Anyone who remembers the Atari VCS will recall that its games boasted some of the finest cover art in the history of gaming. Most of us will also know that there was something of a gulf between that promise and the reality of what the VCS was capable of. Here are ten examples.
SUPER BREAKOUT
It looks to be something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey - a trippy, profound, intergalactic adventure, which promises to reveal to the player the true meaning of their existence.
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
A broken TV screen.
ASTEROIDS
A thrilling journey through deep space, blasting away at rocks as they tumble past you, threatening to rupture the thin metal skin of your craft.
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
A 5 year-old's formative experiences with MS Paint.
BERZERK
The killer robots! They're coming at you from all sides, distracting you from those tight, tight underpants! Blast them! They're gonna kill you! Nononono!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Literally WTF?
STAR WARS JEDI ARENA
You get to be Luke Skywalker, in the Jedi Arena - an early foray into the expanded Star Wars universe! What secrets of the Jedi religion will you learn? This surely has to be a Star Wars fan's dream!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
'Kay then. If you say so, mate.
CODEBREAKER
All the intrigue of the Cold War distilled into game form! You'll be peering behind the Iron Curtain, to learn the deepest, darkest truths of the Soviet Union.
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Your Atari VCS has been infected with a virus.
BEAT 'EM & EAT 'EM
Hubba hubba! This is gonna be some real hot stuff! Mama will never know the dirty thing you made her buy! Come on now - let's get to our bedroom, and get this hot stuff started!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Mama... mama, I'm scared...
FLAG CAPTURE
Yaaaar! You can almost smell the sea air, and hear the gulls. Brace yourself for a new life as a virtual buccaneer! Careful you don't get scurvy!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Oh. Right.
HAUNTED HOUSE
Look at those wide, terrified eyes, the bats, the spider... are you ready for the potential psychological damage this game could cause? This might just be the single most affecting experience of your life.
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Um... yeah.
HUMAN CANNONBALL
Roll up, roll up! See the daredevil launch himself through the air! Thrill to his exploits! Touch his impressive moustache!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
Is this a joke?
STAR SHIP
It's time to step up and accept your place on the front lines of the great war that is burning through the galaxies! Take to your ship, and lead your outer space armada into battle! Prepare to accept the mantle of living legend, or suffer a war hero's death!
PRESS REVEAL TO SEE THE REALITY.
FML.
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