Super Mario has had more jobs than he's had magic mushrooms - plumber, racing driver, doctor, and Olympian, to name but a few.
In fact, such is the restlessness of this Italian icon that he's had even more potential careers than you might know. One could suggest that he's restless, flailing around endlessly in search of direction, or identity. Or, perhaps, he's running from some early trauma, trying to stay distracted, to keep the demons at bay.
Here's Digitiser2000's run down of every obscure Mario game that you might not have heard of.
In fact, such is the restlessness of this Italian icon that he's had even more potential careers than you might know. One could suggest that he's restless, flailing around endlessly in search of direction, or identity. Or, perhaps, he's running from some early trauma, trying to stay distracted, to keep the demons at bay.
Here's Digitiser2000's run down of every obscure Mario game that you might not have heard of.
MARIO'S BOMBS AWAY - 1983 (Game & Watch)
Mario hasn't always been a mild-mannered, punching-above-his-weight, turtle-killing, plumber. Italy may have called a halt to conscription in 2000, but Mario's old enough to have been drafted into the army. While serving, Mario was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of enemy troops, ferrying explosives to a comrade, who would then toss them onto the faces of the opposing force.
Indeed, Bombs Away - an unusual entry in the Game & Watch series, given that it was full colour, and came in a sort of compact mirror casing - was a sufficiently early entry into the Mario canon that it's possible to attribute his later manic behaviour to post-traumatic stress.
Indeed, Bombs Away - an unusual entry in the Game & Watch series, given that it was full colour, and came in a sort of compact mirror casing - was a sufficiently early entry into the Mario canon that it's possible to attribute his later manic behaviour to post-traumatic stress.
MARIO'S CEMENT FACTORY - 1983 (Game & Watch)
One of the less-obscure of these obscure Mario entries, Mario's Cement Factory was released in two different configurations of Game & Watch. As the owner of the cement factory, Mario's task is to open doors to prevent cement containers from overflowing. It's possible to speculate that had Mario been a little less frugal when it came to hiring staff, his business would've been more of a success.
PINBALL - 1994 (NES)
Not a bona-fide Mario game, Pinball nevertheless featured Mario on its cover - as did many other Nintendo games of the era. The Mario cameo in Pinball came in the form of a Breakout-style bonus stage, in which he had to once again rescue Pauline (the monkey-snatched object of his affections in Donkey Kong). Alas, once Princess Peach was on the scene, poor Pauline didn't stand a chance.
WRECKING CREW - 1985 (NES)
One of the few bona-fide Mario Games not to feature his name in the title, Wrecking Crew once again found Mario (or Luigi) wielding a hammer for the second time in his life. Previously, he went mallet-happy in Donkey Kong.
The object of the game was to cause as much on-screen destruction as possible, while avoiding the clutches of Spike, a sort of proto-Wario. Smarter than it sounds, objects would need to be destroyed in a certain order. Intriguingly, it also foreshadowed Mario Maker, as it featured a basic level creation tool.
The object of the game was to cause as much on-screen destruction as possible, while avoiding the clutches of Spike, a sort of proto-Wario. Smarter than it sounds, objects would need to be destroyed in a certain order. Intriguingly, it also foreshadowed Mario Maker, as it featured a basic level creation tool.
I AM A TEACHER: SUPER MARIO NO SWEATER - 1988 (Famicom Disk System)
Not a game, admittedly, the oddly-named I Am A Teacher: Super Mario No Sweater was a Mario-themed sweater pattern design program for Nintendo's Japan-only NES disk drive add-on, the Famicom Disk System. Once completed, the designs could be sent to the program's maker, Royal Industries, who would then send a completed sweated based upon your design.
MARIO BROS. & FRIENDS: WHEN I GROW UP - 1991 (MS-DOS)
This basic computer colouring book found Mario and his friends in a variety of different roles; doctor, judge, chef, DJ, copper's nark, dermatologist... Though intended to be inspiring, given the era, it's inevitable that the roles suggested for Princess Peach were waitress, ballerina, nurse, fashion designer, and giggling passive sexual harassment victim.
MARIO THE JUGGLER - 1991 (Game & Watch)
The final ever Game & Watch harkened back to its first - Ball - and found Mario juggling bombs, stars and hearts... the latter presumably torn from the ribcages of his hated chelonian nemeses.
MARIO IS MISSING! - 1992 (MS-DOS, SNES, NES)
Mario is Missing found players controlling a desperate Luigi, frantically searching for his missing brother, along with famous world landmarks. Why has this happened? Well, because... well... see... here's how the instruction booklet describes the plot:
"Oh no! Bowser and his bad boys are back to a life of crime. This time, it's not Mario World — it's your world! From his Antarctic castle, Bowser hustles his cold-blooded crew of cantankerous Koopas into his powerful Passcode Operated Remote Transport And Larceny System (PORTALS).
"The twisted turtles transport themselves throughout the globe, where celebrated cities suffer shell-shocking crime waves, as turtles trash landmarks and loot ancient artifacts. With dough from his slimy scales, Bowser hoards hair dryers from the Hafta-Havit Hotline. His plot? Melt Antarctica and flood the planet! Whoa!
"Luigi needs to nab each Koopa, grab its loot, and return the artifact to its proper landmark. Along the way, Luigi explores the city, chats with the locals, reads maps, and solves puzzles. Help him do this before time runs out! Once he figures out where he is on the globe."
Uh... dough from his slimy scales? Are they trying to imply that Bowser has thrush?
"Oh no! Bowser and his bad boys are back to a life of crime. This time, it's not Mario World — it's your world! From his Antarctic castle, Bowser hustles his cold-blooded crew of cantankerous Koopas into his powerful Passcode Operated Remote Transport And Larceny System (PORTALS).
"The twisted turtles transport themselves throughout the globe, where celebrated cities suffer shell-shocking crime waves, as turtles trash landmarks and loot ancient artifacts. With dough from his slimy scales, Bowser hoards hair dryers from the Hafta-Havit Hotline. His plot? Melt Antarctica and flood the planet! Whoa!
"Luigi needs to nab each Koopa, grab its loot, and return the artifact to its proper landmark. Along the way, Luigi explores the city, chats with the locals, reads maps, and solves puzzles. Help him do this before time runs out! Once he figures out where he is on the globe."
Uh... dough from his slimy scales? Are they trying to imply that Bowser has thrush?
MARIO'S TIME MACHINE - 1993 (PC, SNES, NES)
The second of Radical Entertainment's edutaintional Mario games, Mario in Time finds Mario returning stolen artefacts to their correct place in time, after Bowser steals them. Depending on which version you're playing, artefacts could include Abraham Lincoln's glasses, Gandhi's flag, and Bertram Russell's dirty douche rag.
MARIO'S EARLY YEARS: FUN WITH LETTERS - 1994 (PC, SNES)
More distressing third-party edutainment, Fun With Letters and its sister title Fun With Numbers were developed by Mindscape. The screenshot above probably tells you all you need to know. "Mario has a moustache and a pan", duh.
HOTEL MARIO - 1994 (Philips CD-i)
After pulling out of its arrangement with Sony to develop the Nintendo PlayStation (which worked out well), Nintendo gave permission to Philips to create Nintendo-themed CD-ROM games for its ill-fated CD-i device.
Having made the mistake of only demanding artwork approval, these were among the worst-received games ever to feature Nintendo characters; Hotel Mario was a particularly notable abomination of terrible animation and controls. It found Mario once again in search of Princess Peach, visiting Koopa Trooper hotels, and inexplicably slamming shut the doors.
Having made the mistake of only demanding artwork approval, these were among the worst-received games ever to feature Nintendo characters; Hotel Mario was a particularly notable abomination of terrible animation and controls. It found Mario once again in search of Princess Peach, visiting Koopa Trooper hotels, and inexplicably slamming shut the doors.
MARIO'S PLAYSCHOOL - 1994
A mixed bag of edutational mini games, Mario's Playschool - known as Mario's Preschool Fun, elsewhere in the world - was divided into a number of different worlds. These included Opposite World, Listening World, Counting World, and Body World. The latter allowed the player to click on Mario's assorted body parts to provoke a fun response. Listed among these body parts was "hat".
MARIO TEACHES TYPING - 1995 (PC, Mac)
Mavis Beacon didn't have the monopoly on typing: Mario released his own typing game. It was sufficiently, and inexplicably, successful that a sequel was produced. Mario Teaches Typing might not seem like a game that required a story, but that wasn't the case. And here it is:
"Mario and Luigi were walking by Bowser's Castle one day when they come across the Magical Typewriter floating in the air. Curious, Mario attempts to type on it. However, he proves to be a terrible typist: 'Nok ix is tge the tine flfo4 for alll godd men to coome 2 too'. Before Mario can go on any further, the Magical Typewriter explodes."
See, kids? Dyslexia doesn't have to be a barrier to your dreams.
"Mario and Luigi were walking by Bowser's Castle one day when they come across the Magical Typewriter floating in the air. Curious, Mario attempts to type on it. However, he proves to be a terrible typist: 'Nok ix is tge the tine flfo4 for alll godd men to coome 2 too'. Before Mario can go on any further, the Magical Typewriter explodes."
See, kids? Dyslexia doesn't have to be a barrier to your dreams.
MARIO'S GAME GALLERY - 1995 (PC, Mac)
Basically an anthology of five Mario-themed games; draughts, Go Fish, backgammon, dominoes and Yahtzee. It was generally terrible, but notable for being the first Mario game to feature Charles Martinet as the voice of Mario, pre-dating Mario 64 by almost a year. Most of you probably know that Martinet has voiced the character ever since, in a role that has no doubt stretched not only his bank balance, but his his skills as an actor.
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