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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

22/6/2018

14 Comments

 
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We're a little over a week away from the main filming block for Digitiser The Show. Suffice to say, there's a lot to get done still, but the scripts are almost ready, the schedule is nearly there, the guests are booked, and the cast is raring to go.

This weekend I shall be painting and making set dressing, and we'll be sorting all the props and equipment. Next week I'll be taking a trip to Manchester to collect a very special desk, the cameras are being delivered, as will our very own Digitiser arcade machine and a puppet representation of one particular fan favourite Digi character.

​I'm pretty astonished how relatively smoothly it has all come together. And also how close it's feeling to what I'd wanted. We've had to cut back somewhat on the big stretch-goal stunts; turns out that when you try to make something look slick and professional it costs much more than something that looks deliberately crap. However, I'm indebted to so many people for giving up their time and expertise - a lot of them doing it for free - to make this possible.

Of course, this is only part of the process. We'll have location filming in September, and the whole thing will still need to be edited. 

Anyhow, this preamble is just to say... there might be a little less content on this site than you're used to over the next couple of weeks. Trust me though; it'll be worth it.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
THE TROOPER
Whilst pondering to myself which NWOBHM bands may have featured in 80s microcomputer games, I wondered to myself whether Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden still does that thing whilst performing The Evil That Men Do where he wobbles around pretending to be "living on a razor's edge, balancing on the edge". 
​
Can any of your readers help?
Starbuck
Firstly, if you're going to use an acornym like NWOBHM - especially on a website like this - it would be useful to spell out what it stands for. For the uninitiated: New Wave of British Heavy Metal. 

Secondly, I have twice seen Iron Maiden live - once when I was 15-ish, and once when I was in my 30s. Both times I left wondering why I'd bothered seeing Iron Maiden live.

The second experience was by far the worst; I was jet-lagged, I had a particularly bad cold, and I was surrounded by very drunk middle-aged men, all of whom had removed their tops and were jostling me, and I had beer spilled down the back of my shirt collar. That was the last time I shall ever see Iron Maiden live.
SPANISH FLY
Día feliz (dear fellers),

I bought a Switch again; I wanted to have another go at BOTW.

I’ve done it! Not 100% or anything (because I don’t do things like that) but I have bested all of the Ganons including the head porcine himself.

Breath of the Wild is great; you and the Digi denziens know that, but what you arguably didn’t know is what I reckon is a bit caca about it, AND that I’m going to be counting in Spanish:

UNO - It would have benefited from better graphics - check out the original teaser trailer and you will see that what I am saying is about right.

DOS - call me British but I’d like to lodge a complaint about the weather - very annoying. And what’s with breaking all my personal effects, man?!

TRES - cooking is not fun. Jamie and Gordon wouldn’t work in a Mario game because they is not fun guys.

CUATRO - weird one this: Some of the shrines are so brilliantly good that it makes me dislike in a strong way the ones that are a bit too linear or simple; my disappointment is palpable, señor.

CINCO -The seeds everywhere stuff actually ‘pulses’ me off - it just seems lazy to have this enormous world so full of promise and then blow so much of it on those irksome seeds.

SEIS - Riding the horse is tedious. The boat was more fun in Wind Waker - and it wasn’t. Don’t drink the water, please.

SIETE - That bloody Blood Moon again.

What, if anything, yanked your goitre?

DEAN

PS. Here is a collage that is no way self indulgent - it’s just a nice thing to do for everybody.
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Dean: where you been? I must take issue with your dismissal of the simple Shrines. I liked that they mixed it up, and that some were relatively straightforward. I reckon they did that on purpose so that idiots felt like they were making some progress.

I'm not sure what I wasn't a fan of in BOTW... hunh... hnng... hmm.

The first Divine Beast I had a crack at - the elephant one - almost made me give up altogether. I spent days on it, and didn't feel a sense of achievement afterwards... just irritated that they'd placed such a massive obstacle in the path of my enjoyment. 

​So, yes... could've done without that. And those puzzles with the motion controls. Developers: stop putting motion controls in games, plz. I don't like them. Nobody likes them.
HEAD IN ADVICE 
I know you're not an advice page by nature, but I have a conundrum that needs sorting. I have two wonderful jobs lined up to choose between. One is far away from home, but is in a safe, friendly environment. This means less stress, better work-life balance, etc. The other is closer to home but has more risk and potential reward, longer hours, but potentially will move me further in my career.

I realise the nonsense of asking a website something like this but If you were me, which would you take?
Mr Query
Okay. Here's the thing. Whatever on I say I'd take - you must ignore. I am not you. I am different to you. I have different priorities to you. 

But... gawd knows. I mean, I've already got the latter; I work very close to home (in my home), but in a high risk job where the potential rewards are high, but I work long hours.

I would like to work in a more secure job... but I'm not sure I'm suited to such an environment anymore. I mess around when I'm in an office.
SAUCY LITTLE NUMBER
Dear MrBiffo,
I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways:
Burger sauce or chilli sauce?
harris.harris
Burger sauce is rank. I can't have too much chilli sauce either, after the Digifest a couple of years ago gave me gastritis through stress. Thus: garlic sauce, Harris. Garlic sauce.
SPRAWLING ESTATE
You never aspired to be an estate agent, but it pays the bills. Ominously, the boss is chipper. Great ideas are inevitable, their merit demonstrated by the unwillingness of employees to challenge them, on pain of termination.

"I've got a great idea for our next newspaper advert! Here, pick a tool then strike a renovation pose! Chop chop, the photographer's waiting."

On the left, MD Hammer. With weapon of choice stylishly slung over the shoulder, expect business casual violence.

Second right hides an enigmatic past, though it is rumoured that Driller Killer is their favourite documentary.

Which leaves The Cleanup Crew, tirelessly tidying the resultant legal and visceral mess. You may question if their division of duties re-enforces traditional gender roles, at your peril.

Blood Lettings. It's time to trouble some tenants.
David W
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This is all real good and everything, David, but I'm not entirely sure how to respond...
BIFFALO STANCE
​Hello Mr Biffo. I had a bit of an argument with my friend, so please don't take his stance on this one. I've really started enjoying story-driven games lately. In your opinion, is this genre still improving, or has it "peaked?"

Good luck with Digi TV, marriage, and all the other atrocities in your life! 
Koa H.
I hope it hasn't peaked. It does seem to have plateaued a bit though. It always annoys me when games such as God of War get held up for its amazing story, when it's so wretchedly dour and self-important. And then they force you to suffer through all those cut-scenes. I mean, gorgeous art design, and yeah.... hats off to them for making a game that's sort of about being a dad... but enough with the portentous moping, for pity's sake.
THE 50 Qs OF WHYTE
1. Has there ever been a game that you have found its subject matter to be unacceptable? I don't mean banning or 'down with this sort of thing', but just something that you wouldn't play on principle?

2. It's common online to have young people fail to identify an old piece of technology, but I was thinking, are there any game mechanics/features that, once common, would now seem totally archaic? I'd propose a set number of lives but I'd like to hear your opinion.

3. Does the recent gameplay of the Last of Us 2 make you more or less interested in the game?
John Whyte
1. It's weird. As I get older, I get increasingly snowflake-y in a lot of ways... and in other ways I get less tolerant of a lot of knee-jerk political correctness. I mean, I was disappointed with a lot of the games shown at E3, because of the level of violence. But I was also pleased with the number of female protagonists. Swings and roundabouts. But I don't know if there's anything I've not played on principle. Doubtless, there have been some racist-y games that I wouldn't have gone near.

2. Yeah, set number of lives is a good one. Continues are another. We forget that games borrowed a lot from arcades, where lives and continues were a way to make money, and encourage punters to keep shoving coins into the slot. It took a long time for developers for console games to realise that they were necessary. Imagine if, say, Assassin's Creed had lives and continues. Imagine it.

​3. That trailer was a bit jarring wasn't it? The first half was beautifully character-based, and then jumped to one of said characters sticking a pickaxe in somebody's neck. I suppose shock was the point, but... I dunno. Like I say above, I'm getting snowflake-y, and I didn't like seeing it. But I did like that they seem to be putting a same-sex relationship at the heart of the game.

Either way, I've no doubt Last of Us 2 will be brilliant - Naughty Dog are the best storytellers working in gaming, bar none.
14 Comments
Stephen
22/6/2018 09:08:50 am

I've always struggled with Zelda. I played them and thought they were OK but never completed one. Always gave up. The best attempt in had was Ocarina on the 3DS where I got as far as the water towers before quitting. That puzzle is insane. How is anyone supposed to work it out?
With BOTW getting all the hype I bought a Switch thinking that the portable nature would give me a good opportunity to play through to the end. But every time I play BOTW all I'm doing is walking around. My brain just doesn't make the connections and I struggle to do anything. I can't make the game click in my head and rarely accomplish anything without googling it. But the main thing for me is that it just isn't exciting. I went back to Resident Evil 4 the other night and had a big smile and realised I just will never understand Zelda. No action , excitement, just walking and cooking.

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DEAN
22/6/2018 11:19:51 am

Completely fair comment, Stephen!

Zelda games can seem a bit obtuse at times - it's interesting how such a popular series eschews the usual in favour of marching to it's own beat. But that's Nintendo!

The first game I ever loved is the NES original - I loved how I didn't really know what I was doing and just had to kind of discover things as I went. I also loved how I had little to no frame of reference for any of it whatsoever - let me explain - the problem I have with playing most games, reading books or watching movies is that my familiarity of the subject matter makes me find them boring - too predictable.

My first walk around Hyrule was so exciting because I had no idea at all about anything - I felt like a pioneer or a curious little alien!

No game will ever replicate that experience for me (I don't think) but surely they can for someone new? I still have a massive soft spot for Link - more so than any other icon from my youth - because he felt personal so me - I owned that experience more profoundly than watching a cartoon or playing Space Invaders... you know what I mean?

I've by no means completed (or even played) all of the Zelda games but the ones that I have have always seemed to be very special - I love the fact that they have their own tropes and avoid certain popular culture cliches - I like the names of the monsters and how far removed everything seems not just from reality but also from The Lord Of The Rings - nothing against it but it ('s just a bit boring is all) seems that most fantasy games owe a significant debt to Tolkien's great tome.

The only thing that Zelda seems to draw inspiration from is Excalibur - which is cool because King Arthur and all that sword in the stone stuff is ace!

I get that Zelda games don't hit the mark for you and that's okay - I think Resident Evil games suck and that's okay too!

Cooking REALLY sucks, though.... Whatever next: Link ironing his tunic so that he looks nice and smart when he goes to work slaying evil magic pigs.

Link telling lies at a ticket concession so that his eldest gets in on a child's price.... last time I tried that was at an aquarium -

"2 adults and 2 kids please."

"Okay, how old are the kids?"

"He's 3 and she's 5."

"I'M NOT, I'M SIX!!"

The chap and I looked at each other.... I gave a rumbled smile and he looked at my daughter and said, "Well, today you're 5." and gave us tickets for 2 adults and 2 young kids (infants or whatever).

It was weird explaining to my daughter how daddy told a fib so that he could save some money... I don't know if that's a quality life lesson or not.

I was looking at some Disney tickets the other day - they class 12 years old as being an adult - I get why - they can go on all the rides and that but still.... and I know they're not going to look the other way when I chance my arm... they'll want passports and all that to prove it.... robbing c....

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DEAN
22/6/2018 09:45:44 am

Thanks for publishing my letter and collage!

Now if I can just take up a bit more of your time by responding to your reply please:

Firstly, I absolutely knew you'd head the letter with that title!

I love Spain and wish I was there right now.... which brings me nicely to your question - Dean has been having his head totally and utterly done in trying to buy a house. It's complicated and ridiculously boring but, long story short, things ain't moving.

Other than that I have been playing Zelda A LOT. Which has been great, even with pesky varmin Guardians roaming the hills and valleys, Hyrule has offered a blessed escape... and I even bought a house in that!

It's funny you mention that first Beast - it absolutely stopped me in my tracks on my first attempt and put me off the whole thing; I was gutted!

But I'm so glad I gave it another whirl and the thing is that once I was over that hump, it was pretty much plain sailing - the game gets easier and easier and the final showdown was a pushover - I wasn't even fully prepared - just wanted to have a look - and did it first time! Still felt an amazing sense of achievement, though, and I'm still playing it (which is very rare for me to do) - last night I gave the hardest of Lynels a good shoeing (5000 health and brutal, the bast' was) - big pussy cat.

I didn't mind the fact that the early shrines were easy peasy - makes sense and helps players get their eye in but when you find the later ones and they're over too quickly, a cinch or just a ruddy combat trial... it's disappointing - especially as they become an increasingly rare find.

Motion controls suck - amen, brother - and that's another problem for VR - your own bonce is essentially the right stick.

Imagine playing the whole of BOTW in VR - boy that'd suck! It's not the way forward at all.

But yeah, loved Mario Odyssey and (eventually) absolutely loved Zelda BOTW.



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Biscuits
22/6/2018 11:48:35 am

Congrats on finishing BotW! I've been pining for it again recently. Remarkable game. I enjoyed the rain making it difficult to climb etc. as it made the world feel organic and also steered me towards other self-made goals.If they announce another Zelda game using the BotW engine, I doubt I'll be able to resist picking up a Switch again

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DEAN
22/6/2018 06:55:25 pm

Thanks, man!

Have you played any of the extra content? I'm tempted but it *sounds* a bit bollocksy... and I'm not sure how I feel about drashin' 'round 'rule on a mo'bike... and apparently you have to keep the tank topped up.

MENTALIST
22/6/2018 02:07:46 pm

"But I did like that they seem to be putting a same-sex relationship at the heart of the game."

Here's a thing: How many video games let you play as a female protagonist, and let you share a tender kiss with a male love interest?

It seems to me that lesbians are awfully highly represented as video game characters, at least in proportion to all women. Certainly, that proportion is orders of magnitude higher than it is for gay men. There's just something about it all that makes me think they're cynically trying to balance inclusivity with the baser appeal of girl-on-girl action, for the stereotypical, unpleasantly vocal gamer crowd.

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Merko
22/6/2018 02:11:10 pm

Really? That's really what you think about the representation in TLOU 2?

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MENTALIST
22/6/2018 03:19:30 pm

It's one of the things I think about it.

To be honest, I haven't even watched the trailer, because I haven't played the first game yet (although I plan to at some point), I've just read about people's views on it mixed in with all the other E3 babble.

I just have a vague impression (and possibly an incorrect impression, I'm willing to be disabused of it) that girls in video games are only allowed to fall in love with other girls. Maybe it's just this and the Fear Effect games - I was thinking about Gone Home, but then the relationship in that isn't actually that of the protagonist. Is Life is Strange also not about lesbians?

I'm all for inclusivity in games, and I have no objection to the kiss in this one, it just seems, in general, like there's a significant portion of the populace that might be being under-served.

I've just remembered the Longest Journey / Dreamfall games feature female playable characters who are in opposite-sex relationships, so it's not as if there's nothing, but they're not high profile, E3 Platform owner press conference featured games.

MENTALIST
22/6/2018 03:34:18 pm

I'm being a bit disingenuous with my "girl-on-girl" base element appeal comment, as well.

What I think is actually more likely to be going on, if my cynicism is correct, is that inclusivity-chasing devs are trying to square the girl-appeal of female antagonists with the boy-appear of female love interests, and reaping liberal-social-politics bonus points while they're at it.

Still, maybe this is just the transitional stage the medium is in. Maybe the time will come, when it won't be marked as a "first" to have a protagonist, male or female, long, or lust for the boy of their dreams on an E3 stage.

Neptunium
22/6/2018 05:37:06 pm

I went to see Iron Maiden too. About a decade ago one of my mates convinced a bunch of us to go watch them. It was the first concert that I went to where I had to sit down, which was boring enough, then they played the entirety of their new album cover to cover which to me as someone who only knew a couple of the oldies, made it a very dull looooong show.

It's put me off ever going to a big stadium gig again. It was about as exciting as watching a band play on screen at the cinema.

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DEAN
22/6/2018 06:59:01 pm

For the attention of Mr Query -

Biffo is right and that but, for what it's worth - go for the big one.
I don't think you'll regret taking a shot at something bigger and better but... you know how the rest of this goes.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

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Picston Shottle
23/6/2018 01:26:25 am

For what it’s worth, I had a job that had me traveling internationally constantly. It was great while it lasted, and you can pretty much stick a pin in a map and chances are I’ve been there. But the work life balance was pretty crappy, so I asked to stop traveling and, as luck would have it, my company relocated me to Southern California. While I still needed to travel now and again, it was a few weeks a year, rather than a few weeks a year actually being at home, and that lasted for 7 years. But it changed last year...we bought another big company and I became, kind of inadvertently important, and I have to travel again; here’s a snapshot of where I’ve been in the last 5 weeks: Hawaii, Marseille, Chongqing, and I am typing this sat in Singapore (where I may as well take up residency - this is my 5th visit in 12 months), where I’ll be for the next 5 days. Then, I go home for three days before I head on out to Nashville (again) for a week then, probably, Manila for another couple of weeks (a place I’ve already been to three times this year). Somehow, I have to fit a family life in around all this, too. I get paid a shitload of money, I’ll be honest, but I’m left wondering if it’s worth it when my homelife, such as it is, consists of 10 minutes on FaceTime whenever our time zones align.

Careers are good and all that but don’t let them get in the way of living.

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DEAN
23/6/2018 10:19:15 am

It sounds tough, and I'm sure at times it really it is, but bloody hell you sound awfully lucky too, Picston!

And then you can always do something else later - set something up of your own if you've been putting some by.... all kinds of options!

I dunno, I've met more people that didn't take the big option than did and I always feel kinda sorry for them - I know deep down they wished they had.

So my philosophy is just fucking do it (like Nike but with power swearing shoved in) - you can always get out if it doesn't work out, there are always new opportunities and nothing has to last forever.

If one of my kids asked me this question, I'd say exactly the same - do it and see what happens.

Suspect
23/6/2018 01:10:00 pm

Dear Mr Query,
I would say do what makes you happy. If you have a career you enjoy and want to make lots of money go for that. If spending time at home makes you happier then go for that. Live to work or work to live. Personally, I've recently halved my salary to go for the latter. Different strokes and all that though. Hope it all works out for you.

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