Football, football, football, football, football. FOOOOOOTBALLLLL. World Cup's started then. It's as good a time as any for a letters page. Of course, the question on everyone's lips is is whether I'll find myself getting sucked into it, as I have been on occasion in the past.
At the moment, my interest remains firmly in the Brown Zone, and only likely to rise if England get through to the next round, or they end up facing off against Croatia (my dear wife is half-Croatian, see). Even then, I'm not too sure. It's just a load of blokes kicking a thing, right?
Anyway. Filming begins this weekend on Digitiser The Show. Backers and Patrons will be getting a sneak, behind-the-scenes, peek into what we're getting up to. No fewer than THREE classic Digitiser characters will be brought to life over the next couple of days - with more to follow in the weeks ahead. And now... let us do some letters.
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
At the moment, my interest remains firmly in the Brown Zone, and only likely to rise if England get through to the next round, or they end up facing off against Croatia (my dear wife is half-Croatian, see). Even then, I'm not too sure. It's just a load of blokes kicking a thing, right?
Anyway. Filming begins this weekend on Digitiser The Show. Backers and Patrons will be getting a sneak, behind-the-scenes, peek into what we're getting up to. No fewer than THREE classic Digitiser characters will be brought to life over the next couple of days - with more to follow in the weeks ahead. And now... let us do some letters.
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
BONO
I have access to rather a lot of old Edge Magazine issues, many of which I hadn't read. I used to read Digitiser on Teletext and finding this old article in the April 2003 issue of Edge reminded me of your contributions to the magazine.
I hadn't read this one before though! I'm going to see if there's any more to read, though I'm not sure how long you wrote for Edge.
You're under the name Biffovision and I think the title of the article is 'Mr Biffo most definitively does not love 1982' - it's such a good read! It's kind of surreal sitting here in 2018, reading an article from 2003 which is about people's rose tinted views of the past.
You talk about re-visiting games you loved like Haunted Hedges, using an emulator, and finding they aren't as good as you remember them. Your article is next to an advert for Primal, it's funny to think people now in their 20s will be nostalgic for that game.
No wait - what am I thinking? No one remembers that game! Let's say Metroid Prime instead, which is mentioned several times in that issue. Reading it was also odd for me because I'm pretty obsessed with nostalgia; I find it hard to get excited about new games (though I am liking Detroit: Become Human at the moment) and I'm surrounded by old games at my work place.
I almost entirely follow American games coverage, mostly content creators that birthed from the now dead 1UP.com, much as Retronauts. But I feel I should get back to reading UK peeps too. I found your website, and I think I may also look into One Life Left, which I probably haven't listened to in close to 8 years. After recently finding out Redeye from Edge was one of the dudes from OLL all this time! I used to read his column all the time.
Thank you for your time.
Oliver Wilmot
I have access to rather a lot of old Edge Magazine issues, many of which I hadn't read. I used to read Digitiser on Teletext and finding this old article in the April 2003 issue of Edge reminded me of your contributions to the magazine.
I hadn't read this one before though! I'm going to see if there's any more to read, though I'm not sure how long you wrote for Edge.
You're under the name Biffovision and I think the title of the article is 'Mr Biffo most definitively does not love 1982' - it's such a good read! It's kind of surreal sitting here in 2018, reading an article from 2003 which is about people's rose tinted views of the past.
You talk about re-visiting games you loved like Haunted Hedges, using an emulator, and finding they aren't as good as you remember them. Your article is next to an advert for Primal, it's funny to think people now in their 20s will be nostalgic for that game.
No wait - what am I thinking? No one remembers that game! Let's say Metroid Prime instead, which is mentioned several times in that issue. Reading it was also odd for me because I'm pretty obsessed with nostalgia; I find it hard to get excited about new games (though I am liking Detroit: Become Human at the moment) and I'm surrounded by old games at my work place.
I almost entirely follow American games coverage, mostly content creators that birthed from the now dead 1UP.com, much as Retronauts. But I feel I should get back to reading UK peeps too. I found your website, and I think I may also look into One Life Left, which I probably haven't listened to in close to 8 years. After recently finding out Redeye from Edge was one of the dudes from OLL all this time! I used to read his column all the time.
Thank you for your time.
Oliver Wilmot
I wrote for Edge for five years, from 2003 to 2008 - then quit, because I wanted to disappear. I'm glad I didn't stay disappeared forever.
I'm curious to know what some of those old columns read like. I was a very, very different person back then, not in a particularly happy place, and I wonder how much of that bled through into my writing. At the same time, I don't really want to revisit them - for the very same reasons. Aaaaand... we're off to a really depressing start! Cheer us all up by pressing reveal.
I'm curious to know what some of those old columns read like. I was a very, very different person back then, not in a particularly happy place, and I wonder how much of that bled through into my writing. At the same time, I don't really want to revisit them - for the very same reasons. Aaaaand... we're off to a really depressing start! Cheer us all up by pressing reveal.
REVEAL:
SNAP SNAP SNAP - THE DONKEY BROKE HIS BACK!
Chris "Super Page 58" Bell is currently searching for old Teletext broadcasts, or images thereof, containing the elusive Digitiser Donkey and Cyber-X. Can any readers help him?
I think they look something like this, but can't check without breaching the terms of my subsequent restraining order.
David W
Chris "Super Page 58" Bell is currently searching for old Teletext broadcasts, or images thereof, containing the elusive Digitiser Donkey and Cyber-X. Can any readers help him?
I think they look something like this, but can't check without breaching the terms of my subsequent restraining order.
David W
I initially wondered whether the Donkey even had a graphic - or whether we just referred to him in the text. Then I remembered changing his graphic one day to make it look like his nose was bleeding...
UNO PALOMA BLANKA
I own a Switch now, and wanted to get Street Fighter II for it. But Capcom released SF2 Ultra for it a while back, then announced the 30th Anniversary collection. So I was all like, the value for the collection is pretty good - it's like 12 games in there.
But then I figured I'd likely never touch SF Alpha, or SF III or anything like that; I'd likely just focus on the SF II games. I'm a really rubbish, super casual gamer see. I have yet to finish Mario Odyssey or Sonic Mania and I've owned both since Christams. And I found out the beautiful hi res graphics in Ultra aren't in the 30th collection. So in the end I plumped for Ultra.
I managed to find a copy for £22 on eBay. So I think I made the right choice. Unless the game doesn't arrive, then I'll feel ripped off.
With that in mind, what do YOU think I should have done? I don't really care, but I thought I'd at least give you a basis for an answer to this frankly very, very, lazy letter-writing effort.
Good luck filming Digi TV - I assume you're using ACTUAL snakes, so do be careful.
Kris Carter
I own a Switch now, and wanted to get Street Fighter II for it. But Capcom released SF2 Ultra for it a while back, then announced the 30th Anniversary collection. So I was all like, the value for the collection is pretty good - it's like 12 games in there.
But then I figured I'd likely never touch SF Alpha, or SF III or anything like that; I'd likely just focus on the SF II games. I'm a really rubbish, super casual gamer see. I have yet to finish Mario Odyssey or Sonic Mania and I've owned both since Christams. And I found out the beautiful hi res graphics in Ultra aren't in the 30th collection. So in the end I plumped for Ultra.
I managed to find a copy for £22 on eBay. So I think I made the right choice. Unless the game doesn't arrive, then I'll feel ripped off.
With that in mind, what do YOU think I should have done? I don't really care, but I thought I'd at least give you a basis for an answer to this frankly very, very, lazy letter-writing effort.
Good luck filming Digi TV - I assume you're using ACTUAL snakes, so do be careful.
Kris Carter
You can't ask me what you should've done. I bought Street Fighter V, but I quickly got very bored of it. With hindsight, the main thing I liked about Street Fighter 2 was the subtle 3D effect on the bath in Honda's stage. It's the small things...
WEDDONG
Dear Mr and Mrs Biffo. I offer you some advice in married life. It is important you have your own interests. Mrs Biffo may want to watch Crossroads, but Mr Biffo might not. So Mr Biffo should be allowed to speak to his wierdo friends on the internet when Crossroads is on.
My second piece of advice is to keep some magic in the relationship. Do not let Mrs Biffo see you doing a number 1, number 2 or number 7.
My third piece of advice is to distrust anyone who thinks instant coffee is morally acceptable.
Good luck with married life.
Chinny Hill
Dear Mr and Mrs Biffo. I offer you some advice in married life. It is important you have your own interests. Mrs Biffo may want to watch Crossroads, but Mr Biffo might not. So Mr Biffo should be allowed to speak to his wierdo friends on the internet when Crossroads is on.
My second piece of advice is to keep some magic in the relationship. Do not let Mrs Biffo see you doing a number 1, number 2 or number 7.
My third piece of advice is to distrust anyone who thinks instant coffee is morally acceptable.
Good luck with married life.
Chinny Hill
Thaaaaaanks, Chinnus.
True story: I was apparently born during an episode of Crossroads. My dad was going to bring my sisters up to the hospital after they'd finished watching, but my mother went into labor and squirted me out before the end.
And then I ended up writing a bunch of episodes when it came back 15 or so years ago. Getting the job on it in part gave me the confidence to quit Digi. Inevitably, it was axed the same month Digi ended... which was such splendid timing.
True story: I was apparently born during an episode of Crossroads. My dad was going to bring my sisters up to the hospital after they'd finished watching, but my mother went into labor and squirted me out before the end.
And then I ended up writing a bunch of episodes when it came back 15 or so years ago. Getting the job on it in part gave me the confidence to quit Digi. Inevitably, it was axed the same month Digi ended... which was such splendid timing.
LIVE LONG LOVE
I can't help but think that Turner the Worm is being disrespected by yoof culture; this season's Love Island worm is (probably) pwning the show, yet has not nodded to his inspiration Turner at all. Could this be rectified possibly by installing a cardboard cut out of Turner in the show backdrop?
Or to punish the worm, how about introducing Jess Conrad from Last Laugh In Vegas struggling to figure out how to make a bowl of cereal while Kenny Lynch casually drops swears at everyone?
What do you think?
Geeky Girl @1waytofindout
I can't help but think that Turner the Worm is being disrespected by yoof culture; this season's Love Island worm is (probably) pwning the show, yet has not nodded to his inspiration Turner at all. Could this be rectified possibly by installing a cardboard cut out of Turner in the show backdrop?
Or to punish the worm, how about introducing Jess Conrad from Last Laugh In Vegas struggling to figure out how to make a bowl of cereal while Kenny Lynch casually drops swears at everyone?
What do you think?
Geeky Girl @1waytofindout
I don't know what any of this means. I've never watched a single episode of Love Island, and I know nothing of Last Laugh in Vegas. Kenny Lynch is the only reference I get. My dad met him once... or so he claims.
Reveal now, plz.
Reveal now, plz.
REVEAL:
NEW HELL
So, yeah, E3. I didn’t watch any of the announcements or trailers, except for the Beyond Good & Evil 2 one. I don’t even know why: I barely play videogames any more.
But I thought it looked sort of interesting, if somehow only vaguely connected to the game I remember liking well enough years ago. And it didn’t seem to take the cliffhanger at the end of that game into account.
But anyway, what I’m getting at: if an all right game from ages ago can get a sequel, why can’t we get Half-Life 3 already? Maybe I’m deluded to still think anyone else cares or even wants it any longer, but I would dearly love to have some closure on that wonderful series.
Please, Mr Newell, can I have some more...?
Richard Morrison
So, yeah, E3. I didn’t watch any of the announcements or trailers, except for the Beyond Good & Evil 2 one. I don’t even know why: I barely play videogames any more.
But I thought it looked sort of interesting, if somehow only vaguely connected to the game I remember liking well enough years ago. And it didn’t seem to take the cliffhanger at the end of that game into account.
But anyway, what I’m getting at: if an all right game from ages ago can get a sequel, why can’t we get Half-Life 3 already? Maybe I’m deluded to still think anyone else cares or even wants it any longer, but I would dearly love to have some closure on that wonderful series.
Please, Mr Newell, can I have some more...?
Richard Morrison
Apparently Beyond Good & Evil 2 is a prequel, so don't you worry about that cliffhanger. Oddly, I have absolutely no recollection of the original. Most of my awareness seems to come from other people saying how good it was.
Anyhow, yeah... I dunno why they've not done Half-Life 3. I've gone from respecting them for not chasing an easy windfall to just being irritated by their obstinance. At this point they should just skip straight to Half-Life 4.
Anyhow, yeah... I dunno why they've not done Half-Life 3. I've gone from respecting them for not chasing an easy windfall to just being irritated by their obstinance. At this point they should just skip straight to Half-Life 4.
SHAKE SHACK
Hello. Next year I think they should rename E3 to Siegfried, just for the one year. You know, to shake things up a bit. And it should just, like, be 500 N64s, but all they have is Superman 64. That's E3 2019 planned - way more memorable than any E3 of the last five years. Ta, me duck.
Wapojif
Hello. Next year I think they should rename E3 to Siegfried, just for the one year. You know, to shake things up a bit. And it should just, like, be 500 N64s, but all they have is Superman 64. That's E3 2019 planned - way more memorable than any E3 of the last five years. Ta, me duck.
Wapojif
Yeah, you could do that. Or you could press reveal.
REVEAL:
THE 50 Qs OF DAN
1) What should one do in the event they accidentally forgot to contribute to the Digitiser show because they were waiting for gimmick rewards in the last 24 hours of the Kickstarter that never materialised?
2) What is the best way to frame question 1 in such a way that it doesn't seem like you wrote this email yourself in order to cajole people into coughing up more cash?
3) Gossi the dog is my favourite. Am I safe to assume he will be making a triumphant return as part of your new Youtube series?
Yours & Best,
Dan
1) What should one do in the event they accidentally forgot to contribute to the Digitiser show because they were waiting for gimmick rewards in the last 24 hours of the Kickstarter that never materialised?
2) What is the best way to frame question 1 in such a way that it doesn't seem like you wrote this email yourself in order to cajole people into coughing up more cash?
3) Gossi the dog is my favourite. Am I safe to assume he will be making a triumphant return as part of your new Youtube series?
Yours & Best,
Dan
1) Well, that was very silly of you. I'm aiming to do a second round of ongoing fundraising at some point - before we do our location filming. I've just not had the time to make it happen yet. That's not me being greedy; it's purely because a lot of people seem to want to contribute. And given the eye-watering expense involved in making a professional-looking TV-style show... we could use the money.
2) My response above, which doesn't - yet - offer any incentives to people to give me money. Though they can contribute to the Patreon, of course. I do post blogs on there.
3) In all honesty... no Gossi. He sort of didn't ever have a comedy schtick that I could use - plus we're not really doing anything that's topical, and Gossi's main thing was talking about the news.
2) My response above, which doesn't - yet - offer any incentives to people to give me money. Though they can contribute to the Patreon, of course. I do post blogs on there.
3) In all honesty... no Gossi. He sort of didn't ever have a comedy schtick that I could use - plus we're not really doing anything that's topical, and Gossi's main thing was talking about the news.
COLD AS PRRR-ICE
For years, people have argued whether the price of games is appropriate. Some think that a £50 game is good value, especially when that's only a fiver more than I paid for Streets of Rage 20 years ago. For others, it seems crazy to pay £50 for a game when a multi million dollar movie is a tenner on Bluray.
The issue of game pricing came back into my head as I held off buying Burnout Paradise Remastered. £35 seemed a bit steep for a 10 year old game, and it just *felt* like one of those games that would fall in price quickly. Nothing to do with quality, just, you know? And I bought it 2 months after launch from Asda for £18. It's on PSN today for £12.
But why buy a new release at all? There's a world of older games that still hold up amazingly well and I'm catching up with stuff that I missed at the time and paying pennies for it. I'm currently loving Split Second Velocity on PS3 that was £2 in Cash Converters. It looks great, plays great, and I'm regretting buying Burnout for £18, knowing that I haven't played it much and by the time I get round to that it might be a tenner.
Demands on my time pull me away from Zelda BOTW, a fantastic game that I personally have only scratched the surface of - and paid £55 for. I'm wondering why I even bothered buying the Switch at all. It's a fantastic bit of kit, but it's staying unused while I plough though a £2 game from Cash Converters. And when I finish Split Second, there's a pile of games I haven't started, all bought for pennies, all for 360 or PS3 and all still looking fantastic in HD.
Retro is no longer basic graphics and beepy music. PS3 and Xbox 360 games are as good as current stuff. Sure the frame rate might be 30 instead of 60, but that's not altering the fun I have playing Daytona, Deadly Premonition and Pure. And for the current generation I just picked up Rare Replay and Dead Rising 3 for £3 each, and Infinite Warfare for PS4 just set me back £1.99
I've always been a big gaming fan, pre-ordering and the like, enjoying the anticipation and going to midnight launches, but today I feel there's no point, I'm happy to be a few weeks behind and spend a fraction of the money, or even be 5 years behind and play for pennies.
Steve Piers
For years, people have argued whether the price of games is appropriate. Some think that a £50 game is good value, especially when that's only a fiver more than I paid for Streets of Rage 20 years ago. For others, it seems crazy to pay £50 for a game when a multi million dollar movie is a tenner on Bluray.
The issue of game pricing came back into my head as I held off buying Burnout Paradise Remastered. £35 seemed a bit steep for a 10 year old game, and it just *felt* like one of those games that would fall in price quickly. Nothing to do with quality, just, you know? And I bought it 2 months after launch from Asda for £18. It's on PSN today for £12.
But why buy a new release at all? There's a world of older games that still hold up amazingly well and I'm catching up with stuff that I missed at the time and paying pennies for it. I'm currently loving Split Second Velocity on PS3 that was £2 in Cash Converters. It looks great, plays great, and I'm regretting buying Burnout for £18, knowing that I haven't played it much and by the time I get round to that it might be a tenner.
Demands on my time pull me away from Zelda BOTW, a fantastic game that I personally have only scratched the surface of - and paid £55 for. I'm wondering why I even bothered buying the Switch at all. It's a fantastic bit of kit, but it's staying unused while I plough though a £2 game from Cash Converters. And when I finish Split Second, there's a pile of games I haven't started, all bought for pennies, all for 360 or PS3 and all still looking fantastic in HD.
Retro is no longer basic graphics and beepy music. PS3 and Xbox 360 games are as good as current stuff. Sure the frame rate might be 30 instead of 60, but that's not altering the fun I have playing Daytona, Deadly Premonition and Pure. And for the current generation I just picked up Rare Replay and Dead Rising 3 for £3 each, and Infinite Warfare for PS4 just set me back £1.99
I've always been a big gaming fan, pre-ordering and the like, enjoying the anticipation and going to midnight launches, but today I feel there's no point, I'm happy to be a few weeks behind and spend a fraction of the money, or even be 5 years behind and play for pennies.
Steve Piers
Yeah, in real terms... games are cheaper than they used to be. Especially when you consider that many indie games are the same price as games in the 1980s. I don't really know what else to say. Press reveal?
REVEAL:
DUVETERAN
Just writing to show off my new quilt cover as it's absolutely lovely.
Have a good day!
Frank Chickens
Just writing to show off my new quilt cover as it's absolutely lovely.
Have a good day!
Frank Chickens
I have seen this duvet cover, but for the life of me can't understand why you - or anyone else - might have bought it. Those words... isn't that really distracting when you're trying to sleep?
RESTING PLACE FACE
Not big on subject matter for a letter this week. I would like to say thanks for the Kickstarter updates you are sending - hope your first batch of filming goes well.
Anyway, letter pages in provincials magazines are always good for a laugh. Here’s one I found recently. It’s a great example of small town boiling rage.
All the best,
Paul
Not big on subject matter for a letter this week. I would like to say thanks for the Kickstarter updates you are sending - hope your first batch of filming goes well.
Anyway, letter pages in provincials magazines are always good for a laugh. Here’s one I found recently. It’s a great example of small town boiling rage.
All the best,
Paul
It's like something out of Agatha Christie!!!
DAAAAAAVE
Hello Biffo. I read with delight Insincere Dave's take on Microsoft's E3 presentation and I really enjoyed him taking the pee-pee out of it. I can't help but feel that these overblown shindigs are 99% hot air and 1% content. Sure, I bet some people there get a nice buffet breakfast, dinner and evening meal out of it, but is that reason enough to make us mere plebs suffer through a load of over hyped nonsense? I think not.
That being said, do you think it is time to put the corpulent E3 beastie out of its misery and, if so, should something else replace it or, like teletext, should we all just learn to live without it?
Big love,
Al Kellett aka YouCanCallMeAl
Hello Biffo. I read with delight Insincere Dave's take on Microsoft's E3 presentation and I really enjoyed him taking the pee-pee out of it. I can't help but feel that these overblown shindigs are 99% hot air and 1% content. Sure, I bet some people there get a nice buffet breakfast, dinner and evening meal out of it, but is that reason enough to make us mere plebs suffer through a load of over hyped nonsense? I think not.
That being said, do you think it is time to put the corpulent E3 beastie out of its misery and, if so, should something else replace it or, like teletext, should we all just learn to live without it?
Big love,
Al Kellett aka YouCanCallMeAl
Nah. Honestly, I felt a bit bad for being so cynical about it this week. Games are, potentially, such a broad church that I just want them to live up to their potential a bit more. When I moan about games, it's only ever done out of love and passion.
That said, the big E3 presentations have become a parody of themselves. The Xbox one really rankled my goitre.
That said, the big E3 presentations have become a parody of themselves. The Xbox one really rankled my goitre.
THE 50 Qs OF WHYTE
1. While Mario is undoubtedly Nintendo's most iconic character, I'd argue that Zelda, in terms of median game quality is Nintendo's best series. What do you think of this and how would you rate the Metroid series compared to Zelda and Mario?
2. This might sound strange but I find that I rarely replay the very best games that I have completed. I cannot explain it other than perhaps I don't want to spoil the memory, but some of my favourite games have only been played once through. This is made stranger by the fact that some other, less good games still end up being switched on for a while, here and there. Have you ever experienced this, or similar?
3. Which game developer would you most like to work on someone else's game and what game would that be?
John Whyte
1. While Mario is undoubtedly Nintendo's most iconic character, I'd argue that Zelda, in terms of median game quality is Nintendo's best series. What do you think of this and how would you rate the Metroid series compared to Zelda and Mario?
2. This might sound strange but I find that I rarely replay the very best games that I have completed. I cannot explain it other than perhaps I don't want to spoil the memory, but some of my favourite games have only been played once through. This is made stranger by the fact that some other, less good games still end up being switched on for a while, here and there. Have you ever experienced this, or similar?
3. Which game developer would you most like to work on someone else's game and what game would that be?
John Whyte
1. Hah! Well... we actually have an episode of Digitiser the Show where we attempt to answer this very question! To do so here would be entering spoiler territory...
2. There aren't many games I've played through more than once full stop, but it's more an issue of time than anything else. Half-Life 2 is the only game I've played all the way through at least three times.
3. Oddly, my wish has been granted; I wanted the team behind Titanfall 2 to work on a Star Wars game. It was announced at E3 that they are. Hurrah. What a pair of "prescient swells" we are.
2. There aren't many games I've played through more than once full stop, but it's more an issue of time than anything else. Half-Life 2 is the only game I've played all the way through at least three times.
3. Oddly, my wish has been granted; I wanted the team behind Titanfall 2 to work on a Star Wars game. It was announced at E3 that they are. Hurrah. What a pair of "prescient swells" we are.
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