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THE DIGITISER 2000 GUIDE TO 'LET'S PLAY' VIDEOS

14/1/2015

24 Comments

 
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Gamers are getting older. 

A 2013 study revealed that the average age of a games fan is now 35 - and that figure is expected to keep rising, as people migrate further still from traditional, linear, forms of entertainment, and somehow continue to avoid being dead. 

In short, the first generation of gamers are now ghastly old men, and likely to be struggling to keep up as the gaming landscape changes around them. 

Is it any wonder so many of them despise women, who typically have much longer life expectancies?

LET'S NOT

Being an old person can be a time of great anxiety and uncertainty. As the choppy waters of progress threaten to drown us, it's no surprise that so many cling to the pop culture ephemera of our formative years - like life preservers made from He-Man jellies, episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and Dino-Riders toys.

One of the biggest and most bewildering gaming developments in recent years has been the rise of the 'Let's Play' video. 

Reliable online information source Wikipedia describes Let's Play thus: "A Let's Play is a series of screenshots or, more commonly, a recorded video documenting a playthrough of a video game, always including commentary by the gamer. 

"An LP differs from a walkthrough or strategy guide by focusing on an individual's subjective experience with the game, often with humorous, irreverent, or even critical commentary from the gamer, rather than being an objective source of information on how to progress through the game."

What this frequently translates to is a shrieking idiot spinning around in a cheap Silent Hill knock-off, while claiming to have wet himself.

Pray tell; where does one start with Let's Play? Please allow Digitiser 2000 be your guide, as we run down the most common types of Let's Play commentator you're guaranteed to stumble across online...


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PEWDIEPIE

Otherwise known as Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg, Swedish sensation Pewdiepie has over 33 million subscribers to his YouTube channel, making him arguably the most influential figure in the modern games industry. 


With his lovely, floppy hair, and dreamy, creamy grin, he's the gaming commentator that all others aspire to be... or aspire to be caressed by. 

Indeed... last year, PDP's channel officially became the most watched ever on on YouTube.

Referring to his legion of fans as his 'Bro Army', PewDiePie has inspired them to raise money for his favourite charities, while becoming phenomenally wealthy in his own right. He even appeared as himself in an episode of South Park.

In addition to offering up a matey "BroFist" at the end of his broadcasts, he has also courted controversy for making distasteful jokes in his early videos. In 2012, he was compelled to announce "
I just wanted to make clear that I’m no longer making rape jokes. As I mentioned before I’m not looking to hurt anyone and I apologize if it ever did". 


33 million subscribers. 33 million...

Most likely to say: "OMG! I think rape and stuff is really awful now. BroFist!"

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MINECRAFT-OBSESSED 11 YEAR-OLD

If your idea of a good time is spending a couple of hours passively watching a pre-pubescent boy attempting to build a windmill out of Lego, then YouTube is probably your ultimate fantasy destination.

As shown in the upcoming documentary Minecraft: Into the Nether, the absurdly popular sandbox building game has become an Internet marvel like no other. Designed by yet another Swede - Marcus "Notch" Persson (not a made-up person) - Minecraft has more than 40 million players worldwide, and countless more fans who are content to merely observe others playing it.


YouTube features literally zillions of videos showing players talking viewers through their creations. Though many are put together by professionals or talented amateurs, we estimate that the vast majority of Minecraft build videos are recorded by mumbling, apparently disinterested, youths, who boast all the presentation skills of an old sponge that they used to mop up their dad's sick.

Most likely to say: "I'm going to... put torches... in my front garden to make... it look nice. No, that's not right. I didn't want it to go there."


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EX-PROFESSIONAL GAMES JOURNALIST

As one of the most coveted, well-payed, and privileged jobs in the world, it seems insane that anybody would willingly give up their massive games journalist salary to be directly abused by people on the Internet who hate them for having the job they wrongly think they want. 

And yet, increasingly more and more industry professionals are doing just that.

Though many are going the crowd-funded route, hoping some of their readership will cough up in order to hear them waffle through a game, or watch them say a funny thing - others are just doing it in the hope of becoming the next PewDiePie, and making huge amounts of money through AdSense. 
Ha ha. Good luck with that. Good luck with all of that!!!!

Though not strictly a Let'sPlay-er, Jim Sterling - Meat Loaf-style former writer for The Escapist and Destructoid - leads the pack in this area, with his opinionated and shouty, but highly watchable, 'Jimquisition' videos. 

Most likely to say: "And if you liked this video, you could always chuck some money my way on Patreon. You don't have to - it's entirely up to you, and I don't want to seem desperate. You really, really don't have to pay, as is your right - that really is your right, and your right alone. Right? It's your right. Not my right. It's your right. Just yours. It's a right that literally belongs to you. And if you want to keep freeloading, or assuming I'm going to keep doing this indefinitely with no pay, well... you're probably correct to a point. But if you do choose to give me money (and you honestly don't have to do that - it's your right not to)... thankthankthankthankyou. Really. Thanks. Though the rest of you can fuck right off."

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RETIRED PIRATE

With the golden age of piracy ending well over 200 years ago, traditional pirates are struggling to make ends meet. Inexplicably, many of them have turned to YouTube, specialising in making Let'sPlay videos about Flappy Bird - a game that's particularly popular among the pirate community.

Among the most popular of these is former Swedish pirate Borkbeard (b.1678), who can be heard making veiled threats to rival YouTube pirates as he struggles with Flabby Bird's impossible difficulty level.

Most likely to say: "Avast! T'little bird has flown right into t'pipe. Yaarrrrr!" 

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CREEPY MALFUNCTIONING ROBOT

Robots have been part of the Let's Play landscape since the very beginning. In the early days, automatons such as former dental droid XK-I500 and decommissioned exotic entertainment bot "Fireworks" D'Splay, were plugged directly into YouTube by their former owners. 

Using complex, but ageing algorithms, the robots began spouting randomly-generated opinions about video games.

Unfortunately, many of these robots are still connected and commentating, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, despite their systems having long since begun to decay and break down. Disaster was narrowly averted last year, when one Let'sPlay robot broke free of its moorings and went on a rampage of thrashing and commentating in a newsagents.

Most likely to say: "I. Am. Play. Sims. 4. Destroy humans. LOL. LOL. LOL. Destroy humans. Dezzztryzzzzyrezzxxz."

24 Comments
Mr Jonny T
14/1/2015 06:21:33 am

Am I the only one who's never heard of Pewdiepie?

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Mr Biffo
14/1/2015 06:37:05 am

This article was for you.

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Sin Vega link
14/1/2015 06:57:15 am

It's alright grandpa, we won't tell anyone.

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TheBigWahoonie
14/1/2015 07:46:00 am

If I could scrub the irritating fucker from my mind I would. It flabbergasts me why he's so popular, the only solution is that the world is full of cretins.

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Dagenham Swish
15/1/2015 10:17:34 am

PewDiePie is essentially a children's TV presenter with no production/editorial guidance.

To say that he is intolerable would be underselling it. I think I would rather eat and AIDS cake.

Pevin
14/1/2015 07:45:23 am

I struggle to listen to Jim Sterling. He is really annoying. Which is the point of this article I know. And I'm not racist, but also I don't like him because he's quite fat.

The only person who plays games who doesn't annoy me and actually makes me laugh is GamingMill. Check him out!

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TheBigWahoonie
14/1/2015 08:00:24 am

You don't like fat sweary Englishmen? How dare you sir! This country is built on their wobbling carcasses!

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Pevin
15/1/2015 02:57:40 am

I was just sick all down my trousers envisioning that.

Dagenham Swish
15/1/2015 10:20:17 am

I used to find Jim Sterling annoying but then after watching his videos for a while (and more to the point listening to a few of his podcasts) I realised that it is somewhat an act. He does seem so far left that he occasionally goes full circle to the right though.

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Pevin
30/1/2015 06:35:08 am

I've tried, I really have! I'm sure he's a nice guy and everything, but I think it's his voice more than his style. It's a bit like someone playing random notes on the 'paper and comb' into my ear.

Penelope
19/1/2015 05:25:24 pm

Hi Shawn! Might wanna be a bit more subtle next time you pimp your terrible youtube channel.

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Pevin link
30/1/2015 06:27:14 am

Gah! You got me, Scooby!

Regards,

Kevin Glover, Edinburgh

Bruce Flagpole 1138
14/1/2015 11:15:12 am

It literally boggles my mind that people want to watch someone else play minecraft. It's like someone's pushed down on the top of my head and my brain pops up and rattles around every time I think about it. Please stop doing it.

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Creeder herdsmen
14/1/2015 02:09:39 pm

Remember going to your friend's house because he had games or even a console that you didn't have? Or maybe your pompous slightly better looking friend had the same game, but was irritatingly better than you? You would sit in his room, while he played the game and you would watch. With your eyes. And he may have commented on what he was doing or made jokes or even swears about the baddie sprites? DO YOU REMEMBER THIS?
Because what I'm publicly failing to say is that a Let's Play video is basically this exact thing. With a few differences. Interacting with your friend is done in 'typing' and they may or may not ever reply. And there's the chance that any one of millions of strangers could lambast you for your opinion. On the plus side you don't have to leave your house! (which also means you can't raid your friends fridge for cheese dippers and Dr Pepper)
The kids aren't that different to us, man. They're just enjoying games like what we do, but using the space aged futuristic technology we could only dream of. They're just like us. Except they're smaller and more rubbish.

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Sin Vega link
14/1/2015 02:57:24 pm

What's a friend? It sounds terrible.

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MrPSB
15/1/2015 02:48:14 am

I had one once and now I hate everything and everyone. Not recommended.

TheBigWahoonie
15/1/2015 07:10:43 am

Yes but in this case you can pick which blithering retard you'd like to listen to/watch as they fumble their cackfisted way through yet another rogue like.

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Dagenham Swish
15/1/2015 10:21:58 am

Kids are pricks. And they taste disgusting unless you deep-fry them...

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FEoD link
15/1/2015 01:57:16 am

I find it unlikely that any Ex-Professional Games Journalist would ever have been in the situation described in that section of the article, as surely all gamers worship them as quite possibly the highest pinnacle to which humanity can ever hope to aspire in form, thought and deed.
Mind you, I also look forward to free updates to Digitiser 2000 forever so what would I know..?

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Dan link
15/1/2015 12:36:42 pm

So which category does Steve Benway fall under, then? He won't like being branded a pirrrrrate, arr. :)

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Stuart N. Hardy
16/1/2015 06:04:58 am

You forgot to mention the Achievement Hunter chaps, it's enjoyable watching their day to day lives and occasional squabbling in the office... I can watch their antics and pretend I have a group of cool gaming friends. And they have a couple of female players too!

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Mr Biffo
16/1/2015 06:13:32 am

Oh! Do we have to do a follow-up with all these people I've never heard of?!

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Pevin
30/1/2015 07:27:46 am

No, but I think there's a pretty smashing new Digi character waiting to be derived from all those annoying Youtube losers!

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colincidence link
30/1/2015 05:56:58 am

There're gangs of gaming friends who get their own personalities and fans and Wikis. Sickening. (Yogscast?)

I remember when fame involved a talent, like standing up on your hind legs.

Reply



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