We'll even accept physical letters for the purposes of this page. We might even read some of them out in a video.
For now... this week's email letters. Please read. There are always loads of really important things mentioned in the replies. Like, really important.
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: firstname.lastname@example.org
My over-riding memory of SMTV Live (the last Saturday morning show I regularly watched) was waking up rather late and stumbling downstairs and only ever seemed to catch the last 15-30 minutes (I was a teenager!)
So if you wanted to get my nostalgia glands flowing you could just maybe make the last half hour of such a show and stuff could have already happened that gets referenced but never seen. (And, you know, instruct everyone to watch it with a hangover... )
I didn’t say it was a good idea!
So, I dunno if you'll get just the last 15-30 minutes. You'll more likely get 3 hours' worth compressed into however long we make the eps. HOWZAT?!
Heyup Mr Biffo,
If Bono is a PC Engine, then what other retro consoles are the other members of U2?
Will 'sploshing' make an appearance in the next series of Digitiser The Show? I'm asking... for a friend...
Have you ever watched Archer or Space Ghost: Coast To Coast? If so, whaddya reckon to 'em?
Also - I made a thing, right 'ere:
It's kinda like my version of Fan Art for the Teletext incarnation of Digitiser.
Never watched Archer - though I've heard it's good. Space Ghost Coast to Coast I loved. It's rarely talked about anymore, but it was so influential on the likes of Eric Andre, Tim and Eric, and pretty much anything on Adult Swim.
Of course, none of those are a patch on your little teletext animation, which I enjoyed far more than it probably deserved. In return, press reveal to see The Edge:
Was the Enterprise really a piece of shit?
An Oric owner
Was the Commodore Plus/4 really a pile of whale wank?
A Sinclair C5 owner
I hope you are well and have had a wonderful week. If not, I hope next week is wonderful for you instead!
Is the PO Box gonna be indefinitely open, or is it open on a trial basis for now? Is there anything you absolutely do NOT want sending to the PO box?
Are there any video-game related topics you definitely won't discuss on the site? Today (as of writing) you posted a thing about times Mortal Kombat was blamed for real life violence, and while a very interesting and intelligent read, it seems like something a lot of people would shy away from discussing lest it be deemed insensitive or 'too political' or whatever. Where do you draw the line?
Have a lovely lovely day,
We obviously absolutely do not want anything too disgusting. Please no poo. Or anything illegal. Just fun stuff we could theoretically use in videos.
I did have a bit of a think before committing to that Mortal Kombat article. I mean, my thing is to be tongue-in-cheek when I write, so I had work out how to balance some genuinely sad things with my own style. I did have to consider whether it was okay to mention the details of the case where the young girl was beaten to death, but the target of the piece wasn't the tragedy, or making fun of the victims, but the way the media responded.
I don't think there's any topic I'd rule out discussing on here, just that some subjects might need a little more sensitive handling than others.
Was the Vic-20 really run on donkey spunk?
Mr J. Izum
Sorry to hear your holiday wasn't as relaxing as you'd hoped. I do seem to find I could do with another break after I've been away. I fear this may be part of being an "adult".
Hopefully you'll have a better time in Disneyland, but I'm hearing how unsuccessful the new Star Wars land is, which surprises me because all the videos I'm seeing have me really hyped. By this time next week I'll have been to the one in Orlando, so if I get the chance, I'll report back, but I might be too busy driving a droid around the hotel room to write in.
There is part of me which worries that it'll feel like a glorified shopping mall, but it's Disney. It sort of comes with the territory.
As for the land being unsuccessful... the main e-ticket ride isn't open yet, Disney hiked up prices expecting demand for the land would prove enough for people to overlook it, and for budgetary reasons they cut a ton of already-announced stuff that people were very excited for. And yeah, maybe basing it on the new films was a mistake.
But I don't care really. I just want to see the Millennium Falcon in real life. The thing I probably love most about theme parks isn't the rides, but the theming and being immersed. It ticks the same box for me as film set design.
So I dunno. I'm reserving judgement until I've experienced it first-hand. I'll take plenty of video, and cobble something together from it when I'm back.
So, Candyfloss grapes. Have you come across these? They have been selectively grown to have that kind of "strawberry" flavour that bubblegum and some candyfloss have. It's very odd, especially as the slight tartness that grapes normally have isn't there. They seem to be a thing in supermarkets at the moment.
Today I'd love to be playing Link's Awakening on the Switch, but I can't afford it, so I'm going to have to make do with the Gameboy version. And maybe pretend it's like I'm playing the Switch in the attic, like the guy in the advert for it I've seen too many times recently.
I know you dislike the question 'what classic game should be remade', but what about 'what modern game that didn't have 8/16-bit predecessors would have been potentially good as an 8/16-bit game?'
Or if that's too loathsome, whatever happened to BW after Biffovision?
BW is in my loft! He was actually in The Trojan Arse protocol, in the background. Squint and you might be able to make him out...
Hello. As I'm sure you're aware, you (Mr. Biffo) bear a passing resemblance to director Viktor Bryukhanov (Con O'Neill) from excellent HBO mini-series Chernobyl. Shave the beard off, curly up the hair - you could have auditioned for the role. Why didn't you?
I hid my yo-yo in the garden. I can't hide you from the Government. Oh, God, daddy I won't forget.
Jon Clay, Taunton, Somerset
I've just spent the last two days paper papier-mâchéing a balloon. I tried to make some 'special paper' by liquidising a load of A4 printer paper with water, wall paper paste, PVA glue and flour. It burnt out the motor on my food blender so I had to result to my powered hand food mixer. It burnt that out too.
I continued with my lumpy endeavour, but I'd slapped my magic mixture on so thick it was still really wet come day two, and it had dripped all over my quilt overnight (I was hanging the balloon from my bedroom light).
About an hour ago I carried on with the task in hand, only for the balloon to suddenly burst on its own accord. A substantial amount of my bedroom is now a complete mess and I'm now wondering if I should let it just let it dry and peel the mixture off the walls, ceiling and headboard or just get a cloth and wipe it all down. The last one doesn't seem like much of an option though because I really cannot be bothered right now.
Worst of all is that I can't even remember why I wanted a papier-mâché balloon in the first place but Amazon delivered some silver paint and clear varnish earlier (of which I had forgotten I'd ordered) so that might have something to do with it; it's not stirred up any memories though so now I've got to find something to do with them.
I was thinking of spraying some candles with them to give a 'romantic feel' for some lucky lady that may venture here, but a) I have no candles, b) there is no lady that lucky, and 3) I don't believe in luck. I don't believe in luck because I don't seem to have had any in any way, shape, or form this year.
Forever your savant servant,
He did it! The Man’s Daddy did it! I always hoped he would, but you never know how things will turn out on the day.
Yes, that’s right - the street parties have been happening all week, and the open top bus parade was something that we’ll all remember for years to come. Because The Man’s Daddy won the 2019 Digitiser Characters World Cup!
Doesn’t that sound good as you read it? What a deserving champion The Man’s Daddy is. It was a classic final between him and Mr T, the icing on the cake to a thoroughly engrossing competition, and it totally lived up to the hype. Both competitors brought their A-game, with only a whisker between them throughout.
Thanks to everyone who played along with the tournament on Twitter over those few weeks. It was a lot of fun organising proceedings, and seeing people really getting into it, rooting for their favourites, and genuinely being disappointed when their favourites went out was great to see. What an entertaining diversion it was.
I’m happy for you that Daddy took the trophy - we know your affection for the guy. It was by no means a foregone conclusion for him with such a tricky route to the final (when the baffling, unexpected popularity of Mulder & Scully became apparent elsewhere, it seemed like there were no easy games), so he unquestionably deserved it.
What do you say, another one in 4 years time to coincide with Digi’s 30th anniversary? I think that would be very much in order.
Prospective competition hosts should get their bids in early, I have a feeling it’s going to be popular. And who knows which other old characters will be unearthed in the meantime...
I did think it was telling that the final four were all in Digitiser The Show, but also... those four were in Digitiser The Show perhaps because they were the top four characters.
Thanks for running it, Bellston. It was a lot of fun. And you've just reminded me that next month is the fifth anniversary of this site. What an unexpected five years those have been...! I could not have predicted any of it.
Short but sweet this week! Hope you're well!
1) I walked into my favourite teacher's class at break today and he looked at me and said "moc-moc-a-moc". How can I prevent him from learning more Digi-speak since he does it to annoy me?
2) Have you received anything from the P.O box and/or when would be the best date to start posting stuffs?
- Asho (@catastroasho)
And yes - we've already received stuff via the PO Box! So if you've got something... now is as good a time as any.
431) Has any game created a better or more believable universe from its outset as Mass Effect? If so, which one? I wouldn't say it was my favourite, but it felt really convincing and self-consistent until the awful ending in ME3.
432) If you had to predict an outlook, specifically as game companies, be it positive, negative or somewhere in between for Sony, Nintendo and Microsoft, what would you go for?
433) The early popularity of computer games was driven partly by a close association with fantasy and science fiction, which were a common inspiration and interest of early games players. While I don't think it was a conscious industry choice, the lessening of these links made it much easier for games to become truly mainstream forms of entertainment. Would you agree with that and if not, what was the biggest factor in games not being seen as something for 'nerds?'
434) In the admittedly unlikely event that you had to go on Dragons' Den to try for a computer games-related investment, what would you pitch and how?
435) In no way connected to the Canadian Prime Minister, have there ever been games that you enjoyed at the time and genuinely had no issues with the content but would now look back on and find them unacceptable, or even regret playing them?
432) Sony: positive. Nintendo: very positive. Microsoft: semi-positive. To be honest, Sony and Microsoft have such deep pockets that it'll be a long time before they give up the fight.
433) I think you're right about that. Certainly I think you have to give a series like FIFA some credit for de-nerding video games (even if FIFA/football is about the nerdiest thing ever; it's just a more accepted form of nerdiness). It's weird isn't it, the things that "nerds" are attracted to? I think about it quite a lot, and - speaking as the father of somebody with autism - wonder whether they seem to attract a higher-then-normal percentage of people with autism, like retro gaming does.
For the record, I love sci-fi, but can't stand fantasy. I tried watching that new Dark Crystal series, and while I loved the production design and craft of it, I found the world-building incredibly tedious.
434) Series 2 of Digitiser The Show... Though I'd prefer to pitch for Series 1 of Bubblegun.
435) I wouldn't say there were any I regret playing, but the most obvious candidate is Duke Nukem 3D... and maybe Conker's Bad Fur Day. Though are either of them really any worse than some of the stuff in GTAV? If there is any game I feel a bit bad about enjoying it's that one, because the thing I enjoy is the depth and scale of the world - not the less politically correct aspects.
Dear Messrs Paul and Paul,
I'd like to express my disappointment in your recent Digitiser episodes. However, it's not because of the content which is absolutely top notch. It's because I'm unable to figure out who is the "straight man" in your shambolic comedy double act.
I feel in the most recent "magic" episode Biffo was the idiot, with his inability to perform simple tricks, but in recent episodes Gannon's flatulence kept stealing the show while Biffo looked on in annoyance.
I hope in future episodes you try to be more careful in your whimsical shenanigans.
In all honesty - and I'm going to give you a serious answer to a possibly-not-entirely-serious letter - it has taken me a while to find my on-screen persona. Or, more accurately, it has taken me a while to fully stop trying to adopt an on-screen persona, and just relax enough to be myself.
Or a heightened version of myself anyway. I was talking about this with my wife yesterday, and said to her that I think I've finally found my "inner clown", and she pointed out that how I am on camera isn't really that different from how I am in day-to-day life.
Obviously, I'm a bit different; I've made it to my age without somehow ruining my life, and raised a whole bunch of kids, and had a relatively alright career, and if I was like that 24 hours a day it'd be insufferable. But yeah... she has a valid point.
As I wrote last year, I'm not a performer or a presenter. Comedians work for years to get good at it, and Gannon has had the benefit of years working as a stand-up. I've had to do all my working-out on camera, in the public eye, so sometimes I have been the straight man or grown-up, and other times the idiot... It's like trying on different shoes to see what fits.
Certainly in the next batch of videos you're going to see... I'm definitely not the grown-up (see below).
It has helped me hugely to stop feeling like I have to talk about video games - I was fighting against the tide anyway with that. And I appreciate having someone at my side with whom I know I've got good chemistry, and who has huge experience. In our early videos I leaned on Paul to do the heavy lifting much more, even if I sometimes edited around that.
When we were filming Digitiser The Show last year, I was very self-conscious in front of the camera, feeling I had to be the person who held it all together, and be a "proper" presenter. It was sometimes hard having so many hosts, because I knew everyone deserved a chance to talk, but it soon became apparent that if left to our own instinctive devices, Gannon and I would just take over. And I'm certain it frustrated the others.
It was only towards the end of the week that I started to relax... and you can see it in Rampage For Real and Mockety Moc.
So, as and when we do a Kickstarter for a new thing, it'll most likely be fronted by me and Paul, possibly with a revolving selection of guests, and segments which can be hosted by others without us getting in the way. It's slowly coming together.