Hello! I'm Mr Nude, Britain's foremost nude boy, coming to you live from Bellend's Nude Holiday Park in the picturesque coastal hamlet of Peans. There's much excitement here at Bellend's, as the local children are stuffing their pencil cases and satchels, as they get ready to return to the local Nude School.
Though we have strict guidelines on nudity for the under-18s (but rest assured that they are still nude beneath their orange smocks) that doesn't stop all our teachers taking lessons in the utter buff.
Speaking as a former graduate of Nude School - I received 12 'O' Levels, 4 'A' Levels, and a memorable 'B' Level (with hons) - let me assure you that there's nothing quite so enlightening as being taught a geography lesson on oxbow lakes, while the nude tutor slides back and forth against a wipe board, making the most gentle of lowing sounds.
To get you all in the mood for the coming term, here are the latest games for your phones.
Though we have strict guidelines on nudity for the under-18s (but rest assured that they are still nude beneath their orange smocks) that doesn't stop all our teachers taking lessons in the utter buff.
Speaking as a former graduate of Nude School - I received 12 'O' Levels, 4 'A' Levels, and a memorable 'B' Level (with hons) - let me assure you that there's nothing quite so enlightening as being taught a geography lesson on oxbow lakes, while the nude tutor slides back and forth against a wipe board, making the most gentle of lowing sounds.
To get you all in the mood for the coming term, here are the latest games for your phones.
GAMES
The Deplorable Ballad (iOS/Android £Free)
How quickly can you re-edit the randomly generated ballad to remove all the politically inflammatory and racist epithets, before the app uploads it to your social media accounts? Quickly now - the clock is ticking!
Doreen's Had Her Soreen (iOS/Android £Free)
Years after the famous advert, in which Doreen was showing having her Soreen, she has finally finished eating. Now what is she going to do with her life? It's up to you - in this exciting, and surprisingly tender, virtual life sim! Contains profanity/obesity.
The Hairy Herr and Her (iOS/Android £Free)
You control a hirsute gentleman of Germanic descent, as he sets out to rescue his beloved from the clutches of a sentient pore. Keep your eyes peeled for a cheeky glimpse of his rubber leg - it's the most hairless part of his body!
Immigrunt (iOS/Android £Free)
A new immigrant must prove he has permission to settle in the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, he can only speak in grunts! Can you prove his legitimacy, before officials have him back to his war torn home country, in this hysterical interactive soliloquy?
One Bowl Bowel Bowles (iOS/Android £Free)
Playing as the late actor Peter Bowles, you have three bowls of soup, but only enough space in your tum tum/bowels for one. You must find a place to dispose of the excess soup, before your host returns from the lavatory!
Shakespeare Wouldn't Do That (iOS/Android £Free)
You are presented with a list of activities, and must race against the timer to sort them into things William Shakespeare - the "Bard" - would and wouldn't have done. Would Shakespeare have written a play? Verdict: Yes! Would Shakespeare have ridden to York astride a pauper's son? Verdict: Unknown.
Bored Bard Bird (iOS/Android £Free)
From the makers of Shakespeare Wouldn't Do That, this choose-you-own adventure finds Shakespeare transformed into a horrible bird, who gets bored easily etc. etc.
The Deplorable Ballad (iOS/Android £Free)
How quickly can you re-edit the randomly generated ballad to remove all the politically inflammatory and racist epithets, before the app uploads it to your social media accounts? Quickly now - the clock is ticking!
Doreen's Had Her Soreen (iOS/Android £Free)
Years after the famous advert, in which Doreen was showing having her Soreen, she has finally finished eating. Now what is she going to do with her life? It's up to you - in this exciting, and surprisingly tender, virtual life sim! Contains profanity/obesity.
The Hairy Herr and Her (iOS/Android £Free)
You control a hirsute gentleman of Germanic descent, as he sets out to rescue his beloved from the clutches of a sentient pore. Keep your eyes peeled for a cheeky glimpse of his rubber leg - it's the most hairless part of his body!
Immigrunt (iOS/Android £Free)
A new immigrant must prove he has permission to settle in the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, he can only speak in grunts! Can you prove his legitimacy, before officials have him back to his war torn home country, in this hysterical interactive soliloquy?
One Bowl Bowel Bowles (iOS/Android £Free)
Playing as the late actor Peter Bowles, you have three bowls of soup, but only enough space in your tum tum/bowels for one. You must find a place to dispose of the excess soup, before your host returns from the lavatory!
Shakespeare Wouldn't Do That (iOS/Android £Free)
You are presented with a list of activities, and must race against the timer to sort them into things William Shakespeare - the "Bard" - would and wouldn't have done. Would Shakespeare have written a play? Verdict: Yes! Would Shakespeare have ridden to York astride a pauper's son? Verdict: Unknown.
Bored Bard Bird (iOS/Android £Free)
From the makers of Shakespeare Wouldn't Do That, this choose-you-own adventure finds Shakespeare transformed into a horrible bird, who gets bored easily etc. etc.
RSS Feed
