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SMILE! WE IMAGINE HOW THE GAME DESIGNERS BRUSH THEIR TEETH

22/9/2015

7 Comments

 
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Brushing your teeth is real important. Modern medical research has shown that brushing teeth properly can prevent cavities, gingivitis, and gum disease, which causes at least one-third of all adult tooth loss. 

But what of the people who design the video games we all love to play? How do they brush their teeth? 

Like us, it's something you've possibly wondered about. To save you the effort of doing so, we've chosen ten of the world's leading game design gurus, and imagined how they might brush their teeth.

GABE NEWELL (Valve)
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As the boss of Valve, Gabe Newell is probably rich enough to afford servants who brush his teeth for him, or some sort of special, high-tech machine, or a robot, like out of The Jetsons. In truth though, if we really think about it, he probably just brushes his teeth with a nice toothbrush.
HIDEO KOJIMA (Metal Gear series)
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We've never been to Japan, and we don't know any Japanese people, so we don't know if dental hygiene is radically different there. For all we know, Hideo Kojima could brush his teeth with laser pointer dipped in whale blubber and saké. That doesn't seem very likely though, and might even be a bit racist. In conclusion, we reckon he just brushes his teeth in the normal way.
RANDY PITCHFORD (Gearbox)
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We don't know much about the personal life of Gearbox boss Randy Pitchford, but if we were to put money on it, we'd imagine there's nothing unusual about the way he brushes his teeth.
KEN LEVINE (Bioshock series)
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Ken Levine's Bioshock games are known for their twists, but how does he brush his teeth? If there is a twist in this tale we've not heard about it. Our conclusion is that brushes his teeth with some sort of toothbrush and toothpaste. You know: just sort of normally.
PETER MOLYNEUX (Lionhead Studios)
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We imagine Peter Molyneux brushes his teeth with a polecat's jawbone, while lying to a child.
CHARLES CECIL (Broken Sword series)
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Normal.
JEFF MINTER (Llamasoft)
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Probably normal.
ALEXEY PAJITNOV (Tetris)
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The Tetris creator is Russian, and while we suspect Russia has its own brands of toothpaste, we can't imagine brushing teeth over there is all that different to how it is in the rest of the world. Therefore, we strongly suspect that he just brushes his teeth the way most other people do.
MARKUS PERSSON (Minecraft)
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The famously reclusive Marks Persson looks to us like the sort of "Persson" who brushes his teeth in a normal way.
WILL WRIGHT (SimCity)
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We've read a few interviews with Will Wright, and not once has he discussed his teeth-brushing technique. Nevertheless, there's no reason to imagine that his routine is anything out of the ordinary. Verdict: Will Wright brushes his teeth in the normal way.
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7 Comments
Mr Smith
22/9/2015 12:20:30 pm

Persson is a billionaire. He doesn't need to brush his teeth. When they're rotten he can just pay to have someone abducted and then have their healthy teeth implanted. It's what I'd do.

Reply
Chris link
22/9/2015 12:40:57 pm

But what if our favourite games characters were toothbrushes?

Reply
Ben
22/9/2015 01:20:03 pm

Interesting fact, Molyneux doesn't have teeth, he has a baleen; he only ingest things he can drink or filter directly from leafy Surrey's soupy atmosphere, so this article is bullshit.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
23/9/2015 08:42:42 am

I reckon Minter uses a stick dipped in fermented nettle juice.

Also, Kojima is about ten, apparently, so his mum probably does it for him.

Reply
Tom Gleeborg
24/9/2015 09:45:13 am

Jeff Minter must use llamas in some surrealist tooth-brushing way. (Or Aquafresh)

Reply
Burden Chalk
24/9/2015 11:45:58 pm

Jeff Minter's bathroom set:

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/uZVpy8z.jpg" alt="Llama Bizzz">

Reply
Burden Chalk
25/9/2015 12:06:33 am

Balls. Shoulda guessed those tags wouldn't work: http://i.imgur.com/uZVpy8z.jpg

Reply



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