I got a big surprise yesterday, when I learned that Sega is now a part of a thing called Sega Sammy - who, frankly, sounds like a mid-90s games magazine character (you can probably picture him in your mind: baseball cap, wraparound shades, skateboard, Mega Drive joypad...).
Apparently, Sega Sammy has existed since 2004, which shows you how much attention I've been paying to things.
However, what's far more interesting than stuff I never knew about, is the revelation that Sega Sammy turned a profit in the last nine months of 2015, despite the faltering performance of its video games division.
You see, Sega Sammy is a holding company that not only publishes video games according to the apparently random coin-toss whims of its gaming division, but also has greasy tendrils draped over pachinko pinball machines, the management of amusement parks, commercial resorts, casinos and tourism facilities.
Apparently, Sega Sammy has existed since 2004, which shows you how much attention I've been paying to things.
However, what's far more interesting than stuff I never knew about, is the revelation that Sega Sammy turned a profit in the last nine months of 2015, despite the faltering performance of its video games division.
You see, Sega Sammy is a holding company that not only publishes video games according to the apparently random coin-toss whims of its gaming division, but also has greasy tendrils draped over pachinko pinball machines, the management of amusement parks, commercial resorts, casinos and tourism facilities.
Indeed, speaking about the company to The Worldfolio this week, Sega Sammy's CEO, Hajime Satomi, inevitably focused on the latter businesses.
Beyond the announcement of a Sonic the Hedgehog movie, he seemed more than a little vague when asked about how the company would rebuild the Sega gaming brand.
Here are the words he allowed to emerge from his mouth: "The Sega brand first became famous as an arcade machine and then with the home video game consoles. The Sonic character was largely popular with those machines and consoles.
"Unfortunately, we eventually withdrew from the home video game console business. However, our name and brand is still out there because of the famous characters from people’s childhood. We would like to change, adjust or shift our product, brand and business with the current era to be a leader again in the future."
Obviously, that has about as much specificity as a Donald Trump campaign speech, but you can hardly blame Satomi for preferring to focus his company on more profitable areas. Inevitably, Sega - along with Nintendo and Konami - is adjusting its games business in line with Japan's shift towards mobile gaming. However, that doesn't stop what's happened to Sega being borderline criminal.
Beyond the announcement of a Sonic the Hedgehog movie, he seemed more than a little vague when asked about how the company would rebuild the Sega gaming brand.
Here are the words he allowed to emerge from his mouth: "The Sega brand first became famous as an arcade machine and then with the home video game consoles. The Sonic character was largely popular with those machines and consoles.
"Unfortunately, we eventually withdrew from the home video game console business. However, our name and brand is still out there because of the famous characters from people’s childhood. We would like to change, adjust or shift our product, brand and business with the current era to be a leader again in the future."
Obviously, that has about as much specificity as a Donald Trump campaign speech, but you can hardly blame Satomi for preferring to focus his company on more profitable areas. Inevitably, Sega - along with Nintendo and Konami - is adjusting its games business in line with Japan's shift towards mobile gaming. However, that doesn't stop what's happened to Sega being borderline criminal.
CRYING SHAME
I honestly think Sega's mismanagement of its own IPs is one of the greatest tragedies in the history of gaming. The company hasn't known what to do with its biggest asset, Sonic, for decades. The rot set in there as early as Dreamcast launch title Sonic Adventure - not a catastrophic game, but certainly an odd one...
"What should we do next with our cartoonish corporate mascot Sonic, sir?"
"Hmmm... I'd really like to see him wandering around a photorealistic town square... Also: let's chuck some sort of half-baked virtual pet thing in there."
Of course, Sonic Adventure arrived the same day as the Dreamcast, by which stage Sega's weird strategies had started driving away its once fanatical customer base. Remember: the predecessor of the Dreamcast, the Saturn, got through its life without any sort of bona-fide Sonic game (Sonic 3D Blast, Sonic R, and the compilation Sonic Jam don't count). Can you imagine a Nintendo console launching without a Mario game?
Since Sega dropped out of the hardware business, Sonic's other adventures have consisted of various flaccid stabs at recapturing past glories, assorted retro remakes, and a bunch of pity handjobs from Mario. If Sonic was a band, he'd be T'Pau - endlessly playing the hits on the 80s nostalgia circuit.
However, throttling Sonic is not the worst thing Sega has done.
I honestly think Sega's mismanagement of its own IPs is one of the greatest tragedies in the history of gaming. The company hasn't known what to do with its biggest asset, Sonic, for decades. The rot set in there as early as Dreamcast launch title Sonic Adventure - not a catastrophic game, but certainly an odd one...
"What should we do next with our cartoonish corporate mascot Sonic, sir?"
"Hmmm... I'd really like to see him wandering around a photorealistic town square... Also: let's chuck some sort of half-baked virtual pet thing in there."
Of course, Sonic Adventure arrived the same day as the Dreamcast, by which stage Sega's weird strategies had started driving away its once fanatical customer base. Remember: the predecessor of the Dreamcast, the Saturn, got through its life without any sort of bona-fide Sonic game (Sonic 3D Blast, Sonic R, and the compilation Sonic Jam don't count). Can you imagine a Nintendo console launching without a Mario game?
Since Sega dropped out of the hardware business, Sonic's other adventures have consisted of various flaccid stabs at recapturing past glories, assorted retro remakes, and a bunch of pity handjobs from Mario. If Sonic was a band, he'd be T'Pau - endlessly playing the hits on the 80s nostalgia circuit.
However, throttling Sonic is not the worst thing Sega has done.
BRAND MISMANAGEMENT
Look at the list of brands on Sega's website, and it's crushing: Total War, Aliens, Football Manager, Company of Heroes, and - yes - Sonic.
And that's it.
What about Golden Axe, Hang On, Panzer Dragoon, Bonanza Bros, Altered Beast, Crazy Taxi, Daytona USA, Eternal Champions, Ecco, Jet Set Radio, NiGHTS, Out Run, Phantasy Star, Space Harrier, Shinobi, Streets of Rage, Zaxxon, Thunderblade, plus Virtuas Cop, Fighter and Racing...?
If you don't read that list and weep upon the realisation that Sega has squandered the potential of all of those franchises - far more, even, than they have Sonic - then you have no soul. It would be like Disney buying LucasFilm, deciding to make a new series of Radioland Murders sequels, and ignoring Star Wars altogether. What would you rather have: a new Total War game, or a brand new Jet Set Radio? Or Crazy Taxi? Or a Streets of Rage?
Sega helped to build the games industry as we know it today. It's a fact that is all too often overlooked (read this if you don't believe me). We have a lot to thank them for.
But these days, the company is a hollow shadow of itself, and it simply doesn't deserve whatever goodwill it might've earned. Weak management, weak decision making, and weak games have put paid to that. At one point Sega had the world at its feet, and it chose to defecate all over it.
The best thing it can do now is concentrate on the ponced-up resorts it seems so interested in, and sell its gaming division - and its gaming brands along with it - to someone who might have half a clue what to do with them. Someone who deserves them.
Because Sega sure as Hell doesn't anymore.
Look at the list of brands on Sega's website, and it's crushing: Total War, Aliens, Football Manager, Company of Heroes, and - yes - Sonic.
And that's it.
What about Golden Axe, Hang On, Panzer Dragoon, Bonanza Bros, Altered Beast, Crazy Taxi, Daytona USA, Eternal Champions, Ecco, Jet Set Radio, NiGHTS, Out Run, Phantasy Star, Space Harrier, Shinobi, Streets of Rage, Zaxxon, Thunderblade, plus Virtuas Cop, Fighter and Racing...?
If you don't read that list and weep upon the realisation that Sega has squandered the potential of all of those franchises - far more, even, than they have Sonic - then you have no soul. It would be like Disney buying LucasFilm, deciding to make a new series of Radioland Murders sequels, and ignoring Star Wars altogether. What would you rather have: a new Total War game, or a brand new Jet Set Radio? Or Crazy Taxi? Or a Streets of Rage?
Sega helped to build the games industry as we know it today. It's a fact that is all too often overlooked (read this if you don't believe me). We have a lot to thank them for.
But these days, the company is a hollow shadow of itself, and it simply doesn't deserve whatever goodwill it might've earned. Weak management, weak decision making, and weak games have put paid to that. At one point Sega had the world at its feet, and it chose to defecate all over it.
The best thing it can do now is concentrate on the ponced-up resorts it seems so interested in, and sell its gaming division - and its gaming brands along with it - to someone who might have half a clue what to do with them. Someone who deserves them.
Because Sega sure as Hell doesn't anymore.
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