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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

13/5/2016

2 Comments

 
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It's Friday. It's the end of another week. And here... sigh... is the highlight of that week: the Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page. 

Back when Digitiser was on Teletext, we'd get scores of letters and emails every single day.

​This week we had five, and one of those was from Carl Attrill. Inevitably, all of them have been published below, as it's rather hard to maintain quality control when you've foolishly committed to doing something every week, which relies on the input of you lazy proles.

Please... if you would like to be immortalised/insulted on this page, all you have to do is send your comments, opinions, and ask-me-anythings (questions) to this hole: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com 

​TIGHTS
I've supported this site on Patreon since about the beginning. £5 a month is pretty much what i would spend if I still bought gaming mags, so I send it to you instead and do my bit to make the internet a little bit better. If everyone did this then the internet would be 'even more bettered!' - so go do it, you lazy scabs!

The question(s) is/are: what sort of cut do Patreon/PayPal take from the initial donation, and with that do you have a preferred method of receiving the money for you, so you get the most money to take away? 'Cos I'd switch to supporting via PayPal if that was better for you. 

Hell, I'd be more than happy to set up a standing order direct to the Bank of Biff if cutting out the middle man meant more for the digi fund (I'm less sure how happy you'd be about making bank info available though!).

Maybe the differences are negligible either way, but I was just thinking that if the 'best' payment method could maybe net you an extra 5-10% from the existing supporters then I'm sure it's something that a lot of the supporters would be interested to know.
Bruce Flagpole
Firstly, thanking for your continued support, love. I say it every other week... but the fact so many of you are willing to support the site keeps me plugging on. I'm a lucky man.

​Anyhow. Patreon take something like a 5% commission, and we have to pay a degree of the credit card processing transaction... which is a similar 4 or 5%. Paypal take about 3% plus charge us about 22p per transaction. It's kind of negligible really in terms of which pays better. 

​Though PayPal may leave more money in our account, I ever-so-slightly prefer Patreon, because it's easier to keep track of, and communicate with everyone. Though I know it's more of a faff for donors than PayPal. So whatever is good for youse. But thank you for asking!
​LIGHTS
I recently bought a small beehive for my bedroom and managed to entice a lovely colony of bees to live in it after posting some fliers around the neighbourhood. Upon waking up one morning however, I found that the bees had decided to enshroud my testicles where they have remained for the past week.

I find this situation troubling, therefore I am writing to you, the famous John Biffo, for help. My question is this: pop balladeer Chutney Hawkes became famous for a hit song in the nineties, what was it called?

Of all the one hit wonder songs, this is the one and only that I can't recall. Likewise, I'm trying to remember the Charlatans' first big hit, I'm familiar with most of their songs but this is the only one I don't know.
Minglefingler
Did you confuse our email address with the one for Viz, Minglefinger?
BLIGHTS
If there's nothing like a dame then why hasn't the government do something about this obvious monopoly on female honours?

Nigel Cuss
Yeah, uh... we know video games are boring and stuff, but something vaguely on topic might be nice. Now press reveal for a brand new limerick by Edward Lear:
REVEAL:
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There once was a limerick by Lear,
It would give the reader no just cause to fear,
When held to the light,
There was no need for fright,
EDWARD LEAR EDWARD LEAR EDWARD LEAR-EY!!
   /

HEIGHTS
I recently lost my job. As in less than a week ago. On the face of it, this is the perfect opportunity to get some prime gaming done while not job hunting. But my wife gives me short shrift by saying gaming should be my absolute lowest priority. The reality is my priority is to find a new job pronto, but I'm not exactly going to abandon gaming either. 

I guess this newfound ability to prioritise is the mark of being an adult, rather than playing every waking hour. Oh man! 

Another trapping of modern life has overlapped nicely with gaming though, I exploited my Nectar card and the Bounts workout reward scheme for £22.50 towards the £30 needed to buy Yokai Watch on 3DS yesterday. Anyway, these jobs & games aren't going to show up/play themselves! 
Ian
Well, that was depressing.
I don't know about you but it has always struck that the colon is the most poorly treated symbol on keyboard.  I mean to actually have to press two keys to get one in it's full entirety.  It saddens me that the semi colon gets the 'all star' one finger treatment. Disgraceful.
Carl Attrill 
And where the hell have you been? Press reveal to find out what you've been up to:
REVEAL:
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MAN DIARY - FRIDAY 13th MAY 2016
It's Friday 13th today - the unluckiest day of the year. My bad luck started early this morning. I'd been having a fantastic dream in which I ate a giant marshmallow... buy when I woke up, my pillow was gone, and I'd had diarrhoea in the bed.

When I was washing the sheets, I leant a bit too far in the washing machine, and fell in side. I caught my foot on the door, and pulled it shut behind me, and the machine started of its own accord.

Round and round I went for what felt like hours. That would've been bad enough, but I was still having diarrhoea the whole time.


Where do the emails go? They go here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
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2 Comments
Carl Attrill
13/5/2016 09:33:57 pm

Thanks for publishing my letter and not revealing my real name. I am getting stopped in the street because of my celebrity status.

Reply
Dan link
15/5/2016 10:08:46 pm

My brother once dreamt he was chewing gum. When he woke up the Blu-Tac was missing from his shelf. His farts smelled of plasticine all week.

Reply



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