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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

4/8/2017

33 Comments

 
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In just over a month, Mr Biffo's Found Footage arrives on YouTube. Mark the evening of Sunday 10th September in your space calendars. Reign in all expectations. Tell yourself it'll probably be rubbish. Then you might be surprised... WHEN IT'S EVEN WORSE!!!!

The bit I'm really looking forward to (sarcasm) - which I hadn't even considered until right now (and my entire body groaned WHEN I DID) - is when loads of amateur comedy experts start analysing it and telling me everything that I should've done differently, point out all the wasted opportunities, the predictable bits, the bits that are ripped off from elsewhere, state that it's just randomness for the sake of it, and ignore its relatively minuscule budget and tiny creative team, instead of accepting that it's not for them and moving on.

Basically, if these people stay away, and the rest of us brace for disappointment, it'll be fine.

Hey: foolishly, I'm going to try to go away soon, what with not having had a family holiday for two years or had any real time off since... whenever. Thus, it'd be really lovely if you could get your letters in early for next week's Friday Letters page.

If you would like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your kind and sweaty emails early to this place here: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com
SHIRT ALERT
I think I may of written a letter to you back in the day when you was on the telly box. Then again, that might of not have actually happened. Things are a bit fuzzy now days, getting on and all.

Anyway, I was in that large supermarket last weekend wearing one of your Mr T t-shirts when this rather attractive young lady person came up to me, waking me from my forlorn curmudgeon hole. 

Her: "Hi I like your T-shirt! What is it?".

Me: "Er, um Mr T, um Digitiser...::mutter"

Her: "Oh... I thought it was something cool"

Whereupon I schooled her on her mistake and the rich tapestry and history of Digi, she walked away suitably impressed. Ok I may of not done that and she may of just walked away. 

Still an attractive girl impressed enough by your Mr T t-shirt to start a conversation (that I deftly shot down) with some grumpy git! 

That's it really...um.

What's going on with retro gaming now days? Prices have gone mental. You reckon that bubble will burst? I'd quite like Rondo of blood on the PC Engine. I'm not paying that money, crikey.

Keep up the good work!
Phil
That's a real nice story about the t-shirt. We don't really want to be cool do we? Anybody with a concept of cool is an idiot. Including that person who spoke to you.

I know nothing of retro game prices. But I suppose that the price of old stuff is only going to go up as time wears on. Plus, there's an actual, proper, retro gaming market now. They can afford to price it higher, given the increase in demand. The ruddy scalpers...!
THE DEANO
Are games art, and should we refer to the medium that they arrive on as Artridges?

Yeah? Cool!

Whoa, whoa, whoa - cool your jets! I’ve got some pseudo intellectual wankery to get through first. If you need the toilet then please go now - we’ve a long road ahead…

First off, who gives a shit? Well, I’ve been playing lots of arty games on my Playstation:

The Unfinished Swan
Journey
Abzu
Everything
What Remains of Edith Finch


To name but 5 (Biffo nod).

All of those games sort of have stuff in common, to wit:

They are interactive experiences that take you on a philosophical / spiritual journey. They’re beautiful, often surreal and calling them toys, or even games for that matter, really doesn’t define the experience.

That’s great then!

When I was growing up, my parents regarded my gaming as something to be ashamed of. They didn’t understand. I tried to explain to them that I found watching the telly or reading books very tedious, because my mind would too readily wander off, whereas games could hold my fickle attention. They still didn’t get it.

I’m a parent now and both of my children enjoy playing video games. Obviously I don’t object but what’s interesting is that so many of their friends’ parents really do. They have school night bans… but not on books or Netflix. Interesting isn’t it? That those things would be held in such higher regard? 

No? Oh…

When I was very young, I was completely blown away by a Dali poster that my brother had. It looked like a dream… it changed the way I looked at art from that point on and blah blah blah…. What if I had watched him play one of those games I’d listed? Something my hyperactive young mind could have been even more wholly submerged in?

Games back then were like cave paintings by todays standards, but some really shone and - like the Dali - affected me deeply. Without them my youth would have been deprived of that, being lost in a different universe feeling that books and movies do for so many. And yet I’m told that my jam is a bit rubbish. Folly for a waster.

I’m a big fan of modern art and I likes Jeff Koons.

Koons is particularly relevant here because there are many who take a dim view of his brightly coloured balloon animals - are they art or not? Off-colour remarks about them just being gaudy trinkets for oligarchs to stuff bundles of cash up, like shat pants into a Zanussi. Again I disagree - art happens in the mind of the viewer - and besides, the balloon animals have a mirror finish and when you view them as was intended, in real life, they’re interactive. I mean, all art is, right?

To my mind, video games continue to plot the upward trajectory that art is on, and I would suggest that the omega point is when we can indulge in Holodeck-like experiences. Super Mario Bros is far closer to that endgame than the Mona Lisa.

Just toys? Yeah, that’s right - just like Van Gogh’s Sunflowers is a really nice painting of some flowers.

I’m very interested to hear your thoughts and from anyone who may be interested! 

I also made a collage.
DEAN
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Yeah, I'm with you, Deanington. There's something achingly snobby about "art", and it always grates on me. Somebody can fart a load of paint over a drum - an act which takes them all of five seconds - yet if it's labelled "art" then it'll be given greater weight and importance than - say - an Indie game which has taken somebody two years to make. I don't hate "art", but I hate that attitude.

Likewise, how playing games or reading stuff online or watching telly is considered worse than staring at a book. How? How is this so? Aren't books just the predecessors to games? Aren't they just a less-interactive fantasy? Another screen, essentially? People have just been brainwashed into thinking that certain types of thing are better for us than other types of thing.

Reading comics, playing video games, and watching as much trashy TV as I did as a kid made me into who I am. Although, admittedly, that's not the greatest endorsement of these activities...
BIRD POO CITY LIMITS
​
A pigeon pooed all over me last week while I was on my way to work.  It wasn't a single splat, either, I was covered in the stuff.

Some 40 miles from home, I had no alternative but to make various detours in an attempt to clean myself up - Superdrug, the train station toilets, then to Next to buy a new shirt. 

The shop assistants were very professional and pretended not to notice, although I wish the young woman in Superdrug hadn't taken me through the process of trying to sign me up to the loyalty card scheme and telling me about the various discount fragrances. Perhaps she thought I'd be more likely to make an impulse purchase of the latter, given the circumstances. 

I opted to tell my work colleagues the truth as I couldn't be bothered to make up an alternative excuse to account for my tardiness and dishevelled appearance, and I got through the day by keeping my distance from absolutely everyone.

It never occurred to me to publicise this story more widely, but as poo seems to be a topic of interest to Digi2000 readers, I thought I'd share it.
Rik

PS. I kept the poo shirt and tried to save it with stain remover, but I don't think it worked. 
Press reveal to see what the pigeon has to say.
REVEAL:
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SHIRT STORY 2
I'm currently in a caravan in North Wales with the kids and wearing my prized Zombie Dave t-shirt. I keep hoping I'll get a knowing look from another Digi follower. I've yet to see another Digi t-shirt on anyone else but if I do I'll be sure to give them a knowing look myself. Or - if they look approachable - I might even give them a nod. Just throwing it out there.

Found Footage is looking great btw. Can't wait till see it in it's finished glory, even if I suspect I'll feel bewildered for at least some of it.
Monkey Head
I hope you feel bewildered for most of it. There are no jokes! Incidentally, my favourite Digi shirt is one we never made available; it just says "PRESS REVEAL" in a teletext font. I wear it a lot. To date I have had this many people ask me about it: one (my dad). I live in hope that somebody is going to come up and press my chest, giving me the excuse to lift up my shirt and wobble my hairy fat at them.
DIS' DISS?
What do you make of the - slightly out of date - news that Disney are *this moment* building Star Wars themed lands in their US theme parks, one with a fully immersive Star Wars hotel?

I imagine I'm not alone in thinking that, although I very much like the principle of a Star Wars hotel ("100% immersive" and  with "secret missions"), I might not be able to suspend belief and/or shame sufficiently to make it worth doing... Or at least until I was out last weekend and some of the 501st Legion were wandering around the park - https://www.501st.com/ - and a Snowtrooper scared the shit out of my 2 year old by waving at her. Maybe it would be fun after all.
Richard Morrison
I am, of course, ridiculously excited. I'm a bit annoyed that they're basing it on a new planet - why not one of the existing ones? But never mind. And yes: my excitement is as high for the immersive hotel. The Star Wars Secret Cinema thing I went to a couple of years ago was brilliant, but I kept saying how much better it would've been with a Disney budget. Discard your shame!

Talking of budget: all of this is tempered by the knowledge that I'll have to sell three of my legs in order to afford a visit. I sort of hope they'll bring it to Paris... but even there is eye-wateringly pricey.
REAL GOOD JOKE
Here’s my joke that I adapted from one on the wall of a burger restaurant in Legoland.
 
Q: What is a pirate’s favourite subject at school?
A: Pirate Studies
 
Hope your bum (mum) is feeling better.
 
Regards,
Chris Dyson
That's a real good joke! Nobody likes my jokes on Twitter anymore. Press reveal to see the funniest pirate joke of all time.
REVEAL:
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THE SWITCHES OF EASTWICK
Howdy!

I wasn't planning on writing in this week, largely because I've been rather busy doing my job, but you appealed on Twitter and I need a break from the relentless torrent of cow poop I call a career. 

You know what the worst things in the world are? Architects and bad communicators. Put the two together and you've basically got the workplace equivalent of a Souls game. You never know what's around the corner but you can be certain it'll annoy you and kick you back to where you started.

I could spend the rest of this letter moaning about architects but that'd make for even duller reading than the dross I've written in the past, so I'll go back to games.

I generally don't get on with Souls games, despite trying several times. I recently 'invested' about 20hrs of my life into the PS4 release of DS2 and have concluded that it's as rubbish as all the others. But it was just £8.99 on the PSN, which meant it was reasonably priced and I could buy it at work and play it when I got home. Then I wouldn't have to bother with waiting on a delivery or going into CEX and losing the will to live upon seeing the massive queue of unwashed students.

Digital sales are on one hand great; you can get some good stuff at a good price, and the convenience is very appealing. On the other hand, I do end up buying an awful lot of guff, including dozens of Steam/GOG.com games that I may never play.

When some legendary PC title that even my crappy 6-year-old laptop can run easily is going for £1.50 it's very tempting to buy it for that rainy day that never comes. Do you have the same issue, good sir? What about the good citizens of the Digiverse (Digizens? no, that'll never catch on).

Have a nice day!
Jol
I've not bought a game in a couple of months, due to the relentlessness of Found Footage - I've still a bunch left over from Spring that I've not even touched. I'm hoping to take my Switch away with me on holiday and get some gaming in that way. So, in short, no. No, I do not have that problem... currently.
THE SWITCHES OF EASTWICK 2
You wrote about the Nintendo Switch when it first hit the streets, and you liked it, but there were questions about the software line up, and possibly its longevity (IIRC).

I know that FF has consumed much of your time, but has your opinion on the console changed since then? It's currently being advertised heavily as a way to bring a family barbecue to heel, but for me a games console is still a fairly solitary pass time, so I doubt I'd take a Switch to a party.

Still keeping my eye on this one as a potential purchase.
Paul.
It hasn't changed, but I admit that I've taken my eye off the ball a bit. As I say, I'm taking it away with me, and I'll likely stick some "party" games on there... but mostly I'm just looking forward to playing some of them sweeeeet single-player games.
50 (5) SHADES (QUESTIONS) OF GREY (WHYTE)
1. What is your favourite in-game weapon?

2. Do you have any examples of games where you simply haven't 'gotten' the reasons for their popularity? By way of example, I enjoyed Dark Souls well enough, despite thinking that they were too difficult to be enjoyed fully ( I did manage to complete DS & Bloodborne) but if I am being honest I don't understand what makes them so highly-regarded. Do you have any games that fit into the same category?

3. While it is fair to say that most of their classic games do not play very well today (with exceptions), do you think that Atari's contribution to computer games culture and history is not as prominent or well-known as it should be? I feel that Nintendo are almost thought of as the inventors of computer games now due to their arguably unmatched duration of quality games. Obviously Nintendo's contribution is stronger, but I'd argue that no company has been more influential than Atari.

4. What is your opinion of mobile phone games? Are they something that you play often and how do you see them developing in the future?

5. Not every FPS does it, I know, but I am fatigued by too many of them still using the System/Bioshock model if recordings/audio journals to tell the story. I prefer to actually meet the characters and while it does work sometimes, I think that it is rapidly becoming a cliche of the genre.
John Whyte
1. Uhh... I'm not sure. Let's say... Gordon Freeman's crowbar and gravity gun.
2. Oh yeah. Destiny and Dark Souls being the big ones. I'm afraid that they rather expose my casual gamer leanings.
3. I think it's inevitable, given the way that Atari went tits-up, that they're not really given credit. Also, most early Atari games haven't exactly aged well. 
4. At the moment, I play more mobile games than anything else. And never any of the good ones - just really rubbish ones, like Word Soup.
5. Yeah, I sort of hate journals in RPGs and shooters. It has become a trope/cliche, but - personally - I think it's bad storytelling. The old adage "Show don't tell" tends to get ignored by many game designers, who seem to have a pathological urge to explain all the backstory via reams of text.
POO'EM
I was very excited to hear about the Found Footage Finale, and have written a poem about it. Unfortunately it has come out a bit crap and reads as though I'm taking the mickey, which I'm not. Here it is.

Mr Biffo has a project
It's the toughest he's had yet
It's a science fiction feature film 
He's funded on the 'net.

Mr Biffo's written out a script 
That's what he does, you know.
Even better than EastEnders
(though that sets the bar quite low)

Mr Biffo has a schedule
He claims that it's quite tight,
He's working very hard though
So it's going to be all right

He'll put it onto Youtube
For all of us to see,
He'll do the very best he can,
So give him some money you cheapskate b******s.

Best regards,
Collo Caution
Huuuuuunh?! That actually scanned and rhymed. Hey - just over one month until Found Footage arrives, everyone! It's getting a bit real. Oh god... They're all going to take it far too seriously, and get offended when they don't like it aren't they?
GAMING MILL'S SHEEP
I used to live in a village called Long Marston. It was a small place; one little post office, one local pub. That sort of thing.

When I was 15 I got chatting to a regularly drunk farmer called Michael in the pub, which like most rural pubs in England at the time seemed to actively encourage underage drinking, and he explained that he had to go about 9-ish because of his sheep. It was lambing season and the pregnant sheep out in the field had to be brought into the barn to stop any foxes snatching any newly-born lambs.

I started enquiring about this and actually found it quite interesting, so much so in fact that Michael offered me some work that night:

“You can come along if you want? I can’t pay you any cash but I’ll pay you in scotch. One scotch per lamb!”

I realised that if I had cash it would only go on booze anyway so it sounded like a workable deal to my teenaged mind. Off we walked to the nearby farm.

It was weird, the whole lambing process. I won’t bore you with the details but all the disgusting aspects that I would’ve normally shunned just disappeared once Michael showed me the ropes. It truly was a remarkable and beautiful thing to be involved with so I had no trouble getting my hands stuck in, so to speak. Each lamb that was delivered, whether by Michael or myself, meant going to the washroom, washing our hands with washing powder (“I lost the soap,” Michael explained) and water then downing a couple of fingers of scotch. This was the life.

By sunrise my job was done and I was a master of delivering lambs. Twins? No problem. Breach birth? Piece of cake. Lamb not breathing? Clean its nose with straw and blow up its nose.

“Up for it tomorrow evening? Same deal?” Michael cheerily enquired once we’d finished.

“Sure!” I said. Working AND getting pissed at the same time seemed a fairly blissful state to me at that time.

I met Michael the next day in the Mason’s Arms, had a quick pint of Heineken, then off to the farm. It all carried on just as in the previous night. Lamb… scotch. Lamb… scotch. Lamb… scotch.

Then it happened.

“Fucking hell! Mich…Michael! Look at this!” I said with real fear, pointing at the lamb I’d just help deliver – what I had just seen was like something out of an horror film.

It was a cyclops lamb. Not just a deformed lamb with one eye on the side of its head but an eye dead in the centre of its forehead.

It emitted a pathetic bleat. “Blaaarh,” it said.

“Just kill it” said Michael, without even bothering to look at it again. Obviously his fifty-plus years in the farming game had made him bear witness to similar horrors along the way.

“How?” I said like a coward, feeling that perhaps a bleat from me would’ve been more appropriate.

“With this”, he said, handing me a shovel.

Now, not wanting to look soft or an idiot or what have you, especially not in front of Michael, and especially not now that I was a real farmer, I held the shovel aloft in both hands with the handle almost draping down my back as I steadied myself ready to deliver the fatal blow.

“No! Not like that!” said Michael as he snatched the shovel from me, placed the blade over the poor wretch’s neck and stamped on the blade, decapitating Cyclops Lamb and ending its short and sorry life.
I looked on in horror at the lifeless head for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t like this job any more and told Michael so.

“Fair enough, it’s not for everyone,” he said somewhat understandingly. I walked off for my scotch and last hand wash.

Just before I left I looked back briefly at the lamb; its mother was still trying to clean it.

On the plus side, I've got surgery coming up soon on my knackered ankle so I won't be in so much pain any more... hopefully.

Soon to be fit and strong again (with luck) and that is all.
​Gaming Mill
When I was a kid, my family and I were on holiday, and we stopped in a field for a picnic. I wandered off and found a barn, and there was a dead sheep in it. I appreciate that if my life was a movie, this would constitute a flashback in the mind of a serial killer. Good luck with the operation, Gaming Mill!
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Glyn Heaviside asks:

Remember Adventure on the Atari 2600?  There's a guy who's made a multi-player version and needs some help.  Any Digi readers interested? Go here:
 head-to-head-atari-adventure
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33 Comments
ZoddyZod
4/8/2017 12:11:01 pm

When you release Found Footage, turn off youtube comments for the sake of your own sanity.

Reply
Mr Biffo
4/8/2017 12:21:10 pm

Yeah, I'm thinking about doing that.

Reply
Matthew Long
5/8/2017 05:28:00 pm

Definitely disable the comments. There's something about comedy that really makes people's blood boil if it isn't to their taste, and you don't see it with any other artform. Some years ago I watched Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy on Channel 4's YouTube channel. I know that series was polarising - I liked it! - but I'd never watched a YouTube video with so many dislikes and so much hateful criticism before. I couldn't understand it at all. If you don't like the thing, fair enough, but why all the vicious rage? He's just trying to make you laugh. If you don't find it funny move on and find something else that does entertain you instead of hammering insults into your keyboard.

David W
5/8/2017 07:37:04 pm

I'm not sure if you should disable comments. Perhaps leave them on, because some will be appreciative or constructive. Try to ignore the rest, while enjoying free publicity from people who think that drawing more attention to something makes it go away.

I would understand if you turned them off, because though the vitriol is unlikely reach Pudsey proportions, you are far more personally invested in this.

Still, what does some transient, unfiltered rage matter when the people who paid for it are happy?

Mr Biffo
5/8/2017 08:18:08 pm

I'm leaving them on. I just had a "moment" yesterday. I don't mind people hating the series - I fully expect them to. In fact, I want them to...! It just suddenly realised how much I hate that sort of chin-stroking negativity which gets dressed up as comedy "analysis".

RichardM
4/8/2017 12:19:15 pm

Just don't bother reading the comments on YouTube, they're all a bunch of arseholes anyway.

As for Gaming Mill's letter.. Wow. That was bleat (bleak).

Reply
Chris
4/8/2017 12:35:24 pm

I should wear my Mr T-Shirt out in public more often. I never realised it was such a babe-magnet!

Reply
Hamptonoid
21/8/2017 01:10:52 pm

Well played Phil, you handled that situation brilliantly.

Reply
David W
4/8/2017 12:39:12 pm

Once MrPSB starts his Found Footage criticism, you'll barely notice the amateurs.

Actually, has anyone seen him lately? I was surprised by his absence from SECRET FILMING LOCATION.

Reply
Biscuits the character
4/8/2017 12:44:04 pm

GamingMill's letter was amazing! For real!

DEAN's letter raises some salient points. To me once someone declares something as art, that's what it is, and if someone else actually gets upset because they read a perceived-importance and a haughty attitude behind the word 'art' then that's because they are this silly: well silly. Are games art? Does Edith Finch provoke a deeper response than The Emoji Movie?

I have to disagree with the Biffman's thoughts on reading though, I definitely notice a difference in terms of my capacity for 'elastic' thinking when I'm reading more.

I'm going to read GamingMill's harrowing letter again

Reply
DEAN
4/8/2017 07:07:14 pm

Cheers Biscuits - have you ever played a game and been so engrossed by it for so long that the real world feels all fucked up?

Worst thing that ever happened to me playing games was after I'd had a daylong session playing Zelda: Link's Awakening on the Gameboy.
That night, as I was brushing my teeth before bed, I swear I could hear music from the game. Like, not just think I could hear it, I really could hear it. This was impossible as the Gameboy was switched off and in another room... but man, it was real to me. It went away fairly quickly but freaked me out a bit. I was mildly worried I had some kind of neurological disorder or psychosis and read up on it a little. I think what I experienced was an auditory hallucination.

Books can't do that!

Reply
Rik link
4/8/2017 01:35:13 pm

Bloody pigeons. I thought getting hit by bird poo was a once in a lifetime type experience, and having been on the receiving end of some gull crap when I was a teenager I thought that would be it. Still, if it gets me an amusingly insulting teletext image in return, I guess it was worth it.

Jol - the low price of GOG games that will run on my laptop does tempt me to buy them but it also seems to obscure the fact that although they may be cheap they aren't any shorter or easier than they were when they cost £40. Am I really going to play Privateer 2 or Bioforge in the living room with the telly on in the background?

Reply
Col
4/8/2017 02:07:36 pm

I think you should sell Digi underpants with "press reveal"on the front. Top Christmas present 2017 right there.

Reply
Monkey Head
4/8/2017 11:00:12 pm

Seconded

Reply
Mrtankthreat
4/8/2017 02:23:20 pm

Are games art? Is art art? Are toys games or is art toys? Just eat the damn orange (ie. play the fecking things and stop worrying about it).

Reply
Ace of Bass Face Place
4/8/2017 02:59:08 pm

But it's fun to consider such arbitrary fiddle faddle

Reply
DEAN
4/8/2017 07:30:01 pm

Mrtankthreat, you know as well as I do that only eating oranges and never stopping to consider them would have left us as little more than apes.... with the shits.

I totally get that talking about games and art together is not going to be for everyone - I hesitated to send it for that very reason but what would you like me to write a letter about next time I do? Pick anything you like, and if I can, I will! :O)

Reply
Mrtankthreat
4/8/2017 09:26:43 pm

I appreciate that you sent the letter. You aired your opinion on something and that gave me a chance to air my opinion on it.

I enjoy talking about art as much as the next guy. I just talk about it differently. I enjoy talking about how, to me, considering what is art is pretentious nonsense and gets in the way of both enjoyment and more serious discussions. It's an opinion that still required consideration to arrive at.

Some people think art is important. I think think it's more important to point out that it's not.


DEAN
5/8/2017 01:12:26 am

Well when you put it like that.... fair enough!
Did you at least like the collage?

Mrtankthreat
5/8/2017 03:52:34 am

One of the things I don't like about "art" is the idea that it has to "say something". To kind of use your example, to me Van Gogh's Sunflowers is just a pretty picture of some flowers. To read anymore into it would be to do it a disservice in my mind.

I write songs but I've pretty much given up writing lyrics. Even the lyrics I've written in the past that are "about" something, I just don't care and my intention was never for anyone else to care either. People who want to know or, even worse, think they know, annoy the crap out of me. I write songs that I hope sound good, not to say something. The lyrics are really only there because the vocal style suits the song. I can count on one hand with two severed fingers the amount of songs where, when I found out what the lyrics were about it increased my enjoyment of the song.

Anyway, my assumption was that you feel differently, that art should try and say something and so I thought maybe that's what you were going for with the collage and so I didn't like it. When I just looked at it as a pretty picture though, I thought yeah it's nice. Maybe a bit busy for my taste but certainly the technical expertise that went into it I like and there's a definite style about it. Very modern. The rainbow spectrum blocks are definitely a highlight. Sorry that went a bit long winded there and was possibly a bit pretentious so I've probably just contradicted myself.

DEAN
5/8/2017 10:54:12 am

Interesting points, Mr!

Sunflowers is a great example, you're right. Another poster on here, Monkey Head, remarked how they preferred more photorealistic art. Personally I don't but different strokes....

Did you ever play the 2D Mario game on the Wii U? There's a level in that which gives Van Gogh a nod. It's a spooky level and that extra element is both charming and atmospheric.
Take a ganders for yourself:
http://images.eurogamer.net/2012/articles//a/1/5/3/9/5/8/3/2.png

My point is that the artistic style, expression, is what we love about their work. The end result may be just a pretty picture but if you start trying to understand what makes it so pretty... that's you're leaping off point right there.

It's the same reason why we might say that someone has a way with words. Some people are better at telling jokes than others...

Now, you can totally just enjoy these things at face value - they have to be able to stand up to that! But if, you're like me, you can't help but try and understand them...

Okay, so you write songs. We've got some great common ground here! I have written scores of songs... well, I say songs.... I have written scores of accompanying music for songs. I was always about the chords and how the music made me feel and left the melody and lyrics to the singer. Like you, I wasn't too fussed about lyrics but I get that most people that listen to and enjoy music are.

Now I'm older, I've noticed that I listen to and think about the words a lot more than I used to. My favourite song at the moment is Wish You Were Here and it's in no small part down to the lyrics.

So, you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain

I'm sorry to do this but maybe if we compare experiences than we'll both take something cool and interesting away from this...

So yeah, the first thing that strikes me is how you're expecting him to say blue skies from rain. And then how, on reflection, you're wrong and the words are right as they are.
It's cool, yeah? It's a great song!

Okay, now imagine if the words weren't written by someone who gave two shits about decent lyrics. Wouldn't matter how cool the music was, it'd still suck as an experience.
I used to like Megadeth until I stopped and listened to what Dave Mustaine was actually saying!
And, yeah, I love Guns N Roses but whenever I hear Axl say, what's so civil about war anyway, on Civil War, I fucking die a little bit.

Thanks for taking the time to have another look at the collage!

Guitar or piano?

DEAN
5/8/2017 12:25:19 pm

I just thought of this and had to share it with you - it concerns this:

"I can count on one hand with two severed fingers the amount of songs where, when I found out what the lyrics were about it increased my enjoyment of the song."

Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It’s about a girl who is very vulnerable. She’s been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who’s really sensitive…
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… Time out Greenbay. Tell that fucking bullshit to the tourists. ‘Like a Virgin’ is not about this sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That’s what “True Blue” is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is ‘True Blue’?
Nice Guy Eddie: ‘True Blue’ was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don’t even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I’ve at least heard of “True Blue”.
Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn’t say I ain’t heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Blonde: Personally, I can do without her.
Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, ‘Lucky Star’, ‘Borderline’ – but once she got into her ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ phase, I don’t know, I tuned out.
Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my… train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Mr. White: What’s that?
Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about?
Mr. Pink: You said ‘True Blue’ was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that ‘Like a Virgin’ was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what ‘Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine, I’m talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it’s like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the ‘Great Escape’, he’s digging tunnels. Now, she’s gettin’ the serious dick action and she’s feeling something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, ‘Like a Virgin’.

Mrtankthreat
5/8/2017 12:49:48 pm

I've gone the opposite. I used to care more about the meaning of lyrics when I was younger. As for Wish You Were Here, I never liked that song. I don't like much of Pink Floyd to be honest. High Hopes is great but I'd struggle to name much else that I like.

When you say "you're expecting", I wasn't expecting anything. I like good lyrics but how I define good lyrics has nothing to do with the meaning of the words. Eminem is a great example.

In Drug Ballad he says, "that's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow and you swallow it all wallow and drown in you're sorrow". That is a coherent sentence that means something but I like it because of the actual sounds of the words, how they fit together aurally rather than semantically. There's a certain flow in the delivery that sounds good in my ear. The fact it's coherent probably helps rather than it just being a collection of words but it's very secondary.

As for Civil War, well yeah. Axl is the perfect example of where art can go wrong by trying to make a point. He went so far up his own a hole with the crap on both use your illusion albums. To be fair though that line isn't really a lyric per se. Even more cringey is the diatribe towards the press in Get in the Ring. Although I enjoy that for the unintended comedy value.

Which is a nice segue on to comedy. Now we're talking. If you have something to say stand up is probably the best medium. For the most part it's metaphor free. However the scene is clogged up with so much dross, even more so than the music scene. And from "both sides" if you like.

What I mean is you have your commercial crap like Russel Howard but then you have the stuff that Stewart Lee promotes.

I love his stuff itself but he has too high an opinion on what comedy should be and most of the acts on his alternative show were just as not funny as the commercial stuff but he tries elevate it to a plateau of "high art" and ruins it. You might have something to say, just remember to be funny please. You know, like Norm MacDonald.

Finally, I can play a bit of piano but have only really written one piece on it. I'm a guitar man. If you search my name on YouTube I have a couple of acoustic numbers (audio isn't great though) on my channel. Also there's a short movie that I wrote and directed that I keep meaning to send to Biffo for plug zone.

Anyway. Cheers for the discussion. Lots to think about.


DEAN
5/8/2017 02:36:02 pm

I know what you mean about rap. Jay Z is amazing at doing as you describe; his use of rhythm is really something!

Big Stewart Lee fan also. I watched a video on Netflix recently of his wife, Bridget Christie. She's very charming and you can hear their influence on each other.

I play guitar despite always thinking that pianos make the most beautiful sound on earth. I tried to learn once (from a guy that used to be a Satanist but lost for the taste for it and became a Jehovah's Witness). He was a really nice bloke and extremely talented but he insisted on trying to teach me classically.

Speaking of which, I see you have a nylon string and are a nice little picker! Sounds good, man.

You should totally send that video in. I'm not going to spoil it for anyone but suffice to say, it's well done and very sweet!

Treacle
4/8/2017 03:22:12 pm

That was an outstanding letters page today, quality contributions each and every one. Even the requisite poo story was of a high caliber.

Reply
PeskyFletch
4/8/2017 04:28:49 pm

Fuck me, Gaming mill's letter this week was amazing, it literally had me swinging from laughter to sober introspection from sentence to sentence. Sometimes i fear y empathy has reached the point where it sis a hindrance to my life. Thanks Mill!

Reply
Paul Morris
4/8/2017 08:22:57 pm

personally DEAN, I thought Journey was a cronk of shit, just saying

Reply
DEAN
4/8/2017 08:42:34 pm

That's cool, Paul - made me laugh actually!

My brother keeps going on at me for not playing Unchartered 4 (which I'm sure is really cool and everything) and I know I can't recommend something like Journey to him; he'd think much the same as you!

Reply
Penyrolewen
4/8/2017 09:53:42 pm

My best pirate joke:
What's a pirate's favourite letter?
(In pirate voice ploss) You'd think it'd be "r" but his first love be the "c".

Games and TVs and books and that:

Being a fluent, widely read reader probably gives you more useful knowledge and skills (reading!) than being an amazing gamer, although games definitely teach lots of skills really, really well.
Bad tv/film is probably worse (completely passive) although good drama/documentaries could be better.
But really, doing anything to the exclusion of other things is bad. Sitting inside reading all day, obsessively gaming, constantly exercising. We need balance - even if sometimes the balance needs more than a couple of days to be apparent (we all throw ourselves into things obsessively at times, it's only when that's ALL we ever do it becomes a problem. Well, that's my thinks anyway. Ahoy!

Reply
Monkey Head
4/8/2017 11:21:45 pm

Phil, I'm sending u a virtual first bump 👊.

I couldn't really call myself a gamer these days although up until a few years ago I definitely was. These days time constraints in the main have stopped me playing any games, they seem in general to require a lot more time than I recall being when I was younger, with the easy to pick up and put down games of my youth. Maybe that's rose tinted glasses but I wonder too if I would rediscover my love of games if I found I had more time on my hands, I'm not sure any more, sometimes i feel like I'm missing out with the new games but maybe I've moved on. I still love reading though, I think the accessibility of being able to pick up a book and put it down again just works for me with a hectic lifestyle. Sometimes the only chance I get is when I get to bed, I know from previous experience that if I started playing a good game at 11:30pm I'd still be on it at four am, this just isn't an option any more.
As for art, for me it's in the eye of the beholder, I don't get much of the modern art, probably through my own ignorance although in truth I don't care enough to put the effort in to discover why it's not rubbish. I do appreciate a good painting though such as a landscape or portrait, for me the more life-like the better. Just my own tastes.

I read Gaming Mills letter about four hours ago, still keep thinking about it.

Reply
Oliver Wright
4/8/2017 11:20:20 pm

Shirt story 3: I saw a bloke wearing a red Teletext T-shirt a couple of years back in Acton Morrisons but didn't say anything, despite our shared obscure interest. I probably should have said something.

Reply
Kara Van Park
5/8/2017 02:04:50 pm

Blimey, Mill's letter was a step-up from the usual, wasn't it?

Reply
Matthew Long
5/8/2017 05:33:29 pm

Indeed. Powerful stuff.

Reply



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