It was actually harder than I thought to find ten really bad Fighting Fantasy covers. All of them, without exception, had something to love.
Still, it's always fairly easy to be mean, so of course I rose to the challenge and have decided to be needlessly nasty about a subject which brought joy to millions of 1980s children. This is investigative journalism at its finest.
Therefore, following the ten best that I chose yesterday, here are the ten Fighting Fantasy covers which I declare to be this: the worst.
Still, it's always fairly easy to be mean, so of course I rose to the challenge and have decided to be needlessly nasty about a subject which brought joy to millions of 1980s children. This is investigative journalism at its finest.
Therefore, following the ten best that I chose yesterday, here are the ten Fighting Fantasy covers which I declare to be this: the worst.
SKY LORD
"I'll teach you to laugh at my scarf! My mother knitted this for me on her deathbed!"
I'll admit it; there's something compelling about the Sky Lord cover, something sort of innocent and sweet, from the failed attempt at foreshortening, to the bendy arms, ridiculous mouth, and custard-yellow sky. Still, however much I may want to hug the artist, it doesn't mean the picture's any good.
I'll admit it; there's something compelling about the Sky Lord cover, something sort of innocent and sweet, from the failed attempt at foreshortening, to the bendy arms, ridiculous mouth, and custard-yellow sky. Still, however much I may want to hug the artist, it doesn't mean the picture's any good.
DEATHMOOR
We now know that dinosaur bodies worked like a seesaw, the tail stretching behind them horizontally, to help them balance. However, this monster's ability to balance is the least of the physiological questions it raises.
SIEGE OF SARDATH
"Excuse me - you couldn't tell me how to get to Sardath could you?"
"Certainly - keep going straight down there, then turn right when you get to Jessops, and Sardath should be on your immediate left, just after Greggs."
"Many thanks."
"No problem."
"Certainly - keep going straight down there, then turn right when you get to Jessops, and Sardath should be on your immediate left, just after Greggs."
"Many thanks."
"No problem."
BENEATH NIGHTMARE CASTLE
...Lives Toyah Wilcox.
CRYPT OF THE SORCERER
This is actually quite a nice painting - look at the folds in the fabric. That's some extremely subtle work, almost photorealistic. Oh. But then you notice his right arm. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS RIGHT ARM?!?!
PHANTOMS OF FEAR
Uh... oh. It's honestly difficult to know what to say about this. I mean, it's striking, and if you opened your bedroom curtains, to be confronted with all this going on outside, you certainly wouldn't be laughing. For me, though, the thing I most struggle with isn't the snot phantoms, but the two sets of eyes on the main face. No words.
MIDNIGHT ROGUE
Aka "Legend Of The Magic Strepsil" (yes, I know it looks more like a Hall's Soother).
SWORD OF THE SAMURAI
One of the basics of graphic design is to make your image immediately striking upon first glance. Sword of the Samurai's cover fails in this regard, given that your first reaction is "What's going on there?!? What is that?"... your second reaction is "Oh, it's some sort of samurai walking on a bridge thing... Why is one of his legs dangling over the side? Are those clouds or mountains in the distance? And what's wrong with his face?"... and your third reaction is "Actually, that's a bit shit".
SLAVES OF THE ABYSS
Well, somebody was desperate to try out that forced perspective technique he learned in school. And what's with the guy on the left, with the hair thickener spray? Is he also wearing lipstick? And what's he standing on? Why is he looking at me like that?
THE RINGS OF KETHER
Basically what would've happened if Les Dawson had been cast as Darth Vader.
"The wife's mother said to me... she said, 'When you're dead, I'll dance on your grave'. I said: 'Best of luck with that - I'm being cremated on Endor!' - Then I Force-choked her to death."
"The wife's mother said to me... she said, 'When you're dead, I'll dance on your grave'. I said: 'Best of luck with that - I'm being cremated on Endor!' - Then I Force-choked her to death."
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