It's Friday, a day now synonymous with the spectacle of the Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page. Of course, this is no ordinary Friday: today is Black Friday, an American tradition held every year on the Friday following Thanksgiving - an American holiday - signalling the beginning of the Christmas shopping period.
Apparently, it's called Black Friday because it's the day that retailer balance sheets get back into the black.
You might know that already, and if all I've done here is just restate the obvious then, well, I'm very sorry for wasting your time.
I know: why don't you send me an email telling me what I should've done differently and pointing out where I went wrong, which is the sort of thing that now seems to make up the bulk of correspondence I receive these days. Well, that and people taking this comically curmudgeonly persona at face value. Though there's always some truth in comedy isn't there? Or is there? I guess you'll never know.
Anyway. Let's have some letters shall we?
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
Apparently, it's called Black Friday because it's the day that retailer balance sheets get back into the black.
You might know that already, and if all I've done here is just restate the obvious then, well, I'm very sorry for wasting your time.
I know: why don't you send me an email telling me what I should've done differently and pointing out where I went wrong, which is the sort of thing that now seems to make up the bulk of correspondence I receive these days. Well, that and people taking this comically curmudgeonly persona at face value. Though there's always some truth in comedy isn't there? Or is there? I guess you'll never know.
Anyway. Let's have some letters shall we?
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails early to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON EILEEN!
You need to celebrate 25 years with all-new Digi Teletext pages. Hundreds of them. On the web. On Channel 4. On your face.
Aside from that, some sort of 'event' at the video games place in Nottingham? This is basically because I want an excuse to go; despite living in Notts for 2-3 years, you can't take the Yorkshire out of the boy, and I'll be buggered if I'm paying a tenner to queue for a go on Out Run or something. So that.
Oh, and pixel art of spunking cocks, obviously.
Marc Webster
You need to celebrate 25 years with all-new Digi Teletext pages. Hundreds of them. On the web. On Channel 4. On your face.
Aside from that, some sort of 'event' at the video games place in Nottingham? This is basically because I want an excuse to go; despite living in Notts for 2-3 years, you can't take the Yorkshire out of the boy, and I'll be buggered if I'm paying a tenner to queue for a go on Out Run or something. So that.
Oh, and pixel art of spunking cocks, obviously.
Marc Webster
Brand new Teletext pages is happening. Probably. Digifest event is also happening, probably, but almost definitely not in Nottingham. Not that there's anything wrong with Nottingham, apart from all the crime.
My daughter went to uni there, and said she heard machine guns one night. Though that sounds like it might be a lie, I've just looked it up and apparently Nottingham was the most dangerous city in the UK at the point she lived there, and was known as "Shottingham" for its high levels of gun crime. You can probably blame local "hero" Robin Hood for glamorising criminal activity.
My daughter went to uni there, and said she heard machine guns one night. Though that sounds like it might be a lie, I've just looked it up and apparently Nottingham was the most dangerous city in the UK at the point she lived there, and was known as "Shottingham" for its high levels of gun crime. You can probably blame local "hero" Robin Hood for glamorising criminal activity.
BLOWS
I just took a look outside to see which way the wind blows. But I blew off. And while doing a chuff I wondered. THIS.
I always loved "Ring Sir".
With the advent of the Youtubes perhaps you could do some Ring Sirs and record the Ring Sirs and post the Ring Sirs?
That would be "Mega-Ace and rad and cool and WELL skill" as the groovier kids are fond of saying.
BYE.
Jabberwoc.
I just took a look outside to see which way the wind blows. But I blew off. And while doing a chuff I wondered. THIS.
I always loved "Ring Sir".
With the advent of the Youtubes perhaps you could do some Ring Sirs and record the Ring Sirs and post the Ring Sirs?
That would be "Mega-Ace and rad and cool and WELL skill" as the groovier kids are fond of saying.
BYE.
Jabberwoc.
I seem to recall reading that they've changed the law now, meaning you have to get the permission of the person on the receiving end of a "prank" call before you can make it public. Which is, y'know, all well and good... but that means I'd have to tell the person that I'd be pranking them - "Ha ha... nah, mate - it was all a joke! I was recording this! Yeah, you've been pranked, mate!"...
And, frankly, that would put me so firmly in the same ballpark as those godawful "social experiment" douchebags on YouTube that there's no way I'm doing it.
And, frankly, that would put me so firmly in the same ballpark as those godawful "social experiment" douchebags on YouTube that there's no way I'm doing it.
LETTING OFF STEAM
What is your view on the continual Steam sales, Humble Bundles, GOG.com sales? I think they are great at first. You stock up on loads of games, get all the games you wanted as a kid, you play some and maybe finish one or two. Then you sit back and notice you have 200 games and not enough time to play most of them. So 80% just sit there gathering digital dust.
The Porridge Master
What is your view on the continual Steam sales, Humble Bundles, GOG.com sales? I think they are great at first. You stock up on loads of games, get all the games you wanted as a kid, you play some and maybe finish one or two. Then you sit back and notice you have 200 games and not enough time to play most of them. So 80% just sit there gathering digital dust.
The Porridge Master
Well. I don't own a PC. Being a Mac owner, I've learned that playing games on my MacBook causes it to grind to a halt, and overheat, so I've never really gone to town on Steam games... which is a roundabout way of saying... you're asking the wrong person. See below for more on this subject.
MASS DEBATE
How do!
Inexplicably, this is my first ever letter to Digi. So obviously I choose to waste it thus: having just bought the first Windows PC I've owned in yonks, and found it has enough oomph to run some recent games in a half-decent fashion, I coughed up for EA Origin and downloaded Mass Effect: Andromeda. I'm enjoying the shooty/exploring stuff, but get reduced to disbelief-shattering hysterics whenever a cutscene comes up because the face models are so absurdly awful.
I know all the reviews at the time covered this so it's hardly a revelation, but until you see it you can't quite appreciate how daft it is or that it hasn't been fixed - let alone the fact they let it go out like this. It's as if the new Star Wars film had been shot entirely with the actors replaced with turkey slice-covered mannequins.
Have there been any games you've played where there has been something so utterly stupid in it, it's turned an allegedly normal game into unintentional comedy gold?
Hail Xenoxxx etc.
Super Bad Advice
How do!
Inexplicably, this is my first ever letter to Digi. So obviously I choose to waste it thus: having just bought the first Windows PC I've owned in yonks, and found it has enough oomph to run some recent games in a half-decent fashion, I coughed up for EA Origin and downloaded Mass Effect: Andromeda. I'm enjoying the shooty/exploring stuff, but get reduced to disbelief-shattering hysterics whenever a cutscene comes up because the face models are so absurdly awful.
I know all the reviews at the time covered this so it's hardly a revelation, but until you see it you can't quite appreciate how daft it is or that it hasn't been fixed - let alone the fact they let it go out like this. It's as if the new Star Wars film had been shot entirely with the actors replaced with turkey slice-covered mannequins.
Have there been any games you've played where there has been something so utterly stupid in it, it's turned an allegedly normal game into unintentional comedy gold?
Hail Xenoxxx etc.
Super Bad Advice
Hmm. Well, aside from bad cutscenes... the game which I got the most unintentional amusement out of was Saints Row IV. A lot of it is deliberately ludicrous, but it was the character customisation I had the most fun with; I was repeatedly redesigning my character, because it amused me to see, say, a large-breasted Incredible Hulk, flying over the city in a pair of white high heels and a pimp hat.
HE WRITES THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING
I’m not feeling very wordy today, so instead here’s a picture of my compositional technique.
Chris JC
I’m not feeling very wordy today, so instead here’s a picture of my compositional technique.
Chris JC
Here's a question, that I probably shouldn't ask, because every time I ask a question of the "crowd" I get a bunch of well-intentioned advice in return, which just results in me getting wound-up and irritated, but do you want Chris and I to write and release a Christmas song like we did last year? We've been thinking about doing it...
THEME PARKED
A strong theme in Digiworld this week has been that one can put a load of creative effort into something and have it receive nearly no attention, whilst a thoughtless, banal, offhand (and perhaps off-brand) aside goes viral. This leads to an understandable indignation in the self-defined creative, who will feel that their true artistic intents are not being appreciated and that people are far more readily entertained by cheap jokes.
If we recognise how prevailing this experience is, and if we judge art by its popularity (and why not?), then perhaps the product with true artistic value IS that shoddy stuff. Assess the creative history of some artists and you can see the point at which they learned this lesson. Perhaps Will.i.am is the true genius of our times.
colincidence
A strong theme in Digiworld this week has been that one can put a load of creative effort into something and have it receive nearly no attention, whilst a thoughtless, banal, offhand (and perhaps off-brand) aside goes viral. This leads to an understandable indignation in the self-defined creative, who will feel that their true artistic intents are not being appreciated and that people are far more readily entertained by cheap jokes.
If we recognise how prevailing this experience is, and if we judge art by its popularity (and why not?), then perhaps the product with true artistic value IS that shoddy stuff. Assess the creative history of some artists and you can see the point at which they learned this lesson. Perhaps Will.i.am is the true genius of our times.
colincidence
This... this is what I'm wrestling with at the moment. Firstly, I don't consider myself an "artist", because that's terribly pretentious and self-important, and attributes a worth and a weight to "art" which I don't think it deserves. And that goes for any and all art, most of which enrages me to an unhealthy degree.
Go to The Tate Modern and try telling me that a) A six year-old couldn't come up with half that stuff, and b) The artists aren't taking the piss. There are millions of brilliant artists out there who are doing good pictures and that - posting them on Twitter, or Facebook, or just keeping their work to themselves - but they aren't so up-themselves as to apply to it a degree of "meaning" and value, just because they've decided that somehow a Rubik's Cube in a bucket of horse urine somehow represents that time a pervert flashed at them from a bush.
At the same time, I think Found Footage is the closest I've ever come to creating something which might be considered "art", whereas something like Memory Assistant is just some stupid stuff. Albeit, occasionally - such as The Bullingdon Club appearing on the Bill Grundy Show post - there might be a hint of a deeper message.
Ultimately, I don't really know what I'm rambling on about here, but it seems a bit churlish to complain if something I've done proves popular, even if it did just take me a minute to do in Photoshop.
Go to The Tate Modern and try telling me that a) A six year-old couldn't come up with half that stuff, and b) The artists aren't taking the piss. There are millions of brilliant artists out there who are doing good pictures and that - posting them on Twitter, or Facebook, or just keeping their work to themselves - but they aren't so up-themselves as to apply to it a degree of "meaning" and value, just because they've decided that somehow a Rubik's Cube in a bucket of horse urine somehow represents that time a pervert flashed at them from a bush.
At the same time, I think Found Footage is the closest I've ever come to creating something which might be considered "art", whereas something like Memory Assistant is just some stupid stuff. Albeit, occasionally - such as The Bullingdon Club appearing on the Bill Grundy Show post - there might be a hint of a deeper message.
Ultimately, I don't really know what I'm rambling on about here, but it seems a bit churlish to complain if something I've done proves popular, even if it did just take me a minute to do in Photoshop.
IAIN THE JUNGLE
Do you think that the Human Orchard sketch on Found Footage has adequately prepared Iain Lee for jungle survival?
Stringfellow Hawke
Do you think that the Human Orchard sketch on Found Footage has adequately prepared Iain Lee for jungle survival?
Stringfellow Hawke
It's very odd Iain being in the jungle... though when we filmed with him, he did hint that he'd be up for doing I'm A Celeb. It really has been a funny old year for me, thanks to Found Footage. Spending an afternoon watching Iain abuse Paul Gannon was certainly one of the more surreal days.
I kind of feel obliged to support him by following his I'm A Celeb stint, but I watched a bit last night and saw him sliding through a tunnel full of rotten meat while a bunch of non-entities shrieked and whooped - which, admittedly, isn't something that would be entirely out of place in Found Footage - and realised I didn't want to watch much more.
I kind of feel obliged to support him by following his I'm A Celeb stint, but I watched a bit last night and saw him sliding through a tunnel full of rotten meat while a bunch of non-entities shrieked and whooped - which, admittedly, isn't something that would be entirely out of place in Found Footage - and realised I didn't want to watch much more.
PROHIBITION
Years ago games were prohibitively expensive, gamers' collections were generally small, swapping was common place, piracy was rife. With the advent of services like Steam we're regularly bombarded with a wide range of super cheap, if not free, games.
So much so that they can pile up to the point where you've got more that you haven't played than you have.
I presently have over 200 in my Steam Library, about ten in my GOG account (I only tend to log into that to claim MORE freebies, but never actually play anything). Complete Sims 2 on Origin too.
We can't swap games any more, piracy certainly never appears on my radar these days (not to say that it's gone) but we generally don't need to do either.
How do you see this kind of market shift affecting the industry and moreover how do you feel it impacts gamers?
Glyn Heaviside
Years ago games were prohibitively expensive, gamers' collections were generally small, swapping was common place, piracy was rife. With the advent of services like Steam we're regularly bombarded with a wide range of super cheap, if not free, games.
So much so that they can pile up to the point where you've got more that you haven't played than you have.
I presently have over 200 in my Steam Library, about ten in my GOG account (I only tend to log into that to claim MORE freebies, but never actually play anything). Complete Sims 2 on Origin too.
We can't swap games any more, piracy certainly never appears on my radar these days (not to say that it's gone) but we generally don't need to do either.
How do you see this kind of market shift affecting the industry and moreover how do you feel it impacts gamers?
Glyn Heaviside
Odd. The second letter we've had on this topic this week. I'm probably the wrong person to ask about this. but... I guess... it's like YouTube. Does having free stuff to watch on there stop people watching TV or going to the cinema? I'm thinking probably not, because there'll always be an appetite for brand new things with massive budgets, made by experienced creators.
People want that spectacle. As fun as things like Spelunky or The Binding of Isaac are, they're never going to satisfy the same itch that something like Assassin's Creed: Origins does.
Admittedly, I may have missed your point entirely, given that I gave up using Steam over a year ago, due to favouriting a weak laptop over a powerful desktop PC, and I'm a bit distracted because I really need a wee.
People want that spectacle. As fun as things like Spelunky or The Binding of Isaac are, they're never going to satisfy the same itch that something like Assassin's Creed: Origins does.
Admittedly, I may have missed your point entirely, given that I gave up using Steam over a year ago, due to favouriting a weak laptop over a powerful desktop PC, and I'm a bit distracted because I really need a wee.
+++ PLUG ZONE +++ PLUG ZONE +++ PLUG ZONE +++
Digitiser2000 reader Colin Surname has written a song about Black Friday which he'd love you all to hear. Listen up, assholes:
Don't forget that you can sign up to support my work through the means of money. Frankly, I could do with it, as I'm now three months late getting paid, and my safety net pretty much got splurged away on unexpected Found Footage bills.
By becoming a Patron you not only support the continued daily updates on Digitiser2000 - and the forthcoming Digitiser 25th anniversary celebrations - but also whatever else I decide to put out in the coming months.
Though I've been busy working on the day job - seemingly with diminishing hope of renumeration - but I've managed the Patreon page very soon, taking all of this into account, and hopefully adding some new bonuses for backers. You can now support me for just $1 - or 70p - per month. Surely I'm worth at least that?
Click below to join the fun, or - y'know - just send me some money on PayPal so that I can at least eat this weekend. I love you.
By becoming a Patron you not only support the continued daily updates on Digitiser2000 - and the forthcoming Digitiser 25th anniversary celebrations - but also whatever else I decide to put out in the coming months.
Though I've been busy working on the day job - seemingly with diminishing hope of renumeration - but I've managed the Patreon page very soon, taking all of this into account, and hopefully adding some new bonuses for backers. You can now support me for just $1 - or 70p - per month. Surely I'm worth at least that?
Click below to join the fun, or - y'know - just send me some money on PayPal so that I can at least eat this weekend. I love you.
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