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the digitiser friday letters page

9/11/2018

20 Comments

 
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Settle in, kids. This is going to be a long letters page. 

You probably don't need me to reiterate this, but Digitiser The Show launches on Sunday night, around 9pm. If you haven't already, sign up for notifications and subscribe to the channel. We'll be with you every Sunday night for the next six weeks. And beyond; the plan is to keep the channel updated regularly with new content and mini episodes.

Suffice to say, 25 years ago I could never have predicted we'd be where we are, but it's thanks to your support that this has happened. I think we've made something unique and special, that works regardless of whether you know anything about Digitiser. I hope, and think, it's welcoming to all.

Unfortunately, we've struggled to get coverage for the show on any of the big gaming sites, so whatever you can do to help plug the episode on Sunday - however small - all helps the cause. 

Lastly, we've also set up an official Digitiser Discord channel. Some of the cast, crew and I will pop in there during and after the show on Sunday night if you want to join in the chat. You can find that riiiiiiiiiight here: 
https://discord.gg/9DsZ6xV

Be nice.

Right. Lots to get through, so enough waffle. Let's do this.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
GAMING MILL'S BIRTHDAY LETTER
It's my birthday this week (well, it was earlier this week if people are reading this on Friday). With great forward planning I've got to spend at most twelve hours at home, between the hours of 8am and 8pm.

Why? Because I went on an eBay spending spree and everything is being delivered, from different sellers and by different couriers, in that 'window' on my big day. I don't know why they call it a window... that's a day.

The most delightful thing is that DHL are delivering two items which will invariably mean I get a text and an email saying the delivery was unsuccessful because there was no-one in. This has happened four times this year. I've even seen the driver pull up, look at my place, turn around and drive off without even bothering to ring my doorbell.

I'm already getting stressed out over it, and I'm actually not looking forward to it now in the slightest. On the plus side though is that my Smoking Brother will probably use my birthday as an excuse to come round for a few hours - he always seems to use me as a reason to escape from his fiancée and children. What's in it for me? Well, he can set up the new office chair I should be getting. I'm rubbish at stuff like that.

Last time he came round I told him that my neighbour, Terry, would give him £25 to install some blinds in his lounge. My brother didn't want to do it because he said it would be odd going round to a stranger's house on his own.

"Why?" I said.

"What if he's some sort of serial killer or something?" he replied.

"Nah, don't be daft! Terry's alright... a good bloke. He is a witch though."

He turned down the easy £25 for some reason. 

One more thing; does anyone have any idea why I keep receiving monoculars through the post?

​I've purchased one from Amazon ages ago but these keep arriving through the post with no details on who keeps sending them to me. My name is never on the packaging either, just my address. I'm not complaining - I just sell them on eBay, but it does seem a bit odd.

I am, forever,
Gaming Mill
Oh, Gaming Mill... your stories... I wish I didn't believe them, but for some reason I do. I really do.
NO ATTEMPTS AT FUNNIES
I was inspired to write it when I saw your Kickstarter update today.

As a backer, I have to admit I had some (mild) trepidation as the updates rolled in, mainly when the additional hosts showed up.

​I knew nothing of Jenny, or Kim, or Octav1us or Paul, and wasn’t entirely sure about them being involved. They weren’t Teletext Digitiser, so why should they be on the show? Where are the Stuart Campbells, and Violet Berlins, and so on...? On reflection, I think a risk with small communities like that around Digi2000 is a fear of change, a “secret club” attitude - that sort of thing.

Anyway. I was wrong. I genuinely enjoyed the preview episode as I mentioned on Twitter, and feel my money was well spent in realising a vision quite unlike anything gaming-related I’ve seen before.

It feels a bit more Biffovision than Digitiser at times, but there’s nothing wrong with that. And the hosts... I like them. I was wrong. It’s refreshing to hear new (to me, anyway) voices united in genuine affection towards gaming, supplementing the trademark non-sequiturs and anarchy.

An author I like recently posted a remark on Twitter about the importance of long form enthusiasm and encouragement in their work, something often lost nowadays in 120 characters and a need to append sarcasm or an attempt to be funny to the message, a trap I fall into more often than not.

​So no attempts at funnies here. Digitiser (The Show) appears in preview to be just what I wanted it to be. Thank you for sticking to your vision, and making something I’m proud to see my name attached to.
Richard Morrison
Well, that's lovely (and if you're wondering why you haven't seen episode one yet, it's because you're not a backer).

We thought long and hard about the mix of hosts. It had to be about a complimentary sort of chemistry and energy and knowledge. It's the same kind of thing I do in my day job, when coming up with characters for a series; you want them to be different enough to pull in different directions at times, yet similar enough to be friends - and together that generates story. It's like the components of an engine.

​That said, I think we also got lucky that we all worked so well together on screen. I wouldn't tinker with that one bit in any series 2, except to perhaps give everyone more to do. 


Jenny, Larry and Octav1us all really know their stuff, and are properly passionate about games, and they all shine on screen in their own way. Gannon knows more about games than he lets on, but I knew he was a performer first - and I needed someone like that, because I wasn't sure I'd be up to the task. We're all very different people - I mean, sort of wildly different, really. But that was precisely the idea. 

We did hope Violet would be on Series 1 (she was very keen, but schedules didn't line up), and I did talk to Stuart about an appearance - but, ultimately, we ran out of time.

On the plus side, Mr Hairs is in at least half the episodes in some capacity. Talking of Hairs - his new book was released this week. I started reading it last night, and it is - as ever - brilliant and funny. 
C3-PO
I've been playing RDR2 since launch. I'm sad to say that it's just not doing anything for me. Your description of it as a 'cowboy simulator' is incredibly accurate. Most of the time it just seems a case of spending 10 minutes on the horse, having a firefight (and I think the shooting is rubbish) and then a 10 minute ride back.

​I keep playing it in the hope it'll pick up. There's still loads of the map I haven't unlocked and I daresay there's loads I haven't seen. It's just that it's feeling like a chore to be honest. If I do manage to finish it I doubt I'll ever play it again.
JohnnyCashMIB (PS4 tag) 
It really is an oddly-structured, and oddly-paced, game. It's very old-fashioned in some respects, and coming from the way most modern open world games work... it's a bit of a jolt. I hope it clicks for you eventually. I've really come to... I was going to say "love it", but I think I more appreciate it than love it.
RPG-BIES
When I was a stupid child I assumed RPGs were really boring so I never played any. As a sophisticated grown-up I can now enjoy a finely matured RPG of an evening, even if I do panic about how many hours they take.

Playing an RPG now always makes me think that youthful me has missed out and that I wished he’d given them a go, then I remember he/I would have been determined not to like them. 

Did you have any firmly held gaming beliefs as a child which you now realise are very silly indeed? Or any notion that you’ve held onto to your detriment?

Also this: I assume RPGs aren’t big money makers, so why do so many modern games have “RPG elements”? Is it just to trap people in the feedback loop of numbers going up?

Sorry
Grembot
Curiously, I've gone the other way with RPGs (for the record, I don't consider Breath of the Wild an RPG). I used to love them, but my attention-span has become so annihilated that I find them a struggle nowadays. I think Final Fantasy VII was the point at which I started to lose interest. 

​Firmly held gaming beliefs that I've lost? Hmm... well, I used to think for a while online gaming would be a fad. I'm still not a fan of it, particularly - give me a good solo adventure, please - but yeah... obviously I was wrong about that in a fairly significant way.
THE RETURN
I only found out about your website fairly recently, like a couple of months or so ago, but I now read it regularly. It's really good, I genuinely find my self laughing out loud sometimes, and it's also very informative. 

​I used to read Digitiser a lot back in the '90s/early '00s and it's good to see you still employ the same unique approach to all things gaming and beyond. I remember there was a Teletext office in Fulham near to where me and my mates lived back in the day, is that where Digitiser was based too?

Anyway, I just wanted to send over a quick email to say I'm really looking forward to Sunday to watch Digitiser - The Show; you've assembled pretty much the best UK gaming personalities on the internet.

​So yeah, great work and I wish you all the best.
Studas 
Welcome back, Studmuffin! I think you've found us at a good time.

Yeah - that place in Fulham was indeed where Digitiser was born, and based for the first four years of its life. Mr Hairs and I went back there a couple of years ago, and it's now just a load of flats. They kept the entrance arch, though. There's a blue plaque on it now. Not commemorating Digitiser, sadly.

​Here's a funny thing: I hadn't realised that Sir Malcolm Campbell had been based there. What makes that strange for me is that Farm Lane is where I first listened to the Marillion album Afraid of Sunlight (which I'd been given by Teletext's music reviewer). On that album is a slightly dreary track called Out Of This World, which is about the death of Malcolm's son Donald, who died trying to break the water speed record. 

A diver called Bill Smith heard the song decades later and was inspired to search for the wreck. Donald was finally laid to rest in 2001, and Marillion's singer Steve Hogarth was asked to sing the track at the funeral.

So, that is what it is.
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I suggest you all listen to this boring song while reading the remainder of the letters...
COASTING
You seem to have a thing for theme parks. So, if you were lewdly rich enough to afford your very own theme park, like Noel Edmonds, then what could we expect?

Slick escapism, in the manner of Disney? Unflinching social commentary, including the needlessly harrowing Pudsey and Friends (Deceased) show? Or, assuming that we can get there before the prohibition notice is served, escapades from the Man Diary? Do tell.
David W
I should probably do some funneeee answer here, but theme parks are like catnip for me, so... I can only bring myself to say this: something immersive. That, for me, is theme parks at their best - when they take you somewhere else. They're the same as games in that respect; both appeal to the same bit of my brain.

I mean, I cannot tell you how ludicrously excited for the Star Wars land(s) they're building at the minute. I've even got some concept art for it framed in my house.

​That's right: I live in a house. Well, get me.
YOUNG GUN
I was going to comment on the article in question, but I am so OUTRAGED that I decided a Friday Letter would be more appropriate.

I'm terribly disappointed in you. You don't get away with laughing at the same She Vampires cover art twice and hoping we don't notice, because, get this: I did. It's not as if the previous winged coffin dwellers were even featured that long ago. Two months! Do you think all your readers are goldfish? Or maybe you think the Speccy owners only read the Speccy articles lest they catch something off the C64 ones? (and vice versa)

Compare:
https://www.digitiser2000.com/main-page/more-dreadful-zx-spectrum-cover-art
​

And:
https://www.digitiser2000.com/main-page/the-most-terrible-bizarre-and-ill-considered-commodore-64-cover-art-of-all-time

I demand adequate compensation for wasting my time.

Yours with mock outrage,
Chris Young
You know... I had a feeling I'd mentioned the She-Vampires before, and nearly checked. It isn't that I think you lot have the memories of goldfish, more that, well, it has been a long year, and evidently my faculties are stretched rather thinly.

​I mean, as you'll see... episode 1 and 6 of Digitiser The Show are literally the same episode.
SPIKE TURNER
​
I thought I would write about spikes in video games. No, not those on Sonic the Hedgehog. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha!

Ha!

The spikes I mean are difficulty spikes, which have historically been considered a bad thing. Of course games should get harder as you play them and if this was just in a linear fashion it would render the challenge pretty boring, but the best games have difficulty "bumps".

This is where things get a bit trickier but it doesn't feel like you are hitting a brick wall. I would argue that the very worst type of difficulty spike in most games are bosses.


A well-designed boss is there to break up the action, to give variety and to test the skills you've developed while playing. An example of this would be Ocarina of Time, where the item you gained in the dungeon is the key to defeat the boss. You have to learn how to use the item to prevail. None of the bosses outstay their welcome and they are challenging without being stupidly hard.

A badly-designed boss is just a brick wall put there to make you waste time because the developer couldn't be bothered to make a longer game.

Think EVERY MEGAMAN GAME EVER, where despite being allowed to play the stages in any order you have to do what Capcom prescribe or else you'll die to the boss that has massively more power than you.

And don't even get me started about "boss rush" stages. Lazy scum developers! And Mega Man games have instant-kill actual spikes.


But so does Sonic the Hedgehog I suppose. Unless you have rings. What was I saying?
​

Oh yes, what games do you think show the best and worst examples of bosses?
elnikoman
I'm with you on boss-rushing. Enough of that now. I'm not a fan of bosses in games in general in all honesty. The repetition is just boring.

​The worst examples that spring immediately to mind are the ones in the Dead Rising games.

What you were required to do seemed completely at odds with the control system they'd forced upon you. Also: please insert a Dark Souls comment of your choice.
WHITE PAPER
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Hey, Dickson - shove it up your arse. Incidentally, did you know that Marillion have a song called White Paper? Perhaps you'd like to listen to that instead...
MOVIE NIGHT
Hi there. Recent fatigue caused by a run of colds reminds me of the times when I fell asleep in a cinema. Twice, in fact, and believe me the films I dozed off in front of weren’t the quietest, so they had to have been pretty uninspiring to cause me to nod off.

One was the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - the one where the whole audience groaned at the blatant closeup of a burger box at the start of the film. I think I made it about half way through before nodding off. I have never seen that film since.

The other was Independence Day - which was a collection of explosions and Will Smith doing “smarts”. How I slept through a chunk of that baffles me due to the sheer volume of the thing, but I do remember wondering how the hell they could bring down an alien space ship with an Apple PowerBook 1400. Did aliens have access the PowerPC processors? We will never know.

Have you slept through any films at the cinema?

Good luck with the Digitiser show launch.

All the best,
Paul Dunning
Not sure I've ever fallen asleep in the cinema. I walked out of The Matrix Reloaded, mind.

And I nearly fell asleep during the first Star Trek reboot, but that's because I had somehow contracted scarlet fever during a road trip with my father. Fortunately, I was in a cinema in Flagstaff, Arizona, and it would seem that Americans can't get through two minutes of a movie without whooping and cheering. 

The woman sitting next to me even leaned over at one point and said "Just to warn you - I'm really loud".

Yes, madam. Yes you were.

Interestingly, my dad took me to my first ever gig, which was a show by Neil from The Young Ones at the Hammersmith Odeon. And - yes - he fell asleep. 

FESTUSS
Will there be a Christmas edition of Digitiser The Show? You know, just like the others but with tinsel scattered around the set and your musical guest (SPOILERS: Barbara Dickson) singing a carol rather some jazz-lite take on a modern standard. Ooh a Barbara Dickson reference. We retro gamers are old as well as rich.

​I hope you get Marillion in for your musical guests at some point. I was listening to FEAR today and enjoyed it more than I thought I would.
Chris Dyson
We are talking about doing something short and sweet for Christmas. It won't be a full episode, but yeah... something will happen, hopefully. Somehow, I've ended up living within spitting distance of both Gannon and Larry, so we have to make use of that somehow.

Funnily enough, I did consider approaching Marillion to use some of their music in Digi, but I'd already done that with Found Footage and never heard anything back. But then, I had sent them a link to The Trojan Arse Protocol, and I suspect they felt that the bum-faced monsters might've been an odd fit with their particular blend of heartfelt, melodic, prog rock.

Glad you like FEAR, mind. This is my favourite bit of it from my favourite Marillion gig ever (and it sort of sums up how I feel about this mad Digitiser family)...
DOCTOR ZOO
With all the hard work you have put in these few months with Digi the Show, I would like to offer you two comp tickets to London Zoo (for you and Mrs Biffo, her hard work has been noted too)  free gratis, from my personal stash.

I can either put your name on the guest list (anytime - (days only)- up till 31st December or I can send you two physical tickets, valid till February 28th 2019)

Either way , it will be a good chance for the pair of you to unwind and relax for a few hours, you have both earned it.

Once again, thank you for all the laughs , tears and hard work.

Email if you wish to take me up on this offer and we can sort the details out when you have the time.

Cheers a me do.
Grant Adams
(digi nerd, and happy show backer)
Wait... what? Is this genuine? I was saying recently that I want to go to London Zoo again. It's where Mrs Biffo and I had our awkward sort-of-first-date. She got me a coffee beforehand, which I took onto the train with me, and somehow the cup wasn't waterproof and the bottom gave out and the coffee went everywhere.

That's right: my bottom gave out on our first date and it went everywhere. Start as you mean to go on.

But free tickets? To London Zoo? HELL YES. Like you didn't already have me at "free".
TANTY MOMENT
So this is it, then. The tantalising moment before things get crazy. The holding of breath before the ride begins. Well - I may be biased, but as far as I’m concerned you can relax and be rightly proud of what you and the rest of the crew have made.

Thanks for sharing the preview of episode 1 for backers - you’ll have heard this a lot already, but it’s brilliant, everything you promised and so much more. It has the feel of Digitiser, and the kind of chaotic freewheeling spirit that just drags you barrelling along with it. If that’s only episode 1, then I seriously can’t wait for the rest.

At the centre of it all, of course, is the team - you really did pick well. The chemistry comes across, the warmth, and the interplay between you. I know you don’t think of yourself as a performer, but your stewardship of the first episode belies that - especially during the second quiz. You look like you’re in your element, and having the best fun. If you were concerned about how well you’d come across, I’d say you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck with the launch, then - I hope it’s a ruddy great smash. The next few days (and weeks of editing, I’m sure) are doubtless going to have their ups and downs, but take a moment to stop and appreciate it all. Enjoy it.

You did it, Biffo - and we’re with you every step of the way.
Chris Bell

PS In response to Alejandro’s letter last week, I’d like to raise my hand as someone who’s not a gamer anymore either - I haven’t been since the late 90s really - but obviously read/read Digi every day. Once you moc, you can’t stop.
Thank you, Bellston. I hope people are kind to Ep 1, but obviously I'm not expecting everyone to be. I'm acutely aware that it's the episode that was - for all intents and purposes - the pilot, where I did all my figuring out.

​We've now also got a professional audiodude polishing the sound on the subsequent episodes, and everything seems to settle down into a nice rhythm. Not that I thought the sound was that bad anyway, but whatevs.

​As for me fannying around on screen... I'm not worried about how I come across really. I think I do fine. I'd be more worried if I wasn't being myself, and had adopted some wacky/edgy persona. If people don't like me, well... there's not a lot I can do about it, so no point worrying. At least I'm not desperate!
A MUSO'D TO DEATH
Many of us are positively rejoicing that Digi the Show is finally upon us! To mark this auspicious occasion I have written a poem: 

“Digitiser, watch it whilst drinking Tizer”.

It’s a masterpiece I know.
The Gaming Muso
And THAT'S why you're The Gaming Muso...
BRINGING SEXY BACK
El Biffo. If you could back a crowdfunder to bring back any rumoured or prototyped games console from the past, which one would you choose?
Johnny Blanchard
Eaaaasy - the Konix Multisystem, probably the tantalising, never-made-it-to-market, games machine ever. You know the one, right? With the force-feedback controller that could turn into a flight yoke, or steering wheel, and had a hydraulic chair and that. I mean, I know it would've been terrible, but the potential sent my imagination soaring.  
'NANIGANS
It’s been lovely reading Digi2000 these last few years. Loved the ol’ teletext shenanigans back in't day, so pleased to see you return. Very much looking forward to the show on Sunday.

I will now shamelessly plug some work what my sister did for her YouTube channel. She is an artist and self taught animator, and does the games and stuff. I may or may not have gotten the hang of embedding links. I don’t know.

https://youtu.be/hoRrZ3WCZD8

Enjoy. Or not, I guess.

Thank you very much and all the best for Sunday and beyond.
Das Füchslein 
Well, your sister is pretty damned talented. Also, any video which starts with an epilepsy warning has to be worth a watch.
DREAM LETTER
You know when someone does something to offend you in a dream, so that you're still residually cross at them the following day and have to keep reminding yourself that it didn't actually happen?

Well last night - probably because I'd been anticipating Digitiser: The Show - I had precisely the opposite of that dream. However convenient it may seem, I promise that the following is true. 

I was lounging around in one of those static caravans you get on campsites, sequestered with a handheld console on the L-shaped sofa. The whole structure, inside and out, had been covered with wall-mounted televisions - because the caravan was also your base of operations, and you were pacing around trying to keep an eye on everything that was going to happen with Digitiser: The Show. 

Live feeds, video inserts and a lot of Ladbrokes teletext pages peppered the walls. You were nervous, because you'd - possibly unwisely - decided to record and stream the pilot episode live. I didn't really care about any of that though, I had my 3DS and was quite content just to watch. And then... something went wrong.

You'd booked some musical act or other and they weren't able to arrive on time, leaving you stuck for a way to start the pilot. I, lazily, guaranteed you that I could supply you with an opening for the show that would be a HILARIOUS comedy sketch. I'm a writer, I insisted. You'll love it.

What I had intended - again, this is all true - was to offer up a deliberately clumsy piss-take of the 'edgy' elements of 90s gaming shows that would be so bad, you'd be able to interrupt my 'show' and use it as a way to espouse the virtues of Digitiser.

For whatever reason, this involved taking one of the crew and dressing them up in sunglasses and a hi-vis jacket, at which point I would hit them with an Amiga that was also a custard pie. 

We went live. I smacked the stooge in the face with the offending dessert... and somehow managed to illicit a severe allergic reaction. He toppled on top of me, choking, knocking over all of the equipment and pinning me under his dead weight.

Unable to speak or move, I was left to flail while you and the rest of the Digitiser crew scrambled into your seats behind the big desk, trying desperately to fill time and make up for my mistake. 

After it was all over, I limped off to a horrible campsite toilet - a tiled cuboid soaked in urine, where all of the stall doors had their locks broken - and tried unsuccessfully to clean myself up.

As I finally plucked up the courage to leave, you came in to wash your hands and we practically collided. While I wanted nothing more than to slink past you with my gaze firmly locked to the floor, you were resoundingly magnanimous and absolutely insisted on making sure I was okay. I was mortified.
 
That was when I woke up for Thursday morning, still embarrassed, And that was when I saw this morning's news headlines vis-a-vis a certain gaming Youtube series and have spent the rest of the day in a sort of leftover fugue state because I'm not entirely certain that it WAS my dream after all.

​So I'm sorry, Biffo and chums, for inadvertantly ruining your premiere, even if it was a version that only existed in my brain. And I'm equally sorry to a certain other retrogaming revival project, the warning against which I apparently accidentally intercepted last night. I'm pretty certain they could have used it.
Chris_A
Normally I don't like it when people tell me their dreams, but that one was about me, so it's okay.
FATHER AND SON
Hi there!

I would like to introduce my kid to the remarkable world of Digitiser.

Born during the 00's, she already missed out on waiting for 5 minutes for a Spectrum game to load while contracting a minor form of ear damage.

Also, she will never experience going through the kitchen drawers while looking for a piece of tape in an attempt to cover the holes on a cassette because you want to record your own crinchy radio show over your dad's cassette of James Last.
​
So I want to leave her this message:

Hey sweety, let's watch Digitiser together on Sunday with a bowl of popcorn! Oh, and clean your room because the dustbunnies just asked where we store the carrots.
Love mum
Awwww. Be warned: there are a couple of f-bombs in ep 1 of Digitiser, and Larry mentions sodomy at one point.

Also, Fat Sow shows up in Ep 2, and then it becomes a profanity festival. 

Other than that, kids will love it.
500 Q'S OF WHYTE
236) In your opinion, are most open-world games too long, or is length necessary for that style of game?

237) When was the last time that you saw/played a game and felt that afterwards games were not the same as they were before that game and what was it?

238) There cannot have been many game series that have gone from being so huge and iconic to irrelevant more starkly than the Tony Hawk series. It was absolutely huge at the time and now it cannot make it as a mobile game - can you think of others that have had such a fall from grace?
John Whyte
236) I guess it depends on whether you've got the time to play them, and whether you want to play all the games that are out there. I've still not played the new Call of Duty, because I've been so swallowed up by Assassin's Creed Odyssey and Red Dead Redemption 2. 

237) That's a really good one. I suppose it was GTA IV. The sheer scale of it, and the detail, and the amount of stuff to do. Also, Far Cry 2, oddly.

238) There are loads. Two which spring to mind are EA's Road Rash and Desert Strike series. Also, Command & Conquer (very interested to hear what they're doing with the new one). Though they keep churning them out, Sonic The Hedgehog also fell off a cliff pretty dramatically. It was well-received at the time, but deep down I think everyone was disappointed with Sonic Adventure...
VEGANS
A simple question: does anyone know what has happened to the ill fated Vega + debacle? Used to get regular updates and stories of the latest scandal,broken promise, blatant lies or a RCL telling everyone it would be just one more week till general release and all 4000 units would be sent to the backers. 

​Now it's totally gone dead, no posts, no people moaning or complaining. Know anything?
The Porridge Master
Didn't they ship at least some to backers in the summer? I know that Larry Bundy Jr has two of them. I've played on one of his, and it's awful. 
500 WORDS OF WHYTE: A DIGITISER THE SHOW REVIEW
Digitiser, as it was for many, was a vital part of my daily routine and I genuinely looked forward to reading it after school each day.

From reading it, Bubblegun and your Edge column, I have always enjoyed your writing and thus becoming a patron for Digitiser 2000 was easy for me. I also believed in the concept of Found Footage and was happy to help to fund it and enjoyed the results of that, which I still see as a singular vision.

As much as I enjoyed Found Footage, from the moment I read of your idea for Digitiser TV, I felt that this was the natural outlet for your work, and one which I felt could have the perfect balance of creativity and accessibility. 

Everything that I read on Kickstarter was what I wanted to hear and I happily backed this project, too. The trailer made it look like a fun programme and one, which could work. When the first segment became available i.e. Sniff Sonic's Rings, I thought that it was funny and entertaining, without being cloying, but I must confess that doubt began to set in.

I genuinely enjoyed it, but when placed alongside the trailer, I began to be a little concerned. There wasn't too much about games and I was worried that it would be a series of in-jokes or simply you having fun with your friends. There's nothing wrong with that, but it ends up being like 'new' Top Gear towards the end of the Clarkson/Hammond/May years, and not the beginning - before it became self-indulgent.

Watching the first episode, however completely removed any fears that I had. I don't say this lightly, but it is the best games-related TV that I have seen since Gamesmaster and, to be honest, I am not sure if Gamesmaster was as good as I remember.

Firstly, the look of the programme is excellent; I'm not sure how you managed to make it look so professional for the sort of budget that you must have had, but you and your team deserve great credit for what you have achieved. Perhaps the best compliment i can give you on that front is that it looks like a 'real' TV programme.

​The opening discussion was actually the point where I realised that Digitiser was going to be really good - the tone was perfect, fun, some laughs, but generally serious and celebrating old games instead of laughing at cliches. I also liked the panelists and their contributions were all valuable.

This was repeated with the Head to Head segment, which again had exactly the right tone - you aren't just using cliches about Sega and Nintendo, and give some interesting information despite the fact that I would always rate the Mega Drive higher than the SNES. 

The Vectrex segment was exactly what I had hoped for with Digitiser TV - good information, respect for the hardware and history but also with some laughs and not taking things too seriously. I can say honestly that I learned something from watching it. The Murderer Or Game Developer was a fun part of the programme - I had doubts about the taste of such a segment when it came on screen, but I worried about nothing when I saw it. Great to see some respect for Terminator Future Shock, by the way.

The interview with Ashens was interesting and informative and, sorry to repeat this, avoided being a matey love-in, which so often happens in these situations - it came across like a natural conversation that wasn't staged. Finally Duck Hunt for real was entertaining and a good way to finish the show and I saw that clearly the spirit of Found Footage is still alive.

If I had to say anything negative it would be that the Ashens segment felt a bit long relative to the rest of the programme, despite it being good and that some of the editing is a bit jarring, but that is just me nit-picking really, especially as you are not a professional editor.

To conclude, I cannot say that it is what I expected from Digitiser TV, but it truly is everything that I hoped for from Digitiser TV. I had high expectations, and had you simply not disappointed me I think it would have been a success.

​To surpass them, however, for me at least, is a great achievement, and I feel that you can all be extremely happy with what you have created. I am really looking forward to episode 2.
John Whyte
Thank you, John. That means a lot. It's a massive relief to me that people have liked what they've seen.  We may look like we're winging it, but a lot of thought went into how best to translate Digitiser into an actual show. Gameplay Jenny said to me after the first day of filming that Digitiser was never just about anarchy and silliness, but that "it had heart, and was warm, and was informative". And that really stayed with me.

Interesting about the interview, because the team and I had a discussion a couple of weeks ago where I had to be talked down from removing the interviews from the episodes.

​I also thought they slowed the pace down a bit too much, and wanted to put them out as their separate thing - like mini-episodes. I was convinced otherwise. It's tricky editing them, because they original footage is probably twice as long as what you've seen, but taking too much out sort of loses the thrust of the chat. 

That said, the Big Boy Barry interview in Ep 2 is utter chaos - in a good way.

Glad you liked the Vectrex stuff. The Show & Tell segments are my favourite parts of the series. It gives everyone a moment in the spotlight, and we also have Ashens and Nostalgia Nerd (buy his new book here) contributing to a couple of them. 

Now then. John's done a review. How about some more for next week's Friday Letters Page? 
BUNTY SEE, BUNTY DO
I was going to write a diatribe about how unfair it is that sexist trolls get publicity for their vlogs by being sexist trolls, while your lovely, inclusive series, that's been funded by fans, had months of hard work and has been a labour of love, is hardly getting a look in.

​But that might get me accused of being a bitter, liberal, millennial snowflake and I wouldn't want that.

Instead, here is a haiku:

Retro gaming is
Open to everyone
And not a boy's club

Sincerely,
Bunty the bitter, liberal, millennial snowflake.

P.s. I have been awake for 22 hours at the time of writing, what fun!
Yuss, I think we're all a bit frustrated by that, Buntuss. As I've said elsewhere, I don't want to get mired in some internet drama, where Digitiser The Show is on one side, and Games Animal TV is on the other, but suffice to say, you won't ever be seeing "bikini babes" button bashin' on Digi. 

Whatever we might all think of Dave Perry's persona, I'm on good terms with him, he's been very supportive of Digitiser The Show, and I'm appreciative of that. Broadly, I think it's a good thing that he's back talking about games - gaming shouldn't be just the domain of the young. But equally, I'd have hoped he take a different route with it. It just feels a bit cheap and out of step with the times... but he used to be a PR guy, and I suspect he knew exactly what he was doing.

​And here I am talking about it too. 

I most disappointed in Eurogamer, to be honest. In terms of giving something a signal boost, they played right into the Games Animal's hands, and I suppose we naively thought that, in the interests of balance, they might seek to cover us too.

But, alas, it seems not.
ELI, ELI, OH!
Dear Mr Biffo. Did you ever find your story about Eli?
John Veness
What John's referring to is CheapShow Episode 100, which I appeared in recently. I was asked by Gannon to come up with a ridiculous story about Eli Silverman for a This Is Your Life segment, but then the hyper-adrenalised Gannon got the running order all wrong, and I got thrown, and then I couldn't find my bit of paper with the story on. It was basically inspired by the squirrels I had living in my walls until recently.

And no, didn't find it. But didn't go looking for it either. You can see the whole show here (be warned: very NSFW - there's a penis in it... and he holds up a picture of Eli's cock... ZZZZZING!!!!!)

Oh shut up. He knows I love him...



+++ PLUGZONE+++PLUGZONE+++PLUGZONE+++
​

BEHOLD: Clicky Click’s Dungeon of Hand-Drawn Computer Graphics

Clicky Click the dolphin has found a coffee shop where he can show his artwork. The only problem is that the coffee shop is in a working dungeon!

It's one of those multiple choice interactive text jobbers, apparently, and you can play in a browser entirely Sfor free. 

There is also a Spectrum version you can download. Those downloading the Spectrum file will be prompted to make a donation, but the donation can be zero.

Clicky Click on: https://chip-fork.itch.io/clicky-clicks-dungeon

+++ PLUGZONE+++PLUGZONE+++PLUGZONE+++

THIS SUNDAY...
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NEXT SUNDAY...
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20 Comments
Graham Woods link
9/11/2018 10:52:45 am

Shit. I've been reading this for about half an hour and I should have been working.
Biffo, will you write a note to my boss and explain the dip in productivity?

Reply
Paul
9/11/2018 11:05:03 am

I went to a Star Trek quadruple bill at the Empire Leicester Square once. This was the first four films, and was being shown as part of the celebrations surrounding The Voyage Home.

The audience was rather exciteable through The Motion Picture, whooping and cheering as rungs happened (while I like this film, I'm not sure there's much to whoop about in it). This continued through The Wrath of Khan, but things got more sober as the films progressed, and the screen filled up. It seemed more people were joining as the films progressed.

Fun fact: I fell down the stairs on the way out. I'd been in near darkness for the whole of the four films (8+ hours) with minimal food and staring at a bright screen. No real injury, but a cautionary tale to at least spend a bit of time in daylight when they swap films over in the future, and eat.

Reply
CJJC
9/11/2018 01:12:37 pm

This is going to seem like unnecessary one-upmanship but it’s true and is my only “falling asleep in the cinema” story:

On the release day of Star Trek: First Contact, two friends and I went to an overnight Star Trek marathon in a cinema near Bluewater, out in the wilds of Kent. I got through the first seven movies completely fine and then eventually nodded off during First Contact. The new one. The one I hadn’t seen and was most excited by seeing.

I remember zoning out at one point, hearing someone in the row behind me say “it’s Reg Barclay” when Dwight Schultz’s character showed up and responded by saying “OH YEAH!” just slightly too loudly. Haunts me to this day.

And then I had to drive all of us home.

Reply
JactusCack
9/11/2018 11:19:42 am

GTAIV? It was like a halfway house between San Andreas (which peaked scope and content) and GTA5 (graphics and sheen). Overall I really didn't like IV, the atmosphere was very dull and beige, and ever car felt like it was made of lead.

If anything GTA3 simply for taking the GTA format to the 3d age.

As a PC buff my reply would be Half-life, which took mechanics of an already mature and developed genre (the FPS) and created a new kind of immersive-cinematic thriller genre. Not to mention bringing on modding tenfold, and in particular TeamFortress and Counterstrike (both may have existed in some early format earlier but the HL engine and scene exploded their popularity).

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Dell
9/11/2018 11:24:41 am

I had my mind blown by GTA 4, but I thought the smaller, more cramped map was a compromise for Hd graphics

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John Veness
9/11/2018 11:39:16 am

Please note everyone: Biffo is now accepting letters about dreams in which he appears. Go!

PS Loved all the Marillion.

Reply
David W link
9/11/2018 12:20:25 pm

As the self-appointed authority on such things, I officially declare the ZX Spectrum conversion of Clicky Click to be "quite good." Especially the line graphics, which I think might even be more fitting than the colour originals, though your tastes may may vary.

(Chip Fork: couldn't find your email address, but if you want to talk about Z80 text compression and things, my contact details are in the link. Ta.)

Reply
Col. Asdasd
9/11/2018 12:52:54 pm

Series that fell off a cliff - I believe Guitar Hero rose and rose and then died off in about the span of the Beatles' career.

I used to love RPGs, but not so much these days. They were always demanding of your time, but as the years have rolled on they'e become positively sprawling. Not only in terms of run time either: in efforts to innovate the genre mechanical systems have been stacked one on top of another, and plots have becoming labyrinthine nightmares of sci fi weirdness and dozens-strong casts.

Xenoblade Chronicles, a game that received near-universal praise, was the final nail in the coffin. In theory I loved the idea of exploring this weird, open, free-roaming world.. but there were mobs of enemies every 10 feet and they respawned when you killed them, meaning to actually go out and see what lay beyond the horizon meant constantly slogging uphill (both ways!) through fight after fight. The combat was a stodgy real time porridge of managing cooldowns and wrestling with the camera, and everywhere you went quests were showered on you like confetti to collect X many doo-dads or kill Y of enemy Z. None of this was mandatory, but the most interesting scraps of content (such as intra-party dialogues) were hidden out of the way in the world or unlocked by strengthening bonds on the intimidating social matrix (which seemed to track relationship networks for nearly every NPC in the game.)

I realised with slow dread what the genre had become: RPGs were now single player MMOs, demanding not dozens but hundreds of hours of sustained play (because good luck picking up the plot threads and regaining your bearings if you tried to take a sabbatical). I got 25 hours in, before realising with a heavy heart that this simply wasn't a game for me, and walking away.

Fast forward five years, and I see that Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is receiving near-universal praise, and..

..idiot.

Reply
Grembot
9/11/2018 01:35:21 pm

I thought Xenoblade Chronicles was incredible, off the top of my head I’d say it’s my favourite game not made by Nintendo. However I thought Xenoblade Chronicles 2 was rubbish, after 14 hours I realised I wasn’t enjoying it and stopped. I might have persisted longer if it hadn’t been so crummy in handheld mode.

Reply
Neptunium
9/11/2018 01:37:51 pm

Christ, you could be describing my experience with Xenoblade Chronicles X, there. I overdosed on screenshots, videos and was so excited to actually get to play it...

Then I had to suffer the endless battles, hours of completely pointless cutscenes, endless sidequests, open world where it seemed to be designed to stop you from taking the quickest path.... Uuurgh... Then after mapping out a buttload of the area I read I was about another 20 hours+ away from being able to pilot the robots and all motivation to play sank away.

Reply
David W
9/11/2018 01:35:28 pm

For Porridge Master: the latest on the ZX Vega+ is that Paul Andrews and Chris Smith have just taken back control of Retro Computers Ltd (confirmed via filings at Companies House.) They made a reasonable success of the C64 Mini after their original departure, though I'd be impressed if they could salvage anything from what's left of the company (probably 37p and a bag of dodgy buttons.)

Reply
ChorltonWheelie
9/11/2018 08:23:33 pm

It's nice you're on good terms with Dave 'Games Animal' Perry.

However, having just had a look at his YT effort I have to report that he is an absolutely massive whopper.
Impossible levels of cringe.
Silly old sod.

Reply
Mr Biffo
9/11/2018 08:47:09 pm

I never said we were mates though...! But having previously sort of not liked one another, I'd rather keep it civil.

Reply
Marro
9/11/2018 10:05:51 pm

He's a unwitting comic genius!!
Like a perfect synthesis between David Brent and Alan Partridge with just the right level of ego, narcissism and lack of self-awareness to make him spellbinding.
And he's still sulking about Mario 64 on Gamesmaster! Look at his face when he mentions it in the Games Animal TV Show 1 video. Absolute comedy gold.
Thanks for the heads up Chorlton.

Reply
Spiney O'Sullivan
9/11/2018 10:07:37 pm

I just read that Eurogamer article, and it is a real shame they didn't try and cover something that's nostalgic in the sort of inclusive way that you'd think they'd like, instead of taking the opportunity to show off how they had a bit of a go at a bad 90s man and probably making absolutely certain that he's going to become a folk hero with certain segments of the gaming community.

I'll say this for Dave, he evidently knew what he was walking into and played that interviewer better than he played Mario 64.

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Col. Asdasd
9/11/2018 10:45:41 pm

Yeah. No intention of watching his show but he did make Wes look like an absolute numpty.

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Matthew Long
10/11/2018 06:48:28 pm

That certainly was a bumper crop of letters this week - not really a surprise that mine failed to make the cut (it was dull).

I do hope Gaming Mill can be convinced to write a book one day. Wonderful stuff. In the meantime I guess we'll have to make do with his contributions here - and his ingenious 'reimagining' of Quantum Leap on his blog.

Reply
Matthew Long
10/11/2018 10:15:50 pm

I've just been watching the hypnotically-naff "Italian Furniture Direct" ads that Mr Biffo linked to. There certainly is something rather endearing (and a little bit sad) about them. Maybe they can sponsor a future iteration of Found Footage?

Reply
THX 1139
11/11/2018 12:07:19 pm

At least we can rely on Zombie Dave to keep a civil tongue in his head.

Reply
Leigh L.
12/11/2018 10:14:54 pm

I was going to storm in here all outraged at you calling Out of this World "dreary" and "boring" (I mean, it is, a bit, but the "only love..." bit still gives me chills) - but then you embedded a load of Marillion videos against everyone's wishes so all is forgiven.

I watched Digi episode 1 on a big proper telly earlier, after spending about 29 hours trying to get Virgin's wanktastic YouTube app working for the occasion. Thought the interview was actually one of the strongest parts - that and your brazen, ongoing disrespect for Gannon. So, you know, thank you for making a highly enjoyable thing. Um, I'll try and write a letter with a better review in it. You know... if you like.

Reply



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