DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

THE 10 MOST STUPID MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

17/1/2017

17 Comments

 
Picture
It's impossible to overstate how popular Masters of the Universe toys were in the 1980s. Not only were the figures colourful and packed with action features, but there was a barely-concealed undercurrent of homoeroticism. 

All those leather harnesses, tiny pants, and bare legs... No wonder they were called Masters of the Universe - they probably spent most of their time sitting around "masting". Ho ho.

Anyway. Masters of the Universe toys might've been popular - but they were also utterly ridiculous, with their calcified knees, and top-heavy bodies. If they existed in the real world, they'd probably require corrective surgery.

Here are the ten stupidest.
MOSS MAN
Picture
SKELETOR: "Alright there?"

MOSS MAN: "Hello. Lovely to meet you. Big fan."

SKELETOR: "So, Moss Man, you want to help me conquer Eternia. Tell me - what can you bring to the table?"

MOSS MAN: "Well, I wear very, very tiny pants, a big belt, and - wait for it - I'm covered in moss."

SKELETOR: "You had me at tiny pants."
LEECH
Picture
LEECH: "They call me 'The Sucking Leech'. Not only can I suck with my head - which is basically one big mouth... but my hands and feet suck too. Also: they don't have any teeth."

SKELETOR: "Say no more, my friend - say no more..."
STINKOR
Picture
STINKOR: "The main thing you need to know about me is that I stink."

SKELETOR: "Hmm... well, the thing is we actually don't have any vacancies at the - "

STINKOR: "I also wear tiny pants."

SKELETOR: "When can you start?"
GRIZZLOR
Picture
GRIZZLOR: "I'd love to come and work for you, sir. I can smother our enemies with my big, hairy body."

SKELETOR: "What about your friends?" <WINK>
FISTO
Picture
FISTO: "I'm called Fisto, and - "

SKELETOR: "You're in."
MANTENNA
Picture
MANTENNA: "I've got four legs, two arms, and my eyes pop out on stalks."

SKELETOR: "Okay... And what sort of pants do you wear?"

MANTENNA: "Oh, tiny ones. And they're black rubber. And did I mention... I have an anus for a mouth?"

SKELETOR: "Is it Christmas already?!"
MEKANECK
Picture
HE-MAN: "Gosh darn it. Skeletor and his gang are doing something on the other side of this fence, which is slightly too high for me to peer over. Curse these bandy legs!"

MEKANECK: "Ahem... Leave it to me..."
SAUROD
Picture
SAUROD: "Hi, guys. I'm Saurod..."

SKELETOR: "You will be after a week with us..."
ORBEAR
Picture
HE-MAN: "The only way we're going to defeat Skeletor right now is with some sort of big, brown, egg. Can anybody here produce a big brown egg on demand?"

ORBEAR: "I can go one better than that... I can turn into a big, brown, egg!"
TYTUS
Picture
TYTUS: "They call me Tytus!"

SKELETOR: "Mmm-mmm! And we can see why..."
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE 10 WORST FIGHTING FANTASY COVERS EVER
THE 10 STUPIDEST TRANSFORMERS EVER
​
THE 10 BEST FIGHTING FANTASY COVERS EVER
THINGS I'D FORGOTTEN THAT I OWNED: POCKETEERS

​
17 Comments
Voodoo76
17/1/2017 12:01:00 pm

Honestly My Biffo........................honestly!!
Haha excellent stuff very amusing, i love the way you shatter my childhood memories!!

Reply
Kelvin Green link
17/1/2017 12:04:36 pm

As well as being covered in fuzz, Moss Man's other gimmick was that he smelled like car air freshener.

Reply
Gosunkugi
17/1/2017 01:03:03 pm

I loved moss man and Skeletor's cat the best, the tactile experience was second to none. Sadly after a few months of petting (shh) they began to bald. Seeing Panthor degrade was especially harrowing, the absence of fur leaving hard, black plastic underneath, cold to the touch.

I never had a grizzlor figure, and I'll be honest, I didn't know he existed until last week. If Id had that as a small child I don't think I'd have ever left the house.

Also, Stinkor smelled fantastic to me.

Reply
Leech link
17/1/2017 01:15:41 pm

Leech

Reply
Rufio1980
17/1/2017 01:52:59 pm

I'd recommend you follow @GrumpySkeletor, if you don't already...

Reply
Bingo Rose
17/1/2017 04:32:49 pm

Fisto wasn't a baddy, he was He-Man's chum!!

Skeletor's equivalent giant-handed chum was called Jitsu and he had a massive gold chopping glove. And tiny pants.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
18/1/2017 04:47:13 pm

Moss Man was a goodie too, but it's clear that Biffo is less interested in research, and more interested in making me weep about my wasted life and wonky priorities.

Reply
S Hawke
17/1/2017 07:08:05 pm

Mantenna looks like he's suffered explosive decompression.

Reply
Hamptonoid
17/1/2017 08:18:18 pm

I downloaded a skeletor TV soundboard the other day - surprised at the frequency that he referred to others as "boobs".

Reply
Seano
17/1/2017 08:39:53 pm

I LOLed hard at this. Well done!

Reply
Mr Cheese
17/1/2017 09:04:27 pm

No love for Ram Man?

Reply
David W link
17/1/2017 09:42:02 pm

Ram Man got lots of love from here last year. Follow the link provided (or do a search.)

Reply
Treacle
17/1/2017 09:40:54 pm

Wasn't there one who looked like a giant bee? (one quick bit of googling later) He was called Buzz Off and not only did he have tiny pants, he also had a helmet which could be pulled off.

Reply
Picston Shottle
17/1/2017 10:21:20 pm

Biffo's He-Man related stuff has always made me do LOL's. The first article (at least that I remember) was the He-Man article on Bubblegun; one of the questions in the quiz at the end was about Battlecat's real name or something, and one of the multiple choice answers was "Shitter-Boy".

Reply
MD Cribuffs
17/1/2017 11:10:47 pm

MECHANECK is the best!

Reply
Ram Man
18/1/2017 10:19:38 am

I'm sick of these neckist remarks.

Reply
Darren McCoy
29/1/2017 06:18:49 pm

All the men with a red bat on their front were Hordak's minions not Skeletor's, he was also fond of a small pant!

https://goo.gl/images/8KqXFZ
https://goo.gl/images/zRnkiv

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ