THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

Get this: after just a couple of days on sale, we've only got a third of the tickets left for Digitiser Live. There's a small chance we might be able to release a handful more for public sale, once we know how many backers don't want their tickets, but if you are considering coming... I wouldn't wait too long if I were you. 

We're still three months away, but we're already deep into the planning. We don't just want to transplant the YouTube series onto a stage - we're intending to do this as a bona-fide live show, for a live audience, and you should know by now that we're not ones to do things by halves.

Rest assured, it'll be a spectacle. I mean, you only live once, yeah?

​Click the link above to get your tickets, to spend an evening of utter mayhem surrounded by like-minded lunatics.

​If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​

STRANGE DEVELOPMENTS?
With recent news that we are now a step closer to next generation gaming systems both, PlayStation 5 and Xbox Anaconda as it is currently known. I am sure there are going to be many questions about these systems.

What I am curious about is the launch titles, and if any titles are now currently being worked on as development kits. Most certainly will have been sent out at this point, and both Sony And Microsoft will need launch titles ready.

Lets hope that the pricing will be okay, and that we will see newer features than what the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 currently offers, as well as games not being delayed for many years and actually released on time. Another issue is if these systems will be digital only and discless or if they will support media but the way things are going we may have to go discless and digital.

I know that we have still to see new games hit the Xbox One and PlayStation 5. Some people may feel it is too early to move onto next generation, but the problem is consoles can only do so much for a short while until better technology hits the market. Which is something sadly many people will have to deal with.

It will certainly be interesting to see what the specs of these new systems are and what studios and indie developers will have for us and if we will see any sequels to games from previous systems make a return if it is a port or a remake although most developers will go for new titles. Regardless of what is offered i most certainly will be keen to learn of more developments.
gaz be rotten

I think I saw a headline the other day which said that Sony developers were already working on next-gen titles. Or maybe I misread it. Either way, I saw it and thought "huh", and then moved on and forgot about it until now. Press reveal to see something you've forgotten, Gaz.

REVEAL:

GAMING MILL'S LETTER
Hello! I've not sent you a letter for some weeks because I've been ill or something according to some doctors. It was leprosy or pneumonia or some sort of jazz like that. They did tell me, but I wasn't really paying attention.

During one of my lovely stays in hospital I managed to spend nearly £3000 (I think that's something like 5000 'books' in the money they use in the US of States) via eBay and Amazon, and their free and terribly slow broadband they had in there. Most of it went on a new laptop - which I bought via my then new laptop which I had only owned for about two weeks.

It's a beast of a machine - it's nearly as powerful as my proper PC at home. It even has some sort of cuttlefish keyboard that changes weird colours, and it got the old bloke in the bed next to me fascinated. Thankfully you can turn that sort of shite off. The old bloke died during the night one day, but I think that was just pure coincidence with the old keyboard thing.

Anyway, I've spent most of my time playing retro games on it (isn't everything retro really?) In fact, only yesterday I fired up MAME for the first time in at least 15 years after downloading a load of ROMs for it... 36000 of them, give or take a few. You can't beat a nice and legal 550gb bittorrent download.

It got me thinking though; I wonder how many other people have insanely powerful computers but use them for playing games from the eighties and nineties rather than modern titles? Looking at my Steam library I've got nearly a thousand games and a lot them are pretty recent games but I've either a) barely played them, b) Can't ever remember buying them so not played them or 3) gone all crazy like my Smoking Brother and spent hundreds of hours on them.

I think, ironically, retro is the future... I just wish people would stop trying to be all hipster and all that shit and stop treating it as some sort of fashion thing without understanding what they are meddling with. I hate the lack of appreciation of some people.

I am, as always, unwell but still strong,
Gaming Mill​

Good to have you and your stream-of-consciousness rambling back, GM. Press reveal to see your welcome home gift.

REVEAL:

LOAD OF BALLS
Will PSB's lovely bollocks be making an appearance at Digi Live?
​
Also: thank you for doing Digi Live, and arranging non-backer tickets to be available. I hadn't even heard of Digitiser or you when you did the fundraiser last time, and I'd have been gutted if Digi Live had had no non-backer tickets. I'm so excited!
Chai (no longer findmethewords because twitter suspended me)​

PSB has been banned from bringing his rubber bollocks to Digi Live, and from throwing anything onto the stage. And from heckling.

There was no way we weren't going to open up Digi Live tickets to everyone. So many people in the wake of the series seemed to regret not having backed it to that level, that we wanted it to be a real celebration. It has been lovely seeing the orders rolling in, and recognising so many of the names from Twitter. Can't wait to meet y'all.

CAN I HAVE SOME MORE?
Because I’m selfish to the core, here is a list of things I want:

* More of the Digi Origins stuff. Loved the backer episode and yes we have the lovely Games of My Years articles but having Mr Hairs there and watching you reminisce was an all-too-brief delight. So more of that.

* More Retching Larry, a lack of this recently is noticeable.

* More Bellston.  

* More Octav1us looking bewildered. 

* A mauve jockstrap.

* More Danny Taurus stories. Or just keep telling the same one under different lighting, that’ll do.

All in a short timeframe please.  Keep up the good work. 
The Demandotron (Paul)

I've been rather surprised by the positive feedback to the backer episode. I'm probably going to put it out publicly at some point - if the backers don't lynch me for it. So... hurrah!

As for Larry retching, I don't know if you're coming to the live show, but - rest assured - if you think of it as a rock concert, we're aiming to "play" some of the "greatest hits"...

TECHNICALITY
I am currently engaged in an on-going argument regarding the correct method of inserting integrated circuits into a BBC model B zif socket. 

My opinion is that you should gently drop the IC into the socket (observing static precautions at all times) BEFORE pulling the lever to secure the legs in the socket.

My adversory INSISTS on pulling the lever back and forth and giggling inanely regardless of what position the IC is in. He also refuses to observe static precautions, and one time spilled his apple juice on the keyboard.

Please can you clear up this dilemma for us?
Rodger Nash (BSc.)​

I don't know what any of that means. I think it's meant to be whimsical, but so many of the words just swam across my vision, and made the back of my neck tense up.

MURDER HE WROTE
FAO Director General of Digitiser:
If you had to beat someone to death with a console manufactured before the millennium, which would it be and why?​
Merlyn Rees

Gamecube. It's got that handle and the sharp corners. You could swing it over your head, and do some real damage with it.

FRENCH TICKLER
Dear father (Twitter family says all)

I have 2 things to say, 

1) the image that you'll find below is a review of ToeJam And Earl : Back in the Groove, in French, I'm not telling you to translate it or anything, but in your point of view, is a 14 out of 20 good? Especially in game review seen by a bunch of people?

2) I've been debating on what other show I should review, and one of the main shows I want to judge in front of my tiny audience is the first episode of Digitiser, and I'm wanting to ask you if I could have permission to review it. I've reviewed Biffovision and that went extremely well, and I know that you own all copyright for the show, which is why I'm asking you

Thanks
The BV Reviewer ​

1) Review scores have been so devalued over the years that I couldn't even tell you whether 14/20 is good or bad. Looking beyond the numbers, it's one of those classic don't-love-it-but-don't-hate-it sort of pity scores, so as not to annoy the publisher or upset the developer. 72%, basically.  Which it more or less is. The beige of review scores.

2) You don't need our permission to review Digitiser! Just do it.

HAVING YOUR TUBES SNIPPED
I've been sick the last few days after travelling to London. It was during this travelling & sickness that I realised that even though I have a supremely complicated and immensely powerful phone in my pocket, capable of all manner of amazing graphical fidelity... all I use it for is to read things on the internet that usually involve people trying to be mean towards each other.

Looking around the dull, dreary Tube, I barely see anyone playing 'games' on their phones anymore. If anything, I see people playing on Switch consoles, or simply giving their thumb exercise scrolling ever downward towards the pit of never-ending darkness that is twitter whenever the tube takes a gasp of sunlight.

Do I have a point with this? Possibly. Nintendo clearly have got something great going on if they can make people pay for yet another more advanced Gameboy, with yet another Pokemon, Zelda & Mario game. Has anything really changed since the 90s? Bigger screens maybe. But the bottomless pit of dread is no longer visiting your Cousin Trevor. It's Twitter.

Switch is pretty great, innit.
TheWaterWorm​

Uhhhhhh... Yeah. Though I do play games on my phone when I'm on the Tube, partly because the signal is so spotty going into London. Everyone play Helix Jump. Please. Just so I know I'm not alone.

CHARIDEE
Morning Biff Niddell

Firstly, am very much looking forward to 'The Harrowing' in July.

I thought I might 'plug' this charity that a colleague made me aware of the other day, in case any of your readers could benefit or know someone who could- sounds like a great concept:

SpecialEffect is a UK based charity which uses video games and technology to enhance the quality of life of people with disabilities.
www.specialeffect.org.uk

Brings me sort of onto my main question/observation/wittering-for-this-week. Assuming that most traditional games and pastimes have evolved from the concept of 'useful play' (such as the trajectory from archery to darts, for example, or, if we look at our supreme overlords, the way kittens playfully mash up and torture a stuffed toy), are 'poota games going to undergo the same process in reverse?

As IT skills supercede pen and paper, and we have an increased understanding on wellbeing and mental health, and hopefully move away from a culture of working 9-5 everyday just because, I think it's possible games could take a more accepted role in everyday life, ideally making entertainment the norm and an end to itself, rather than just making the majority of your day tolerable through short bursts of recreation .  

There have I think been studies with dementia patients where games have been used to measure memory problems effectively. What if they could be used to treat or even prevent this, or even to train the doctors of the future?  Imagine a mandatory fire safety training module that is effectively disguised as an RPG...
Voiced By Guides​

Special Effect is an excellent charity indeed, and one which I have donated to in the past, so plug away. 

But yes, I think games are already heading in the direction of them being an every day thing. With each successive generation, more and more people seem to just be accepting of games as part of their life. As games get bigger, and more realistic, and the diversification of them continues... I can't see the (game) genie ever being put back in the lamp.  

BELLSTON'S BIG WEEK
Well now. Been quite the week, hasn’t it? First a cracking Digi Mini, the live show getting ‘firmed-up’, a joyous backer video which even I somehow ended up in (thank you for the kind editing!), and then tickets for the live show at the much-grander-than-we-ever-thought-possible venue flying out of the door like Julian Assange (you know: undignified and with a stupid unkempt beard).

I need to catch my breath just writing that.

Congratulations on everything going so bloody well, for a start. You truly deserve all of this good stuff that’s happening - thank you so much for all that you do, and in ever more exciting real world-type ways.

The live show is going to be such a celebratory experience for all of us, like a gathering of the clans, and I absolutely cannot wait. 

If anyone’s undecided over getting a ticket, I’d say grab one while you can, because by the time 20th July comes around you’re going to be wanting to do anything to be there. 

Hearing you tease some of the things you have planned is enough to know it’s going to be a properly brilliant spectacle. It’ll be lovely to see everyone too - looking forward to being able to hang out with some of the fine upstanding members of this community.

And now: smash cut to a completely unrelated topic.

It’s Record Store Day on Saturday, the annual event for fools like me to queue outside shops from a ridiculous time in the morning, just to buy a load of overpriced pop music records on an outmoded format. I’m especially looking forward to getting to grips with the Bingo Hand Job live album (not a lie).

So my question to you is this: in a post-Stadia/whatever-streaming-games-service-takes-off world a decade or two from now, can you see there being a demand among nostalgists and retro gamers for a similar games-type event as that?

Obviously physical media has been on the way out for a long time now anyway with games, so you could say the conditions for it are already here, and it hasn’t come about. But I mean more like the limited special edition re-release replica stuff - extra content, new artwork, a making-of, behind the scenes stuff, in fancy packaging. Something like that - a really lovely artefact that’s as much about the overall package and rarity value as the content itself.

And if such an event existed, is there any game you’d love to own as a physical replica in some kind of expanded anniversary edition or whatnot, that you couldn’t get any other way, and what would it be like?

That’s it. That’s my topical question this week.

So: all the best for the live show prep - I’m sure you’ve got some pretty special stuff planned for us. The anticipation over the next few months is going to drive me right out of my bonce-head.
Chris Bell

I barely had to edit your appearance on the backer episode at all! You were great on screen; relaxed and natural. So thank you for allowing me to drag you out from behind the camera.

We're all blown away by the response we've had to the live show - and we haven't even announced any of what we have planned! So many people are travelling a long way to be part of it, and that's incredibly touching. We don't have the biggest audience, but we do have the most passionate and supportive audience. But not one that isn't welcoming of new people joining the family. It's awesome.

The whole team have been talking a lot recently about what makes something uniquely Digitiser - and editing the Digi backer video, and seeing me and Mr Hairs discussing the origins of Digi, made me realise that the true spirit of Digitiser is that sort of don't-give-a-fudge chaos, albeit allowed to play out within a structure. It always has been.

That chaos scares some people, and annoys others, but that's the true spirit of it. I think I lost sight of that at times - trying to bring in a bigger audience by sanding down some of the edges - but it's just not who we are. It'd be like trying to shove a flailing octopus into a cutlery drawer. I'm even thinking it was a mistake to set up the second channel; non-sequitur nonsense is our USP.

With Gannon, Octav1us, Larry, and the entire team behind the scenes - Chris, Izzie, Steve, Quang, Sanya et al - I've lucked out on a bunch of amazing, hardworking, people who completely embrace that spirit (while also being incredibly professional at their jobs, and allowing it to happen). 

And together we all want to make stuff for an audience who, like us, feel at home in the chaos, who can surf that tsunami. So much of what's out there is safe, and controlled, and - dare I say it - a bit bland, but we... we are incapable of that, for better or worse. So we may as well roll with it.

Anyway. Rest assured, what we're batting around regards the live show is very much in that spirit. 

Aaaaaanyway...

A future Record Store Day for gaming nostalgists? Totally. Look at something like the lovely Tanglewood - it was released as a digital download, but the team also made physical Mega Drive carts for collectors. It's the way a lot of bands these days are trying to get around the pitiful royalties they get from Spotify and Apple Music; by releasing physical, super special, collectors edition boxes, full of, I dunno, plectrums and booklets and shit.  

HOLE TRUTH
Like someone using a dictionary as confetti; like someone vomiting alphabetti spaghetti; it's time to pluck some words out of the air and put them in a letter so you can read them and go, "oooh, that's a letter isn't it. Look at it, it's even got a couple of semi-colons! And a tenuous metaphor!"

And then we can all smile because, unlike Ed Byrne in that one stand-up routine that only I remember, we know that a simile is a type of metaphor.

But now, fear not, for it is time for this: THE POINT OF THIS LETTER.

How many holes does a straw have? I say that it has two, one for liquid to enter and one for liquid to exit. Some say it's just one long hole. And to them I say this: if you have a tin can, and you poke a hole in the top of it, it has one hole.

​And now if you poke a hole in the bottom, it has two holes. BUT you can use that as a straw! You could suck liquid up through the holes just like a straw, and no one would argue that there aren't two holes in the can. But they argue there are not two holes in a straw? Perhaps a straw has no holes at all. Oh, perhaps, perhaps. Who can tell? Topologists, that's who. Even though a lot of them couldn't tell their own anus from a hole in the ground. (That is an excellent topology joke, by the way.)

Anyway, that's not the real point, I was lying. The real point is hidden all the way down here like a marvel post-credits scene. And the point is this: I like video games.

See, it was a relevant letter all along!
Nikki

How many holes does a straw have? My gut reaction was "two holes - one hole at top, one hole at bottom", but then I thought... "They say black hole, rather than black holes".  And then I thought "I'm not a physicist... maybe a black hole simply links to another black hole, and thus there are two holes".

And then my head started singing... "Two ho-holes... hush-hush... hole to hole!"

Oh, I say...!

ALL THE BUMS
Dear Sir,

My mate Chai suggested that somebody write in and just say "Bum" 400 times, so here it is.

"Bum 400 times"

Fnar fnar, Top Spicy and all that.

Warm regards,
Rebecca from The Broom Cupboard Club

This seems like an excellent opportunity for a reveal!

REVEAL: