't have enough viewing hours, it prompted me to watch the Quiz-Me-Do video from the first Digifest again. For like the 4th time. It's pretty good. I was there. Sitting in the back on my own like some sort of socially inept monkey. But it was good and I laughed so much that my spleen burst! So indeed, many laughs were had!

My question is this: Would you consider ever doing a live Digitiser The Show in front of a studio audience? Would the format you're working on with this latest project work live and with audience participation (QUIZ ME DO)?

Should I just shut up, stop bothering you and wait for the Kickstarter for more information before asking questions?

Moc-moc-a-moc!
Zobbster

Well now... yes. In fact, we intend to do EXACTLY THAT. We'll be making tickets for Digitiser The Live Show available as part of the Kickstarter.

It was weird doing Quiz-Me-Do, in that I'd never done anything remotely like that... but really enjoyed it, and felt it went smoothly enough to do it again, to try and get better at it. In fact, we all got together with that intention the following morning... but Mr Biffo's Found Footage happened instead. Which was a shame, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Anyhow... yes! Short answer: Quiz-Me-Do! will return... with audience participation (if that's what you really want). You can expect the sort ridiculous gaming challenges we played to feature as a part of Digitiser The Show. 

BUM ONGO
There's a brand new ZX Spectrum game, perfect for fans of surrealism and dirty drips. It plays like a liquid-smooth Xenoxxx Game & Watch:

https://spectrumcomputing.co.uk/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=457

David W

Now, that is my "jam", so to speak. 

"Sorry don't like that sort of stuff. Not what I expect to see on the forum."

Ewguo might be my spirit animal.

QUOIT OF THE WEEK
I’m sure you’d like emails about Digitiser: The Show this week, so... The word ‘quoit’ is recurrent in your opus. Did you have a traumatic experience with one as a child, or do you just think it is a funny word?

(Really looking forward to Digitiser: The Show. Anticipating the Kickstarter eagerly.)
Richard M.

Yeah... you're right. I do seem to be using quoit quite a lot at the minute. It is just a funny word really - so oddly spelled, but also... you don't tend to hear it used very often. In fact, outside of school I can't remember ever hearing it. What even are quoits? Why aren't they called hoops?

WOO-HOO!
Do you remember the worm at the bottom of the garden and his name was Wiggly-Woo? Looking back through the eyes of an adult (don't ask which one) I'm now beginning to doubt that was in fact his birth name; was he an actor?

If he was using that as a stage name surely he'd get quite typecast? I may be over thinking this but would value your thoughts. 
A Geeky Girl
@1waytofindout​

I find it hypocritical that we, as humans, give animals names that are somehow representative of their characteristics. Wiggly-Woo for a worm or snake. Flappy Bird. Porky Pig... if humans did that they'd be accused of being racist, or ableist, or body-shaming. Think about it.

THREE QUESTIONS GLYN
1) You keep talking about doing a "supercut" of Found Footage without the Xenoxxx stuff. Will we also get a pure Xenoxxx one as well?

2) Lego: current trend is stickers over printed parts, this annoys me as I can't get the blessed things straight and it kind of devalues the piece to me.  Basically as it no longer has that generic look and now looks overly specialised.  What's your take?

3) Recently started Alien: Isolation and read your review from back in 2014.  You're accurate of course about it being an endurance test, oddly I quite welcome the change of pace as I've never played anything quite like it.  Other stealth games involve getting the drop on your opponent for a silent kill, this is just about hide and seek.  The scares are genuine, if you get into the right mindset. 

​The musical cues in it are amazing and really add to the tension and I adore the clunky tech (cassette futuristic?). Of course I enjoy it all the more because you can easily trade out Weyland Yutani for Xenoxxx.  Hmm Trojan Arse: Isolation, I can dream.
Glyn Heaviside

1) Well, you're unlikely to get any supercut any time soon, though if I did do one it'd be more a compilation of best bits rather than everything sans Xenoxxx. Having had a bit more headspace and breathing room, and no longer feeling I had to give maximum value to everyone who'd backed it, I'd cut the eps down to about 10-12 mins each. 

2) Yeah, I don't like stickers you have to put on yourself. Supposedly, it's more expensive to print them on, but it looks nicer if they're not all wonky. Precision work is not my speciality...

​3) I guess it's a love/hate thing for me with Isolation. I really appreciate what they did, and I guess it wouldn't have been so tense if the Alien hadn't been so invincible and deadly... but... it's an issue I have with narrative games in general. In other mediums, you're not forced to re-watch, or re-read, the same parts of the story over and over. Let's face it; there are two outcomes to a situation in a game... you either keep replaying a part until you succeed... or you give up. I'm not saying make games easier, but for me I appreciate a challenge which doesn't frustrate. 

I'm not a fan of Dark Souls, but I think that gets the balance right. It isn't pretending to be a film; it's very much proud to be a video game, and the frustration and repetition is almost the core gameplay mechanic. That's the whole point of it. For me, Isolation wanted to be a movie... but it was a movie where the projector kept jamming and playing certain scenes over and over and over and over...

NO-KNICKERS
Yesterday I was in the unfortunate position of having to hurriedly fit a microphone to a lady, and whilst having one hand down the front of her dress and the other up her skirt it became apparent that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Can you suggest a thing that this might be a good metaphor for, and also a good strong liquor to erase the memories/shame?

This isn't about games.
Chris Bullock 

Chris, for anybody who is unaware, was our sound recordist on The Trojan Arse Protocol. She's also working on We All Fall, a sort of sideways follow-up to Trojan Arse, for which I've given my blessing. And foolishly promised my rapidly diminishing free time...

Anyhow... in terms of that being a metaphor for something... let's say Brexit. Everything's a metaphor for Brexit these days.

​Strong liquor? Got to be absinthe. I once played a game of chess where the pieces on the board were shot glasses full of absinthe. By the end, I tried to take a shot and missed my mouth entirely, and poured it into my eye. That stung.

EVERYBODY HURTS
Have you ever suffered a gaming injury?
Love,
Dangleberries

Yes. I punched a sofa while playing Super Star Wars, having failed repeatedly at the Jawa Sandrawler level. However, I missed the foam cushion-y bit and hit the wooden frame, and very badly damaged the side of my hand.

THE SPACE BETWEEN TWO POINTS
How are you? Hope you're doing good. I saw you wanted letters for the letters page this week so here is one.

Firstly, thank you for mentioning my stupid bloody Youtube channel on that 25th anniversary special a few weeks back. That was very nice of you, and my friend Kevin was very jealous that I got a mention in Digitiser. I'm going to lord this over him for many years to demonstrate my apparent superiority. He knows his place.

All them little plugs you did also introduced me to the game Yorkshire Gubbins, which is delightful. The game's dev is a funny lady on that twitter thing. I probably should have checked out some of the other stuff from that day's Zombie Dave pages, but Im only capable of retaining so much new information.

Anyway, I should ask a question... erm... I know... many a game got quite the drubbing on Digi back in the day. Are there any you ever reassessed years later and decided they might have actually been good? I remember never being a fan of Super Mario 64 years back. All that 3D running in all directions was too much for me.

I liked my 3D platformers with minimal directional movement please. Now I think it's a grand game and as important as people say. That said, there was some real dreck back then wasn't there? Oh, also... best game from the years between old and new Digi, what was it?

Anyway, I just realised this letter will be quite long once it's put onto the website, especially for anyone using a mobile phone in the vertical orientation. Wow, just think. Years ago if someone wanted to read Digitiser on the move they'd need something as fancy as a caravan with a TV in it or something! How times change.

Anyway, looking forward to Digitiser The Show! Sorry for taking up so much of your time. Bye now! Bye! hope you have a nice day!
From Ant who should have sent in a letter years ago.

Hmm. There are certainly some games to which we gave a good review, presumably because we got caught up in the hype (we're only human), that I'd now reassess. Off the top of my head, we gave Final Fantasy VII a stellar score... but I actually found it really boring. It's one of those issues I sometimes struggle with when it comes to reviews... do you look at its importance and place in the grand scheme, or do you be honest about how it gels with your own tastes?

The best game released post-Digi has to be Half-Life 2, which came out in 2004. Also the same year, I loved Far Cry. Then there was Dead Rising in 2006, Portal and Super Mario Galaxy in 2007, GTA IV and Dead Space in 2008, Red Dead Redemption in 2010, Spec Ops: The Line and Journey in 2012, GTA V and The Last of Us in 2013... to name but a handful.

SNOW WAY
It’s snowing and I don’t like it. Please stop making it snow.

Also, please make it 9th March already, I’m getting cold waiting for your Kickstarter to arrive. I need the warm glow of retro goodness!
Zoë

I'm very disappointed in the snow we've had in London. We've barely ground to a halt at all. 

MORDEN LIFE IS RUBBISH
Went all the way across London for a funeral today. My last remaining aunt died and, being that she was what one typically refers to as a “character”, the tales at said funeral were appropriately hilarious. I don’t feel like sharing them here, though, and you may wonder why I even mention my battle against the elements to attend a funeral in the suitably terminal-sounding Morden in the first place then, and it’s for this reason:

It’s Thursday and the traditional cry has gone up about a lack of new letters for Friday’s page, and so at times like this I feel duty bound to send in something, even if it’s a drawing or a simple family bereavement, just to be nice. I’d talk about games, but I keep forgetting to play them.

Please, everyone, save me from myself. More letters about games and that pls. I won’t always have a dead relative I can use as an excuse.
CJJC​

At the risk of sounding crass... your loss is the letters page's gain. Sorry to hear about your aunt, CJJC. The last funeral I went to was for my grandfather-in-law, who had been an animator and worked on Yellow Submarine. There were lots of animators at the funeral, which was rather lovely.

​Talking of animation...

IF THE GLOVE FRITZ
Hello. For reasons which are quite complex, I have this cutting from the 28th July 1974 edition of The Times, which is a review of the film Fritz the Cat.

I thought you might like to see it.

Paul Dunning

An interesting little curio, but I do wonder why you had this...

BEST THING
Dear Mr Biffo, what is the best thing you've ever seen?
Andy Madin

I've given this more thought than it probably deserves. Appallingly, the first thing which came to mind - and for which I feel a little guilty, given that the individual involved probably had mental issues - was a strangely-dressed man on a bus, back in the late-80s, who I witnessed having a spasm, craning his head back, opening his mouth, and sticking his tongue into the air. Twice in succession.

Though bouncing my mother off a see-saw comes a close second.

We were on a family holiday and I thought it'd be funny to push the opposite end of the see-saw really hard, but my mother lost all balance, and toppled forwards, before falling off to the side - like a rag doll  For reasons that are too complex to get into, we'd gone on holiday in a borrowed Sunshine Variety Club bus - no, really - and we returned to the bus to nurse my mother's black eye. My sister and I lasted about five minutes before we erupted into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. My mother wasn't amused. 

Other than that, watching the sun set over Monument Valley, while coyotes howled in the distance. Oh, and my dad smashing his head onto a glass display case in the Kiev Holocaust museum in, making a very loud "Bwa-aaa-aaaang!" noise which reverberated throughout the otherwise sombre and reflective atmosphere.