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THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

30/6/2017

41 Comments

 
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It's Friday, boys and girls! That means two whole days off, unless you work on the weekends. Still, two days off in the week... though that's never quite the same is it? It never feels quite like a proper, relaxing day off.

​Oh well! At least you have the Digitiser2000 Friday Letters page to cheer you up. 

If you would like to appear on next week's page, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, which nobody cares about - please send your emails to this place here: 
digitiser2000@gmail.com
TERRIBLE SPOTTING
I was just wondering, how close do you think the Found Footage that we're going to get is to the original idea behind when you first started it (even before the Kickstarter)?

Admittedly I'm terrible at spotting any hidden messages or meaning in things, but initially it felt to me very much like a random 'sketch show' type thing, with the 'found footage' mechanic a clever way to deliver it... However, the development updates seem to point at a much more story driven thing running through it. Did you always have the story, and Found Footage was the method you wanted to tell it?

Many Happy Returns (for whenever it's your birthday).
Bruce 'Bruce Flagpole' Flagpole
Weeeeell... the original idea for Found Footage was simply to do some funny Digi-like videos to show at last year's Digifest. It was only when they went down so well that I started thinking about the possibility of doing more as a series.

I wanted some sort of linking framework which - if this makes sense - justified its existence. Obviously, it's found footage... but then I started wondering where the footage came from. What was the origin of the tapes? Why was the footage on it so weird? I know that was all completely unnecessary, and nobody else would've been asking those questions, but it helped me structure my approach to the writing, so I wasn't just trying to come up with random ideas.

I can't remember what I originally asked for on Kickstarter... was it £2.5k? But anyway... it was only really when it went through the roof that I started thinking a bit more ambitiously about the kind of stuff we might be able to do. That fed into my need to justify the series in a narrative sense.

I wouldn't say there's a story running through it, but there is a backstory. I've actually dialled back on hidden messages a bit, as I felt they were distracting from the funnies, but you'll definitely get hints of backstory dropped in throughout the episodes... and then the final ep reveals what it has all been about.

Of course, it also still works as a random sketch show type thing.

So... tonally, it has remained consistent... and I knew early on roughly what I wanted to do with the final episode... But really, the thing that changed is that more people were kind enough to chip in and help fund it. When that happened, I didn't feel it was enough to just have a load of talking heads from crowdsourcing sites.

Also... I sort of wanted it to be about something...

POOASIS
Hooray! It‘s Pooet’s Corner with T. O. Ilet.

Writer Paul Rose
Planned some television Prose
But other foiled it
By blocking up his toilet.
Paul Dunning
Thanks. I do believe that this was the one and only lavatory/poo reference this week, which is a blessed relief. Press reveal to see a poem for you by Edward Lear:
REVEAL:
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TINTINTIN
Hi, seeing as others have been asking you questions, I thought I’d ask you one too. Have you ever bought a book from “under the counter” (this could also mean a book which was in a locked cupboard). It’s a funny experience, I can tell you, especially if you are in the children’s section of Waterstones.

The story is related to the release of the English translation of Tintin in the Congo. Those who know the book will be aware of its depiction of Africans. This was before Hergé’s awakening to such matters. It was the second Tintin story, originally drawn and written at a time when attitudes, and indeed knowledge, of foreign climes was limited and populated by ignorance and prejudice. This is how it was in the 1920s. Everyone was at it.

In my Tintin collection, I already had three versions of the book. Two were collections of the original black and white artwork; one in French, the other in English. I also have a colour version in French which ran to the usual 61 pages. I bought that in Bruges when I was about 14, and it was freely available in the children’s section of a book shop there. No mention of the contents. It was an eye opener. I remember thinking “this isn’t Tintin” - but I had a book that I couldn’t get back home, which appealed.

So, when the colour version was finally translated into English and published, I went to my local Waterstones, and was oddly directed by those on the front desk to the kids’ section. I couldn’t find it (I didn’t expect to), so I asked at the counter. They said they had a copy, gave me a funny look, and went to get it from the locked stock cupboard. I was then given what I could only feel was a rehearsed (or learned) “talk” about the book, its contents, and that it’s not for children.

​I did explain that I was a collector of Tintin books and I was only too aware of the nature of the book. I also explained that on the continent, you can get this book without any fuss - I expect those funny EU folk are a little less uptight about their literature.

The book had a paper slip around it that also points out that the contents are controversial and it was for collectors.

It’s funny how we can get this uptight about a book, but we’re quite happy with channels like Cartoon Network and Boomerang showing old Tom and Jerry flicks that offer a similar jaundiced (and at times very racist) view of other cultures and peoples.

At the time, they were certainly running the Daffy Duck vs Speedy Gonzales Loony Tunes cartoons which showed the same kind of attitude towards Mexicans that got Top Gear into trouble (in the USA, they screen a disclaimer before them now when they are on, or they just don”t show them now). You still get the “after an explosion, character looks like a golly-wog” scenes in Tom and Jerry every now and then.

The book I bought is horrific, BTW. Everything that Tintin stands for in later books when it comes to fairness, tolerance etc. is woefully absent, and Hergé has yet to develop his skills of satire and commentary. He also seems to kill most of Africa’s wildlife, including blowing up a rhino, and killing a chimpanzee and wearing its skin.

Which reminds me - my Tintin collection is in need of another read.

So, Biffo, any under the counter experiences you’d like to share?
Paul Dunning
We meet again, Paul... And the only under-the-counter experiences I've had, I think I mentioned recently: buying bootleg tapes from a bloke on Oxford Street. And I'm glad I did, as there has never been an official release of Marillion's early demos, or pre-Fish era stuff. And bootlegs are the only way to get one of my favourite Marillion songs: Lady Fantasy. Albeit sung by the band's first vocalist, who sounds like he's got a peg on his nose.
BOARD NOW
Your proclivities towards tabletop RPGs are well documented, but what is your view on tabletop gaming in general? Board games and war-games and that.

I've been playing a bit of the X-Wing miniatures game lately, and having this: lots of fun! Would strongly recommend it to any Star Wars fans out there. No painting, accessible rules, and you get to admire nice little models of Star Wars ships sitting on your shelves. Beats Star Wars Monopoly!
Richard
Well... the only time I ever play board games is on holiday or at Christmas. I've looked at that Star Wars miniatures game and thought "I'd have loved this if I was young, and had loads of free time in my life", and then seen the price and wondered how any young person could ever afford to play it. It's insane. Like, fifty quid for a stupid little ship.
Black Friday
As Rebecca Black likes to sing, or at the very least used to like singing, it's Friday, Friday gotta get down on Friday. Not sure what she means by getting down, I do hope it's nothing sinister.

All that aside, I have a burning question that I need answering before I can progress in life. Who is the best character in Dungeon Master to put in my party? All this wandering around the Hall of Champions is doing my head in.
General Zod
How am I supposed to answer that?! I've not played Dungeon Master in decades. Just press reveal to see what Rebecca Black means by "getting down":
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YOUNG SON, THERE'S NO NEED TO FEED DOWN
Within minutes of the SNES Mini being announced, pre-orders had been used up by people ordering ten at a time. While no huge surprise after the NES Mini debacle, I really hope that Nintendo flood the market with sufficient stock that speculative buyers are left out of pocket. 

Me, I'm waiting for the dust to settle so I can snag one on release through standard retail channels. I can't wait to play it with my young son and introduce him to the joys of my misspent youth without my original hardware and carts being subjected to his delightful grubby three year old hands. 
Ian 
I've no idea what Nintendo was playing at by releasing the NES Mini in such limited quantities, and then pulling it. Clearly the demand was there, and all they did was play into the hand of "scalpers".
SEAM'S LEGIT
I sat and watched the final episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Return on Netflix (which has been excellent by the way) and they were watching "At the Earth's Core" with Doug McClure and Peter Cushing. In it, Peter Cushing's character comments on a prehistoric fern he finds and says that he "would dearly love to take a frond back with me".
​
Imagine my surprise and delight at the appearance of the word "frond" said in an actual sentence in a film by the head foreman of the Death Star.

I had no idea it was a real word. I thought you had made it up and so didn't bother checking if it was real or not. I now know it's definition. It's at 19:14 in episode 14 for those that wanted to follow along at home.

I have also been enjoying the return of Go 8bit on Dave. Very enjoyable and entertaining for a show about video games.

Interestingly, they have added to it this time with Go 8bit DLC which is the companion show immediately after it. This is more of a conventional video game talky show, but works quite well with it's obviously lower budget and slightly poking fun at itself - particularly with the 'Cheats Section'.

I wondered if Mr Biffo had watched any of the DLC episodes and what you thought of them?

Oh, and in response to your confusion over my name: I answer to and accidentally sign stuff as Seam as that is what my wife calls me (after a text message autocorrect typo over 10 years ago when we first met) and it's also my usual login name or a variation thereof for various online services.  Apologies for any confusion caused.
Sean
Oh! I'm very happy to have had the Seam/Sean confusion explained. Please go back to writing Seam from now on. Alas, I've failed to watch any of this series of Go 8bit or DLC. I'm barely watching TV at all at the moment, because work has been a bit full on, and I'm very tired, and normally in bed by 8.30pm... curled up like a frond.
NOSTALGIAFERATU
Nostalgia's a fantastic thing. Hollywood is busy recycling all the greatest films ever, adding that modern sheen, and handing them to us as dollops of shiny poo-poo.

That fucking miniSNES is going to be, without a doubt, fantastic for the seventeen folk in the UK that managed to bag one in the pre-order frenzy.
​
And all my beloved 80s Speccy favourites are being released in unrecognisable form on Android, with shoddy touch-screen controls that are no use for anyone with thumbs like table-tennis bats. But, that said, I'd like to know why "Soft And Cuddly" hasn't been remade?

WHY?
Lorenzo Del Perdu
I'd completely forgotten about Soft And Cuddly until just then. Your letter did lead me to this video though, which I very much enjoyed. Subscribed.
ANY PORT IN A STORM
Biiiiffo, Bi-ii-ii-fo (daylight come and me wanna go home)

Reading your Sega Forever piece, the comment about how a lot of these games aren't going to be suited to touchscreen got me thinking.

Which was the worst game to be ported over to another bit of hardware and clearly didn't work? Goldeneye was lovely, the Wii version wasn't, mainly because trying to shoot somebody with a wiimote felt odd (god knows why, if anything the "point it like a gun!" thing should have made shoot-em ups a great thing on the console, but they all sucked). 

Wasn't initially thinking about "games released on multiple formats where one version is clearly better", but now that I've written it, you may as well have that as a second question. See, I'm dead generous me.

Oh, since writing this, I've got that hairy eedjit from Reef singing "it's your letters, it's your letters.." stuck in my head from TFI Friday. So now I feel a bit stabby.
Def

PS - Content this week has been all sorts of lovely - well done you
Hurrah! Someone who liked this week's stuff. Good. I thought it was a decent week too. Though I must point out that the Wii version of Goldeneye wasn't technically a port, but a new game also called Goldeneye...
REAP WHAT YOU SOW
Hope this "tribute" works:
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Phil "PhilWal" Walters.
​​
It did. It did work, Phil. Although, Mr PSB's Poo Story isn't below, because he didn't send one in this week. I hope he's okay!!!!!!?!!!
SACHET GUEVARA
Poupon for goujons. It's going to be the next big thing! Surely such an idea could only come from the mind of a genius? Single serving sachets of poupon will be in restaurants everywhere. Fat cats in suits will be fighting to buy the recipe. Let's say they do. And then the secrets are revealed. Poupon's secret ingredient? Smegma.
@thatbunty
That made me feel a little bit sick.
TITLE
Hooray! Hooray! It's a letter-letters day! What a world of fun, for everyone! Letter-letters day!

I really don't have much to say this week, so here are my favourite textual approximations of sounds I can make with my mouth:

1) Pftftftftftftftttt.
2) Bwap.
3) Glurrrrrrr.

So.... how are things? Keeping ok? Hey, I pay my Patreon money, you have to put up with this drivel now.

I'm even running out of drivel to type now.

Welp, see you later!

Yours sincerely,
Cynthia N. Lettersday Snr. (Nikki)
Well, readers? What noises can you make with your mouths? Answers in the comments, please.
TITLE
So, I figured I should probably write a letter. Mainly because I'm bored as my daughter has confiscated the TV in order to watch what (I hope) is the last ever episode of some dross called Pretty Little Liars and also because I want to say thank you to you.

Why? You made a large part of my childhood tolerable. For reasons that escape me now (nothing sinister, I wasn't a biter or some such) I had to spend my weekends at my Grandparents. Every Saturday morning I'd go there, and that'd be it until Sunday evening. It was briefly pretty cool as I'd go with my Grandad to the bookies(!), or swimming or generally arsing around as 10 year old boys and their Grandads do, but then he died.

It hit me hard, it hit my Gran harder. Weekends weren't quite the same. Me and my Gran got on great, heck in later life I lived with her for a while) but as a boy heading towards his teenage years there was nothing really to do on a weekend any more. Then I made a marvellous discovery. The TV remote had loads of buttons on it that my TV at home didn't. What the hell did they do, as luck would have it the TV was on Channel 4 when I first punched the button marked TEXT and boom, there was some assorted crap and a some colourful words at the bottom, one was "Game-Me-Do" or something similar. Lo and behold, I'd discovered Digitiser, and from there I also discovered Turner the Worm and Bamboozle.

Soon I was actively looking forward to weekends, as it was the only way I could keep up with these things, they helped me deal with what had become 48 hours every weekend reminding me what I'd lost, they brought some colour, enjoyment and (often puzzled) laughter to me.

​One Turner the Worm in particular sticks in my minds, as my younger cousin, Alan, became irate that I'd "made the TV be mean to him" thanks to the existence of the Alan Monster in one of the Turner the Worm stories.


So thank you, you made a chunk of my life way better at a time when I needed it most, and you're probably responsible for the slightly warped, overly sarcastic person I've grown up to be.
Ade

Ha ha! I remember that Alan story. It was my version of Alien, except the alien was called Alan. Anyway... thanks for another set of nice words, Ade. It's surreal. I had absolutely no real idea while writing it that Digi meant so much to people. Thank you. 
DO ME A SOLID
Dear Biffington-on-Sea, I've finally got round to playing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain and while I'm really enjoying it I have run in to a slight problem, I'm utterly awful at it, having all the stealth skills of a drunken morris dancer glued to a drum kit. What games have you enjoyed most without actually being any good at?

Love and "special" kisses,
Treacle 
If it's any consolation, I'm terrible at stealth games; getting my foot stuck in mop buckets, and falling over drum kits, and banging my head on giant gongs... And I would say that on the whole I'm bad at most games - therefore, I enjoy all the ones I've enjoyed without being any good at any of them.
NOSTRAPHONUS
We live in a wonderful age of technology. I even have an app on my phone that predicts what I'll type. This means that instead of having to think of a letter to write, I can just press a few buttons and have it magically write the letter I would have written anyway:

"I think the only way to get to know about the position of my favorite things is to be a good time. The first one to be able to make a decision that you can chill out here is the best. If you have any questions or concerns about the same thing as the other then I will be able to do that for a while."

A truly wonderful world.
Lardon Corpse, Thurrock 
I hate predictive text. It was bad enough before my Mac started changing what I was going to write, but now half the things I write on Twitter or Facebook are nonsensical garbage.

"No change there..."

Why I oughtta...!
GAMING MILL'S LETTER
I bought Wonder Boy - The Dragon's Trap, the remastered version via GOG a few days ago. I loved, loved, loved the Sega Master System version 'back in the day' and this one (for Windows) was sublime.

I've read that they used the original programming and reverse engineered it and that they worked on it to add new, hand-drawn graphics and animations. It looks beautiful as a result, alongside with the new music score but still being faithful. My Smoking Brother, who is eleven years younger than myself and has 'a load of children' said, to me, his big brother - "It looks like shit". He's nice like that.

It's not dated well in terms of gameplay but at least you have the option of changing the difficulty level (I always choose 'HARD', because I always am).

That being said, I wonder what your opinion is of Bonito Mussolini's invasion of Crete?

Yours truly and hospital early August for a bone biopsy,
Gaming Mill. 
I don't have an opinion on Mussolini, but press reveal to see what he thinks about you.
REVEAL:
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FIDGET/SPINNER
I was debating, in my head, whether to write this letter but my girlfriend has insisted now that I do because she said I'm too fidgety and I was stopping her getting any sleep. 

Anyway, I think I recall you writing an article saying you don't much like end of level bosses, I just wondered, despite this, do you have a favourite? Or for that matter if anyone else does?

My own has always been Big Bertha, the overweight prostitute off Renegade. She showed a surprising turn of speed for such a big girl despite being fairly predictable and as an eleven year old I had a great sense of achievement when I finally beat her with flying kicks.

Thanks for the great articles.
Monkey Head 

But... but... I don't have a favourite, as you've correctly identified that I don't like them! They just feel like a roadblock in the game. I refuse to believe that anybody actually enjoys the tedious pattern recognition process of end-of-level bosses.

​What I much prefer is the Uncharted approach, where they have set pieces rather than "bosses". Like... give us a tank battle, or a car chase or something.

​Why does it so often have to be a larger version of a thing we've already seen, with a bunch of glowing bits that have to be shot hundreds of times, while you evade them spewing out rockets, or miniature versions of themselves?!? A lot of the time it just feels like a lazy way to inject some challenge into a game.
41 Comments
THX 1139
30/6/2017 10:51:23 am

I got a funny "look" when I bought the Radio Active book as a kid, because it had a bare naked lady on the cover. But the shop sold it to me anyway.

I can't work out if Postman Dan has a open, downturned mouth or a Zapata moustache.

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PostmanParodyConnoisseur
30/6/2017 10:57:41 am

Postman Dan, Postman Dan
Postman Dan and his verse that don't scan...

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MrPSB
30/6/2017 11:09:21 am

Postman Dan, Postman Dan
Postman Dan did a poo on your Nan
Just as day was dawning
and your nan was yawning
Dan did a massive poo poo in her mouth

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PostmanParodyConnoisseur
30/6/2017 11:25:10 am

Now that's fucking poetry.

PostmanParodyConnoisseur
30/6/2017 11:26:46 am

And now I'm raging at myself, for missing the obvious pun by duplicating the 'o' in that post.

Chris Wyatt
4/7/2017 07:51:18 pm

Postman Dan, Postman Dan
Postman Dan, all alone on the can,
Early in the morning,
He did a poo with corn in,
Which was weird, cause he hadn't eaten any corn

Tom the meat processor
30/6/2017 11:08:16 am

The only noise I can make with my mouth is POP by rubbing my finger across my cheek with my finger (and not very well at that) does this count?

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Mrtankthreat
30/6/2017 02:36:20 pm

I like to think I can make good drum sounds with my mouth and sometimes my nose. I like to air drum too and can be often seen flailing my arms like a loon while producing such sounds. Especially when walking home from the pub. A friend of mine saw me doing this one night and was overcome with concern. He needn't have worried however I do worry that, just as your own voice sounds different in your own head, perhaps my drum noises don't sound like drum noises to the outside world.

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King of Duckhenrys
30/6/2017 06:50:22 pm

As a kid I taught myself how to do the water drop noise that Rolf Harris did at the start of Cartoon Club. Now that is tainted forever.

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Starbuck
30/6/2017 09:17:27 pm

As it happens, I finally worked out how to do the Jimmy Savile uh-eh-uh-eh-uh-eh-uh-eh-uh noise just before his deathly fall from grace. I feel your pain.

RichardM
30/6/2017 10:00:51 pm

I bet whoever did the Jimmy Saville impression for the end sequence of Jet Force Gemini regrets it... (Leigh? Was it you?)

Starbuck
30/6/2017 11:29:44 pm

Did they cut it from the rejig?

Leigh
2/7/2017 09:43:15 pm

I do know who did the impression at the end of JFG, but they might not want it spread around these days. Reason: pervert reasons.

RG
30/6/2017 12:17:04 pm

In Half Life 1 there was a bit with a 3 tentacled alien thing in a tank that you had to smeak around. Does that count as a boss? If it does then that's the only one I can think of that I enjoyed.

Or any of the big name villains in the Arkham games?

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MENTALIST
30/6/2017 12:42:24 pm

My favourite Boss ever was when you had to have a punch up with the Pope at the end of Assassin's Creed 2.

It's pure comedy. Much more fun than the rematch-for-realsies at the end of AssBro.

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RG
30/6/2017 02:11:31 pm

Smeak?
A portmanteau of sneak and meak - to meakly sneak. None of that butch manly sneaking for Gordon Freeman!

Either that or a typo.

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Wrist Flapper
30/6/2017 09:20:19 pm

Boss fights were the reason I didn't finish Deus Ex:HumRev until they released the director's cut. That and shouting at a cut scene when my stealth-based character walked down the middle of a corridor when there were perfectly good hiding places. That and Adam Jenson was a brooding, hollow twat.

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RichardM
30/6/2017 09:59:19 pm

Nice apartment, though. That fucking massive TV!

Wrist Flapper
30/6/2017 10:22:43 pm

Oh, I liked the world. Just a shame they didn't put as much character into the characters. Pritchard was OK, but when the most likable character in the cast is the one you're supposed to think is an arsehole, something's gone wrong. Had the same problem with Assassin's Creed 3 with the antagonist being far superior to the whining tit you play.

As to Jenson's TV, I have a projector and can confirm big-screen gaming is awesome. It's also an excellent reason to close the curtains and pretend the rest of the world has ended. Win win.

RichardM
30/6/2017 10:42:31 pm

I would like one for our 'good room' which has no TV in it - what the fuck? - but the wife would only have it if it was hidden somewhere and I can't bear the thought of digging holes everywhere to make this happen.

Spiney O'Sullivan
30/6/2017 10:44:32 pm

Regarding Conor's bad mood, the white man was busily committing ethnic cleansing (or maybe straight-up genocide?) against his people, so I think on the whole he gets to put on a frowny face.

I actually really like AC3 because it's so rare you get to play a genuine tragedy in a game. Not just the usual "the hero makes the ultimate sacrifice of his life to save the world" (well, not in Conor's story, anyway), but one where good people end up becoming cruel and every action you take to stop the bad guys actually results in losing everything you started out working to save. I do wish we'd had more time with Haytham and the Templars early on. The reveal was great, though.

Wrist Flapper
30/6/2017 11:23:52 pm

I'm not suggesting the premise was bad, or that Haytham was not a bit of a bastard (though I seem to recall he wasn't directly responsible for the village attack), but I think you nailed the issue with the phrase "bad mood". It always felt to me that he was reacting like he'd been grounded more than he'd had everything he's ever known taken from him. He put me more in mind of Harry Enfield's Kevin than a revenge protagonist. It bugged me at the time that they missed an opportunity to explore new ground by making him an angsty teen.

Perhaps I'm remembering it more harshly than it truly was. I'll have another go at it when my Steam backlog isn't so horrendous.

Spiney O'Sullivan
30/6/2017 11:59:54 pm

Haytham was a bit of a bastard by the end, and his cronies far worse, but some of their death scenes revealed that they were working to try and prevent harm, including one person who (if I recall correctly) was trying to coerce the Native Americans into moving to avoid them being killed by settlers in the longer term. That's the interesting thing about them, they all became cruel and ruthless, but their goal wasn't all bad (Plus, Haytham is more sympathetic if you read the AC: Forsaken novel or play Rogue)

The tone of the thing is a big part of why I like AC3 so much; pacing issues (that third act of Conor's story was way too quick) and that awful Charles Lee chase aside, it brought back the moral ambiguity about the results of your actions present in the original that the Ezio trilogy dropped completely in favour of the "rakish do-gooder against definitely bad people" thing.

FTL
30/6/2017 01:49:30 pm

I've never not picked Gothmog, but he's certainly not the best all-rounder.

Hissa kicks arse too

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Jareth Smith
30/6/2017 02:23:32 pm

Has Stuart N. Hardy written in yet?

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John Veness
30/6/2017 03:12:28 pm

To Sean/Seam:

Now I've heard the story of your name I find myself wondering how do you, in your head, pronounce "Seam"? Do you pronounce it the same as Sean but with a M on the end, or the same as the word "seam" as in joining pieces of fabric?

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Sean Buckingham
30/6/2017 04:20:50 pm

It's pronounced See-m like a fabric join. That's pretty much all I answer to around the house as my wife never says my actual name anymore.
Cue endless guffaws when browsing shops that flaunt 'seamless knickers'.

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PeskyFletch
30/6/2017 04:31:04 pm

Speaking of under the counter books, i once bought Lost Girls by alan moore. I assumed that anything so frowned upon would be awesome, but it was creepy and a bit shit and now i have a massive hardcover comic i have to hide any time a social worker comes round(i'm a foster carer) to avoid the authorities thinking i'm some kind of Mega-Nonce

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biscuits
1/7/2017 09:02:16 am

I went through my 'comix' the other day, I reckon around a 1/4 of them (around 100 books) are illegal in England after their tawdry nobody-pleasing obscenity laws got another laughably arbitrary upgrade. Then again, stuff like spanking in porn is illegal too, so I doubt there's one person in the country that gives a single shit

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PeskyFletch
30/6/2017 04:32:36 pm

Also can i add my approval for the various postman rhyes, they are verrily tickling my taint.

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Bingo Rose
30/6/2017 07:09:26 pm

"I refuse to believe that anybody actually enjoys the tedious pattern recognition process of end-of-level bosses."

Biffo must reeeeeally hate Super Punch-Out!

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Mr Biffo
1/7/2017 08:16:58 am

Weirdly... not. I like these: boxing games.

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Leigh
2/7/2017 09:53:05 pm

Did you like the weird side-on Barry McGuigan boxing game on the Spectrum? It had good opponent names including Dan Da Man Ugrin, who became something of a meme in our school, which means my school invented memes.

Starbuck
30/6/2017 11:34:41 pm

Best boss sequence?

DJ Octavio from Splatoon.

Or the Seven Force from Gunstar Heroes.

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Monkey Head
3/7/2017 01:06:53 am

Leigh, I loved Barry McGuigan Boxing, I can still remember the music for it. Wasn't there another Irish boxer in it too? Fast hands, no power, think it might have been Shamrock O'Leary.
Another favourite was Frank Bruno's boxing, think there was a character in that called Fling Long Chop or some such 😬.

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favus
1/7/2017 12:10:28 pm

Tom and Jerry has since been dubbed to a less racist black woman voice... just so you know

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Spiney O'Sullivan
2/7/2017 11:27:05 am

I was shocked to learn that she was the housemaid. As a kid I had just always assumed it was her house.

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Chris Wyatt
4/7/2017 07:45:17 pm

That was quite a while back now, when they syndicated it for Cartoon Network.

She sounded "too black" apparently. You can't make it up.

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Acid_Arrow
1/7/2017 03:44:04 pm

I used to be embarrassed when buying Manowar cds (just google Manowar images and you'll see why). Once the till person openly laughed at me, I don't think they should be allowed to do that, though in the end I got to listen to Manowar and she didn't so needless to say I had the last laugh.,

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Chris Wyatt
3/7/2017 05:35:01 pm

RE: Paul Dunning

I got a bit obsessed about cartoon censorship at one point. I had a VHS as a child, which had several public domain cartoons that were not politically correct. I guess Warner, or Turner, or whoever, didn't bother to renew the copyrights on ones that were not appealing for syndication. There was one where Bugs is the antagonist, and the protagonist is a slow-witted black stereotype.

I can't say I thought it was racist when I used to watch it as a kid. I just thought it was a stupid character (like Elmer Fudd). They later re-animated this cartoon, and replaced the black character with Elmer Fudd. It was almost the same cartoon, re-using most of the same layouts I think. I'd find out the name of the cartoon if I could be arsed.

The VHS also had a Daffy Goes Commando, where he's taking on the Nazis, and the cartoon ends with Daffy whacking Hitler on the head with a giant mallet. Great stuff!

MGM particularly liked to slip in racial gags, and they were even criticised at the time for it. They were worse offenders than Warners: who did do some un-PC ones during the war, but, well, it was the war wunnit? I don't think the blackface gags in Tom and Jerry are particularly bad (personally), but there is one where Tom falls in a heap of coal, and transforms into a rather unfortunate black stereotype. I think this was possibly the one that gave Warner cold feet about releasing volume 2 of their Blu-Ray sets (unfortunately). Funnily enough, the HMV exclusive release of this in the UK has this episode completely uncut in the UK (I have the set, and was surprised by its inclusion)--what utter racist bastards HMV are.

So, cartoon censorship: very interesting area indeed. Also, the WWII propaganda cartoons (from all sides) are really interesting. I have a few wartime DVD compilations. The Thunderbean sets are brilliant (but difficult to find in the UK). One of the films features is an Italian cartoon about Churkill (Churchill): very strange and dark to see the propaganda from the other side.

And of course, Cuphead is inspired by these old propaganda cartoons. I was surprised, because it's quite a niche interest, so to see a high profile game inspired by this stuff is pretty surprising.

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Chris Wyatt
4/7/2017 07:42:12 pm

Funky Spectrum a.k.a the infamous George Bum. Oh dear! Wasn't expecting to see his face on your blog Biffo!

Admittedly I'm a subscriber too. A bit of a guilty pleasure. I can't say I agree with everything that comes out his mouth, but I can't say that I don't find it entertaining.

Also, he sounds like Zippy.

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