the digitiser friday letters page

It's Friday, kids! This weekend, young Larry Bundy Jr makes his comeback to the Digi Channel, after wall-to-wall Biffo and Gannon for the past weeks.

We're both still in the latest videos, mind - which drops, as they always do, at 2pm Friday afternoon. So, depending on when you read this - it might already be live! Imagine!

It's going to be a busy few months in the Digiverse; we've got a couple of months' worth of videos in the bag, waiting to be unleashed, Gannon and Eli have Cheapshow as an ongoing concern, we'll be preparing for Digitiser Live, appearing on stage at Steve McNeil's Video Game Game Show Show on June 18th, getting DVDs, t-shirts and whatnot ready for backers (once we've filmed the live show), Gannon's off to the Ghostbusters fan convention in LA to host a panel, and then we'll be moving towards whatever it is we end up doing with Digitiser The Show Series 2. 

And I'm possibly looking at doing a podcast. 

As always, it's because of your support that we're able to do all of these things. We hope that, in the future, we can dedicate even more time to them - but we can only do that if we continue to grow. Which we are, steadily, but even with a fanbase as passionate as this one, we can only get so far.

So, if you like what we do you can always support us on Patreon (and get exclusive blogs and early access to videos), but the lifeblood is really going to be getting bums on seats/eyes on videos/this site. So, as ever... if you can do anything to recommend us to new people... it would mean a lot.

Something that we're going to be looking at is doing some collabs with other YouTubers, which might bring some new people into the fold.

For whatever reason, even though we're not the biggest channel, people always seem keen to slum it on Digi, but it'd be nice to know who you'd like to see make an appearance on the channel. Maybe you can even put in a good word for us. We love Slope and Kim Justice et al, but UK retro gaming is a bit of a bubble, so we're going to have to try and break outside of that.

​If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​

CLIVE ALIVE-OH!
Ahoy Mr Biffo!

I'm a big fan of Digitiser and I do often Tweet you with high praise whenever I get the chance. Thank you for the laughs!

However, I email you because many years ago I wrote a shite story about Sir Clive Sinclair as a genie and I was thinking it'll be right up the Digitiser street:

The case of the genie Clive Sinclair.

The case of the genie Clive Sinclair and the calculator that may or may not have been helpful to some pupils' maths exam.
I thought I might as well send it because what have I got to lose?

Hope you enjoy!
Stuart Richards

I listened to most of it, but stopped because we're doing an exciting play called The Passion of Sir Clive at Digi Live, and I don't want you thinking I've ripped you off.

JOBS FOR SODS
Greetings! How are you today? I am Mike Walter. I need to know if you fulfill a job on sod installation service and did you accept all major credit card as payment?
Mark Walter

Surely you must've noticed that we install plenty of sods on this page week after week - entirely free of charge!

GRANAAM
Dear Angry Goose,
 
While perusing my modest collection of games this morning, it struck me that UNCHARTED: A THIEF'S END is an anagram of DETACH HIS FEET AND RUN.
 
Which, funnily enough, is a perfect description of the core gameplay mechanic (if I recall correctly - it's been a while and I may be confusing it with a dream I had after ingesting a pound of ripe Gouda).
 
I'm not sure what this adds to the sum total of human knowledge, but there you go. I trust you are placated.
 
Sincerely yours,
James Burton
 
P.S. - METAL GEAR SOLID THE PHANTOM PAIN yields DIGITAL ETHEREAL HOMO PANTS, albeit with MPNA left over. Is NAMP a word?

James Burton = Ramjet Bonus/Jean Bums Rot.

DRUNKEN DISORDER
​In light of Gamimg Disorder being officially recognised, what do you think? Will it cause masses of Fortnite players to make excuses to why they’re terrible people, or will it help gaming in the long run. Personally, in this day and age I’d go with the first one.
Luke Adams

I wasn't aware of Gaming Disorder becoming a thing, officially. It's just playing games too much, yeah? I dunno. Everything gets labelled these days. It was always much better in the old days when there were just normal people and weirdoes. 

CURVEY BOY
I am aware I am well behind the curve, but I  just finished the wander-about-me-up Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture after being badgered by all for years to play it.

​And lo and behold as expected I thoroughly enjoyed it. The setting, the slower pace, the focus on discovery. Magical. To make this slightly more relevant, upon completion I immediately went to play What Never Was, a newer one of these things as recommended by one Mr Buffon (auto-correct prefers ageing Italian goalkeepers).

My main take away from it was that it harkened back to the point-and-click stalwarts of old.  I’ve always loved the Broken Swords and Monkey Islands of the world and this game felt like them in so many ways. I played the remastered Grim Fandango last year and remembered how that game was such a commercial failure. 

So, are these walk-around-a-lots the new point-and-click?
Paulio 

Wait. What? Are you saying I recommended What Never Was? I've not played What Never Was! But anyway... yeah. "Walking simulators" - the worst genre label ever - are certainly in the same ballpark as point-and-clickers... but point-and-clickers haven't gone anywhere. Why, we reviewed The Mystery of Woolley Mountain very recently.

RISE OF THE RESISTANCE
So I love playing the old PSVR and have built up a resistance to the travel sickness with it so much that I can play things like Wipeout VR without feeling sick (this is down to having your feet immersed in water using a bowl or bucket while playing, or simply using a wet towel wrapped around your feet).

Anyway, I've noticed the more I play VR, the more I've become noticeably brighter, and also I'm fairing much better with the opposite sex. But I've also noticed some psychic powers too, and I'm realising that those around me have taken advantage of me my whole life, so now I'm plotting a bloody revenge... Or am I getting real life mixed up with the lawnmower man again?

Anyway, just thought I'd share :) xxxx 

Regards,
Daph "flymo man" Blake 

Press reveal to see a scene out of Lawnmower Man.

REVEAL:

RUMBLE IN THE JUMBLE
Biffi-Biffo-Biffum…an electrode is going in Paul Gannon’s bum.

I watched a Nintendrew video about the N64 controller where he mentioned how important it was due to the additional rumble pak - an idea so influential it made rumbles a feature of every controller since (ha, SIXAXIS).

Guess what though…I think “rumbles” are rubbish. Now I’ve never gone to the trouble of switching off the rumble in any game, but there are occasions where they do a stupid long rumble during a cut scene and I just put the controller down until it’s done. Have they even heard of vibration white finger?

I can’t think of a time where rumbles have improved the experience, I think mainly I don’t notice it’s there at all. The HD rumble worked well in 1-2 Switch but that was the whole point of the gameplay rather than being an enhancement to it.

QUESTIONS:
Do you think vibrations add any sense of immersion to games?
Isn’t it about time that feedback made a generational leap forward?
You’re becoming Lawnmower Man so do you prefer VR games where you’re in VR as opposed to playing a game in VR?
Do you think games where you’re in VR would be improved by having glove controllers rather than evolutions of standard ones?

Let’s get ready to vibrate
Grembot

Vibration white finger sounds like a lewd act.

Anyway, you're wrong about rumble. I'm not consciously aware of it anymore, but I'd miss it if it wasn't there. In VR especially, it's absolutely necessary - but, as you imply, we need proper haptic feedback. The times I've nearly fallen over, because I've expected resistance from some object that isn't really there...

In fact, we've a series of VR videos coming up on the Digi YouTube channel very soon, where you can see our hopeless flailing in action. Patrons got to see the first one this week. Indeed, if you support us on Patreon - you can too!

FANART FART
No! No goose, don't! Stop!
​
Fine! Have some fan art. Just leave me alone. Peckers make me nervous.
Luke Wakefield

That's a real lovely picture, and I like it very much, but it bothers me that you've drawn me in a short-sleeved shirt. I hardly ever wear short-sleeved shirts...

CHUNKY MONKEY
Plenty of room left for more exhibitors at Chunky Fringe. First-timers are especially welcome. It's not like the rest of us aren't making this up as we go along:
http://arbitraryfiles.com/events/cf19/index.html
David W

Chunky Fringe - which if you've yet to click on that link - is a free event happening the afternoon before Digitiser Live on July 20th.

​There are all sorts of activities being planned - including panels with some Digi luminaries - and maybe a few surprises (one possible surprise: I've found, after years of them being missing, the pilot episodes of the shows I made with Dylan Moran and Mark Heap - so you might even get a sneak peek at them). 

So, even if you're not up for being an exhibitor, it's going to be well worth going along; the perfect appetiser for Digitiser Live. 

COUPLING
'ERE, BIFFO, AN THAT...

You know the old adage "If Solid Snake and Sonic the Hedgehog had a kid it would be called Solid Hedgehog"?

Which sexual coupling would YOUS like to see?

BYE THEN,
Jabberwoc

Lara Croft and Dapper Laughs, who would produce a child called Lara Laughs. You know: like Cilla Black! Press reveal to see an hilarious Dapper Laughs comedy routine:

REVEAL:

FRUITY GENTLEMAN
Hello!

On Nikki and Bunty's Wednesday stream, they had a charming comment from a gentleman saying 'I'd love to f@ck both of your nice tight arseholes'. Hilarity ensued.

That said, what's the most gross/weird/disgusting/disturbing/nasty response or comment you've had on any of your work?
Chai (@teacupofchai)​

Being a man, I've certainly never had anything quite so revoltingly sexual sent my way. In fact, since returning from the void I've never really had any genuinely nasty comments. The worst it got was when Gannon and I had that fake Twitter argument last year. For whatever reason - perhaps I'm just better at insulting people - I was seen as the bully in that, so I got the bulk of the abuse. 

Sorry to get all psychoanalytical about it, but I suspect it's probably because I'm bigger than him, so there's a perceived power imbalance.

​Beyond that, I just get constant remarks about my appearance, which is tiresome, but doesn't really bother me. For some reason, my entire life people have felt they can say "Oh, you're a fat George Michael/old and tired Charlie Brooker" or make other comments, or whatever. Even my wife has noticed how frequently it happens. 

The only thing that ever risks getting properly under my skin is unsolicited advice. I don't mind so much if it's helpful on a technical level - Chinnyvision once suggested to me that I should lead with the audio when I edit, and it's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given - but when it comes to creative choices... it's kind of redundant, but still irritating.

Anyway... why do some men write those sort of comments? Imagine having that lack of control over your rudey impulses. 

DREAM
In theory, if I was to dream that I was playing my Gameboy via link cable with Gannon, then we had hot sweaty sex, but he had a teensy peen, but made up for it with a good mature cheddar on biscuits as a post coital snack... Would I be barred from the live show?

​All of course in theory.
Retro Princess 

Well, that's disturbing. I hasn't gone unnoticed that Gannon seems to stoke the loin-fires in a distressing number of people. Perhaps it's because he comes across as so desperate and randy!

HAIR FLAIR
A few days ago I woke up our 1 week old baby up because I laughed too loudly at your hair-flambé incident.

I've just done it again because of a ping pong ball fired directly at Gannon's forehead. 

I'm wondering if you're considering any more potentially dangerous old devices/games?

I know you've done electrocution, fire, kinetic propulsion... Where do you go from here?

Just warn me so I can move to another room/house/street in advance of watching the next one. 
Skor

The thing is, neither the ping pong ball or the hair thing were planned. Neither was any of Larry's retching, or Gannon getting prawn juice in his eyes. These things just seem to happen to us, but we can't really plan them, because the whole reason they're funny is because they're real. Which is what we try to be at all times. 

That said, we are kind of laying the groundwork for disaster with Digi Live; quite on purpose, the finale will be completely unrehearsed... 

NO GIFTS FOR OLD IAN
I just had my birthday a week ago and it transpired my wife hadn't bought me a thing. Or even got me a birthday card. No great shakes 'cause age is but a number these days but it did mean I got carté blanche to buy myself something. 

Rather than go the tried and tested route of something off my Amazon wishlist like a pair of Joy Division oven gloves perhaps, I went with a PS Vita with three games off the local FB marketplace for not much more than the purchase price of Sekiro on PS4. 

I'm delighted I did 'cause I realised I had several games ready to play anyway courtesy of Ratalaika crossbuy bundles I'd accumulated. Never mind Lumines Electric Symphony being incredible and just £6 in my local second hand shop. Just picked up Persona 4 Golden so looking forward to playing that too.

One thing I have noticed is the PS Store prices are still inflated for a system Sony have effectively abandoned. Surely the twilight years of a console are prime for the back catalogue to be available at something of a knockdown price. It's a bit daft anyway. Either way, I'm enjoying the Vita even if I'm unlikely to touch the bulk of the games given their niche appeal. 

Cheers,
Ian​

The big problem with the Vita, for me, is that it was just a bit boring. It never felt essential, or fun, in the way Nintendo's handhelds always have. Plus, it never seemed like it was a priority for Sony. 

MINIBITES
Word up big dog! So, there's a fad for 'mini' versions of things, ie. closed ecosystems with a weird selection of  baked-in games.  

Wouldn't it be nice/cheaper if they just remade/recreated the original console?  Imagine being able to buy an Amiga 500 or atari ST again, bnib?  

Sorry, I just drooled on the email at the thought of a box fresh ST, I'll wipe that off. 

Snuggly hugs, 
Nick aka DarkBlueMonkey

I dunno. I know I'd be less likely to buy a full-size recreation. I like that they're small, and I like that they're pre-loaded with games that you don't need to faff around with to play them.

SOUP CON
​Hello Mr.Biffo,

Some foul, winged creature insisted I write to you, so I thought I’d inform you and your readers about the benefits of home made soup.  It costs pennies to make, there’s always a lot, and it’s healthy and nutritious.

You could follow a Jamie Oliver recipie but I don’t hold much faith in his judgement, as I once played his cooking game on the DS, and he was all like ‘corr blimey them looks delicious’ when I created a frozen raw chicken covered in chocolate dish for him (chicken lollies, they come with their own sticks!)
Mr.S

My wife sometimes makes soup in the Instant Pot. She sneaks vegetables in there, and thinks I won't notice... BUT I DO.

50 Qs OF WHYTE
​361) As well as being possibly the least likely 'game of the...' ever, Dante's Inferno is an example of a genuinely good game that was harmed by being too close to its clear inspiration i.e. God of War. Can you think of any other good games that were too close to another and thus didn't receive enough credit?

362) Which games company or developer do you feel currently most defines the industry? I don't necessarily mean in terms of the quality of their output although this can be a factor, more in terms of where they go, others follow. By way of example, if we think of the internet as a whole we might look at Google or Apple in consumer devices. 

363) Why do you think that Chinese games have not had a large impact on Western games culture? The biggest game in the world, in terms of players, is Chinese and there are huge developers there producing huge amounts of content.

It cannot simply be culture or introversion because Japanese games that were aimed at Japanese people became popular outside of Japan. I suspect that it is because, much like South Korea, Chinese games are more focused on online play than 'ours' are, but I cannot see how this situation doesn't change soon. Do you think we'll see more of Chinese games and gaming culture here soon?

364) Which company left a bigger impact at the point they stopped manufacturing hardware, Sega or Atari and why?

365) Do you think that if the game had been better, Enter the Matrix could have been the vanguard of computer games interacting with other forms of entertainment in a way that has never quite been realised since? The idea that a major film would have parts that took place inside a game and didn't truly make sense without playing it seems ahead of its time.
John Whyte

361) I don't know if it counts, but Gun is a very influential game which has undoubtedly been overshadowed by various Rockstar games - particularly the two most recent Red Dead. 

362) Ubisoft without a doubt. The whole Ubi open world template has changed the industry.

363) It's not just games though; Chinese movies and music hasn't ever really made it to the West either. We like Chinese food, and clothes and electronics made in sweat shops, but perhaps it's because China was so closed off for so long. You see it going the other way more, though; having acknowledged the size of it, pretty much every big Hollywood movie now has something or someone in it which is intended to appeal to the Chinese market. 

364) I think Atari, because they basically created the games industry as we know it, whereas Sega was just building on what had come before. 

365) I'm not sure I ever played Enter The Matrix, but Lucasfilm now has all of its various divisions joined up to the degree that if there's something in a game then it's considered canon. Even back when Shadows of the Empire came out it was very much marketed as an official story set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi; there were toys and other tie-ins, and that beat Enter The Matrix to the punch by some years.