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THE 10 WORST FIGHTING FANTASY COVERS EVER

11/1/2017

24 Comments

 
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It was actually harder than I thought to find ten really bad Fighting Fantasy covers. All of them, without exception, had something to love.

Still, it's always fairly easy to be mean, so of course I rose to the challenge and have decided to be needlessly nasty about a subject which brought joy to millions of 1980s children. This is investigative journalism at its finest.

Therefore, following the ten best that I chose yesterday, here are the ten Fighting Fantasy covers which I declare to be this: the worst.
SKY LORD
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"I'll teach you to laugh at my scarf! My mother knitted this for me on her deathbed!"

I'll admit it; there's something compelling about the Sky Lord cover, something sort of innocent and sweet, from the failed attempt at foreshortening, to the bendy arms, ridiculous mouth, and custard-yellow sky. Still, however much I may want to hug the artist, it doesn't mean the picture's any good.
DEATHMOOR
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We now know that dinosaur bodies worked like a seesaw, the tail stretching behind them horizontally, to help them balance. However, this monster's ability to balance is the least of the physiological questions it raises.
SIEGE OF SARDATH
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"Excuse me - you couldn't tell me how to get to Sardath could you?"

"Certainly - keep going straight down there, then turn right when you get to Jessops, and Sardath should be on your immediate left, just after Greggs."

"Many thanks."

"No problem."
BENEATH NIGHTMARE CASTLE
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...Lives Toyah Wilcox.
CRYPT OF THE SORCERER
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This is actually quite a nice painting - look at the folds in the fabric. That's some extremely subtle work, almost photorealistic. Oh. But then you notice his right arm. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS RIGHT ARM?!?!
PHANTOMS OF FEAR
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Uh... oh. It's honestly difficult to know what to say about this. I mean, it's striking, and if you opened your bedroom curtains, to be confronted with all this going on outside, you certainly wouldn't be laughing. For me, though, the thing I most struggle with isn't the snot phantoms, but the two sets of eyes on the main face. No words.
MIDNIGHT ROGUE
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Aka "Legend Of The Magic Strepsil" (yes, I know it looks more like a Hall's Soother).
SWORD OF THE SAMURAI
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One of the basics of graphic design is to make your image immediately striking upon first glance. Sword of the Samurai's cover fails in this regard, given that your first reaction is "What's going on there?!? What is that?"... your second reaction is "Oh, it's some sort of samurai walking on a bridge thing... Why is one of his legs dangling over the side? Are those clouds or mountains in the distance? And what's wrong with his face?"... and your third reaction is "Actually, that's a bit shit".
SLAVES OF THE ABYSS
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Well, somebody was desperate to try out that forced perspective technique he learned in school. And what's with the guy on the left, with the hair thickener spray? Is he also wearing lipstick? And what's he standing on? Why is he looking at me like that?
THE RINGS OF KETHER
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Basically what would've happened if Les Dawson had been cast as Darth Vader.

"The wife's mother said to me... she said, 'When you're dead, I'll dance on your grave'. I said: 'Best of luck with that - I'm being cremated on Endor!' - Then I Force-choked her to death."
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​THE 10 BEST FIGHTING FANTASY COVERS EVER
THINGS I'D FORGOTTEN THAT I OWNED: POCKETEERS
​
CAN WE TELL WHAT THESE WII U USERS HAVE EATEN JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM?
24 Comments
Mental Joshua
11/1/2017 10:59:18 am

Crypt of the Sorcerer is great! He just has spindly appendages. The samurai one is genuinely terrible. Phantoms of Fear reminds me of the 'Green Man'

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Benny Cake
11/1/2017 11:00:49 am

Biffo, your fondness for these makes me wonder if you have played the Dark Souls series?

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Chris
11/1/2017 11:08:46 am

First rule of Digi2000 - do not mention Dark Souls.

Also, it's a volcano, not a cloud or mountain. Well, technically it's both.

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Benny Cake
11/1/2017 11:16:05 am

Oh, I'll take that as a no then. Why, though (if the answer wont upset people for some reason)?

Chris
11/1/2017 11:23:42 am

Mr B doesn't like it, cos he's a wuss.

Mr Biffo
11/1/2017 11:42:23 am

Dark Souls? More like "Arseholes".

Benny Cake
11/1/2017 11:45:26 am

It does ask a lot Biffmo, but you would definitely love it. I'm guessing you've heard all this before though

Mrtankthreat
11/1/2017 12:12:06 pm

I agree Benny. I hated Dark Souls when I first played it. Went back to it after a year and now love it, probably to the detriment of every other game though. If a game is not like Dark Souls I struggle to care.

Do you watch Previously Recorded from Red Letter Media? See them playing Uncharted 4? I went back to uncharted 2 which I used to love but just couldn't hack it. It's like a barely interactive movie where you're simply going through the motions and there's no consequence.

It actually felt like more of a slog than how I felt Dark Souls was a pointless slog was I first played it.

And you're right that Biffo has heard all this before and it won't make a difference. Like telling someone they have to develop a taste for certain foods. A pretty silly expression as, as Jackie Mason pointed out, no one ever had to develop a taste for chips.

Benny Cake
11/1/2017 01:30:44 pm

MrTankThreat - Yeah, it has kind of ruined other games for me. I rarely put more than 10 hours into anything these days because I keep thinking 'This is alright, but I could be playing Souls...'. I played through the entire Uncharted 4 campaign, which I found pretty dull for the most part (very pretty though it is), purely because I remembered loving UC2 so much. The characters and locations and everything were great, but as you say the gameplay is barely there. Multiplayer was very fun over the summer though

Eye of the beholder
11/1/2017 11:27:02 am

Crypt of the Sorcerer and Midnight Rogue were two of my favourites!

Maybe the sorcerer is holding an arm to stick in a cauldron or something.

I think the best worst one here is Sword of the Samurai but the chap giving directions does have an amazing wrist.

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Monkey Head
11/1/2017 12:11:44 pm

I had a few of these and loved them, I even liked the picture on the Samurai one. With the perspective that comes with age I can now see the pictures weren't great although nostalgia is urging me to check the books out again. I read a different series too called The Way Of The Tiger, by Mark Smith and Jamie Thompson, they weren't as good as Fighting Fantasy books and seemed like a bitvof a rip off of them but you got to be a ninja in them so I didn't care. Even in those innocent days though I thought the cover art was crap so I don't know how bad it must have been.

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Dr Alex P. Gaywood
11/1/2017 12:35:47 pm

In the main photo at the top, is the book at the front "The WarLock of Firetop Mountain" or "The WarCock of Firetop Mountain"?

I know which I'd rather read!

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Correcting David
11/1/2017 02:24:14 pm

It's 'Warlop of Firecock'

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Sweaty Fox
11/1/2017 01:07:38 pm

Crypt of the Sorcerer was one of my favourites, in the book his right arm was deformed because he was all evil and that. I think his name was Razzaq, which is a proper evil person's name

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Glyn
11/1/2017 01:13:50 pm

I'd still love a full set of these. Also can Les Dawson Darth Vader please become a regular character?

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Glen
11/1/2017 02:01:38 pm

Agreed, Les Vader is great, and his bulky frame is begging to be rendered in teletext graphics

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John Miller
11/1/2017 04:43:08 pm

Can't believe you've not included the original Citadel of Chaos cover. So bad and ill fitting to rest of range they changed it shortly after.

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Andi Ewington
11/1/2017 05:04:17 pm

haven't laughed so much in ages!

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Kelvin Green link
11/1/2017 06:50:15 pm

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS RIGHT ARM?!?!

He's an undead sorcerer with a deformed arm. It's not an art error.

As bad as some of these are, they pale in comparison to the Japanese edition of Deathtrap Dungeon:

http://en.rocketnews24.com/2015/06/20/u-k-gamebooks-redone-cover-tells-you-everything-you-need-to-know-about-japanese-fantasy-rpg-art/

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Stringfellow Hawke
11/1/2017 06:54:54 pm

I love the cover of Beneath Nightmare Castle!

It was the first Fighting Fantasy book I got after seeing in one of those travelling book fair things at my school. The cover kind of stood out amongst all the Enid Blyton books...

I'm surprised that John Blanche's cuddly Manticore from Shamutanti Hills didn't get a nod though.

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Dunc
11/1/2017 07:33:39 pm

But.... But.... The Phantoms of Fear cover is awesome! The Ghost of Christmas Present sneezing dragons? What's NOT to like??

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Dan
11/1/2017 10:08:10 pm

Siege of Sardath - Crappest Book, Crappest Cover!

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Ross
4/6/2018 10:38:10 am

Crypt of the Sorcerer was one of the best books and the cover art is superb! The arm is downright creepy. Absolutely should not be on this list.

The samurai's foot over the side of the bridge always used to bother me too, but I loved that book as well.

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John
11/6/2020 07:56:51 pm

Not sure how Starship Traveller cant be on here! And where are the US cover versions? Have you seen the Forest of Doom US cover? Wow!

Reply



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