THE 10 MOST STUPID MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

It's impossible to overstate how popular Masters of the Universe toys were in the 1980s. Not only were the figures colourful and packed with action features, but there was a barely-concealed undercurrent of homoeroticism. 

All those leather harnesses, tiny pants, and bare legs... No wonder they were called Masters of the Universe - they probably spent most of their time sitting around "masting". Ho ho.

Anyway. Masters of the Universe toys might've been popular - but they were also utterly ridiculous, with their calcified knees, and top-heavy bodies. If they existed in the real world, they'd probably require corrective surgery.

Here are the ten stupidest.

MOSS MAN

SKELETOR: "Alright there?"

MOSS MAN: "Hello. Lovely to meet you. Big fan."

SKELETOR: "So, Moss Man, you want to help me conquer Eternia. Tell me - what can you bring to the table?"

MOSS MAN: "Well, I wear very, very tiny pants, a big belt, and - wait for it - I'm covered in moss."

SKELETOR: "You had me at tiny pants."

LEECH

LEECH: "They call me 'The Sucking Leech'. Not only can I suck with my head - which is basically one big mouth... but my hands and feet suck too. Also: they don't have any teeth."

SKELETOR: "Say no more, my friend - say no more..."

STINKOR

STINKOR: "The main thing you need to know about me is that I stink."

SKELETOR: "Hmm... well, the thing is we actually don't have any vacancies at the - "

STINKOR: "I also wear tiny pants."

SKELETOR: "When can you start?"

GRIZZLOR

GRIZZLOR: "I'd love to come and work for you, sir. I can smother our enemies with my big, hairy body."

SKELETOR: "What about your friends?" <WINK>

FISTO

FISTO: "I'm called Fisto, and - "

SKELETOR: "You're in."

MANTENNA

MANTENNA: "I've got four legs, two arms, and my eyes pop out on stalks."

SKELETOR: "Okay... And what sort of pants do you wear?"

MANTENNA: "Oh, tiny ones. And they're black rubber. And did I mention... I have an anus for a mouth?"

SKELETOR: "Is it Christmas already?!"

MEKANECK

HE-MAN: "Gosh darn it. Skeletor and his gang are doing something on the other side of this fence, which is slightly too high for me to peer over. Curse these bandy legs!"

MEKANECK: "Ahem... Leave it to me..."

SAUROD

SAUROD: "Hi, guys. I'm Saurod..."

SKELETOR: "You will be after a week with us..."

ORBEAR

HE-MAN: "The only way we're going to defeat Skeletor right now is with some sort of big, brown, egg. Can anybody here produce a big brown egg on demand?"

ORBEAR: "I can go one better than that... I can turn into a big, brown, egg!"

TYTUS

TYTUS: "They call me Tytus!"

SKELETOR: "Mmm-mmm! And we can see why..."

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