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SAD BUT TRUE: THIS GALLERY OF POO GRAFFITI WAS PUT TOGETHER BY A MAN IN HIS FORTIES

18/3/2016

26 Comments

 
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Collins Dictionary describes poo thusly:

poo 
noun
> (a piece of) solid waste from the body: "Ugh, it looks like poo! Have you done a poo, Ellie?"

poo
verb
> "Ten minutes after we'd left home, Anna announced that she needed to poo"

Here is a gallery of poo graffiti that might just break your heart.

12. If ever you worry that you are failing to live up to your potential, consider this: at least you didn't spend close to two hours searching the Internet for examples of people writing the word "poo" on walls.
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11. A man in his forties put together this gallery of images, when he could've been spending time with his family, or catching up on domestic chores. Or writing a book or a film, like some of his friends and acquaintances have done. 
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10. This middle-aged man's browser history is now full of terms such as "poo graffiti", "poop graffiti", "kid writes poo on wall" and "bum graffiti". 
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9. What makes it particularly tragic is that this man was once fêted, considered by others to be destined for great success in the creative industries. Since he can remember, however, this college drop-out has been failing to live up to his potential, the words of his middle school teacher Mrs Brookes - as related to him by his proud mother and father, following a parents evening - still ring in his ears: "Your son is university material."
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8. Most of this man's peers have respectable jobs. They host dinner parties. They go to art galleries. He sits on the sofa searching for puerile images of such profound unsophistication that a 12 year-old would struggle to find them amusing.
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7. Let us trace back this man's journey. At the age of 8 or 9, he recalls getting into to trouble with his parents, for painting the word 'poo' on a concrete step in the garden. He used blue house paint, and the word remained in situ for some years.
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6. On another occasion, he went to unnecessary lengths to prove to a boy in his class that he had done a poo in a bird cage in his father's shed, and had since kept it as a sort of pet, feeding it pieces of toilet paper.
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5. He once got shouted at by his mother for purchasing a baseball cap which featured a replica excreta on the brim, and the legend "Shit head" printed upon it, after attempting to wear it to a family wedding.
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4. Even when you consider these formative experiences, it is somehow tragic that this man has barely progressed since those years. Unless... is creating an internet gallery of others who have written 'poo' on things somehow a way to justify those pre-pubic actions, and make him feel less alone, less alien? Less of a failure...?
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3. When seen in such a way, does this gallery not represent a cry of angst? A form of primal scream therapy? A release? A form of rebellion against what society deems is and isn't acceptable for a man of his age?
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2. What is more tragic here - a man who remains unashamedly connected to the bodily functions of his inner child, or a culture that is so profoundly disgusted by its own digestive processes that discussion, laughing, looking at faeces is somehow deemed taboo? Is that not a form of self-loathing en masse?
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1. We ask you: who is the real failure here?
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26 Comments
Zod
18/3/2016 08:39:49 am

It made me laugh a bit. Does that make up for all that wasted potential?

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Arthur Bostrom
18/3/2016 09:50:28 am

Good Morning!

(That's my catchphrase)

2 hours to find that???? Time well spent, in my book.

Good Morning!

Reply
Mr Biffo
18/3/2016 11:30:52 am

I do feel slightly better now.

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Clive Peppard
18/3/2016 11:52:09 am

I have poo based ennuis after reading that. introspection via faecal decor, nice.

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Trevor Cod
18/3/2016 12:28:13 pm

Don't feel bad Mr B. You do it so that we don't have to.

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Leigh
18/3/2016 01:18:22 pm

If you'd just taken a pack of felt tip pens, scampered around the neighbourhood writing 'POO' on garage doors and lampposts and taking photos of those, you could probably have done it in an hour.

Does... does that help?

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Mr Biffo
18/3/2016 01:50:31 pm

:-(

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Jonathan South link
18/3/2016 03:02:14 pm

You are living up to you potential much to the delight of myself and many others who chortlingly appreciate your regular comedy funnies.

Keep up the funnies please Mr Biff.

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Mr Biffo
18/3/2016 03:21:41 pm

Hah! Don't worry, sir. It's all tongue in cheek... OR IS IT?

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John
18/3/2016 03:13:24 pm

43. No struggle to find it amusing. Plus:

7. "in situ" This man is a genius (let alone 'fêted' from above).
9. Resisting the urge to call her "Mrs Pookes". A level of sophistication on which I have missed out.

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PanamaJoe
18/3/2016 03:25:33 pm

Perhaps Mrs. Brookes had in fact said "Your son is poo-niversity material."?

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Mr Biffo
18/3/2016 04:05:35 pm

Where were you 35 years ago?

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Daley Mayle
18/3/2016 07:39:58 pm

At least the people who wrote those things had *some* sort of talent, you complete waste of oxygen, Biffo.

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Stay
18/3/2016 08:39:34 pm

My 9 year old just told me how he wrote P00 in his maths book today when he wrote the 9 backwards. A coincidence? I don't think so.

Just think it could have been much, much, worse as he could have been searching for the writings of mad men on walls who have been using a poo pen.

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Euphemia
18/3/2016 09:01:49 pm

I'd be a liar if I didn't confess to giggling like a twat on the bus reading this.

"Bum Picker" in particular.

I guess Shame and Poo have a similar flavour, so to speak.

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Stay
18/3/2016 09:26:02 pm

Bum picker got me to but thankfully I was sat a home on my own.

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CrispyF
18/3/2016 09:03:03 pm

I just feel bad that it had never even occurred to me to turn an innocent parking sign into a tribute to the poo Gods.
And frankly, writing 'poo' on a wall is still funny, after all these years. So bollocks to those dinner parties and sensible jobs.

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the C man
18/3/2016 09:05:36 pm

Two hours spent on finding poo,
A self assessment that is so mean.
You are still uni material,
And you have evaded the vacuum clean.

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Mr Sweary
18/3/2016 09:10:48 pm

£1

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Damon link
19/3/2016 06:45:41 am

Been hitting close to home for me, lately.

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Mr Biffo
19/3/2016 07:49:05 am

We should form a gang.

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Mike Aspel
19/3/2016 08:56:03 am

Mr Biffo, does this voice sound familiar?

"If only you put half the effort you seem to be able to find for this kind of puerile larking about into <insert aspirational or educational sentiment here> you might actually get somewhere..."

YES, ITS THE SCHOOL TEACHER YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE YOU LEFT SCHOOL, MR BIFFO, THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

Damon link
19/3/2016 07:55:08 pm

Well my day job might cut into that so I'm not sure I could do the whole gang thing full time.

Johnny Carcass Tits
19/3/2016 09:14:26 am

This is great, it's basically the same story as The Beginner's Guide... This could easily be turned into a 'walking simulator' and sell in the millions on Steam.

I AM NOT KIDDING.

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The School Boy
20/3/2016 12:12:18 am

I once saw a toilet cubicle wall graffit that read "your shit is killing children"

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Euphemia
23/3/2016 08:32:02 pm

I guess that all depends on how much shit you force-feed them.

On a separate note, I really need to stop revisiting this post.

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