I'm Phoning Honey, and I prank and thank you on the telephone. However, these days I'm more typically to be found pranking not-you (ie: others). And I do that on the not-phone (aka The Internet).
Here is a transcript of a recent conversation I had with a delightful online technical support gentleman, whose name and place of employment have been altered to spare the blushes.
Please don't spare the blushes!!!!!!!
<KEVIN J HAS ENTERED THE SESSION>
KEVIN J: Hi. This is Kevin. How can I help you?
VISITOR (Phoning Honey): Help! I’ve done something really silly. My computer isn’t working properly and it's all my fault. Can you, or somebody like you, PLEASE help me?!?
KEVIN J: Sure. I'm happy to take a look for you.
VISITOR: Hello? Is there anyone there? I suspect there might be, but I don't know how to be sure.
KEVIN J: Yes I'm here. My name's Kevin. Who am I talking to?
VISITOR: Honey.
KEVIN: Ok Honey. Thanks for jumping into the chat. Can you tell me what the issue is?
VISITOR: What does that mean?
KEVIN: What's the problem?
VISITOR: Hey hey. Kevin! C'mon. Less of the attitude. I just didn't understand what you meant. I'm sorry, but I'm experiencing some major difficulties here. I have tears in my ears.
KEVIN: It's absolutely fine Honey. Please just tell me what technical difficulties you're having.
VISITOR: Can't we skip the small talk and get to the part where you tell me how to fix my computer? This isn't a date, Kevin. I don't need to know your life story and you don't need to know mine. Let's just agree to that now.
KEVIN J: I just need to get some details off you.
VISITOR: Please, Kevin. Please, no very personal details.
KEVIN: No problem. Just need you to talk me through what the problem is, what the technical difficulty is, is and we'll go from there.
VISITOR: I’m really not sure. I put something in the trash, and then it started spinning around on my desktop.
KEVIN J: Ok. I can look into that for you. Do you know what it was that you deleted? The first step might be to restore it.
VISITOR: I don't want to go back out there, Kevin. It's in the bin now and there it shall remain.
KEVIN J: Do you know the name of the file you deleted?
VISITOR: It wasn't a file. It was an egg carton filled with cat litter and some Pez I'd ground up with a pestle.
KEVIN J: Ok. I think I understand now what you are saying. Let me get this straight. So -
VISITOR: I went to the bin, and when I came back my computer was spinning around on my desktop (the top of my desk). Like it was possessed. It was just going around and around. So fast. SO FASSST.
KEVIN J: Could you explain what is spinning exactly?
VISITOR: My computer.
KEVIN J: A computer icon?
VISITOR: That’s right. It’s spinning like an icon – like a revolving Christ.
KEVIN J: The rainbow wheel?
VISITOR: Is that what they're calling him now? I honestly don't know how to describe what is happening here.
KEVIN J: Can you take a screenshot of your desktop for me?
VISITOR: How do I do that?
KEVIN J: Command-Shift-3.
VISITOR: I don’t understand. I'm revolving along with the computer, and I'm having a hard time typing and seeing the screen. I’m really sorry, Kevin. I never get anything right.
KEVIN J: I'm sure we can get this sorted.
VISITOR: I'll do whatever it takes to resolve this situation, Kevin. It's really important to me. And I'm sure it is to you too.
KEVIN J: Absolutely Honey. And sorry for all the inconvenience. How's that screenshot coming along?
VISITOR: What screenshot?
KEVIN J: Command-Shift-3.
VISITOR: I'm sorry. What are you talking about?
KEVIN J: Press command shift and 3. The keys on the keyboard.
VISITOR: Wait. I just remembered. I installed steam so might that be the issue?
KEVIN J: Did the spinning start after you installed Steam?
VISITOR: Yes. Right after I boiled the kettle and wafted the steam into the vent. I steamed that computer up real good! There was condensation dripping off my computer and hands...
KEVIN: Thanks for your time.
<KEVIN J HAS ENDED THE SESSION>
KEVIN J: Hi. This is Kevin. How can I help you?
VISITOR (Phoning Honey): Help! I’ve done something really silly. My computer isn’t working properly and it's all my fault. Can you, or somebody like you, PLEASE help me?!?
KEVIN J: Sure. I'm happy to take a look for you.
VISITOR: Hello? Is there anyone there? I suspect there might be, but I don't know how to be sure.
KEVIN J: Yes I'm here. My name's Kevin. Who am I talking to?
VISITOR: Honey.
KEVIN: Ok Honey. Thanks for jumping into the chat. Can you tell me what the issue is?
VISITOR: What does that mean?
KEVIN: What's the problem?
VISITOR: Hey hey. Kevin! C'mon. Less of the attitude. I just didn't understand what you meant. I'm sorry, but I'm experiencing some major difficulties here. I have tears in my ears.
KEVIN: It's absolutely fine Honey. Please just tell me what technical difficulties you're having.
VISITOR: Can't we skip the small talk and get to the part where you tell me how to fix my computer? This isn't a date, Kevin. I don't need to know your life story and you don't need to know mine. Let's just agree to that now.
KEVIN J: I just need to get some details off you.
VISITOR: Please, Kevin. Please, no very personal details.
KEVIN: No problem. Just need you to talk me through what the problem is, what the technical difficulty is, is and we'll go from there.
VISITOR: I’m really not sure. I put something in the trash, and then it started spinning around on my desktop.
KEVIN J: Ok. I can look into that for you. Do you know what it was that you deleted? The first step might be to restore it.
VISITOR: I don't want to go back out there, Kevin. It's in the bin now and there it shall remain.
KEVIN J: Do you know the name of the file you deleted?
VISITOR: It wasn't a file. It was an egg carton filled with cat litter and some Pez I'd ground up with a pestle.
KEVIN J: Ok. I think I understand now what you are saying. Let me get this straight. So -
VISITOR: I went to the bin, and when I came back my computer was spinning around on my desktop (the top of my desk). Like it was possessed. It was just going around and around. So fast. SO FASSST.
KEVIN J: Could you explain what is spinning exactly?
VISITOR: My computer.
KEVIN J: A computer icon?
VISITOR: That’s right. It’s spinning like an icon – like a revolving Christ.
KEVIN J: The rainbow wheel?
VISITOR: Is that what they're calling him now? I honestly don't know how to describe what is happening here.
KEVIN J: Can you take a screenshot of your desktop for me?
VISITOR: How do I do that?
KEVIN J: Command-Shift-3.
VISITOR: I don’t understand. I'm revolving along with the computer, and I'm having a hard time typing and seeing the screen. I’m really sorry, Kevin. I never get anything right.
KEVIN J: I'm sure we can get this sorted.
VISITOR: I'll do whatever it takes to resolve this situation, Kevin. It's really important to me. And I'm sure it is to you too.
KEVIN J: Absolutely Honey. And sorry for all the inconvenience. How's that screenshot coming along?
VISITOR: What screenshot?
KEVIN J: Command-Shift-3.
VISITOR: I'm sorry. What are you talking about?
KEVIN J: Press command shift and 3. The keys on the keyboard.
VISITOR: Wait. I just remembered. I installed steam so might that be the issue?
KEVIN J: Did the spinning start after you installed Steam?
VISITOR: Yes. Right after I boiled the kettle and wafted the steam into the vent. I steamed that computer up real good! There was condensation dripping off my computer and hands...
KEVIN: Thanks for your time.
<KEVIN J HAS ENDED THE SESSION>
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