Because you demanded it... this Sunday... Beanus returns - along with actual gaming content!!! - on the Digitiser channel. And he's interviewing James Interactive, creator of The Legend of Bum-Bo, and Edmund McMillen, who you might know as the person behind Super Meat Boy and The Binding of Isaac.
Given that Edmund is a genuine games industry legend, quite how this has come about I'm not entirely sure, but the video is... the best and worst (in a good way) of Digitiser in one utterly ridiculous package. We know we've hit our sweet spot when we've created something that is guaranteed to annoy a whole bunch of people.
I'm feeling oddly festive already this year, and we've got a whole load of "holiday" treats lined up for you in the run-up to Christmas, including a bumper Christmas episode, featuring a host of guests and surprises.
No doubt helped by recent appearances from Ashens, we've had our best month on the channel since Digitiser The Show came out. We're very close to achieving 15,000 subscribers, which is a figure I struggle to get my head around, not least that it was slow-going a few months back, when we first moved away from always talking about games.
Suffice to say, we'll be investing plenty of energy into the channel and videos going into the New Year. Sorry if you hate them!!!!!
Let's do some letters.
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
Given that Edmund is a genuine games industry legend, quite how this has come about I'm not entirely sure, but the video is... the best and worst (in a good way) of Digitiser in one utterly ridiculous package. We know we've hit our sweet spot when we've created something that is guaranteed to annoy a whole bunch of people.
I'm feeling oddly festive already this year, and we've got a whole load of "holiday" treats lined up for you in the run-up to Christmas, including a bumper Christmas episode, featuring a host of guests and surprises.
No doubt helped by recent appearances from Ashens, we've had our best month on the channel since Digitiser The Show came out. We're very close to achieving 15,000 subscribers, which is a figure I struggle to get my head around, not least that it was slow-going a few months back, when we first moved away from always talking about games.
Suffice to say, we'll be investing plenty of energy into the channel and videos going into the New Year. Sorry if you hate them!!!!!
Let's do some letters.
If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
DEMANDING SON
Dearest Mademoiselle Biffeau,
I just made my youngest son a cheese toastie, my eldest son a ham toastie, and now all I want to do is play Elite, but I can’t because the computer is in use for Minecraft shenanigans. There is a laser power meter in the boot of my car.
Love,
Barry
Dearest Mademoiselle Biffeau,
I just made my youngest son a cheese toastie, my eldest son a ham toastie, and now all I want to do is play Elite, but I can’t because the computer is in use for Minecraft shenanigans. There is a laser power meter in the boot of my car.
Love,
Barry
I don't know what a laser power meter is, but it sounds to me like you're bragging. Nobody likes a braggart, Barry.
LADDERWRACK
About 20 odd years ago I'd get home as early as possible to see Digi on Teletext and especially read the letters page.
It was a place of wonder, a place where we discussed the photorealism of Ladders in games, even brickwork, quoted Indy's Dad telling him 'We Named The Dog Indiana', and so much more.
I think we need a Death Stranding review that includes those glorious metal constructs.
I remember play Resident Evil 4 on the GameCube and thinking how good that ladder was but dam some of the Death Stranding (ladder sim 2099) pics I've seen they look a 100 times better.
We need to go old school, we need to talk about photo realistic ladders ease guys!
MyEvilResident
(Ladder sim enthusiast)
About 20 odd years ago I'd get home as early as possible to see Digi on Teletext and especially read the letters page.
It was a place of wonder, a place where we discussed the photorealism of Ladders in games, even brickwork, quoted Indy's Dad telling him 'We Named The Dog Indiana', and so much more.
I think we need a Death Stranding review that includes those glorious metal constructs.
I remember play Resident Evil 4 on the GameCube and thinking how good that ladder was but dam some of the Death Stranding (ladder sim 2099) pics I've seen they look a 100 times better.
We need to go old school, we need to talk about photo realistic ladders ease guys!
MyEvilResident
(Ladder sim enthusiast)
Death Stranding? Ladder Straddling more like!!!!!!!! Press reveal to see a funny joke about ladders:
REVEAL:
BLOWING SMOKE UP MY ARSE
Hey Mr Rose.
Sometimes I am happy.
A lot of the time I am sad.
Life and stuff.
Thank you for your stuff.
It makes me happy.
In a world full of lies and greed and hatred, getting to share in the genuine joy you have producing nonsense helps me remember that humanity is not a cesspit full of bastards.
Love n hugs.
Matt Palmer
Hey Mr Rose.
Sometimes I am happy.
A lot of the time I am sad.
Life and stuff.
Thank you for your stuff.
It makes me happy.
In a world full of lies and greed and hatred, getting to share in the genuine joy you have producing nonsense helps me remember that humanity is not a cesspit full of bastards.
Love n hugs.
Matt Palmer
Thank you, Arnold. It's good to know I can make a difference without even trying to. Not being funny, but I'm basically Jesus Christ 2.0. No, really: thank you.
FRRRRRRGN CRRRRND
Spotted: Zombie Dave looking non-plussed at a recent zombie survival experience.
Starbuck
Spotted: Zombie Dave looking non-plussed at a recent zombie survival experience.
Starbuck
Well, that's all very appropriate and nice. Where was this one? I've done a couple of these Zombie things - the one they used to have in an old shopping mall in Reading was particularly excellent, and genuinely quite scary.
How would I do in the zombie apocalypse? Based upon past experience, I would leave my loved ones to fend for themselves, then trip over a box and "bark" my shin.
How would I do in the zombie apocalypse? Based upon past experience, I would leave my loved ones to fend for themselves, then trip over a box and "bark" my shin.
ONE REQUEST OF WHYTE
Hello, Paul, I hope that you are well and that you and Sanja are recovering from your injuries well.
As a creator, you don't really do requests, I know, but your review of Google Stadia was interesting as I am thinking about signing up.
I was wondering if you could do a comparison on the site between PlayStation Now (which I have tried) and Stadia, which I haven't. It would be interesting for quite a few people who follow Digitiser, I think.
You probably already know this, but you can have a free trial of PlayStation Now, without commitment so it would not cost you anything other than time.
Obviously this might not be of any interest to you and if not then no problem, just an idea as I'd like to hear your comparison between the services.
John Whyte
Hello, Paul, I hope that you are well and that you and Sanja are recovering from your injuries well.
As a creator, you don't really do requests, I know, but your review of Google Stadia was interesting as I am thinking about signing up.
I was wondering if you could do a comparison on the site between PlayStation Now (which I have tried) and Stadia, which I haven't. It would be interesting for quite a few people who follow Digitiser, I think.
You probably already know this, but you can have a free trial of PlayStation Now, without commitment so it would not cost you anything other than time.
Obviously this might not be of any interest to you and if not then no problem, just an idea as I'd like to hear your comparison between the services.
John Whyte
This is a good idea, John. I'm going to do it! I should probably do the Xbox one too, for balance. Don't get too excited though: I've not said when I'll do it.
RUBBISH
I've enjoyed sending weekly nonsense but I've had a bad week and just can't think of anything. I will try harder next week.
Lots of Love.
The Pink Oboe
I've enjoyed sending weekly nonsense but I've had a bad week and just can't think of anything. I will try harder next week.
Lots of Love.
The Pink Oboe
The good news is you won't have to try much harder to beat this one. Press reveal:
REVEAL:
BEANUSTLING
Our savoury Biffo,
With Beanus returning soon, does it mean that there will be a cartoon spin-off a la Ghee Lord?
Beanus and the Breakfast Squad including Simon Sausage, Lord Crispin Flakes, Eggy Guffingtons and Ms Tina Tomatoes. Usually to be found as the filler between a minor pop star and clearly over-drunk light entertainer being asked questions on the telephone by an eight year old kid trying to suppress the urge to say "Bum!" on live television during a Saturday Morning programme called 'Kenny Cantor's House O' Fun'
Either that or just shoved before a early evening magazine programme full acrobatic guinea fowl and also a mayor putting his head down a toilet for no reason at all.
Bob Jobbins
Our savoury Biffo,
With Beanus returning soon, does it mean that there will be a cartoon spin-off a la Ghee Lord?
Beanus and the Breakfast Squad including Simon Sausage, Lord Crispin Flakes, Eggy Guffingtons and Ms Tina Tomatoes. Usually to be found as the filler between a minor pop star and clearly over-drunk light entertainer being asked questions on the telephone by an eight year old kid trying to suppress the urge to say "Bum!" on live television during a Saturday Morning programme called 'Kenny Cantor's House O' Fun'
Either that or just shoved before a early evening magazine programme full acrobatic guinea fowl and also a mayor putting his head down a toilet for no reason at all.
Bob Jobbins
I'm braced for Beanusmania starting all over again after this weekend (alongside everyone complaining that they preferred what he looked like before). Let's not do anything to encourage that further...
NOTES ON THE STOP-MOTION CHILDREN'S SHOW 'JOSHUA JONES'
As promised, some critique of Joshua Jones.
The canal featured appears to be lightly used, as we mainly see JJ's boat moving with the only other one being the persistently angry stock authority figure factory manager's GRP yoghurt pot - but given the desolate cityscapes it passes through, much like some of the Birmingham canals (it has more mile for mile than Venice apparently) you really wouldn't want to travel on them unless you had no other option, so this may be the case.
This would also suggest that the canal is likely full of crap (see attached image) and Weil's disease (from rat's piss), although you wouldn't think it from the amount of times someone or something falls in and does not get seriously ill, or cold, or dragged into a propeller and mutilated.
The programme also seems to be trying to deliver a covert political message - I'm not an expert on politics, but the friendly but obvious Soviet defector farmer character is clearly at one end of the scale, being balanced out by the asshole jobsworth manager who never smiles (Mr. Cashmore) and his obsession with sucking up to his unseen boss Mr. Biggot (actual name).
Maybe someone else can read more into that, but to someone with a passing disinterest in politics and classism like me, this is clearly trying to say socialism is good and capitalism is bad.
Mr. J (the wife) has taken a much more 'wacky' view on it and declared it is likely set in the 1800's, but in an alternate universe where technology developed quicker. This could be evidenced by the time that a horse fell in a lock (miraculously without breaking any of its legs) and they sent out a distress signels using naval flags (as opposed to using a phone, they did eventually but perhaps the technology is so new they didn't know how to use it or had little faith in it like the people on the Titanic).
Also, the solution they came up with (fill the lock and lift the horse out with some kind of pulley system) was needlessly over-engineered, Victorian's loved over-engineering things! A more practical method would have been to empty the lock so the horse could have stood on the bottom as the waters usually only about 4ft deep, open the bottom games and simply walk to horse out and onto the bank!
When compared to Rosie and Jim, there's no contest when it comes to reality (aside from the fact Joshua Jones is animated and they aren't). As I've mentioned many times before Rosie and Jim are pure evil and THEY ARE REAL, but probably more entertaining to watch overall.
Further Youtube viewing of videos related to the one I watched included a CBBC tape of kid's shows - I was horrified to see Postman Pat openly breaking the law by allowing a cat to run freely in a vehicle while he was the sole occupant, and had my fears confirmed that xylophone music means skeletons are about after watching some horror film about two gay skeletons and their dog.
Mr. J (the wife) was especially concerned that a shop in this documentary was selling nothing but dead animals. How are they able to stay in business, and where did the dead animals come from anyway? I think the RSPCA need to be informed as well as the Environment Agency, but I was more concerned (horrified perhaps) about a children's television show alluding to a same-sex relationship!
So I think my next letter will be to Points of View to register my disgust - needless to say my dinners going right in the bin too.
Mr. S
The canal featured appears to be lightly used, as we mainly see JJ's boat moving with the only other one being the persistently angry stock authority figure factory manager's GRP yoghurt pot - but given the desolate cityscapes it passes through, much like some of the Birmingham canals (it has more mile for mile than Venice apparently) you really wouldn't want to travel on them unless you had no other option, so this may be the case.
This would also suggest that the canal is likely full of crap (see attached image) and Weil's disease (from rat's piss), although you wouldn't think it from the amount of times someone or something falls in and does not get seriously ill, or cold, or dragged into a propeller and mutilated.
The programme also seems to be trying to deliver a covert political message - I'm not an expert on politics, but the friendly but obvious Soviet defector farmer character is clearly at one end of the scale, being balanced out by the asshole jobsworth manager who never smiles (Mr. Cashmore) and his obsession with sucking up to his unseen boss Mr. Biggot (actual name).
Maybe someone else can read more into that, but to someone with a passing disinterest in politics and classism like me, this is clearly trying to say socialism is good and capitalism is bad.
Mr. J (the wife) has taken a much more 'wacky' view on it and declared it is likely set in the 1800's, but in an alternate universe where technology developed quicker. This could be evidenced by the time that a horse fell in a lock (miraculously without breaking any of its legs) and they sent out a distress signels using naval flags (as opposed to using a phone, they did eventually but perhaps the technology is so new they didn't know how to use it or had little faith in it like the people on the Titanic).
Also, the solution they came up with (fill the lock and lift the horse out with some kind of pulley system) was needlessly over-engineered, Victorian's loved over-engineering things! A more practical method would have been to empty the lock so the horse could have stood on the bottom as the waters usually only about 4ft deep, open the bottom games and simply walk to horse out and onto the bank!
When compared to Rosie and Jim, there's no contest when it comes to reality (aside from the fact Joshua Jones is animated and they aren't). As I've mentioned many times before Rosie and Jim are pure evil and THEY ARE REAL, but probably more entertaining to watch overall.
Further Youtube viewing of videos related to the one I watched included a CBBC tape of kid's shows - I was horrified to see Postman Pat openly breaking the law by allowing a cat to run freely in a vehicle while he was the sole occupant, and had my fears confirmed that xylophone music means skeletons are about after watching some horror film about two gay skeletons and their dog.
Mr. J (the wife) was especially concerned that a shop in this documentary was selling nothing but dead animals. How are they able to stay in business, and where did the dead animals come from anyway? I think the RSPCA need to be informed as well as the Environment Agency, but I was more concerned (horrified perhaps) about a children's television show alluding to a same-sex relationship!
So I think my next letter will be to Points of View to register my disgust - needless to say my dinners going right in the bin too.
Mr. S
I have so many questions, but the main one is why you wrote me such a long letter about some obscure kid's show that I have absolutely no recollection of. I don't even remember asking you to write me a letter about it. Did I? Did I really? Why would I have done that? Was I just being polite?
A SONG (JOKE) FOR EUROPE (BEANUS)
Oi Biffo!
I wrote a joke for Beanus, let me know whether he liked it or not.
A tin of Heinz Baked Beans visited the seaside for its holiday.
It was Beans on Coast
Payment in cash only please.
Stuart Richards
Oi Biffo!
I wrote a joke for Beanus, let me know whether he liked it or not.
A tin of Heinz Baked Beans visited the seaside for its holiday.
It was Beans on Coast
Payment in cash only please.
Stuart Richards
Beanus insists that beans are no laughing matter. MUCH LIKE YOUR JOKE!!!!!!
COPPA FEEL
Hello, Biffo!
Got a serious question. Over the weekend, I noticed a number of videos popping up on my recommended list on YouTube about the COPPA rules. Seems that a lot of people are very worried about the future if their videos and channels.
Basically, for those not in the know, to stop Google collecting data about children (they define this as people under 13), they are requiring video makers to flag whether their video is "made for kids" or not, with heavy penalties to the video maker if they get it wrong. This will be determined by the USA regulators.
So, what's your take on this? How will this affect your channel? I kind of think that you may fall into that weird area of your videos being aimed at adults, but because of the content they could be deemed to be "made for kids" - which is the phrase used quite a lot. I kind of feel that Google is playing a game to trigger just the response I have seen on YouTube to trigger a rethink and regulatory backtrack.
All the best,
Paul.
Hello, Biffo!
Got a serious question. Over the weekend, I noticed a number of videos popping up on my recommended list on YouTube about the COPPA rules. Seems that a lot of people are very worried about the future if their videos and channels.
Basically, for those not in the know, to stop Google collecting data about children (they define this as people under 13), they are requiring video makers to flag whether their video is "made for kids" or not, with heavy penalties to the video maker if they get it wrong. This will be determined by the USA regulators.
So, what's your take on this? How will this affect your channel? I kind of think that you may fall into that weird area of your videos being aimed at adults, but because of the content they could be deemed to be "made for kids" - which is the phrase used quite a lot. I kind of feel that Google is playing a game to trigger just the response I have seen on YouTube to trigger a rethink and regulatory backtrack.
All the best,
Paul.
Well... funnily enough, we got together this week to shoot some videos, and we actually made one about COPPA. I'm not sure when - or even if - we'll put it out, due to the fact we've got a bunch of vids lined-up that can only be put out during December, due to the festive nature of the set dressing. And it might be too late by January. But we'll see. It's a real funny video...!
But anyway... in all honesty, I've read up on the COPPA thing, and I've watched some videos on it, and I've marked the channel as never-for-kids... So, that should be the end of it, probably, as far as we're concerned.
No?
I don't know whether I should be worried beyond that, or whether it's one of those issues where everyone tells me I should be worrying about, and it's a whole lot of unnecessary panic. Everyone loves to panic these days. The sky is falling constantly. If we bought into all of it we'd wander around the whole time in a state of constant anxiety.
So I'm not panicking. I'm not even thinking about it. I mean, providing I don't get hit with a $40,000 fine, it's not like I make my income from YouTube anyway. It's making the videos that I enjoy; if something happened to the channel I'd just put them on here.
But anyway... in all honesty, I've read up on the COPPA thing, and I've watched some videos on it, and I've marked the channel as never-for-kids... So, that should be the end of it, probably, as far as we're concerned.
No?
I don't know whether I should be worried beyond that, or whether it's one of those issues where everyone tells me I should be worrying about, and it's a whole lot of unnecessary panic. Everyone loves to panic these days. The sky is falling constantly. If we bought into all of it we'd wander around the whole time in a state of constant anxiety.
So I'm not panicking. I'm not even thinking about it. I mean, providing I don't get hit with a $40,000 fine, it's not like I make my income from YouTube anyway. It's making the videos that I enjoy; if something happened to the channel I'd just put them on here.
HAIRBOYZ
Which video game journalist from the 80s and 90s had the best hair? I'm particularly found of Jaz Rignall's "New Wave" look, Rad Automatic's very odd almost grebo style and Stuart Campbell's very short back and sides.
Lee McCormick
Which video game journalist from the 80s and 90s had the best hair? I'm particularly found of Jaz Rignall's "New Wave" look, Rad Automatic's very odd almost grebo style and Stuart Campbell's very short back and sides.
Lee McCormick
They were all iconic in their own way, and I'm happy to say I met them all in their hirsute prime. But c'mon... I'm not going to say any one of those awful hairstyles was better than than the others.
Besides, I'm far from one to talk, considering the state of my hair in the 90s. As you may have seen, I've given up attempting to style my hair, or even getting it cut, because it seems that it only really behaves when it's semi-long (matron) or very short. It's all or nothing, but getting it cut really short means having to get it cut at least once a month, and that means having one of those awkward conversations with the person cutting my hair.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
And that, kids, is why Mr Biffo looks like a tramp.
Besides, I'm far from one to talk, considering the state of my hair in the 90s. As you may have seen, I've given up attempting to style my hair, or even getting it cut, because it seems that it only really behaves when it's semi-long (matron) or very short. It's all or nothing, but getting it cut really short means having to get it cut at least once a month, and that means having one of those awkward conversations with the person cutting my hair.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
And that, kids, is why Mr Biffo looks like a tramp.
50 Qs OF WHYTE
471) Isn't it hard to believe that there is a good chance that an entire console generation might pass without a new GTA or Elder Scrolls game? I'm sure the eventual GTA 6 will be cross-platform and their online versions make a lot of money, but still....
472) How highly do you rate Hideo Kojima as a visual storyteller? Some of the imagery in Death Stranding is incredible. Obviously Yoji Shinkawa is a major part but it seems undoubtedly to be Kojima's vision.
473) Which game has had your favourite story/plot and why?
474) On a similar note, which game has had the most unexpected plot point and/or twist?
475) At what point, for you, did 3D games start to look better (generally) than 2D games?
John Whyte
471) Isn't it hard to believe that there is a good chance that an entire console generation might pass without a new GTA or Elder Scrolls game? I'm sure the eventual GTA 6 will be cross-platform and their online versions make a lot of money, but still....
472) How highly do you rate Hideo Kojima as a visual storyteller? Some of the imagery in Death Stranding is incredible. Obviously Yoji Shinkawa is a major part but it seems undoubtedly to be Kojima's vision.
473) Which game has had your favourite story/plot and why?
474) On a similar note, which game has had the most unexpected plot point and/or twist?
475) At what point, for you, did 3D games start to look better (generally) than 2D games?
John Whyte
471) I'll be honest, I wouldn't have even noticed the whole lack of an Elder Scrolls thing. And I do kind of see Red Dead Redemption 2 as a GTA in all but name. I am really, really curious about where they go next with GTA, though. They've done the two most obvious cities in a fairly comprehensive way, so is there anywhere in America which can offer the same iconic thrills . Not sure Miami really cuts it.
472) Images alone don't necessarily tell a story. The cut-scenes in Death Stranding are very well done, and Kojima has a way with striking imagery that might be second to none, but I'm not sure they're actually good at telling a story. Especially when the story remains so wilfully weird and obscure.
473) I've said it before, but it's The Last of Us. The story wasn't particularly original - for that, you'd be hard-pressed to beat Bioshock's twist - but the fact it made me care about the characters for the first time in a game, and allowed me to really engage with them, showed the level of storytelling there. I don't give a toss about anyone in Death Stranding.
474) See above! What made the big reveal in Bioshock work so well is that it could only work in a game; you, the player, had been played. You could argue the same thing about Knights of the Old Republic, but the twist in that was only made stronger because it was a game, yet would've worked pretty well in another medium.
475) Not a particularly original answer, but I remember being blown away by both Tomb Raider and Mario 64. I have very strong memories, like I'm sure a lot of people did, of their arrival being a real watershed moment. I mean, they represented a huge leap, that can't really be overstated. It's unlikely we're ever going to see a before-and-after moment like that again.
472) Images alone don't necessarily tell a story. The cut-scenes in Death Stranding are very well done, and Kojima has a way with striking imagery that might be second to none, but I'm not sure they're actually good at telling a story. Especially when the story remains so wilfully weird and obscure.
473) I've said it before, but it's The Last of Us. The story wasn't particularly original - for that, you'd be hard-pressed to beat Bioshock's twist - but the fact it made me care about the characters for the first time in a game, and allowed me to really engage with them, showed the level of storytelling there. I don't give a toss about anyone in Death Stranding.
474) See above! What made the big reveal in Bioshock work so well is that it could only work in a game; you, the player, had been played. You could argue the same thing about Knights of the Old Republic, but the twist in that was only made stronger because it was a game, yet would've worked pretty well in another medium.
475) Not a particularly original answer, but I remember being blown away by both Tomb Raider and Mario 64. I have very strong memories, like I'm sure a lot of people did, of their arrival being a real watershed moment. I mean, they represented a huge leap, that can't really be overstated. It's unlikely we're ever going to see a before-and-after moment like that again.
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