It's Friday, which can only mean one thing: The Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page.
Some of you have asked what the point is of a letters page when we have a comments section. Well... consider these the cream (everything) of the crop (we got sent).
If you would like to be immortalised on this page, all you have to do is send your questions, comments and "whimsy" here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
Don't bother using the contact form, even though we've not bothered removing it from the sidebar.
Some of you have asked what the point is of a letters page when we have a comments section. Well... consider these the cream (everything) of the crop (we got sent).
If you would like to be immortalised on this page, all you have to do is send your questions, comments and "whimsy" here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
Don't bother using the contact form, even though we've not bothered removing it from the sidebar.
SHIZZLE
Your review of Dark Souls 3, whatever that is, reminded me of something. You know the old, classic, Mario platform games? Super Mario Bros 1, 2 and 3 and Land and whatever else? Well I don't like them. I have never liked them. And so we have the meat and potatoes of this letter.
Maybe I missed the boat coz pretty much my first experience of them was with that Super Nintendo compilation of them, All Stars. Even then they seemed retro. Honestly, with zero degree of trying to be different, I pop them on randomly throughout the years to give them yet another chance and almost instantly I am bored. I don't want to progress further, and only find fun in being on a green pipe after a flower thing has popped up and feeling that 'now I control that pipe', coz it doesn't pop up if you're already on it, does it? And the music.
That's it. That's my letter. It's rubbish isn't it? NOT AS RUBBISH AS OLD MARIO GAMES!
Dacanesta
PS. they got ok from Mario Kart onwards, though I stopped playing games between the Dreamcast and half-way into the PS3's life so I have no idea. Sod off.
Your review of Dark Souls 3, whatever that is, reminded me of something. You know the old, classic, Mario platform games? Super Mario Bros 1, 2 and 3 and Land and whatever else? Well I don't like them. I have never liked them. And so we have the meat and potatoes of this letter.
Maybe I missed the boat coz pretty much my first experience of them was with that Super Nintendo compilation of them, All Stars. Even then they seemed retro. Honestly, with zero degree of trying to be different, I pop them on randomly throughout the years to give them yet another chance and almost instantly I am bored. I don't want to progress further, and only find fun in being on a green pipe after a flower thing has popped up and feeling that 'now I control that pipe', coz it doesn't pop up if you're already on it, does it? And the music.
That's it. That's my letter. It's rubbish isn't it? NOT AS RUBBISH AS OLD MARIO GAMES!
Dacanesta
PS. they got ok from Mario Kart onwards, though I stopped playing games between the Dreamcast and half-way into the PS3's life so I have no idea. Sod off.
Well, that's rather contrary. Press reveal to see what we do with people like you:
REVEAL:
BIZZLE
Please, did you ever ask Teletext agony uncle Nick Fisher for advice with dealing with your personable? I almost bought his Living with a Willy book once but I got scared. It's probably too late to read it now...
Old Dogless
Please, did you ever ask Teletext agony uncle Nick Fisher for advice with dealing with your personable? I almost bought his Living with a Willy book once but I got scared. It's probably too late to read it now...
Old Dogless
Is that because you don't have a willy anymore? Pics plz.
NIZZLE
I have to do a 10,000 word thesis on a media related topic for college next year and was thinking of doing it on gaming.
I was just gonna copy and paste some of your articles and put my name on the top, but they have some electronic device that checks for plagiarism by scanning your work to see if it matches stuff online. If you could take your site down from between May and September next year that would be a great help and would save me an awful lot of time.
Mrtankthreat
I have to do a 10,000 word thesis on a media related topic for college next year and was thinking of doing it on gaming.
I was just gonna copy and paste some of your articles and put my name on the top, but they have some electronic device that checks for plagiarism by scanning your work to see if it matches stuff online. If you could take your site down from between May and September next year that would be a great help and would save me an awful lot of time.
Mrtankthreat
Whatever you do, don't copy and paste any of our Gamergate articles. Press reveal to see what will happen to you if you do:
REVEAL:
NOZZLE
I have intended to send a letter in for a while now, but I'm not sure of the correct etiquette. Do I have to come up with a subtitle for my letter? Should I write yours sincerely at the bottom of the letter, or a more informal term such as up yours? Do I have to make up a funny name for myself? I fear my profession of flying a "chopper" has left me unsuited to simple clerical tasks such as letter writing.
Stringfellow Hawke
I have intended to send a letter in for a while now, but I'm not sure of the correct etiquette. Do I have to come up with a subtitle for my letter? Should I write yours sincerely at the bottom of the letter, or a more informal term such as up yours? Do I have to make up a funny name for myself? I fear my profession of flying a "chopper" has left me unsuited to simple clerical tasks such as letter writing.
Stringfellow Hawke
Press reveal to see what we think of that:
REVEAL:
LOZZLE
Just so you know, the 'Special Thanks' page is white and god only knows what's going on with the 'FAQ' page (more like: Forgot to Approve the page in Question).
Still, light orange on white has quite an impact on the eyes if that's what you're going for.
Not sure if this was the right e-mail to send this sort of observation to, and hope all is well otherwise.
Duck
Just so you know, the 'Special Thanks' page is white and god only knows what's going on with the 'FAQ' page (more like: Forgot to Approve the page in Question).
Still, light orange on white has quite an impact on the eyes if that's what you're going for.
Not sure if this was the right e-mail to send this sort of observation to, and hope all is well otherwise.
Duck
Looking at it now, you probably didn't intend this letter for publication. Never mind. The ongoing debate about Digitiser's colour scheme will run and run. Yes, the light orange on white isn't meant to be like that, but I can't make it change. Why not? Colour reasons. Still, how often does anyone look at the FAQ and Special Thanks, unless they're a narcissist? Press reveal to see what we do with narcissists:
REVEAL:
GOZZLE
I once wrote into Digitiser stating something along the lines of "The (yet to be launched) Dreamcast logo looks like a snail". The two sentence letter was published on Digitiser but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone that my "letter" had been published.
The sad story ends here, sometimes I still cry.
Scott C
I once wrote into Digitiser stating something along the lines of "The (yet to be launched) Dreamcast logo looks like a snail". The two sentence letter was published on Digitiser but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone that my "letter" had been published.
The sad story ends here, sometimes I still cry.
Scott C
We think we've found some footage of you crying. Press reveal to see it:
REVEAL:
YANZILLO
I had a Snessssss and things, all the things including all the handheld things, but stuff Nintendo. They can stick the NX up their bums. You know why?
Because they clearly delayed Zelda on Wii U so that it can act as a launch title and a swan song. Well I'm sorry, but I've had enough of this company treating the games industry like they are making mobile phones. All they care about is hardware. They peed me off with the ten billion versions of DS and 3DS. It's all 'churn out a new shiny electronic thing and to hell with supporting it'.
The Wii U didn't work because they couldn't be bothered with it simple as that, they hardly made any games for it didnt romance other devs into making stuff for it and woefully under supported what it had in this day and age of androids and apples they didnt even need to seduce the big publishing houses.
Nintendo could have celebrated eshop more attracting the little guys, as a publisher they could have put things like affordable space adventure out as retail releases at 14.99 each, Xenoblade Chronicles X was the best RPG since FF7, did they advertise it?
Nope, Splatoon the exceedingly good award winning shooter again a victim of Nintendos lazy attitude to marketing.
Why buy a NX with that legacy? They have no interest in supporting anything they just run off after every hardware release to play with their next toy like a overexcited toddler.
A Nincompetent Nincompoop
I had a Snessssss and things, all the things including all the handheld things, but stuff Nintendo. They can stick the NX up their bums. You know why?
Because they clearly delayed Zelda on Wii U so that it can act as a launch title and a swan song. Well I'm sorry, but I've had enough of this company treating the games industry like they are making mobile phones. All they care about is hardware. They peed me off with the ten billion versions of DS and 3DS. It's all 'churn out a new shiny electronic thing and to hell with supporting it'.
The Wii U didn't work because they couldn't be bothered with it simple as that, they hardly made any games for it didnt romance other devs into making stuff for it and woefully under supported what it had in this day and age of androids and apples they didnt even need to seduce the big publishing houses.
Nintendo could have celebrated eshop more attracting the little guys, as a publisher they could have put things like affordable space adventure out as retail releases at 14.99 each, Xenoblade Chronicles X was the best RPG since FF7, did they advertise it?
Nope, Splatoon the exceedingly good award winning shooter again a victim of Nintendos lazy attitude to marketing.
Why buy a NX with that legacy? They have no interest in supporting anything they just run off after every hardware release to play with their next toy like a overexcited toddler.
A Nincompetent Nincompoop
We've probably said enough about Nintendo for one week, so instead we'll reply to your letter by reminding people that Digitiser2000 is entirely funded through your PayPal and Patreon donations.
Even our review copies are bought from the fund... meaning we're providing you with literally the worst independent gaming site on the Internet for almost no money. While doing another job. Imagine what we could do if we were working on it full time! With a salary! Together we could make it truly terrible.
We hardly ever bother you for money, because it feels undignified, but if you'd like to help Digi soar to even greater heights, well... we'd love you for it. YEAHANYWAYBYE!!!!!!!
Even our review copies are bought from the fund... meaning we're providing you with literally the worst independent gaming site on the Internet for almost no money. While doing another job. Imagine what we could do if we were working on it full time! With a salary! Together we could make it truly terrible.
We hardly ever bother you for money, because it feels undignified, but if you'd like to help Digi soar to even greater heights, well... we'd love you for it. YEAHANYWAYBYE!!!!!!!
MAN DIARY - APRIL 29th 2016
I've got a new job working in a sauna. Unfortunately, due to local health and safety regulations, we're not actually allowed to operate above temperatures deemed unsafe to human life (these were put in place after we had a customer who stayed in too long and became so dehydrated he turned into a tumbleweed).
Consequently, we never actually turn on the sauna. Instead I have to do my best to convince customers that they've been in a sauna, by sitting in there with them saying things like "I think this is a sauna" and "Yes, this is definitely what I recognise to be a sauna".
Yesterday we had one customer who didn't fall for it, and I became so angry I just stood up and started yelling "SAUNA! SAUNA! SAUNA!" over and over. Unfortunately, while doing this, my towel fell off and he saw how dirty my weenis is. Gross.
Consequently, we never actually turn on the sauna. Instead I have to do my best to convince customers that they've been in a sauna, by sitting in there with them saying things like "I think this is a sauna" and "Yes, this is definitely what I recognise to be a sauna".
Yesterday we had one customer who didn't fall for it, and I became so angry I just stood up and started yelling "SAUNA! SAUNA! SAUNA!" over and over. Unfortunately, while doing this, my towel fell off and he saw how dirty my weenis is. Gross.
Where do the emails go? They go here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
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