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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

2/11/2018

14 Comments

 
Depending on when you read this, we're now just over a week away from the debut of Digitiser The Show. Or just "Digitiser" as I'm generally referring to it, for the benefit of those who've never heard of Digitiser before, and might wonder what "The Show" bit is about.

Now look; I've been hideously swept up in the all-consuming edit of the series, and I've not managed to find the time to do as much PR as I'd intended to have done by this stage, while my other half been too busy copying files to hundreds of Found Footage USB dogtags to help either.

Consequently... we're very much relying on word-of-mouth, and the help of the audience (lots of you have already been brilliant at telling people about the series) to inform people about it.

Obviously, YouTube requires regular uploads to build an audience, so I'm going to do my best to keep to some sort of regular upload schedule, even after the main series finishes. We shot an extra two interviews which will air in the weeks following the sixth episode, and we're hoping to do some sort of mini Christmas ep, if we've the time.

But aaaaanyway. A week Sunday. Probably around 9pm (same time as Found Footage went live). Do. Not. Forget. And tell everyone.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
GAMING MILL'S RAMBLING BRAINFART THAT YOU'LL MOST LIKELY SKIP THROUGH
​
It was with great disappointment that, at the last minute (well, couple of days or so beforehand), my lift to the Blackpool PLAY Expo had to let me down. Being still unable to drive my car I did look into bus/train alternatives, but the train thing meant changing trains several times which would invariably mean I'd end up getting lost and on the other side of the country or something like I usually do. 

The National Express idea only involved a couple of changes but nearly 16 hours there and back?! I only live about 120 miles from Blackpool!

I must give a big, heartfelt thanks to all the lovely online people (most of whom I've never even met) that offered to take me there. Alas, I had already made alternative arrangements for the weekend "with a lady" and I really didn't want to let this golden opportunity slip out of my fingers, so to speak.

Speaking of ladies, the odd woman that lives down the street past the wall that stops her multitude of screaming and badly behaved children from coming near my house is having a yard sale it seems.

Nothing wrong with that but it started about half an hour ago (6pm) and in her back garden and it's dark; there weren't any lights on in her garden and you had to rely on the illumination provided from her kitchen window and a street light. Needless to say, I ventured over to have a look.

There was a right load of old tat for sale. Bicycles, both adult and child size, all with at least one wheel missing for some reason. A fire-damaged fireplace. A Netto shopping trolley with the £1 deposit slot smashed. A big bag of glow sticks that, upon closer inspection, all appeared to have been used. A pale, shaggy rug with a massive stain on it (it was too dark to make out the colour of the stain, but it was certainly noticeable).

She has no outside storage it seems so all of this junk must have come from inside her house. Who keeps a shopping trolley indoors? Who keeps a shopping trolley at all?! There was an acoustic guitar for sale, which had a nice action, that I was tempted to buy for £2 as a gift for my nephew - but I was afraid as to what I might find lurking inside the body.

I left without making any excuses. Highlight of the evening? Crossing the road near her house and nearly getting knocked over by a chip van whose driver decided it was a great time to drive with no lights on whatsoever. I'm back at home now thankfully.

The PC I bought late last year kicks out so much heat I don't even need to put my heating on. In fact, I'm sitting here in front of my monitor wearing nothing but my boxer shorts. I would be naked buy I'm expecting guests very shortly.
I am Gaming Mill and that is all.
Aaaaand... moving on...
PATREON SHARP
Hello, Paul, I just wanted to say thank you for the Patreon posts. I find them very interesting and enjoy reading them. I would say this on Patreon but I cannot find my login.

Also, good work on Digitiser TV - the new name is a good choice, I think.
John Whyte
Cheers, John. I'll try to keep the Patreon updates coming. At the moment, I'm stretched a little thin, but I'll aim to do some further life updates soon. Hey, kids: why not support me on Patreon if you want to discover PRIVATE details about my life?!

See you at the bottom of the page, Johnno.
TASTE THE FLAVOUR
I hope you are well.

Having written in for the first time last week, I now have a taste for it so I am back.

I have watched intrigued as a wave of great reviews of Red Dead Redemption 2 have been followed up by a second wave of people expressing displeasure with the game. I was sorely tempted to buy it, but the latter grouping has given me pause (because their points seem to be well thought out on the whole).

I have particularly enjoyed reading your critique, and my reason for writing is to ask whether the game might not be ideal for an entry into your "How I would improve..." series?

​Strikes me that it would be controversial, contemporaneous and just a good read. I think these views need to be heard. Of course, if you're just doing a review of it, the point is moot and I guess how you would improve it will be covered there!


Have a good Friday and a great weekend.
James Mitchell
Well, yes, Grant. As you will have now seen, I have indeed done a sort of review thing for RDR2. It's a weird one. It's a very curiously balanced game, and "improving" anything might send the whole thing out of whack. I'd steer clear of doing that, Phil, but know ye this: never before have I loved and hated a game so much at the same time. 
WHAT GAME?
I've only played a few hours so not too far into the game but my biggest complaint is the amount of different things I need to remember in order to play it properly. I don't play every day so I know I'm going to constantly forget how to do certain things and have to look it up online. 
​
Also the long distances to travel are a pain but I've heard you can upgrade your camp to unlock fast travel which will alleviate it a bit, that should be available right away in my opinion though.
​
I will stick with it though even if it takes me until this time next year to finish it as I did really enjoy the first one.

Regards,
Red Dead tired gamer
Thanks for not stating up-front what game you were referring to, and forcing me to have to read to the end. Tsk.

Anyhow, the fast travel is only one-way back to your camps, which is a bit weird.

SCORES ON THE DOORS
Hello, Dolly!

For reasons I don’t understand, my friend likes to unlock achievements and increase his gamer score. I know for a fact that he’s persisted with games he’s disliked solely to get the 1000 points. He recently told me he was over 100,000, and I told HIM that it was meaningless. 

My argument was that the only thing it measures is your consumerism. Not only will your gamer score presumably increase the more games you play (buy) it also shows you’ve been indoctrinated into the artificial ecosystem. 

My biggest problem with achievements/trophies is that they’re sort of the opposite of what playing games is meant to be aren’t they? There are millions of people doing arbitrary things in games just to make a notification pop up, but really they should be doing those things for fun and that should be it’s own reward. 

There, everything was better in my day. What do you think about achievements in general and the idea of people deliberately playing often terrible games just for a high score which proves nothing?

Love
Grembot
I don't pay any attention to achievements, and I thought everyone does the same. I don't think I've ever looked at my gamer score either. When the notifications pop up it momentarily pulls me out of the game, but they're easy enough to ignore.

​I get why they were implemented; I mean, getting a hi-score was the whole point of games early on. I, on the other hand, used to turn almost every game into some elaborate role-playing fantasy. Even Space Invaders. Probably not Pong, though.
CUSS AND THEM
E-mail you? Okay. About anything specific?

All I can say is, I still remember how utterly and pants-wettingly hilarious I found that long-ish ... I want to say thread, but we didn't call them threads... story, with the Snakes where one of them went 'missing'.

I mean, not just the punchline, which was hilarious, but all the way through, with one puzzled Snake unable to find his mate... I can't even remember how you used to present those to us. Were they invading the letters page or was it reviews or what? No idea.

​We had to press reveal for their bits though, I know that. But anyway, one snake was searching for the other for  six or seven pages, and then at the end the punchline was (pardon my paraphrasing) "it's not funny to leave joke suicide notes!" Hilarious. Obviously suicide itself is not that funny and a serious matter. But still, those snakes. I laughed my arse off.

Yours truly, 
Some random idiot who enjoyed your work
I don't remember that, and I most probably wouldn't write "jokes" about suicide these days. Funny how we change as we get older, innit?
BALLS TOGETHER
I don't want to spend money upgrading or replacing my old PS4 so I can play Red Dead Redemption 2. There are rumours that it'll eventually be released on PC, which would suit me fine.
​
How good are the horses' balls really? Is it worth the risk waiting for a PC release? What if they censor the balls in the meantime?
Tom
You... you don't need to replace your PS4 though.

Anyway, it isn't the horses' balls which have impressed me, but the revoltingly realistic way they do their poos. You can see it coming out and everything.

Talking of testicles...

BALLS-UP, MOTHER BROWN
Hi Mr Biffo!

Got a bone to pick with you so I have.

After being an avid visitor to your site for longer than I can remember (which to be fair, isn’t saying much due to how bad my memory is these days due to the sherry), I finally decided to put pen to paper after last weekend's escapades... without actually using a pen, or, well, a bit of paper either come to think of it.

Anyway, what made me pick up my pen (ok, type on my blimmin keyboard) was the visit to The House On The Haunted Hill (Norbreck Castle) last weekend.

I somehow managed to talk (bribe) my wife into leaving sunny Glasgow and joining me at the two-day Play Expo in Blackpool, and on Saturday afternoon we ended up in the second from front row at "Digitiser Live". 

I refrained from  shaking your hand whilst professing to you that you’re a genius, partially out of respect, and admittedly more down to I hadn’t washed my hands properly after visiting what was loosely described by the hotel as the "gents toilets".  

Anyway, we'd already been to the earlier panel, but when my wife asked if this would be similar, I gave her a tentative "Oooh, I reckon probably not", to which she quizingly asked "What the f#ck have you brought me to this time?" (at that moment I thought it best not to mention we were going to see the guy that brought us Goujon John). 

So, after managing to placate her (can of Coke and a KitKat from the vending machine - well, did you see their chips n burgers?!), and having to answer such probing questions as "Why has that 'helping hand" got a monkey glove on it?" and "What the hell is 'Mr Sausage' all about?" you can imagine  my surprise, shock and horror when she had to suddenly duck to avoid being hit on the head by a pair of flying testicles, allowing them to continue on their merry way and smack the intended target next to her full on the head instead.

Im not convinced she bought my explanation that this was merely "interactive participation" - it’s not every day my wife nearly gets hit in the face by a flying nutsack to be honest...  

On the plus side, it shows I guess that she hadn’t dozed off/zoned out, and was actively paying attention, and she now knows "who I want to punch every time I hear that bloody voice" (Kim Justice).

Plus, you taking the piss out of "that American from Chicago" will always get a thumbs up in my book.  Wonder what he made of our (well, your) British humour... Although I guess having Play Expo in Norbreck Castle proves we have one at least...

To be fair though, she sat enthralled through your rough cut of Digitiser Episode One - or it was the sugar hit from the "full fat" Coke - and came out saying "Well, I have absolutely no idea what I just sat through for the last hour and a half, but it was quite good", which from my wife, is an astounding compliment of the highest order. Just a pity you didn’t also include the Sonic's rings clip - if the rest of the shows are half as funny as that your onto a winner for sure.

So, nutsack issues aside, thanks for making both our weekends, kind sir. British TV's loss is Swedish TV's gain, and the fact it was standing room only, unlike some of the other talks, shows you're clearly doing something right and are onto a winner. I think the 2 people who walked out were probably confused/pickled hotel guests or ex Amiga owners. 
Stephen, AKA Gordon Ramsay's furrowed brow
I do apologise for the testicles. It wasn't a scheduled part of the show, but the actions of an overexcited audience member who had been "gifted" them for helping us on Digitiser The Show. If he's reading this: STOP BRINGING THEM TO LIVE SHOWS. And if you do bring them - STOP THROWING THEM. 

Really. Stop it. Someone nearly got hurt.


However, thank you for the nice feedback. I'm very pleased that we won your wife over. Given that the most common feedback we received from Found Footage was that "my wife hated it", we're definitely taking a step  in the right direction. 

For anybody who has missed it, here's the complete panel - including the ball-lobbing incident.
LETTUCE
Reading the Friday letters page is now a firm part of my Friday (wasting time at work) routine; however, there are two types of letter which I find rather tiresome and tend to skip over:

(1) The "I saw you asking for letters so I thought I would write one, even though I have nothing else to say" letter; and

(2) The "I think I can write funnies like Mr Biffo, but instead write an overly long and unfunny stream of consciousness" letter.

What are your favourite and least favourite types of letter? 

Also, I wonder if I'm alone in my regular Digi-reading despite hardly ever playing video games any more? (I have recently bought a Switch, but I have little interest in most AAA 100+ hours titles and the like).

All the best,
Alejandro 

P.S. Good luck with Digitiser the show, I'm sure it will be great and I hope it gets the acclaim and wider audience FF deserved to. 

P.P.S. Can I please have a reveal-me-do? 
Hunh. Favourite types of letters are those that are relatively brisk and short, and have something to say which I can then respond to - be it question or opinion. And yeah, I struggle to know what to say to the letter examples you mention above.

So they too would likely be my least favourite. I mean, I appreciate people taking the time to write, but still... make it count, yeah?


As you asked: have a reveal.
REVEAL: 
Picture
SHOWMAN
One of the things I’m looking forward to on the new programme is I’m hoping to be inspired to play video games again. If I do fire up a game I usually just look at it for 5 minutes then try another then give up and read a book (go on the internet/get pissed). I love games and reading about their history and facts and stuff and collecting and all that, but I realise I don’t actually play that much of em anymore. Have you ever gotten that way yourself?

Anyways,with the new series plus my amaaaazing Android gaming tablet I hope it’s gonna be a good Xmas.

Let’s hope the kids have learnt to assemble toy kitchens and use a screwdriver eh!?!

Eventually, right, do you think Nintendo will release a ‘mini’ NES Mini? And so on ad infinitum. Funny eh?
​
Stay Rad!
James Walker
The new programme? You mean Digitiser The Show, yes? I can't promise we'll inspire you to do anything, except - perhaps - have a wash afterwards.
PLUG ZONE
​Dear Digi-peeps, it was lovely to meet so many of you at the Blackpool Play expo last weekend! You remain the best bunch we've ever been "involved" in.

If you weren't there, you can live the experience vicariously here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c0_XCTUnFs

That is all. I am tired now.

Thank you.

Regards,

All the best,
Nikki and Bunty
True fact: I'm in Nikki and Bunty's video, and the video is good and funny, and not too long.
THE 500 Qs OF WHYTE
​233) In an admittedly limited field, is Gwent the most successful game from a game ever?

234) Do you think that overall eSports are good or bad for computer games?

235) Which game developer had the best run/period of making consistently good games and when was it?
John Whyte
233) I generally ignore the optional card games and whatnot in open world games. I do like a game of dominos in RDR2, mind.

234) I sort of feel that eSports are apart from much of gaming. They feel like their own thing, and I'm not sure how much impact they even have on the games industry as a whole.

235) Hmm. That's a good one. I'd suggest Nintendo itself, in the Super NES days. Or Ultimate Play The Game's Spectrum titles. Rockstar hasn't really put a foot wrong, but given that their last half a dozen or so games have all followed the same formula I'm not sure I'd count them. 

That's it. Have a well-behaved weekend, children.

14 Comments
Col. Asdasd
2/11/2018 09:07:06 am

I was going to do a long rant about Rare's golden run on the N64, but then I went and actually looked it up on the 'peedyas and I was misremembering what was actually a mustard run - distinct and equal parts golden and poo brown.

In the two years following Killer Instinct Gold, they released Blast Corps, Goldeneye, Diddy Kong Racing and Banjo Kazooie, which is absolutely phenomenal and possibly the best spurt of quality development ever managed in such a short span.

The next three years were also prolific, with Jet Force Gemini, DK64, Perfect Dark, Banjo Tooie and Conker's Bad Fur Day all released. It was hard to notice (or maybe just admit) for the Nintendo fanboy at the time, but the quality of these games was not up to the shining standard of what had come before.

Perfect Dark was a feature laden and boundary-pushing shooter (AI multiplayer! Coop campaign!) but ran like an absolute dog at times, Jet Force Gemini was an ok third person shooter beset by some hateful design that made beating it a massive chore, and the collectathon platformers became increasingly bloated and unable to recapture the magic of the original Banjo. Can't attest to the quality of Conker, mind, as I never played it.

I wouldn't put them forward as a candidate for the BEST run, but what about Bullfrog? Populous, Syndicate, Magic Carpet, Theme Park, er, Hi Octane... Dungeon Keeper and Theme Hospital? Plus various and varyingly forgettable sequels.

Bioware 98-09? Baldur's Gate, MDK2, BG2, Neverwinter Nights, Knights of the Old Republic, Jade Empire, Mass Effect, Dragon Age. Cheekily throw in Black Isle's Planescape, Fallout and Icewind Dale games and I think you have a strong case.

Reply
RichardM
2/11/2018 09:30:05 am

Yeah. I was such a Rare fanboy that I edited a fansite (rarecentral.com) and contributed to another (pdark.com). Even I found DK64 unforgiveable, a Phantom Menace-esque betrayal. Similarly Banjo Tooie. Where BK felt like an adventure and a challenge, BT was busywork. And I never had a XBox, so I sort of lost touch after that. It always kind of felt like the growing power of the consoles stifled innovation rather than fostered it. Compare GoldenEye to Perfect Dark Zero.

I do follow lovely Leigh Loveday and Wil Overton Twitter, though, so I suppose I’m still a fan (of them).

I’d love to really understand what went wrong. The exodus of talent to Free Radical and the changing managment style when Microsoft took over are to blame, I suppose? Did anyone really want the pinata thing or Kinect Sports? I dunno. People seem to like the pirates game.

Reply
Leigh L.
2/11/2018 09:05:31 pm

OH YOU.

PS The pinata thing is actually very good.

Stuart
2/11/2018 03:24:41 pm

For me, Treasure have never made a bad game. From the MD platformers like Gunstar Heroes, Dynamite Heady, and Alien Soldier (I hear even the McDonalds one is supposed to be ok but I've not played it), to their shmups on later systems like Sin 'n Punishment, Ikaruga, and to surreal oddities like Mischief Makers, they always manage to make titles that are unique and challenging, yet rewarding once you get the hang of their game mechanics and controls. I recently forked out £60 for Guardian Heroes on Saturn, and boy is it a belter!

Reply
RichardM
2/11/2018 10:24:29 pm

Consider me beaten into contrition, a la pinata.

Reversible Sedgewick
2/11/2018 10:29:46 am

233) Having grown up in South Wales I can confirm that Gwent is the most stupidly-named game from a game ever. Congratulations to anyone who hears that and conjures up images of a whimsical fantasy world. For me it's immediate teleportation back to primary school and learning how to correctly address an envelope.

Reply
Mrtankthreat
2/11/2018 01:12:53 pm

It sounds like a Welsh heavy metal sub-genre.

Reply
Nick
2/11/2018 10:31:54 am

I like the rambling stream of consciousness stuff and it’s nice when someone makes an attempt at matching the tone of the rest of the website even if it isn’t always successful.

Reply
Mr Biffo
2/11/2018 12:47:03 pm

Yes, I hope they continue.

Reply
MrPSB
2/11/2018 03:07:43 pm

OK I'll try

Mrtankthreat
2/11/2018 01:23:10 pm

I'm very much the same James. I just can't get inspired to play games anymore. A combination of not having much money and not wanting to be distracted from college work meant I never got a current gen console but now I'm finished school (I'm still a bit short of money tbh, rather spend it on a holiday) I'm kind of afraid to even bother picking one up because I don't think I'm interested in playing anymore. I picked up PS3 Watch Dogs recently and turned it off after 5 minutes. Maybe a new console is just what I need though. If Mario Maker 2 came out on the Switch I reckon I could be tempted.

Reply
Dan Farrimond link
2/11/2018 02:14:12 pm

I adore the stream of consciousness letters, but then if I had my way Digitiser 2000 would just be Mega Zine 2000. In fact I am going to register a domain for it RIGHT NOW.

Also, I was going to write in this week and talk about the PLAY Blackpool panel but forgot to do so.

I loved the audience participation element. Only way it could have been cooler is if you invited someone on stage to do the sound effects round.

Would you consider doing a live streamed version of the show some time? I can help when I earn another 50p to put in the Internet meter and get another 2 hours of service from my ISP.

Also, maybe consider uploading the first episode of Digi the Show as a YouTube Premiere, so people can watch and comment on it live (much like that 3 hour video of Novabug dancing - dunno if you saw it). It'll be like a shared experience but with bins.

But that's a suggestion, not a demand. I'm not here to tell you what to do. Not today, anyway.

Peace and love, peace and love.

-- Bin-go Starr

Reply
MrPSB
2/11/2018 03:09:51 pm

Yes, well, after nearly murdering someone with the flying balls this time I will be leaving them at home in future. Or at least in my hands. Sorry Mrs Stephen and person they did hit, who wasn't the intended target. Not sorry intended target who deserves far worse than a face full of rubber balls.

I'll stick to flying sausages in future, as discussed.

Reply
Treacle
2/11/2018 10:02:14 pm

I really, really wish I'd gone to the Blackpool Play expo, if only to experience the ambience of the Norbreck Castle, as lovingly captured by Nikki and Bunty.

Reply



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