SONY IS RELEASING A MINI PLAYSTATION, SO HERE's A BUNCH OF THINGS EVERY PLAYSTATION OWNER WILL REMEMBER

It was inevitable, but Sony has announced that it's copying Nintendo, and releasing a miniature version of its original PlayStation. The PlayStation Classic - due later this year - will arrive with 20 pre-loaded games (including Final Fantasy VII, Jumping Flash, R4 Ridge Racer Type 4, Tekken 3 and Wild Arms).

​So, that's exciting, probably.

To celebrate this news, here are a bunch of things which anybody who owned a PlayStation will remember... WITH THEIR MINDS.

DEM CABLES

Prior to the fifth generation of games consoles, plugging your machine into the telly was a simple enough task (albeit one rendered somewhat trickier by the need to tune to the correct channel). The PlayStation arrived with a whole bunch of terrifyingly unfamiliar wires, which - at least initially - were bewildering to anybody more used to the quasi-erotic dance of inserting an RF lead into the appropriate hole.

Three holes?! What are you meant to do with three holes, dad?!? 

MEMORY CARDS

Before the PlayStation, games either didn't save at all or saved to the cartridge. With the PlayStation - only the second console to feature removable memory cards - we all learned that storage comes at a premium. Also, do you remember those clear plastic ones? They were nice. And by "nice" I mean "a bit cheap-looking".

WOBBLY POLYGONS

PlayStation games arguably looked better than those on rival systems. Nevertheless, looking back now those textured polygons had a strange tendency to wobbly slightly, as if they weren't entirely tuned in. Also, let us join together in recalling the way textures would distort when you pushed your face into them. Just like a cake! 

THIRD PARTY CONTROLLERS

The PlayStation controller wasn't exactly the most comfortable joypad ever invented, so many of us opted for a third-party option when choosing a second one.

​We learned to our despair that all of these, without exception, were worse than Sony's design, despite having names like Hypercon and The Ultra Performance Jeremy. The nubbins were either too long or too short, and they'd often have a bunch of extra buttons which didn't actually do anything. And lights, for some reason. What is this - a joypad or a disco?!? AMIRITE?!? LOL.

PLAYING A LOCAL BEE

We didn't all have friends back in the 90s, so lots of PlayStation owners instead challenged local bees to two-player games. Who can forget the visceral thrill of thrashing a bee at Tekken? Bees think they're so great, but they're not. They can't even play Tekken that well. They're just bees.

CRACKED GAME CASES

Once you finally worked out how to open a PlayStation game case, it was only a matter of time until said case would end up cracked. Nobody ever owned a collection of PlayStation games without at least one of them in a damaged case. On the plus side, a shard of shattered PlayStation case would make a solid makeshift shank in the event of a home invasion or impromptu murder.

BLACK DISCS

How did this even work? Even today it seems like witchcraft. Unfortunately, the none-more-black PlayStation discs were just as prone to getting scratched as regular CDs, and the blackness really showed up those blemishes. Which was an issue when trying to flog review copies down at CEX.

And while we're on the topic of discs, we all tried playing music on the PlayStation, right? At least until we realised that they sounded worse coming out of our TVs than the stereo. 

DISCOVERING THAT LOCAL BEES HAD TURNED YOUR PLAYSTATION INTO A HIVE

There was no greater shock for PlayStation owns than opening the lid of their console to discover a bunch of local bees had turned it into a hive. Still, at least the honey tasted great - that is if you could get to it without being stung on the palm! Those bees should learn to "beehive" themselves (behave themselves)!!!!!

Bees.

DEMO DISCS

Sony kept PlayStation owners furnished with a regular supply of demo discs, and the one we all remember was the one with the t-rex. It was created to suggest that the PlayStation was capable of computer graphics on a par with the recently-released Jurassic Park. It wasn't, but in terms of drawing a line in the sand, it showed off the huge slough twixt 16-bit and 32-bit technology. 

S.A.P.S

Sony's PlayStation ads were iconic - the one with the weird alien girl, the cradle to the grave one, the award-winning Double Life - but it all began with S.A.P.S. The ad attempted reverse-psychology by featuring the Society Against PlayStation, fronted by a gentleman who now looks worrying young, warning against the dangers of PlayStation.

​Specifically, that it would turn "Healthy young men" into chimpanzees. You didn't fool anyone, Sony! We knew it was an ad!!! We're not idiots FFS.

STUFFING A LOCAL BEE INTO THE MEMORY CARD SLOT

It wasn't just memory cards we put in the PlayStation memory card slot - sometimes we stuffed local bees in there too. This allowed you to play the bee's memories. Unfortunately, most bees don't have very interesting memories - it's just loads of buzzing and wet dreams about flowers.

CATAPULTING THINGS OFF THE LID

We all did this. Didn't we...? At least once? Unfortunately, it turned out that the lid spring wasn't very powerful, and you could only launch lightweight objects, like paperclips and "minnies".

THE SONY BEESTATION

For reasons they declined to discuss, Sony briefly issued a series of limited-edition PlayStations branded as the "Sony BeeStation". Though no reference to bees was made across promotional material and packaging - beyond the reworked logo - punters were quick to snap up this rare edition, making it one of the most sought-after console collectibles of all time! 

See also when Sega tried to get in on the act, and announced that the Saturn would henceforth be known as the "Sega Beenis". That didn't work out so great for them.