THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

I know I bang on about the YouTube channel every week, but - at the risk of parping my own horn (matron) - I really think a lot of you are missing out on some excellent content. Certainly, given the time and effort that I'm putting into them, I believe they deserve a much wider audience than they're currently getting. Anything you can do to spread the word would help massively; despite all the noise around Digitiser The Show, we're still a relatively new channel, and need that leg up. 

General consensus is that the latest video (above) is the best one yet, and it feels like we're hitting our stride. Gannon and I will be back with another slice of low-cut gaming whimsy this weekend, while next week you'll be getting probably the most serious video I've done yet, digging deep down into the whole Michael Jackson/Sonic 3 conspiracy. As well as another more rambling offering from Gannon and I.

The entire Digitiser The Show team are actually getting together at the end of next week to film some stuff, as we continue to explore the most efficient way of doing a second series. Expect those vids to start appearing on the channel soon.

​And in the meantime, if you'd like to support all this work on Patreon... please do. You'll get exclusive early access to the videos, blogs, and exclusive bits and bobs from time to time. Plus you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you're part of the team responsible for all things on this site, as well as the YouTube Channel. It's the only money I get from being Mr Biffo, and being a freelancer who's currently three months late getting paid... it's much appreciated. 

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

QUESTION TIME
1. You said in the SNES vs Mega Drive episode that you have a "slightly useless car". What car did/do you currently own, what's the best car you've owned, and if money wasn't an issue what dream car would you buy?

2. During the Mortal Kombat vs Street Fighter debate you said you'd never watched either of the movies. Can we please get a review from you on both of the movies? (I'd even buy them for you on DVD to make this happen).

3. If you had an unlimited budget and could oversee the creative direction for a video game based on a TV series or movie/s, what would it be and what genre of game?

4. On Digitiser The Show it would appear that you've often raided Adam Ant's wardrobe, is this your usual look or do you dress "normally"?
Steve

1. It was a Vauxhall Zafira, which was in the process of dying. And then, late last year, it did die. In fact, it was Paul Gannon's fault; he made me drive to Cambridge in it, to help him move house, and that was the last journey it ever made. I've been without one since then, due to being broke, due to currently being three months late getting paid, which has meant that I've been doing more walking than I normally would, which is probably a good thing. 

If money is no issue... a car wouldn't really be top of my list of things to buy. I've zero interest in them; they're a means to an end. But I suppose I'd get a new one for the first time in my life, rather than a second-hand one, just so I didn't need to spend £900 on work every time it had its M.O.T.

2. Thinking about it... I might actually have seen the Street Fighter one. Which, out of the two, would be the one I'd be most likely to watch. Never liked Mortal Kombat, and thus I declare the movie based upon it terrible.

3. Hmm. Well, I suppose it'd have to be Star Wars. I don't think the definitive Star Wars game has been made yet. And the genre would be a heavily story-based first-person shooter. 

4. My wife would very much like me to dress that way in day-to-day life, as she thinks it suits me, but I'd rather not draw attention to myself. And, let's face it, somebody who'd dress like that every day is just looking for attention. The thinking behind it with Digi was giving us all some sort of "costume" - like we were video game characters; I wanted the show to be iconic, and that extended to the hosts, for better or worse. 

In normal life, I generally wear the requisite middle-age man outfit of jeans and a checked shirt. Or a t-shirt and a "jumper". 

CAT'S ENTERTAINMENT
So.... the cat. Does he/she have a name? If not can I vote for Mr Catface? Will Mr Catface have a regular slot on your upcoming videos or was his/her appearance a one-off cameo. I would demand more Mr Catface, but I understand if his agent is asking for too much purr appearance. 
Liam Prince

She's called Penny, which is short for The Penultimate Legend. Her brother is Tully: The Ultimate Legend. The names were given ironically, as they're equally stupid and rubbish.

And before anyone gets all "oh, so the girl is the penultimate one - that's a bit sexist"... well, that's because when she was a kitten she used to shit behind the TV, and her brother didn't. Frankly, she's lucky she's any sort of legend. Not least because she's obsessed with pipe cleaners (not a joke); she spends hours wandering from room to room with a pipe cleaner in her mouth, trilling. 

THE BELL OF THE BALL
Wotcha. That was a thing that people used to say in the ‘80s, wasn’t it? Until they didn’t, which seemed to happen quite suddenly. Who knows why - perhaps they decided they didn’t want to sound like Lofty from EastEnders?

Anyway.

I found it interesting in your reply last week about who’d play you in a film of the Digi story, that you mentioned Wayne Coyne from The Flaming Lips. 

There’s definitely some physical resemblance there, but what got me when I read it is that Digi and The Flaming Lips have always kind of been connected in my mind, to a degree - as though you and your work shares a certain perspective and worldview.

My main exhibit in this case is their film, Christmas On Mars. Have you seen it? The band wrote, made and starred in it, with Wayne Coyne featuring as an enigmatic magical Martian, who visits a colony of humans as their first Christmas on the Red Planet approaches, and winds up being their Father Christmas - both figuratively and literally.

But along the way, the commander of the colony, who’s having a tough time, memorably hallucinates what he describes as a “vagina-headed marching band from Hell”. Here’s a pic:

Is it any wonder that I see you and the band as kindred spirits?! It’s not quite the bum-headed monsters of The Trojan Arse Protocol, but, well, I guess they’re ‘front-bottom’-headed monsters, so you get my point.

The Digi/Flaming Lips mental association I’ve made probably also has something to do with the fact that I bought The Soft Bulletin after you reviewed it for Bubblegun back in 1999. So thanks for introducing me to them, and thereby leading me to see some of the most incredible live shows as a result.

Before I go, a word about the Digi screenshot archive I’ve been working on for Super Page 58, seeing as you mentioned it in your reply to Toodles, and a lot of people probably don’t know about it.

Since September I’ve been compiling all Digi screenshot images that are publicly available, across the web from the VHS recoveries, and old TV card captures. At the current count there’s something like 10,000 images spanning about 400 editions of Digi.

To say it’s been exhausting work would be putting it mildly! But we’re starting to get down to the business end of the project now, and it should be live by the end of April. I can’t wait for it to be finished - not just for the amount of time and effort it’s taken, but so the community has the proper, indexed, browsable archive of all the Digi we know of. We’ll finally have the resource we all want.

It’s happening, and it’s happening soon.

So I guess I’d better get back to work...
Chris Bell

---

I did like The Soft Bulletin, but I've struggled a bit with their output since. That said, I've long thought it'd be worth seeing one of their shows, but that would require me to leave the house. Also, the Wayne Coyne resemblance is only one which other people have said, presumably because they can't see beyond the hair and the greying beard. I do seem to get more than my fair share of "You look like...".

On a mate's stag do the year before last, I had one bloke constantly refer to me as a "fat George Michael", and he repeatedly suggested I "like it up the arse". Which - ha ha, so funny - but the more drunk he got the more aggressively he asserted his beliefs, and after several hours it got rather wearying, so I ended up going home early.

He'd been in the army, apparently. 

Anyway. Glad to hear your epic screenshot project is continuing apace. You are doing the Lord's work, Bellston. 

DOG GONE
Now as everyone is aware Console Wars has been a thing since the early days of video gaming.

Whether it was Atari vs Vectrex, Speccy vs C64 or Nintendo vs Sega, every generation has had a little to-ing and fro-ing over the best system. While watching your latest vidette you showed what side you belong to in the oldest format "war!" going - namely dogs or cats!!

You of course have a lovely pussy (ahem!) as witnessed on your YouTube show, while I completely disagree with your format (pet!) of choice preferring of course the trusty dog.

The bias you show towards your format of choice is disgusting and I hope this can be addressed in future shows (my two Staffordshire Bull Terriers are available for appearance's but command a fee of 7 jumbones each!).

Oh yeah I like videogames and have been a reader since the Teletext days. Oh yeah (yeah!) Red Dead 2 is over rated. Oh yeah (yeah,yeah!) I like all animals really as I was a zoo keeper for ten years in Glasgow Zoo. Best Wishes.
Robert Elliott

You are wrong. I might have two cats, but I far prefer dogs. The reason we got cats, though, is because they do their filthy business in other people's gardens, and cleaning up dog mess makes me retch. That's literally the only reason we got cats. Fortunately, everyone else in my family has a dog, so I get lots of dog time without having to deal with their "dirt".

I did have a dog, but he was put down while I was on holiday one year, and the thought of going away and having to put one in kennels also makes me a bit sad.

​Hence: cats, with their limited capacity for love.

I HURT MY BACK
I don't understand all the fuss.
zombiekicker

You're lucky I bothered printing this.

LICENCE TO GAME
I think they should renew old movie/tv licences to make new games. Kinda like the BTTF Telltale game. For example, a new Bill & Ted game using an up to date engine, or even a classic game style but good (only picked B&T because I recently re-watched it, same rule applies to other classic franchises, and I’ve been playing Bloodstained so it got me into the classic style, new game mindset)

What do you think?
Luke

I've been thinking this week that they should do more gaming cover versions; I'm not talking about the recent Resident Evil 2 remake, but more stuff like Sonic Mania - where effectively you're giving an old game to someone completely unconnected to the original to reimagine it.

​I know we've had a few of those sorts of releases over the years, but the best musical cover versions bring out something from the original which you never released, while staying true to the essence of it. 

I may write something on this next week...

500 Qs OF WHYTE PART ONE
291) Which game, on any home format, do you think had the most impressive graphics during the 8-bit era? I will let you decide on what criteria you judge it on.

292) Having really enjoyed your recent article about the work of Roger Tissyman, I would like to know who is your favourite computer games artist?

293) Being free-to-play, it obviously has no sales in the true sense, but it is fair to call Fortnite the biggest game ever? I certainly cannot think of a game that entered the mainstream to the same extent. Mario is well-know as a character, and FIFA is huge, not forgetting many mobile games. Despite this, I think Fortnite is the peak of computer gaming thus far, if not from a critical point-of-view.

294) It seems clear that games are struggling on crowd-funding sites. Do you think that this is due to too many broken promises from backed projects, crowd-funding in general cooling-off, uninspiring campaigns or something else?

295) If you had to choose one, which year had the best games? For this I will add the caveat that, rather than which year's games you'd be forced to play for ever, I will use the Elo system and ask you which year you feel had the best games, relative to what had come before, that way the answer isn't automatically from the last 3 years (although those are, of course, valid choices).
John Whyte

Hope you're feeling better now, John!

291) It's not an obvious choice, because it wasn't trying to be flashy, but I'm going to say Skool Daze on the Speccy, simply because I related to its depiction of a British School. It felt like a real place.

292) It's got to be Bob Wakelin - who I've both written about, and made a video on. 

293) Biggest game ever? I dunno. Minecraft might have something to say about that. Also, Tetris on the Game Boy was a Rubik's Cube-size phenomenon. And then there's GTA. Certainly, when the history of gaming is written, Fortnite will be remembered for its huge cultural impact, if only for the dances.

294) I dunno. I hadn't been aware of this. It might be the over-promising of past projects, but it's hard to say. Crowd-funding is tough - there's that constant tension between wanting to get people to back your projects, by promising lots of nice rewards, and then having to deliver those rewards... when really the ultimate reward should be the thing you're backing, and feeling like you're part of the process. It's why, as and when I do another crowd-funder, I won't be offering physical rewards as part of it. 

295) If we're talking relative to what has come before, it has to be 1978 - the year Space Invaders was released. It's still the perfect video game, in my opinion.

THEATRE REVIEW
Hello Paul Ross,
 
I really enjoyed you on Kent v Sussex University ChallengeChristmas 2016  Episode 2 of 10 so I hope you print my letter.
 
Did you see this?
 
https://southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/show/all-in-a-row/
 
My son is autistic and I have to say I was pretty angry with this at first, to the point of wanting to go to the theatre (it’s a mile or so from where I work) and saying or doing something, though God knows what.

While I’m sure the thing is well intentioned surely the thing of having the autistic boy being played by a puppet in a human world would emphasise how different the kids are from us regular, normal people. The cynical part of me thinks they’ve done it to generate publicity and put bums on seats.

What do you make of it? As someone bringing up a child with autism who is also a creative writer, do you reckon this is a good idea?
 
Cheers!
Chris Dyson​

As the parent of somebody with autism - albeit towards the end of the spectrum that used to be called Asperger's - I can't say that makes me particularly angry.

It looks like they've approached the subject sensitively, and realistically, and I kind of get why they've chosen to portray it that way. If you want to get wanky about it, it can sometimes feel like there's a barrier between a parent and a child with autism - and a layer of artifice when they try to fit in - so maybe that's what the puppet represents? Reading about it, they chose to use a puppet to represent how "normal" people sometimes dismiss autistic people as not really being present.

The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night Time was a huge hit in the West End, and that had an actor pretending to be autistic, so is it any different to that?  

If it starts a conversation, and makes people aware of the challenges of autism, then that's all good to me. Something that I've become aware of since my kid was diagnosed is just how many people are out there who are wandering around unaware that they too are at least relatively high on the spectrum, if not all-out autistic. And I try to keep that in mind when dealing with people; sometimes they can't help being who they are. Not that this awareness necessarily makes it any easier to deal with them. 

​So... I dunno. It's not something that I see as anything other than potentially a good thing. But... this is actually something I've been thinking about in recent weeks.

We all have a right to be angry, or offended, about whatever we want, but I think we can all be guilty of putting the responsibility for that on others: "YOU'VE offended me" - rather than taking ownership of that feeling of offence.

If we get offended, it's because of something to do with us, and sometimes - rather than externalise that - I think it'd make the world a much better place if we looked internally, and asked why we're offended and own it. What is it that has happened to us, or what's going on for us, that allowed us to be offended?

I'm not saying that nothing should be policed, and that people should be allowed to say literally anything - gawd no - but if you've done something and somebody tells you you've offended them, and you then - I dunno - change the thing that was "offensive", then what you're actually doing is rescuing, and not giving that person the opportunity to grow and get beyond their trauma. 

There's a vast difference in saying "You've made me feel a certain way" and "I feel a certain way". 

Too often we default to the former. 

POOLESS IN SEATTLE
Ok, so maybe not writing about poo this week, but who knows - maybe next time?

Anyway, what else is wrong with games today? Oh, yeah. Over reliance on the Internet. Most games now require a download patch before you can even play them. Others are only available online.

​What happens to your collection when the decision is made not to keep those downloads available when a platform is decommissioned? I'm wondering grow long those PS3 games will be available for when the PS5 eventually makes an appearance. A need to replace that HD and re-download those games will surface for most at some point. And this is true for X of people too.

The other worry in this area is some games that use online serves to actually create and serve the game world. Elite Dangerous and No Man's Sky spring to mind. You need those servers to give the console stuff to work with. Each new system or planet is created and downloaded. These servers cost money to run, and guess what? When those games stop earning moment, those servers' days are limited.

Unlike Elite on a BBC Micro, which you can still play decades later, will you be able to say the same for the current game? I bet not.

It's kind of sad, especially if you are concerned about preserving these games for the future - which museums and libraries are trying to do.

All the best,
Paul

I admit, I too worry about this, but only really in relation to my music collection - which is now entirely beholden to Apple. It's only the really old games that I ever go back and play, whereas music is sort of eternal for me. But yeah, it is a problem when it comes to games. What's going to happen? I 'unno!

BASHING... TURN TO THE LEFT!
The other day I was typing an email at work (as we have to these days), and my co-worker told me I was bashing the keys really hard. "But I've always typed this way." I replied.

Then I thought back to my first keyboard. A 48k ZX Spectrum in 1984.  You HAD to thump those keys hard, and SMACK in the middle, too.

So, did the Speccy ruin a whole generation's typing ettiquette, or am I just imagining stuff again?
​Matthew Lawrenson

Hunh. I dunno. I don't think I had my rubber-keyed Speccy for all that long before I got a Spectrum+, with its "proper" keyboard. Though even that wasn't a particularly great keyboard for typing on. That said, I did very little typing, beyond loading a game and the occasional text adventure. 

HELMET
Do I have a tale for you!!! So a while back I really needed a poo when....

Not really! 

Just had something to get off my chest.

I used to play Elite on my Spectrum whilst wearing a motorbike crash helmet (cool right?!).

As we know all epic space pilots need a second in command and mine came in the shape of my younger brother who was in charge of the ship's log, an important task that involved charting our epic voyage in crayon. 

Occasionally I'd delegate to my brother with the important task of hitting the map key thus promoting him to the important role of navigation officer, or cartographer, whatever, it worked at the time.

He never got near that computer for months!!!!

Was I bad brother? Or simply doing my duty to be the best darn pilot in the federation?
Dan Gray aged 44 and 3/4

You nearly got me with that intro, blud! I don't think you were a bad brother; that sounds like an excellent way to play Elite, and at worst you were merely asserting your dominance over your brother, which is simply nature's way. 

GETS ME IN THE FILS
So, Reggie has left Nintendo America, and put a guy named Bowser in charge. Funnily enough, I'm going to miss the guy, even though in my heart of hearts I know he's pretty much just an American face for the Japanese decisions. Do you have any feelings or memories of the guy that saw us through the Wii & DS years? Am I a little crazy for being sad at his departure?

Thoughts, please, Big Biffy B
​Beefkr10z

I saw the outpouring of grief over Reggie's departure, but I had no idea he was so beloved. Consequently, I can't say I really get it. I do have to say it's testament to Nintendo's marketing, though, that they were able to convince you and your ilk that Reggie was this big, cuddly, bear of a man, and not just - as you say - some corporate shill. 

INSERT HERE
Right then. I bloody love games. But WHY OH WHY do they have to be so {insert complaint here}? It's {something} enough without having to deal with {something else} - and the {gubbins} is just unacceptable!

Anyway, give my regards to Beautiful Boy, and I enclose a handful of imaginary shekels so that Gannon can buy some replacement colostomy bags.

Fare thee well, kind sirs,
Chizzles

That's it. You belittle all those people who took the time to write a proper letter.

MENTAL TALE
I guess like a lot of people in this world I have my fair share of mental health issues. Without getting into too much boring detail let's just say I have a mixed bag of anxiety/depression/PTSD/OCD.

What's this got to do with video games? Lemme tell you.

When I was seriously depressed last week I played a whole bunch of NES games. The great thing about the NES is the huge library it has. So I picked games which had cute colourful graphics, like Kirby, and just got lost in their simple beautiful worlds. It was like a mindfulness tool. I was just present with the game and nothing else mattered. It doesn't get rid of your depression, but it gives you a very welcome respite so you can catch your breath.

When my eating disorder plays up when I'm anxious, I like to play fast paced shooters on the Mega Drive. Not only does this distract my mind from whatever intrusive thought is flaring up, the music of the Mega Drive is very soothing and uplifting to me. Most of the time after doing that I find I am able to eat much more easily.

Sometimes I have flashes of images from the past, or particularly nasty nightmares. For some strange reason playing crappy unlicensed NES games brings me back to the present. I think it's because most of them are hilariously bad.

At times when I'm really incapacitated, I have several hours of music for most 8 and 16 bit systems that I can listen to. Depending on my mood I can go for the NES because it's bass notes are very relaxing, or the Mega Drive for that sweet upbeat FM synth if I need a pickup. At other times SNES or Amiga music fits the bill. It's brilliant that each system has it's own unique sound which can help me depending on my situation.

One last thing, the memories of playing games with friends is something to cherish. One of my fondest memories is playing the NES with my cousin one afternoon with the sun streaming in through the window. Everything was calm and peaceful and it was like the world only existed in that room. It's those kind of memories you can look back on and smile.

TL;DR? Video games can be a powerful tool for your mental health.

Cheers
Might Guy (@6581_forever)

I couldn't agree more about the positive benefits of gaming. When I was doing my counselling training, we were taught to meditate - and it was something I struggled with. I just couldn't shut my brain down long enough to really relax. But my tutors helped me realise that gaming (and watching TV/films) is my meditation; I need some sort of stimulation to distract that overactive part of my head which always needs to be doing something, so the rest of it can have some downtime. 

So yes. Good. I'm very happy that you've found games beneficial too. 

TOO SHY SHY
​Hello Mr Biffo. There is this woman at work who I fancy, but I'm too shy to ask her out and she's already going out with someone. If i did ask her, about where am I supposed to take her and what am I supposed to do?
Daph Blake 
A Digitiser fan x

I've no idea whether this is a genuine request or not, but you can't ask out somebody who's already going out with someone else!

CONK ON?
I was wondering if you guys still happen to have any photos/gameplay videos of the video game-- Twelve Tales: Conker 64 [a.k.a. Conker's Quest] for the N64? According to Rare ltd's website, you guys reviewed it sometime before July 1998. Thank you very much.
BlackDeth310CPT

Alas, I have no access to these things, but maybe it'll be in Super Page 58's archive once it's completed?

500 Qs OF WHYTE PART TWO
296) If Anthem is not a commercial success then it will likely signal the end of Bioware as a studio. Even if it does sell well and makes money from its 'ecosystem', to me the game shows that Bioware as we knew it is already gone, which makes me tremendously sad.

​While their games were not to everyone's taste they made what is still my favourite game ever and many other great experiences. How would you rate Bioware's games over the years? 

297) Despite not enjoying the games hugely as platformers, LittleBigPlanet and its sequels were genuinely great in terms of what they enabled players to create. Dreams seems to expand on that legacy greatly so I am curious to what extent, if any, you are anticipating Dreams and what your opinion of the LittleBigPlanet games is?

298) With Sony and Microsoft inexorably moving towards a streaming-based platform, consoles are really only being kept alive by the inability (for now) of internet connections to keep up with the ever-increasing download sizes of new games.

The main benefit, as I see it, of such a platform would be the ability to play eg. every Playstation game ever on one system. This made me think, would this help Retro Gaming, due to increased/improved access, or would it kill it off, because the link between hardware and game would be broken?

299) Peter Molyneux is back in the news and I think that that can only be a good thing; whatever people say about him, he's a genuine original. So, what was your favourite Bullfrog game?

300) It's really hard, perhaps impossible, to say what is, definitively, the most influential game ever. I would like to know, however, what game you feel has influenced the present day most?
John Whyte

PS Not a question, but I wanted to say how much I have enjoyed the recent articles on Jet Set Willy, Matthew Smith and the new videos. Not only are they some of your best work in recent times, but they really demonstrate your knowledge of the games and, importantly, your passion for them, which comes across readily. Content of this quality makes Patreon seem like a bargain.
John Whyte

Congrats on making it to 300 questions, John!

296) I know I'm in a minority, but I've never really clicked with Bioware's games. I've tried to enjoy them - Knights Of The Old Republic, Mass Effect, Dragon Age Inquisition - but for whatever reason, the interface, the dialogue wheels, the combat... all feels like it gets in the way for me, and feels like it obscures the storytelling. 

297) Dreams hasn't really been on my radar, and I'll give it a go, but I'm not sure how much it's going to resonate for me. I didn't mind the Little Big Planet games, but I preferred them for their platforming sections rather than any sandbox elements. The jumping and controls always felt a bit floaty for my tastes, though.

298) I don't think we're going to have much choice; it's going to happen whether we like it or not. I think we'll have lost something in terms of iconic hardware - but in a way, that has been lost already with the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One being virtually interchangeable. But I'm all for a more democratic games industry, where developers can cut out the middle man.

299) I liked loads actually; Populous, Theme Park, Theme Hospital Dungeon Keeper, and the vastly underrated Magic Carpet especially. Like you, I'm not one of these Molyneux bashers. I think his biggest flaw is that he just had a tendency to get carried away in interviews, and his enthusiasm outstripped his ability to deliver. I thought it was horrible and ugly the way he was given a kicking. 

​300) I've already mentioned it this week, but Space Invaders. You can trace the lineage right through to modern shooters. It was even the first game to introduce a cover system.