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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

6/10/2017

41 Comments

 
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Sunday. 9pm. It's the penultimate regular episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage. I think it's a good 'un. And - once again - is stuffed with surprising celeb cameos.

After this, you'll have one more regular episode, and then it's the big finale - The Trojan Arse Protocol...

And then I can get Digi2000 back to something approaching a normal schedule. Right. On with this week's letters.


If you would like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
FRRGN HRRRRRL
With Summer fast receding in the northern hemisphere, I thought I'd share a holiday memory of a Spanish lorry straight outta Carry On. Or an eloquent Zombie Dave.
Starbuck
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Is the lorry eating that blue car?
FUTURE CARS
With the announcement that Dyson are building an electric car as well as vacuum cleaners I wondered if you had any industry insights into what other manufacturers are going to be building, please?
Jabberwoc
Musk: anti-gravity coins.
Sugar: foaming Stuarts.
Sinclair: new-type pasta bake.

I'M LOVING IT
So - like everyone else I've been loving Found Footage. 

Manorak was particularly good as it showed me that rather than just watching another YouYube video, I was actually emotionally Invested! The scene where all those people claimed to be GJ and later the appearance of the man himself gave me shivers - no mean feat as I find it really hard to watch a YouTube video in the same way I would watch the telly (it's an age thing I reckon).

Doesn't mean I fully understand everything that's going on of course - I'm relying on Brannigan's Vortex to fill in the gaps - they're doing stirling work!

Bloody great though - itching to see the rest (or that may be the scurvy!)
Paddy​
Woah there, cowboy. Not everyone else loves Found Footage. The vast majority of people think it's too strange for them. Obviously, the majority of people are idiots, but... y'know. If you enjoyed Manorak, hopefully you're going to love the series finale...
DEAN'S EXTRAVAGANZA
“The game’s just getting started.”
Those were the last words the cowboy said to me.

I may as well just come right on out here and say it: I don’t like Microsoft. Anything about them; any of their pomps and works.

About 18 years ago I went to Las Vegas for the 1st time and I wound up playing in a poker game. When in Roma and all that… I found myself in the Stratosphere - the lowest rent dive on the strip!

I sat opposite a cliche wrought Texan in a 10 gallon hat and the name of the game was Texas Hold ‘em. I was doing rather well when he pulled out enough greenbacks to make Danger Mouse *squeak*, and bought in a towering pile of chips. I knew this guy’s game but for those unfamiliar with poker I’ll quickly explain:

If I have 1 chip and you have 10 then you can take advantage of your stronger position and bully away. There’s an old saying in poker that all you need is a chip and a chair. But please remember that it’s a game played by degenerate gamblers.

I had turned a nice profit and as this was a money game, I bid the cowboy farewell, same the dealer and walked away thinking how this shark in a shitkicker had paid for the steak I, very much like a vampire, was about to go and ‘get’.

Microsoft, with Bill’s dollar bills, could buy success in the console arena, and as Seamus Blackley had convinced Hell’s Gates that the future lay under the telly not on the desktop, they too bought in heavy. Yee-haw!

Modern gaming, for me at least, is bullet pointed by Microshafts greed, fumbling and the bluffs they nearly got away with… and some of the ones that they did.

Paying a subscription to play the game you bought on a machine you’ve paid for across an internet connection that you’re contracted for? Hell yeah! Muchas gracias, Señor Gates!

Downloading enormous update patches… I feel your pain, Biffo. Remember when the original Xbox came out sporting it’s little hard disc? I do, and I distinctly remember Microsoft saying how it wasn’t there to patch games - very strict quality control. Nothing to worry about…. How does Satan’s winky taste, Billy No Mates (Gates)?

Needing the foresight to preorder to avoid waiting or being scalped… you know, basically being organised and showing some resolve in order to play a game. Sounds priddy darn toodin’!

Okay, I can’t blame things selling out on MS…. But literally everything else!

Microsoft brought the HDD, the online subscription model, dodgy hardware, broken promises and outright lies… and the cherry on top of that big ole shitcake: THE KINECT.

They have shuttered some of the most talented studios in the country… the World actually. And when they showed their hand at the Xbox One reveal we all bore witness to their ultimate vision for gaming. *Parp*

They’ll achieve it too because… frog in boiling water.

As I got up to leave, I turned to him, looked him in his old reptilian eyes and, grinning as the words left my mouth, *quipped, “”.

*I wish I had something cool to fill those quotation marks with…. I can’t remember what I said, but suffice to say I was smiling when I said it so it was more than likely extraordinarily quick and cocky; Bond-like.

That felt lovely and cathartic… Like the sort of wind you break after a Sunday carvery with a pint of real ale… you know the ones…. like pulling warm silk from your anus.

I also think GAME need some time on the naughty step. 

Not the staff, I hasten to add, butt the company the company the company as a whole (arse). You’ll notice the entrepreneur / rogue / double-ended anus, Mike Ashley, in my collage - I was going to totally ‘put some manners’ on that and then thought, “ENOUGH!” You get the picture, though!

But gee *chirp*, get a load of this: when Nintendo do well it makes me happy! When MS screw up it makes me sprout wings and adorn the bonnet of the nearest Rolls Royce and strike the familiar pose of the Spirit of Ecstasy.
Not out of spite, either - out of a restored faith in mankind and that the bad guys don’t always win!

What’s your take?
DEAN *RIBBET*

TLDR.
LOST FOOTAGE
Dear Monsieur Bisto, shortly after watching Found Footage up to episode three (as that was the most recent at the time), I wanted more Digi vids in my eyes and brain, only to scroll though the channel and find everything apart from FF has gone! My question is what happened to them and will they ever return?

Keep up the great everything,

Your silent observer,
Finn Else.
Well... I didn't delete them, I simply hid them to make it easier to focus on Found Footage. In all honesty, I cringe at them a bit, because it was me trying to work out what to use YouTube for. Plus, they were never all that popular. I may bring them back at some point. I'll think about it.
DEAN'S SECOND EXTRAVAGANZA
You mentioned…er… a bit back… you know, back a bit, about how you were looking to incentivise Digitiser2000 by adding extra content, presumably behind a paywall and that you’d have more to say, presumably, after FF.

I’ve got an idea that I’m fairly certain would have already crossed your mind: FORUM.

I’m aware that there’s some history here but hear me out please. In my short time here, I’ve noticed an increase in message activity. Some really great characters have emerged (or have been there for ages… dunno) and counting myself as one of your regulars, I think it’d be great to build on that community.

I think it’d also be fun to have a forum swear jar:

Turn the air blue but every time you do, the cost of your following month’s contribution goes up by… 20p? At the end of every year the money gets given to charity - may I suggest the Donkey Sanctuary? Not only are donkeys really cute but they also are VERY VERY NICE and they, to my mind at least, are an appropriate cause for people that can’t help but make an ass out of themselves!

How about a fart jar? 

Working on the honour system, obvs, but what a lot of fun! The money raised via that pot could go to…. um….. er….. (F)arts in the community?

Okay, probably terrible ideas, I mean you’d need a bursar and all that faff but the forum idea could work, no?

What kind of things did you have in mind?
DEAN

PS - Leftover Turkey Goujons Recipe: Regarding the surplus footage from the series - Christmas Special? Last year's was a lot of fun and it would be remiss….​
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Oh! I'm not sure about hiding stuff behind a paywall. I mean, aside from anything else... that means doing more content, and I'm already at the upper limit of what one person can churn out. I'd rather that the stuff I offer publicly is as good as possible.

But... yeah, I do want to find a way to give people an extra incentive to back Digi - or, rather, my work as a whole. Frankly, the Patreon and Paypal donations have saved my skin on more than one occasion this year, for which I'm very grateful. 

I'm open to suggestions.

But!

A forum probably isn't something I'm going to do. Never say never - I mean, since Found Footage launched there seems to be a real community growing - but there's already a Digi sub-Reddit, Brannigan's Vortex on Facebook, and Twitter. To be totally honest, I've found it a real struggle the past month to keep up with it all - in addition to all that, I'm getting dozens of well-intentioned messages a day from people - while also trying to keep Digi afloat, and finish Found Footage. Chucking a forum into the mix would probably kill me. 

As for a Christmas Special... I had originally intended to do one for this year, but given that the episodes you've had are three times longer, and about ten times more ambitious, than I'd promised initially... you might've had your lot for this year. I hope nobody feels short-changed by that. And if you do, well, sod you.

I'm knackered, frankly, and once the series is finished we've got to start putting the DVD together, and fulfilling other backer rewards. Some of the unused footage WILL end up on the DVD though, along with other behind-the-scenes stuff. 

That's not to say I won't put a little something out for Christmas... but it won't be a full ep.
SO, YOU'RE OATS
I'm sure you have, but I was wondering if you'd seen the most recent Oats short "ADAM: The Mirror"? I somehow missed the first part but was extra amazed that you can download it and run it in real-time. It needs a pretty beefy graphics card but having my own computer generating the visuals in real-time feels very cool.

Have you ever inadvertently got sucked into playing an MMO or one of the other genres with increasingly silly acronyms? I'm not sure if it counts as one but I recently started playing Warframe and I don't think I've ever put 75 hours into any game, even including replaying my favourites.

​It's free-to-play but the total of £25 I've put in so far doesn't feel wasted, it feels more like helping contribute to keeping this thing I enjoy so much going in a similar way to a Patreon.

I really can't recommend it highly enough, I know it certainly won't be for everyone but being free and available on all platforms (but no Switch sadly, that'd be very interesting though) it feels like it doesn't get the attention it deserves.

Whether I play for 5 minutes or 5 hours I always feel like I've done something productive with my time and actually enjoyed it rather than trudging through out of a sense of obligation. I promise I don't work for the developers or anything like that either!

Loving Found Footage. Really looking forward to the rest and especially the finale, then rewatching so I can no doubt wonder how I missed the hints at the true nature of Xenoxxx and The Living Bum. The scenes in the hospital with the figure observing give me a similar uneasy feeling to the dream sequence from John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness, still what I consider to be the creepiest scene he has ever filmed with his nicotine-stained cameras.

I recommend uninstalling all games (except maybe Warframe) and playing Inside on the Xbox or PC instead, I'll keep recommending it too!
NickyDrinks.
I really like the Oats stuff. I thought Adam was the most boring thus far, though - as pretty as it looked - because it reminded me of a video game cut-scene. The shorts seem mostly about imagery and world-building, rather than telling a story and building character, but it's hard to fault the ambition.

The only MMO I ever got hooked on - apart from a brief flirtation with World of Warcraft - was some old MUD thing we used to play in the office at Teletext. Most of the players hated me, because apparently I didn't take it seriously enough.
CARE IN THE COMMUNITY
As much as I rather like the small, friendly community that has built up around Found Footage and wouldn’t like to taint that cordial atmosphere with too many ‘normal’ people showing up, it would be nice if the series could reach a slightly larger audience eventually.

​If only to take the financial strain off you a little! But how could you get it in front of the eyes of Amazon or Netflix subscribers, for example, without it being either one of those companies’ commissions or a viral sensation that gets picked up?

I haven’t made any enquiries myself, of course, but I did take a quick look at the Amazon Studios site to satisfy my curiosity. It appears from their FAQ that they do accept submissions of unsolicited material (with writers’ guild members skirting around the usual selection process). It doesn’t have to be in written form either; not only do they consider scripts and treatments, but finished videos too. Even if they have already debuted online elsewhere.

I guess you’ve probably already considered and investigated this, in which case, sorry for wasting your time with my waffle. But I thought this information was worth passing on to you anyway just on the off-chance it might be useful.

Thanks for all the great work so far. I’m looking forward, as always, to the next episode.
Matthew Long
I've a few ideas of what to do with FF after the series ends. I've stopped fretting about the audience dropping off, because I'm hopeful that people will find it in time. Plus, I'm really, really proud of it - more than anything else I've ever done - and that in itself is its own reward. 

I think that once the series is over, my intention with it will be more clear - and the Finale itself is its own sort of calling card, in that it shows that it isn't just rubbish-looking VCR stuff that I can do.


So, we'll see. There are all sorts of rights issues I'd have to sort out if FF went to somewhere like Amazon, plus I'm also quite keen to keep it in its YouTube home, and work on something new in a similar spirit. I have ideas!
EAR WE GO
This week, due to some inner ear problem, I seem to be experiencing all the side effects of using a VR headset bar one - giving a tech company a lot of money. So it’s spinning head, feeling queazy, an unable to stand up without swaying alarmingly. Hooray!

Anyway, the real reason is to say how much fun the extra Found Footage puzzles have been. I much enjoyed digging around in the Spectrum game/program - and I still intend to get it working on a real Spectrum (will be trying again when the spinning stops) if possible, and not relying on just an emulator. Any success will be trumpeted around Brannigan’s Vortex on Facebook, of course.

Anyway, looking forward to the next episode. I liked the last one - good fun to watch. The episodes are a bit like the growing sizes of the Harry Potter books, aren’t they though? The first was small, but the last one needed a wheel barrow, or a team of heavy horses, to lug it about.
Paul
If you're unaware, there's a whole other layer to Found Footage that has rather taken on a life of its own - puzzles and, as Paul says, an entire ZX Spectrum game. You can find more by following Goujon John on Twitter, heading to Brannigan's Vortex on Facebook, or by visiting the website of Goujon John and Xenoxxx Industries, or the Found Footage wiki page. 
STAY AWAY FROM MY CHINS
Good day. Can you settle an argument between me and an associate please? What did Michael Finnegan grow on his Chin again? Best,
Hapag Lloyd
Maggots.
DAVID IS TRYING TO KILL ME
​
It's almost exactly one year since Block Party 2016, where your wonderfully unexpected video kicked off Found Footage.

So, when the finale is out, and you've had time to recover mentally and financially, how about arranging a similar gathering for early 2018?

Though it's been fun following Found Footage online, the excitement and conspiracy theories with each new episode, the best thing has been meeting people in person. It would be great to catch up with everyone involved in less damp/lubricated conditions, and you might even meet some new talent for your next project.

The Cambridge Computer Museum seems the place for it. They are excellent hosts, have plenty of hands-on exhibits to amuse between scheduled events, and you can even show off some of the some filming locations. Invite the Teletext crew along, offer workshops for aspiring low-budget video makers, and it could easily fill a weekend.

You could call it Goujon Con.
David W
I would've loved to have organised something for early 2018 for the 25th anniversary of Digi... but realistically, I'm not up to the task right now. I'm looking forward to having some time to recover for a couple of months, enjoy Christmas, get the DVD done, and then early next year I'll look into doing something like this, as well as planning whatever follows on from Found Footage.

Basically, there aren't the hours in the day, or the money in my coffers, to do everything I'd like to do.

RADIO BORE
Next time can you go on an interesting radio station. Like Radio West, Radio Orwell or Saxon Radio? Radio 4 is just so square man. 

As Mr PSB is away in New Zealand scouting Worzel Gummidge Down Under locations for me, can I just put in the obligatory reference to bottoms and trains. Thank you.
Chinny Hill
Chinny is referring to an interview I did for Radio 4's The Film Programme, on the subject of being involved in - their words not mine - "the worst film of all time". I only put myself forward in the vain hope of being able to plug Found Footage. That didn't happen.

You can listen to it again online. Weirdly, the online version is slightly longer than the version that went out on t'radio.

50 Q's OF WHYTE
1. 
While I have some doubts about Alicia Vikander playing the role of Lara Croft, the new Tomb raider film looks quite good (so far) and to me presents one of the more convincing opportunities for a female-led action film franchise.

I sometimes wonder if people forget that the original Tomb Raider games were really good - for their time at least. The popularity of Lady Croft came to overshadow the games after a while and harmed them for a time. Can you think of any other examples of a game's main character becoming too popular?

2. What was your favourite 'point-and-click' adventure game and to what extent do you feel that Quantic Dream's games are the modern embodiment of them?

3. This might not be the place for it, but I'd like to praise Mr Glyn Heaviside for his tireless contributions to the Brannigan's Vortex group. From posting updates to checking my highly-questionable Russian translations, he is a big part of why the group is busier than ever. The success so far of Found Footage is also, in part, due to the effort he puts in to keep people involved in the story line.

4. After having had some time to play it, I feel that so far Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle is neck-and-neck in the running for my game of the year with Horizon. The game is remarkably challenging as it progresses but never feels unfair.

​Adding to this some superb art design, animation and music, which is augmented by some genuinely funny moments makes for a truly enjoyable experience. I cannot remember a combination that seems so unlikely turn out to be so successful and if this doesn't make Nintendo allow more outsourcing then nothing will. Have you tried it yet?
John Whyte
1. I've certainly not forgotten how much I loved the first couple of Tomb Raider games. I've also enjoyed the reboots, even if I don't get the fuss about the stories. But then... I'm similarly baffled by the way the new Wonder Woman movie is held up as the greatest ever example of a female cinema heroine. What about Sarah Connor or Ripley? At least neither of them ran around in a leather miniskirt, basque and kinky boots - you know: "for the dads".

And when poor old James Cameron says as much he gets vilified. Man, it drives me insane the way a narrative gets locked in, and if you dare to question it you get torn apart. Classic Emperor's New Clothes stuff. Have your own opinions, for pity's sake! Stop adopting a hive identity!

Sorry, what was the question again?

2. I really liked Broken Sword, but I've found the Quantic Dreams games to be a bit tedious.

​3. Yes, hat off to Glyn for his tireless enthusiasm and optimism.

​4. No, alas, haven't tried it yet. Once FF I done I shall be catching up with all this stuff. Once I have money again.
NOT EVEN TRYING
I'll admit, I'm rubbish at finding the hidden secrets in Found Footage. If I'm honest I'm not even trying really, I'm just watching it and enjoying it. Every episode, for me, had improved on the last.

​One question though, does the "Do you remember" segment take it's name through inspiration of the Marillion song "Kayleigh" ? . 

I've tried getting my Girlfriend and kids to film "I am Goujohn John" type clips to try and start a trend on Twitter a la Harlem Shake, so far they're not having it, but I'll keep working on them.  

Finally, is there any chance you could put a link to Digi's main page on your Twitter account again please? Hope this doesn't seem cheeky,
Monkey Head
For me, there are no real hidden secrets in FF. There's a bit of text that needs decoding, and whatnot, but it's just part of a story, and like a drama you don't get all the info up-front. Things happen in it which point to something bigger - stuff which many of the Xenoxxx conspiracy theorist seem to overlook - but it'll all be explained. I hope people are enjoying the mystery of Xenoxxx and Goujon John as much as the sillies.

And no - the Kayleigh thing hadn't even occurred to me! Oh well.

Also: the link to Digi is on my Twitter profile! I don't remember ever taking it off...
41 Comments
John Veness
6/10/2017 11:35:26 am

Regarding incentives for Patreon/PayPal backers, I'd liked the Q&A-style videos you used to do. I know they died a death (not enough questions being sent in?), but I liked the behind-the-scenes look into Digi and your wider creative efforts and life. It would be good to see them, or something similar, again.

Regarding The Film Programme, to be clear you only get the slightly longer version of the interview if you click the "Download" button. If you click the play button in the larger iPlayer image above, you'll get the shorter radio broadcast version.

I think the point is that the Download link is for their extended podcast version of the show. Also, the nice thing about the download/podcast version is that it is set to never expire, unlike the regular iPlayer version which will disappear after 30 days.

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Jol
6/10/2017 12:20:00 pm

I'm not sure a forum is needed - I quite like how discussions can develop around articles that have been posted. A forum would just open things up to random off-topicness and could end up dominated by a few more vocal members than the more free-for-all nature of the article comments.

Plus I'm lazy/busy and can somehow barely find the time to add comments and send in letters regularly; another outlet would just stretch the chatter from similarly lazy/busy visitors more thinly.

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Starbuck
6/10/2017 10:03:26 pm

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

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Chinnyhill
8/10/2017 09:44:02 am

Forums are old hat and usually end up with infighting and people flouncing off. Best left alone.

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Glyn
6/10/2017 01:34:54 pm

Lovely to be thought of and mentioned here. It's appreciated :)

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Glyn fan
6/10/2017 03:50:32 pm

Keep on rockin' in the free world (deciphering hidden Found Footage business) Glyn!

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David W
6/10/2017 10:10:44 pm

Found Footage is certainly a richer experience thanks to a small, hardcore group of conspiracy theorists.

OR ARE THEY PART OF THE CONSPIRACY?

Glyn
20/10/2017 11:13:24 am

I will, I can't stop. But as compulsions go at least it's appreciated!

Matthew Long
6/10/2017 11:09:45 pm

I just had a look at some of the sites/pages mentioned and I'm very impressed. The sheer volume of it all is a little overwhelming! But it's fascinating to read all this extra material and see how deeply people have been thinking about the show.

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Biscuits the character
6/10/2017 02:29:54 pm

"Blah blah family, blah blah Christmas", I think Mr Biffo missed the fact that the name 'Goujon Con' now exists, and thus this will now happen.

Word @ John Whyte re: Bigging up the Heaviman. From a purely selfish point of view his posts in BV liven up my work day immeasurably, and the way he has explored and expanded FF has deepened my appreciation of the show/game/project no end. To Glyn!

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Spiney O’Sullivan
6/10/2017 02:32:16 pm

@John Whyte:
I felt that the TR trailer looked a bit too clean and lacked the sheer terror and brutality that made Tomb Raider so good and made Lara stand out as such a good character. It’s the same way I felt about The Hunger Games movie: it failed to convey the utter nastiness that it should have. Battle Royale made you feel for the kids a lot more because the threat facing them was really heavy and unpleasant. Of course, maybe the trailer undersells it, but I’m not that hopeful. Also the secret society and “only you can save the world” stuff feels too grandiose, compared to the more focused and personal story of just trying to escape a terrible cursed island full of lunatics alive.

As for Wonder Woman, I’m a little conflicted on it. On the one had . I’ll agree on it not being the greatest female-led action film ever to hit cinemas (Aliens, obviously). WW wasn’t exactly that complex as a person, and there’s definitely a case of critics really wanting to like it (or fearing backlash) to the point of ignoring issues that would get other films panned. Even while watching it, I felt the whole thing kind of lost steam after the high point of the trenches scene (which was great, and exactly what I wanted to see).

But that said, I do think it’s of note as a film for one reason: it gives women the same dumb power fantasy thrill that men get from loads of action movies, while being shot in a way that, despite WW’s outfit, doesn’t totally objectify her as other action franchises might (no slowly panning cameras lingering on shots of her bending over like you might see in a Michael Bay film). If you’re a woman and just want a dumb power fantasy with a character who looks marginally more like you than Bruce Willis or Arnie does, Wonder Woman is your movie.

Also if you like point and clicks, play everything by Wadjet Eye. They’ve picked up where Telltale dropped the ball, but with their own IPs.

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Picston Shottle
6/10/2017 03:03:46 pm

DEAN’s idea for a fart “honesty” box would, at least from my anus, generate enough cash to remake FF in 3D and have Spielberg and Lucas as producers.

I play “arse roulette” now and again. Basically, I lose if I lose my nerve and have to get up and leave my reeking office for 10 mins while it airs out. I win if I stay put and brazen it out, and gain bonus points if anybody comes in to speak to me.

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RichardM
6/10/2017 04:38:40 pm

A brave man. I did an absolute paint-stripper of a fart earlier, so noxious that even I was almost overcome. Had to open the window and the door, people could’ve died.

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Windy Miller
6/10/2017 10:19:09 pm

Does anyone else sit down harder on the chair in polite company?

Hard seats are no good, and leather only masks the noise slightly, but fabric-covered expanded foams usually soften the peak of a pungent explosion.

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Picston Shottle
6/10/2017 11:00:34 pm

That's a good observation - foam/fabric seats do "deaden" the sound somewhat, but they also store the stink, which is expelled when you next sit down.

DEAN
7/10/2017 09:53:37 am

Bonus points for visitors! ><

I get pretty bad hay fever and that's no picnic in the summer! Imagine trying to hold in a writhing sack full of flatulence whilst sneezing. The 2 things don't even time themselves right; it's always ACHOOO..... parp.

I don't think somebody should be held accountable for one of them ones.

Stewart Lee talked about how men of a certain age often have a little fart at the end of a piss. I've found this to be true.

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RichardM
6/10/2017 04:37:35 pm

I was going to email in this week seeking a view on World of Warcraft, which was given anyway: no need to ever write in again, just let other people ask my questions.

WoW’s success seemed to distort all online games after it came out, Destiny and so on obviously being influenced by its success. I was going to say that I wish Blizzard would hurry up with the StarCraft MMO, but that’s never going to happen. Is it?

Anyway. A thought has occurred for next week’s letter. Stay tuned everyone!!!

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DEAN fan
6/10/2017 06:36:13 pm

I gotta say, reading DEAN's thoughts on a subject in his fragmented prose, then seeing his visual emotional response, is proving to be a real treat. Looking forward to next weeks

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DEAN
7/10/2017 09:55:31 am

Thankin' you!

But don't you ever, ever, EVER take me for granted like that ever again.

I'll see what I can do :O)

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Nikki
6/10/2017 09:12:04 pm

I think if there is a forum, it needs to be community run. A subedit seems ideal. Please Biffo, don't subject yourself to the horrors of running a forum again. We worry about you.

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Spiney O’Sullivan
6/10/2017 09:25:13 pm

I missed the Board of Biffo phase, and it sounds like that was no bad thing.

I actually quite like the comments here. Though I’d love an edit function so I don’t look illiterate whenever I post from my phone. Autocorrect is becoming my enemy. But I guess that isn’t possible without accounts, and that ruins the fun of the many one-off joke posts we get.

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PeskyFletch
7/10/2017 02:33:47 pm

Who could forget Simon?

Simon’s Mum
7/10/2017 02:52:54 pm

I try...

THX 1139
6/10/2017 09:44:20 pm

At least Wonder Woman didn't get her kit off like Sarah Connor in the original Terminator or strip down to tiny underwear like Ellen Ripley in Alien. She looks like a classical warrior, as she should.

Also, I really shouldn't watch FF before bed... getting some really weird dreams, like the transmissions in John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness...

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Spiney O’Sullivan
7/10/2017 02:55:47 am

Wonder Woman definitely avoided the “male gaze” that occurs in a lot of female-led action films, but I couldn’t really agree that her character was more interesting than the female leads of T2 or Aliens. They sort of almost did something interesting that defied the usual superhero simplicity, then just kind of blew it in the final fight scene. The third act as a whole was kind of messy and would probably have benefited from having the entire fight with Ares removed.

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THX 1139
8/10/2017 02:48:02 pm

The difference between Diana in WW and those Cameron heroines is that the Cameron heroines are ordinary women who become extraordinary when they endure in remarkable circumstances, and Diana is already an extraordinary woman from birth, so they had to make her personality grow in a different way.

They did that by making her realise humanity was worth saving even after the horrendous circumstances of a World War, which was why I seem to be in the minority of liking the ending, it's not often you get a big superhero battle that's more symbolic than realistic. The fact that there's another World War looming after the First made it surprisingly powerful for me, that Diana can hold onto her hope despite it all. I don't know if it's the best superhero movie ever, but it went further than Captain America and Iron Man having a consequence-free tiff.

But this polarisation of opinion into greatest vs worst is not good for the pop culture. A lot of things are fine. Another bad thing is the cultural appropriation theory that is a double edged sword: it's good that people are able to tell their own stories with their own experiences, but bad that it is breeding a lack of empathy when others not of that gender or race or origin are dismissed by saying they wouldn't understand because they're not female/non-white/gay etc. Nobody told Douglas Sirk that All That Heaven Allows was invalid because he wasn't a middle aged woman, but that seems to be applying to Cameron. At least he was trying, and Aliens and T2 are great movies. Dunno what happened with True Lies.

OK, I've rambled on too long, but another good thing about WW: it's an action movie and for a change no female character is kidnapped in it! Has to be a step in the right direction.

Spiney O’Sullivan
8/10/2017 04:45:45 pm

I do like the film a lot, I just felt like the final Ares fight let it down a bit. I liked the whole idea of her discovering she couldn’t stop war forever by killing some guy, but that was immediately cheapened by it being the wrong guy. I kind of would have preferred if the first guy had been Ares and she had to come to terms with humanity being imperfect but largely worth saving in a way that wasn’t a giant boss fight on a featureless wasteland that felt like a hangover to Zack Snyder’s work on the film.

I agree with you generally that it was overall a good film that did something a bit different that represents a step forward for women in action films, so I certainly don’t think it’s the worst thing ever. It’s easily the best film DC has turned out since this shambolic cinematic universe began, and legitimately fun in its own right. But it also isn’t totally free from critique as a movie just because it represents progress in movie-making (I’m obviously not saying that’s what you’re arguing).

Matthew Long
6/10/2017 10:40:45 pm

So Radio 4 thinks Pudsey is the worst film of all time? They clearly haven't watched as many rubbish movies as I have.

I have to agree with Mr Biffo's observation about James Cameron here. I was only talking about that with a friend this week. He expressed a perfectly reasonable opinion in a perfectly reasonable manner, but was torn to shreds because it differed from the general consensus. You don't have to agree with Cameron to think that was a bizarre reaction. I think we're going to get a lot of very dull interviews from filmmakers in the future, because they'll be too afraid to be honest in case they upset angry fans.

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THX 1139
6/10/2017 11:01:39 pm

It might just be people embarrassed they made Avatar the biggest movie of all time.

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Spiney O’Sullivan
7/10/2017 02:40:28 am

I stand by my view that despite sounding like a disillusioning experience for Biffo, Pudsey is a perfectly alright and largely inoffensive British children’s movie, like an extended episode of something off CITV. It has a few cringey bits, but also a couple of genuine laughs, which was more than I expected.

It is not The Room, Troll 2, or Skyscraper. Though it’s possible that Radio 4 wouldn’t have seen those as the average Archers listener would likely have a heart attack during them.

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Wrist Flapper
7/10/2017 05:29:29 pm

Birdemic. That is all.

Spiney O’Sullivan
7/10/2017 06:46:25 pm

This is interesting! I had always assumed that Birdemic was another ironic “can you believe we’re doing this?” Asylum production (Megashark vs Octopus vs other big anima or whatever), but a bit of googling suggests that it’s the best kind of bad film: the kind made with absolute sincerity by one man with a delusions vision. That’s what separates the Miami Connections of the world from the cynical Sharknado 4s.

Spiney O’Sullivan
7/10/2017 06:47:32 pm

Dammit Autocorrect. I have to stop posting from my phone.

Matthew Long
7/10/2017 06:55:56 pm

Manos the Hands of Fate takes some beating.

Mr Brown
6/10/2017 11:20:01 pm

Brown mirror, steering a bit close to that tenuous Brooker link hmm? After some publicity hmm? Good idea

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Barry Crocker
7/10/2017 12:08:23 am

Not familiar with jokes, eh? That’s a damn shame.

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DEAN
7/10/2017 10:24:33 am

Thanks for publishing both my denunciation and my inquisition, Mr B!

I take your point about the forum and indeed the thoughts and opinions of the gentle folk on here. It would take up more of your sweet time and yeah... cool.

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Jenny
7/10/2017 07:29:47 pm

The worst film ever is, in fact, Shark in Venice.

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Gaming Mill link
8/10/2017 02:11:59 pm

I'd suggest not having a forum - from past experience they seem to bring the horrid to the forefront...there will always be a clique that think they're unique and they always, ALWAYS turn out to be quite dreadful, spiteful and nasty people.

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Matthew Long
8/10/2017 07:01:28 pm

I agree 100%.

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Mr. Bastard
8/10/2017 11:55:46 pm

They're all right you know, I'd definitely be a right twat if there was a forum.k

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