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the digitiser friday letters page

27/4/2018

35 Comments

 
Picture
Letters, letters, letters, letters, letters, letters, letters, letters... BATMAN! 

See the above image? Sneak peek at something that's being made for Digitiser The Show. You may recognise the face, even though you're likely more used to her appearing in blocky, teletext-o-vision. Some of you may also be very happy with who has agreed to provide her voice for a number of Digitiser The Show on-location reports... But aaaanyway...


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
HAIRLESS WHISPERS
All things come to an end. My having hair for example. And my working in a brilliant job is finishing tomorrow (today when you read this). 

As a result my year-long Switch holdout has also come to an end. That's due to the fact I have a commute to that London every day and time to kill each day on the train. 

Where to start though? Ostensibly my purchase was bought with my four year old son in mind too so Mario Odyssey was the first game I bought.

Mario Kart is another obvious choice as I've not played it since the 3DS incarnation. Zelda is another but I'm holding out for a cheap copy.

Skyrim I finished on 360, the same with Puyo Tetris on Xbox One. 

And that online store is a horror show. Coming from the Xbox & PS4 I'd have thought things would have improved from the 3DS in terms of content. But if anything it's got worse. 

They're missing a trick by not having a Virtual Console, I'd happy buy Super Mario World for the umpteenth time. WiiU ports must also be technically possible too.

What to do? I suppose there's PS4 reviews to be getting on with too. :)

Worse problems to have I suppose. 

Either way, my initial impressions are good and things can only get better on Switch. 
Ian
Yes. Switch is nice. Press reveal to see what else is nice.
REVEAL:
Picture
SMASH
So, I smashed the screen of my iPhone - face down on the bathroom tiles, if you please - this week and got it replaced in one of those high street computer repair shops for £80 rather than £150-odd at the Apple Store.

I am convinced it is now hugely inferior to my old screen, both in terms of touch sensitivity and range of colours (although everyone else tells me I’m wrong and it’s just the same). Could it be so, Biffo? Have Apple won this round?

Richard
Have you tried putting it in a bowl of rice?
THE WONG TROUSERS
I miss Armstrong Wong. 

Thank you for your time.
James x
We all miss Armstrong Wong. I was going to get him to do a second video, but he'd disappeared off of Fiverr... :-(
RE: CRUIT
I was thinking about the Digitiser Show the other day, and I started wondering how you recruited people to be the co-hosts and guests. I imagine it was probably a bit like the Dirty Dozen where you picked the baddest people from some kind of Youtube prison.
Stringfellow Hawke
It was nothing like that. I simply sent poison to a random sample of 1,000 people, and just went with the ones who survived.
COLOUR ME BADD
Firstly, a massive congratulations on an extremely successful Kickstarter campaign. 

I didn't contribute anything, but that's not because I don't think it's going to be awesome; I'm in the process of buying a new home, have just bought a new car and my finances are in tatters. 

Good luck making what I'm confident will be a defining moment for all of those involved, and indeed video games coverage at large - it's important work you're doing!

I've recently swapped my PS4 for an Xbox One. Initially this had been only a temporary measure for my brother and I to enjoy pastures greener (or bluer for PS4 (sorry)).

I'm an absolute idiot for Carcassonne and once I started playing it again I couldn't let it go but enough about that, what did I make of the Xbox One?

Ultimately it's a bag of stinky pants. The Windows 10 interface is a poor fit for a console, and it lags like a deathrow inmate on their way to a 4 in the morning wee (No.1).

I've played Halo 4 on it - for about 10 minutes. Sea of Thieves is not 'hitting' for me, and Cupboy, though absolutely gorgeous, is just a load of tedious poo (No.2) that reminds me why Nintendo are better at this sort of thing than anybody else. Lucky Tails? That games is a great reminder of how making decent games isn't easy. Shocking stuff.

My son had a game of FIFA on it - compared to the PS4 it looked last gen, but was in fact a newer year than his previous PS4 one.

But then GTAV opened my eyes to something... something wonderful. So wonderful in fact that I think I actually prefer the Xbox One to the PS4.

COLOUR.

You see, I'm a bugger for some colour. It's right up there with peanut butter.... sweet mercy, colour is such a fanciful treat to behold and, get this, the Xbox One has colour for days! The PS4 is so muted by comparison; erring on washed out. To my mind this makes games on the Xbox One pop harder than a dirty great cyst.

Put simply, the Xbox One makes games look fun again; like how they used to look at the arcade.

Do you or any of your gentle friends have an opinion on this?
DEAN
Having not had the benefit of comparing the same game on two different systems, I don't really have an opinion on this. Have you played Horizon Zero Dawn on the PS4 though? That's a nice, colourful game.

I've yet to play Sea of Thieves or Cuphead, despite having been very much looking forward to both of them. By all accounts they've disappointed to some extent. Thus: not gonna bother, yeah?
THE FINAL NURDLE
As you will of course know I'm kind of a big deal these days and was wondering what are the best steps to take in order to ensure that my transplextion nurdle flaget is protected at all times?
​
This has been of worry to me for some time now and I hope you can help me find the best solution.

Thanks in advance,
Gubbins
This is great and everything, and I'm really pleased you wrote in, but I don't really know what to say.
SPYROTECHNICS
With the recent announcement of the Spyro Reignited trilogy, and my utter apathy, I must ask am I alone in being far more interested in the Medieval remaster and your thoughts on the return of our man Dan.

Also are Cheese and Onion the most disgusting crisp flavour or is there a worse one?
Emily Green.
Cheese & onion, in my opinion, are generally unpleasant, with one exception: Waitrose cheese & onion. If you've ever had their own-brand crisps, they're all massively over-salted, and the amount of cheese & onion flavouring they put on is absurd. Somehow it's so extreme that it transcends the usual stinky breath-ness of C&O and makes them worthwhile.

Medievil remastered? Yes, I'm looking forward to that. Though the series is now inexorably linked in my head to my driving instructor, who was obsessed with the first one. When I passed the test, I gave him my Digitiser review copy of Medieval 2, because he'd told me he couldn't afford to buy it, on account of his divorce.

He also turned up at my house once for an unscheduled lesson, not on the usual day, after I'd been on a trip to the Science Museum with my daughter's class (where I paid a boy 50p to give himself an electric shock). I was certain that I didn't have a lesson scheduled for that day, because I knew I was doing the school trip.

Malcolm's response? "I know I wouldn't have made a mistake."
BUDGET GAME
Both readers eagerly anticipating Digitiser: The Game will be pleased to hear that there is now an official page hosting development news:

http://arbitraryfiles.com/games/dtg/devdiary_001.html

Can I have my £2.99 now?
David W
Go - go now! Go and read about David's many labours to bring to you this gaming necessity!
TAPPED OUT
How are you? I saw you had a lack of letters this week so thought I'd get one typed up. I say typed, I'm on my phone so it's more tapped. 

Anyway, a thought I've been having that's really boring. Them games like Gone Home, What Remains of Edith Finch and the like keep getting called walking simulators, which is a bit reductive and derisory. Do you think there's a better name for them? I asked people on Twitter but they ignored me. I'm split between exploration narrative game and first person looter.

Anyway, hope this helps fill out your letters page. Looking forward to that Digitiser show. I hope it has bums in it and maybe some form of lewdness.
Anthont
Yeah, I don't like that they're called walking simulators. That's a stupid name for them. That's like calling any movie without action in it a "walking film".
BABY-LESS
I do not care that there is a new royal baby. But the fact I am keen to point this out makes me worry that I do care.
 
Now I’m wondering if I do indeed care about there being a new royal baby, or conversely I just care about people caring whether or not I do care about there being a royal baby.
 
So if I don’t care about it, but I care enough to attempt to not care, does this suggest I do in fact care?
 
Or am I just jealous that I can’t live in a palace for free.
 
Yours faithfully,
Octav1us Kitten
You're the second Digitiser the Show co-host to write to Digitiser in recent weeks. What's going on?! You can send me emails and Twitter messages you know. You don't have to communicate through these pages.

Anyway, ​I think you care about the wider context. You don't care about the baby itself per se, but our society's reaction to it, and you care about how you're perceived. Which is interesting, because it's about how you perceive people who do care about the Royal baby. What do you see in them that you fear others will see in you? And why does that matter to you?

You know we're not going to have this level of intellectual discourse on the show, right?  
STRESS RESPONSE
A year or so ago I decided to quit my job and go back to university. I still have a project to complete over the summer, but today I finished my last exam. Please for to telling me the most stressed you ever have being.
​

Kindest regards,
Gerard
Hmm. Most stressed I've ever been? I think it was about 8 years ago, when the kids show I was working on, Dani's House, had two series commissioned at once, and both of them had to be filmed in a year. I was down to write 10 episodes overall, and it nearly killed me.

I ended up going on an American road trip with my dad in the middle of it all to try and unwind. It was fine, but I got scarlet fever while I was there, and had to get an injection in my bottom in a little Navajo medical centre in the middle of the desert. 

I was also incredibly stressed in the run up to the Block Party/Digifest in 2016. So stressed, in fact, that I gave myself gastritis, and had to have a garden hose shoved down my throat.

Also: I was very, very stressed a couple of weeks ago, around the end of the Kickstarter. I have yet to get ill from this. I'll keep you posted.
COPPED OFF
Just a quick one, have you ever copped heat from "The Man" for using the Digi name and logo etc.?
​
Just wondered if the soulless big business bread head types would try and bully the little guy (i.e. You) into changing it into something else?

A Rose by any other name would smell just as sweet etc etc etc which is funny because your name is Paul Rose.
James Walker
There's a bit of history to this. Shortly after Teletext left our telly screens, I contacted them with a view to buying the Digitiser brand. Twice. They never replied to me.

​When I started this site, I obviously gave it the "2000" bit at the end, in a sort of "Bobby Gee's Buck's Fizz" copyright-avoiding way. Not that I think Teletext - or its owners - ever had any sort of interest in the brand. I mean, it's so inextricably linked to me, they'd be stupid to try and resurrect it with somebody else (he says, arrogantly).

But anyway, a couple of months ago I applied for the trademark, had it provisionally accepted, and now there's a waiting period (which is nearly over, I think) in which Teletext can object. Though providing nobody does... Digitiser is mine - all mine!!!!!!
RIP RICK DICK'
Well, today brought some sad news - Rick Dickinson, Sinclair's industrial designer died this week.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-43907248

I am a late owner of a Spectrum, which I do think is a nicely designed machine (apart from those rubbery keys). I did buy a Z88, which I used in anger throughout my university times for essay writing, and the thing just looked so damn good, as well as having decent keyboard for a portable machine at the time (and ran off 4 AA batteries too).

​It's a shame he never lived to see the release of the cased Spectrum Next, which is under production at the moment. That's one lovely looking machine.
Paul Dunning.
Yep. Very sad. I'll likely do a bit of a tribute to him on Digitiser next week.
TIT' FIGHT
You were desperate for letters so here we go.
 
I was going to write a moan about TSB but you’re probably sick of all that.
 
So instead I’ll agree with your point from the other day about how something as tragic as the sinking of the Titanic can now be a naff arcade game and no-one bats an eyelid.

I wonder if it’s when everyone involved has passed on? Seems that for some the first thing they think of is that awful film, rather than an actual historical event. I remember when the Costa Concordia went down there were reports of people saying “Ooh it’s just like that film Titanic”, though that might be apocryphal. Have a great weekend.
Chris Dyson
The thing I find odd about the Titanic, is how tiny it was in comparison to modern cruise ships. I've been on a few cruises now, and the ships are ridiculously huge. 

On one of them we went to a restaurant where the chef cooks the food on a hotplate in front of you, and throws eggs into his hat and stuff. We had a chef who informed us that if an egg has one yolk "It's a girl, if it has two yolks it's a boy, and if it has no yolks it's a gay". 

On the another cruise, we watched a show by a Spanish musical comedy trio, who appeared to go insane and started throwing raw eggs at audience members.

That's the main thing about cruises: lots of egg memories.
THE 50 Q'S OF WHYTE
1.  I really like the new God of War and it almost gives me hope that what I think of as being the best games i.e. single-player experiences are going to disappear any time soon. Almost everything about it is brilliant, but...

So far there hasn't been a moment in it (I'm not finished it yet) that makes me feel the way that the best moments of the original games did, especially the first two. No, they weren't realistic but they had a sheer ferocity that nothing else I've ever played can match. Change was, in this case, necessary but not all good, despite the new game's undoubted quality.

2. Speaking of God of War, it spawned a really good and incredibly unlikely clone in Dante's Inferno. What is your favourite rip-off of another game?

3. From a creative point-of-view, do Nintendo need to be a hardware manufacturer? I ask because I cannot lose the feeling that something that made Sega special was lost when they stopped manufacturing consoles. In theory it shouldn't matter but I think a XBox Mario would be strange although Mario was originally multi-platform (I think) so maybe it wouldn't matter.
John  Whyte
1. I completely, and utterly agree with you on these points.

2. Favourite rip-off of another game? Hmm. Probably... Resident Evil. Which was a rip-off of Alone In The Dark, and nobody ever took it to task.

​3. I also agree with this. Imagine if Nintendo had left hardware behind after the GameCube. It scarcely bears thinking about. Whatever you think of the Wii, Wii U and Switch at least they weren't just identikit black slabs.
35 Comments
DEAN
27/4/2018 09:40:48 am

A few words about cruises -

I took my family on a 3 night cruise to Belgium and France last year.
We'd never taken a cruise before but decided that we should try it.

I always thought they'd be shit but the pics looked cool.

Anyway, we made our way up to our room, met up at the muster station and decided that FUCK THIS SHIT and arranged to have ourselves escorted off the boat.

It was on the Independance of the Seas, a Royal Caribbean ship and it was terrible.

And yes, the ships are massive but seriously, when you get right down to it, everything on them is like a shitty little version of what it's supposed to be.

Can't see the appeal, I mean even the organisation resembles a school trip. Fucking hated it and we never even set sail.

But then my mum and brother love them and do them all time so I guess they have their appeal. Lost on me, though.

Reply
Alistair
27/4/2018 11:44:00 am

Modern cruise ships are just big floaty hotels, nothing like a sleek ocean liner. My dad used to call the ones in the Caribbean "prison ships". You could see them all lit up in a procession sailing round and round in a big oval all evening to give the passengers the illusion that they're going on a long exciting voyage when the islands are only 15 minutes apart.

Comparing the Costa Concordia to the Titanic is silly because it didn't sink backside pointy-upwise. It went turny-sidelode like The Poseidon Adventure

Reply
Col. Asdasd
29/4/2018 08:55:26 am

Popular culture has been very kind to the cruise liner, which like hotels, air and rail travel has enjoyed several decades's worth of incidental advertising through films, television and books. Whenever a location is injects a little glamour into proceedings, it's easy to shunt the characters onto an expensive cruiser, a transcontinental steam train or a Hyatt penthouse suite to get Miss Marpled.

I think part of the issue is that these are venerable industries, hundreds of years old, and so somehow benefit from a settled, nostalgic assumption that things remained at a high point when only the upper classes could afford to make use of such services and so no expense was spared on customers.

Whereas today a combination of pleb mobility and the ever-present need to grow profits means that the actual lived experience of such attractions is in stark contrast to the soft-lit depictions in the media - service starts at 'mediocre' at the top level and goes all the way down to 'extremely shit' in the cattle class.

Note todau that the truly wealthy own their own super-yachts and private jets and wouldn't be caught dead even stepping onto a cruiser or a British Airways flight.

I stayed in a proper 5 star Marriott for the first time last year. It was eye-wateringly expensive compared to a 3 star hotel but was a functionally identical experience. Nice marble floors though.

Reply
DEAN
27/4/2018 10:05:19 am

Thanks for the reply, Mr B - yes, I have played Horizon but it wasn't for me - too much sneaking about like a snake in the grass.

I've never enjoy being stealthy - I'm a massive person and so being discreet is somewhat alien to me!

Also, on RPGs or whatever I always max out the power because I see it like this:

If you hit something harder, you defeat it quicker. Both merciful and efficient.

If you max out your defence then you're essentially a glutton for punishment.

And then there's the wise view - remain balanced. But that's the worst of all, right, because nothing at all is very impressive. I mean since when has showing shrewd judgement considered to be fun!

Power on, dudes!

Reply
RPGeoffrey
27/4/2018 10:19:03 am

But the 'glass cannon' approach only works if you strike first...

Reply
DEAN
27/4/2018 10:24:50 am

Well said, man!

Think early Mike Tyson - that's always what I aim for.

RPGeoffrey
27/4/2018 11:50:19 am

Fast, mean, and a looming appetite for ears

DEAN
27/4/2018 02:45:47 pm

The whole earcident thing made me think about what I'd have done...

I would rather be disqualified than lose too, I think. For several reasons really: pride, career prospects and justice; if Hollyfield really was being a bit naughty with the headbutting then he had it coming.

Picston Shottle
27/4/2018 02:35:39 pm

Yes! Yes! Don’t arse about being balanced or a bullet sponge, it’s a waste of time. Raw power is what it’s all about. And yeah, sneaking about in games...nah. Assassins Creed is a good and all that, but the sneaking about and being patient is pain in the tits.

Reply
DEAN
27/4/2018 02:51:42 pm

*High Five*

Mark M
27/4/2018 03:32:38 pm

Maybe I'm a bit of a weasel because I love Stealth and sniping/bow and arrow. RotTR and HZD are two of my fave games ever for this reason.

I also have sneaky, kleptomaniac tendencies in games like Skyrim. I just can't help nicking anything that's not nailed down!

Biscuits
27/4/2018 10:15:17 am

This year is shaping up to be as good as last year for gaming, which is an absurd claim, but here we are. I don't know if I should play Far Cry 5, Yakuza 6, God of War 4 or Monster Hunter World this weekend. And it's only April.

Reply
DEAN
27/4/2018 11:02:40 am

That's great, man, and I'm happy for you.

You know which of those games I'd play first? NONE of them.
Worst year for games since records began - hope Summer's a hot one!

Reply
Biscuits
27/4/2018 11:15:40 am

I'll see if I can find a cribbage sim for you to play while wearing a knotted hanky on your pate

Nah for real, I'm a bit disconcerted by the fact all of them are sequels and all of them have at least 3 prior instalments...but they all look varying degrees of great! I love Yakuza 0 last year so really looking forward to 6

Are you not digging Sea of Thieves so much? I really want that game

DEAN
27/4/2018 11:26:06 am

I like the SOUND of cribbage (sounds like an unsavoury act of love) and you play it using those little wooden boards with all holes in them, right? So rather a lot like 'pegging'?

I played Rummy Kub (also sounds like something 'surprising') for the first time on holiday ooooh 17 years ago - it was actually nice being sat by the pool playing that so I may take you up on the offer. All I ask is that we're both wearing Mankinis but I warn you now, I'm 20stone+ and I enjoy doing slut drops when there's a man around. Think a hairy sweaty Kim Kardashian with the imprint from a patio chair all over her arse.

To be fair, mate, I've barely played it - I had the Xbox Gamepass for a month and downloaded it, booted it up and got pissed off with it fairly quickly. I honestly can't say I gave it a fair 'crack'.

Mrtankthreat
27/4/2018 11:52:31 am

https://cardgames.io

Try this site if you want a bit of cribbage or various other card games. I play on this way more than I play regular video games anymore.

Biscuits
27/4/2018 11:54:39 am

LOL that description is a little too hot to handle at my desk. What is a 'slut drop' though?

Have you seen this? It made me laugh a lot. It still brings a smile to my face

https://www.boards.ie/b/thread/2057854190

DEAN
27/4/2018 02:32:26 pm

Slut drop - oh man, I could explain it but I'm going to go the extra mile for you, dear Biscuits - here's a video of Louie Spence performing one!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk_EwxcB60M

I honestly don't know if it's SFW or not - air on the side of caution?

That link you gave is outrageous!! But great to see we're on the same page at least x

Biccers
28/4/2018 11:40:42 am

hahaha

Chris
27/4/2018 11:07:17 am

I'm currently playing through Xenoblade 2, so I haven't even got to this year's games yet!

Reply
Biscuits
27/4/2018 11:24:22 am

My year started with Breath of the Wild...it's a good gaming year already

DEAN
27/4/2018 10:17:24 am

The Royal Bairn

My total lack of interest in this is the genuine article.

It IS strange how people seem to care, though. And the wedding.
But then it is at least real unlike in the soaps so I suppose it has that going for it.

My wife seems to be interested in these kinds of things and again, I have no real idea why.

So and so has passed their driving test, Shirly's son got into uni, Paddy and Mary are expecting again.... weird.

Mind you I'm extremely interested in listening to tests using different alnico magents in guitar pickups and watching videos of Jony Ive talking about magic and precision so.... fair enough!

Reply
Your Pretentious Pal Critical Clyde
27/4/2018 10:36:44 am

The current superhero trend is like this, it's not about enjoying a movie with a good story with beginning, middle and end, so much as 'Woah Ironman was wearing this, and did you see they revealed Batman's new hat, and what kind of car will Spiderman have' etcetc, just busywork and gossip fodder. Same with wrestling

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DEAN
27/4/2018 11:00:28 am

I hear you, Clyde.

I loved Spiderman in his little yellow coat, though.

And personally I think it was mistake cutting off Thor's gorgeous blonde locks but whatever. Makes him look younger, I suppose.

R-Jay
28/4/2018 12:46:10 am

Oooh which uni has Shirley's son got into?

Reply
DEAN
29/4/2018 10:30:37 am

Can't remember now if it was cycles or tards. Whichever, our Shirl's pleased to be proud.

Mrtankthreat
27/4/2018 11:43:57 am

I just happened to watch Mr. Plinkett's Titanic review the other day and he makes a decent argument that a lot of people think it's a rubbish movie based purely on the hatred for the Celine Dion song. He does go on to point out other flaws but I think he has a point there. It's not as bad a movie as people think.

As for cheese and onion, it's actually the greatest crisp flavour. You just need to get Irish crisps like Tayto or King not your rubbish British ones.

A couple of years ago during a crisp discussion on another Internet forum, I discovered that most of the Irish crisp brands that you'd assume were in competition with each other were all owned by the same company. The idea that Tayto and King profits all go to the same company was like if you discovered that Mario and Sonic were both created by the same person. It was a shock I tell ya.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
27/4/2018 03:54:23 pm

I think it gets unfairly slated because of the teen heartthrob aspect, and that societally we tend to hate on things that teenage girls like for some reason. After Titanic it took years for Leonardo DiCaprio to be seen as anything more than a pretty boy that men slated but were secretly jealous of. Now we know he's a very talented actor who we are legitimately openly jealous of.

I personally don't plan to watch it ever again, but that's mainly because the bit with the mother calming her doomed children's the ship sinks is deeply saddening. Which I think means the film was effective on the whole.

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Mrtankthreat
27/4/2018 04:35:44 pm

That's a really good shout. Teenage girls' entertainment tastes do tend to get maligned.

I haven't seen the film since it originally came out on video and I would have dismissed it back then as a girly thing that my sister liked.

The review made me want to revisit it, especially coming at it from the technical side of making a movie that I've since gone on to study. It was some achievement really. I'm put off by the length though. Isn't it like three hours?

Spiney O'Sullivan
27/4/2018 09:01:00 pm

It is about three hours, but every new Marvel or Star Wars film seems to be about that long anyway. I assume that Infinity War will last at least three days as they try to give every character in that universe screen time.

Fat Sow!!
27/4/2018 12:04:18 pm

It's Fat Sow!!!

Reply
Mark M
29/4/2018 11:51:32 pm

Is she being voiced by Joanna Lumley? :)

Reply
Nicholas Witchell
27/4/2018 01:12:22 pm

I hate people who pronounce "Louis" as "Lewis". It's clearly French, and therefore "Louie".

Fortunately for my private vendetta, one of them was recently outed as a disgraceful sex-pest, thereby tarnishing all the others by association.

But now the Royals are at it! It makes me wish for them to go the same was as that other royal Louis, who was in that Assassin's Creed game, and that Sophia Coppola movie.

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Biscotti
27/4/2018 01:32:03 pm

You've made yourself look foolish here, if it's spelled Looey

Reply
Geebs
28/4/2018 10:31:43 pm

The single most important thing about the Sinclair Z88 was this: it smelt absolutely AMAZING.

Reply



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