DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

RING-SIR! Pranking Online Support with Phoning Honey

16/2/2015

6 Comments

 
Picture
Hello. I'm Phoning Honey. Please don't hang yourself - I haven't finished talking yet. Listen: when I'm not sifting through a hat full of dirt, or drifting through a sackful of hurt, I like to go online and prank the technical support people.

Why I do this, goodness only knows, but do this I most certainly do. Here is my latest chat (hanging may commence at the end of the transcript):

>> YOU HAVE ENTERED THE SESSION. PLEASE WAIT TO BE CONNECTED TO AN OPERATOR.

HONEY: How long will I have to wait? Who the hell are you? Make yourself known!

>> MICHAEL HAS JOINED THE SESSION.

MICHAEL: Hi. You're talking with Michael. Who is this?

HONEY: It's Honey, Michael. How are you?

MICHAEL: I'm good thanks, Honey.

HONEY: Ok then. Sorry, who are you again?

MICHAEL: I'm Michael. Technical support.

HONEY: Michael...? The technical support?

HONEY: I'm going to try and help you.

HONEY: Are you the Michael I went to school with?

MICHAEL: ...Ha ha. I doubt that. It would be a big coincidence. Lots of Michaels.

HONEY: His name was Michael Preece. We called him Michael Priest. You see, there was a rumour that he was a priest, because he was always walking around in priest gear and talking about the seminary. "Michael Priest/Michael Priest/Wears a smock/And he smells of yeast". Is this you? Please confirm.

MICHAEL: Pretty sure that's not me. How can I help you today?

HONEY: I bought a washing machine from you, yeah, and stuff has happened that probably shouldn't have happened, and I don't really know if I can talk about it.

MICHAEL: I'm sure we'll find a way to help. What has happened?

HONEY: Well, I tried to wash one of my sinister trench coats, but I didn't realise there were a load of pirated video game discs in the hidden pockets - I'm the local video game pirate, you see. I sell knock-off games at the market, which you probably don't need to know about. But basically, all the discs smashed into tiny shards, and now the washing machine won't drain.


MICHAEL: ...

MICHAEL: ...

MICHAEL: ...Have you opened the filter?

HONEY: Yes indeed. There was only a little trickle of brown water. Do you think it's sewage?

MICHAEL: Unlikely to be sewage, unless something has gone very wrong with your plumbing.

HONEY: It tasted like sewage.

MICHAEL: I don't recommend tasting it. 

HONEY: So?


MICHAEL: Have you tried putting your fingers into the filter, and feeling for the drain pump? Will it turn? 

HONEY: Who knows?

MICHAEL: It should feel like a small fan blade. 

HONEY: And?

MICHAEL: Sometimes things get caught around the pump, like pet hair or hairbands.

HONEY: I don't wear hairbands, Michael, and all my pets have escaped. Do you think one of them might've returned and got in the washing machine? Do you think it was Magnus: the bird?

MICHAEL: It's more likely to be from pet hair on clothes.

HONEY: My pets weren't very hairy. They weren't the hairy sort of pets, Michael. Look, between you and me they had very little hair. My cat I waxed daily, apart from a strip down the centre of his face. He was a Brazilian No-Hair. Listen, Michael. I've got something to ask.

MICHAEL: Ok.

HONEY: Do you like me?

MICHAEL: ...

MICHAEL: ...

HONEY: You've been quiet a long time, Michael. It's a simple enough question. Do you like me? Really though? I get the sense you do.

MICHAEL: ...


MICHAEL: ...

MICHAEL: ...

HONEY: Michael, please. I'm shivering with anticipation and cold. And fear.

MICHAEL: WTF is going on???? Who is this?

HONEY: It's Honey, Michael. You remember me: I was the one with the problem about the washing machine. The one who tasted the sewer water? Would you like to buy a pirated copy of Destiny, Michael? Come on, Michael. Let's make this happen. Michael, please...


MICHAEL: Who is this????

HONEY: There's something I really need to tell you, Michael.

MICHAEL: What?

MICHAEL: I also had a hamster, Michael. A hamster called Tiffany Hitler.

>> YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED FROM THE CHAT.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • PHONING HONEY - Computer set-up woes
  • ROMANTIC GAMING GADGETS with The Living Bum
6 Comments
Honey Monster
16/2/2015 05:57:28 am

I fricking love Phoning Honey. Keep that sweet goodness coming!

Reply
Bingo Rose
16/2/2015 07:23:05 am

Sounds to me like it was Michael Preece all along.

Reply
Mr Smith
16/2/2015 09:08:44 am

I love the bit where he becomes unsettled, as if he's been getting a lot of these. Or as if he reads Digi and suddenly started wondering...

Reply
Dan link
17/2/2015 04:55:31 am

Tiffany Hitler. That was what pushed him over the edge. HAH, who has a hamster called Hitler? :P

Reply
colincidence link
28/2/2015 05:32:42 pm

Phoning Honey.

Reply
Birchtree
6/11/2016 02:43:25 pm

Hey man. Glad you're still doing this stuff. This brightened up my morning considerably.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ