Yesterday, Digitiser2000 took a look at the brand new Star Wars: The Force Awakens poster.
Today it's the turn of the exciting new trailer - released last night - to be on the receiving end of our exhaustive dissection tool.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
Today it's the turn of the exciting new trailer - released last night - to be on the receiving end of our exhaustive dissection tool.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
THIS IS REY, THE MOVIE'S LEAD CHARACTER - WHO BELIEVES HERSELF TO BE SO UGLY THAT SHE HAS TO HIDE HER HIDEOUS FACE BEHIND AN OLD HANKY FULL OF SPACE PHLEGM.
HERE IS REY DOING PARKOUR, WHILE SINGING A SPECIAL SONG SHE'S MADE UP: "I CLIMB AND I CLAMBER, I SCURRY AND I SCAMPER, I AM A PARKOUR GIRL, AND PARKOUR IS MY WORLD...!"
LOOK AT THE STATE OF THIS PLACE. SO DUSTY! PERHAPS REY HAS COME HERE TO SWEEP UP A BIT.
ON THE PLANET JAKKU, REY LOOKS OUT AT SOME DUNES. FACT: OVER HALF THE TRAILER IS TAKEN UP WITH SHOTS OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE LOOKING AT SOME SAND.
IF YOU LIVE ON A DESERT PLANET, HOW WISE IS IT TO LEAVE YOUR SHOULDERS EXPOSED? LET'S HOPE SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF AFTERSUN CREAM!
HERE WE GLIMPSE A RECORDING OF THE GALAXY'S FAVOURITE GAME SHOW: 'THE WHEEL OF FORCE TUNES'. WHAT'S BEHIND THOSE LOVELY RED DRAPES? TONIGHT'S TOP PRIZE - A MOTORBOAT FULL OF BREAM!
THIS IS STORMTROOPER WILSON - WHOSE BLOODIED HELMET BECOMES LUKE SKYWALKER'S ONLY COMPANION, WHEN HE FINDS HIMSELF MAROONED ON A DISTANT PLANET CALLED 'CASTERWOOAY'.
A TIE FIGHTER PLUMMETS TOWARDS JAKKU. WE DON'T RATE ITS CHANCES IN THE ATMOSPHERE, GIVEN ITS UN-AERODYNAMIC DESIGN. WHY NOT JUST FLY AROUND IN A CEMENT LOZENGE, YOU SPACE DOLTS?
STAR WARS? MORE LIKE 'SAND STARES'!!!!!!
RETURN OF THE JEDI? MORE LIKE... RETURN OF THE RED-EYE!!!! DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE...
KYLO REN LOOKS BUSY. BUT BUSY DOING WHAT?
WHY, HE'S MADE THIS TERRIBLE MODEL OF DARTH VADER'S HAT USING MASHED-UP LICORICE.
WE NEXT SEE REN'S LEATHER-CLAD HAND REACHING INTO THIS BOWL FOR MORE PONTEFRACT CAKES TO ADD TO A MODEL OF YODA.
MEET DARTH SOLVENT - A CREEPY NEW CHARACTER WHOSE HELMET IS RENOWNED AS THE MOST SPHERICAL THING THAT EVER DID EXIST.
THIS IS DARTH CEST - HE CLICKS AND CHIRRUPS AS HE BRINGS CHAOS TO THE GALAXY.
HERE'S DARTH DULGENCE WRITING A STERN LETTER TO HIS LOCAL OMBUDSMAN, REGARDING THE NEW GYRATORY SYSTEM THAT WAS RECENTLY INSTALLED IN THE TOWN CENTRE. HE'S WORRIED THAT IT WILL AFFECT LOCAL BUSINESSES!
THIS IS DARTH VERNESS - A SITH LORD WITH A HANKERIN' FOR MISCHIEF AND PRANKS! HE'S FOREVER LEAPING OUT OF BUSHES, AND HISSING LOUDLY AT FOLK.
LOOK OUT - HERE COMES DARTH FECTION! HE'LL GRAB YOU BY THE SHOULDERS AND RUB YOU INTO A STUPOR.
...AND LASTLY - HERE'S DARTH NUENDO, THE ULTIMATE SITH LORD, WHO CAN SHOOT REAMS OF MAGNETIC TAPE OUT OF HIS HANDS.
OUT DECEMBER 17th! TICKERS ON SALE NOW!
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