Not everybody can be good at art. There's no shame in that. You're not defective if you can't wield a pen or paintbrush with any degree of skill.
But, frankly, if you're no good at something you probably shouldn't get a job doing it. I mean, who wants a bus driver who has never passed his bus driving test, or a dentist who can't tell a drill from a spatula?
Unfortunately, while most vocations have a strict "skilled professionals only" policy, it isn't so when it comes to computer and video game cover artists. Here's a gallery of some of the genre's most harrowing work...
But, frankly, if you're no good at something you probably shouldn't get a job doing it. I mean, who wants a bus driver who has never passed his bus driving test, or a dentist who can't tell a drill from a spatula?
Unfortunately, while most vocations have a strict "skilled professionals only" policy, it isn't so when it comes to computer and video game cover artists. Here's a gallery of some of the genre's most harrowing work...
JOUNETSU NEKKETSU ATHLETES
"Look, Red Sash - up in the sky... do you recognise that cloud?"
"Can it be...!? Pa... Papa?!? He came back - as a cloud?!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Red Sash. It just looks like your little weenis."
"Can it be...!? Pa... Papa?!? He came back - as a cloud?!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Red Sash. It just looks like your little weenis."
STREET WARRIOR
"Uh-oh. The guys from the giant ham store are walking over here. What are we gonna do, Brott?"
"Just play it cool, Phondue. They'll never notice we've hidden them down our trackie bottoms."
"Bark!"
"Just play it cool, Phondue. They'll never notice we've hidden them down our trackie bottoms."
"Bark!"
GRAFFITI MAN
This is deeply disturbing. It's like a poorly-focused photograph of late-era Michael Jackson. Very late-era... As in posthumous. Look at the lips... LOOK AT THE LIPPSSS-SS-S-S.
ISOLATED WARRIOR
No doubt he's isolated because he's been fired from his job as a caretaker for stealing mopheads and wearing them as wigs.
ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO
Whichever cheap and cheerful 3D graphics program they used for this evidently only had one stock pose for figures: arms outstretched as if greeting a long-lost loved one.
"I'm a real boy!"
No, you're a dead-eyed CGI ghoul.
"I'm a real boy!"
No, you're a dead-eyed CGI ghoul.
LIGHTHOUSE: THE DARK BEING
It's not so much that the CGI is bad here (although it is - especially on that hideous rubber-flesh infant), more the terrible photoshopping that's going on. This cover offers precisely no sense of what the actual game might be like.
Ha ha: "Deutsch"!
Ha ha: "Deutsch"!
SECRET QUEST
Weird dragon thing with curvature of the spine steps out of disco shower. Get smacked in the face by stick-wielding pervert in spray-on bodysuit.
CASTLE OF DRAGON
Castle of Dragon? Castle of Shit Illustration more like.
STREET SPORTS BASKETBALL
"Nnnnnngg-nngg-nnnuh-na-nnnnggggggg!"
Also, what's with the dirty protest all over the backboard?
Also, what's with the dirty protest all over the backboard?
STREET SPORTS BASEBALL
"Urrrgh! Wasps!"
WALK IT OUT
If you saw this family coming towards you there would be but one option on the table: smacking each and every last one of them in their smug, self-satisfied face with a rolled-up magazine. Yes, that might seem needlessly aggressive, but just look at them. Especially the boy.
OMG 26 OUR MINI GAMES
Do you remember Alan Partridge's World Cup Soccermeter?
MOLE HUNTER
There are no moles on this cover. Merely something that might be a beaver (though, frankly, it's anyone's guess what that is), a ghost snake, and a burly man with a massive ball-head hammer and a hankering' for smashin' some moles (not a euphemism).
KISS N' KILL
The Ultimate Condom Simulator! Yes: simulator. They're suggesting that this images present some sort realistic simulation of condom usage. God knows what the penultimate condom simulation was like.
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