Hello, Martin. I'm Phoning Honey, a special sort of guy who likes to go online and engage in whimsical banter with the operators of online technical support services. What a rubbish thing to do. What? Hello, Martin.
Recently, I built a special nest from which to do my favourite activity. I built it out of old pork wrapped in melted Happy Meal toys. Please be aware: the names of the pranked have been changed to protect my integrity. Let's go. It's time.
Recently, I built a special nest from which to do my favourite activity. I built it out of old pork wrapped in melted Happy Meal toys. Please be aware: the names of the pranked have been changed to protect my integrity. Let's go. It's time.
>> AN OPERATOR WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY...
HONEY: I know they will.
> RAMON HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM.
RAMON: Hi. How are you today?
HONEY: What?
RAMON: Hi. How can I help you today? How are you?
HONEY: What's going on? Why do you keep asking me how I am?
RAMON: Just saying hello. Friendly type. How can I help you?
HONEY: I've broken it, Ramon.
RAMON: Oh. You've broken something. You bought from us? From the website?
HONEY: Yes, Ramon.
RAMON: Can I ask what this was?
HONEY: Microwave. I used it for a show on my YouTube channel, and now the door won't close properly and the thing won't go round.
RAMON: Ok. Wow.
HONEY: Don't be sarcastic, Ramon.
RAMON: No sarcasm. I wish I had a YouTube.
HONEY: I'm still detecting sarcasm.
RAMON: I mean it. What show? Cooking?
HONEY: Can we just get on with it, Ramon? I don't have all day. But it's a video game channel. Are you hungry or something?
RAMON: Sure. Always hungry. Sorry. Ok. So is latch broke? Check latch?
HONEY: Check latch? Do you mean "chocolate"?
RAMON: No. Is door latch broken? Might be the spring.
HONEY: It isn't the latch. The door just keeps bouncing open.
RAMON: That shouldn't happen. What model this is?
HONEY: Do you think I should take the PS4 out?
RAMON: PS4?
HONEY: PlayStation 4?
RAMON: Where is PlayStation 4 please?
HONEY: In the microwave. Should I take it out? Do you think that's why the door won't close?
RAMON: Sure.
HONEY: Give me a second. I'll just go and try it.
RAMON: Why put a PlayStation in there? I don't think I get all this.
HONEY: It was for my YouTube channel. I was trying to microwave it to see what would happen. I microwave all sorts of stuff on there. Once I put a pear on a joypad and microwaved them both!
RAMON: Crazy!!! No wonder you break.
HONEY: Ok. It worked. Half the PS4 was sticking out and stopping the door from closing. Me so silly.
RAMON: Great! All solved now?
HONEY: Yes, all solved now, Ramon. Thank you. Hey. Listen, Ramon - can I ask you something?
RAMON: Okay. One more thing.
HONEY: What happens now?
RAMON: When happens now?
HONEY: I mean, between us. Will I ever hear from you again?
RAMON: No. This is the end now. I'm going to email you the customer service feedback form. Have I been helpful? It would be great if you could fill it out. This is the end then.
HONEY: You make it sound so final.
RAMON: I know. But it has to end. It has been great talking to you. Good luck with your YouTube.
HONEY: Sarcasm again.
RAMON: Not sarcasm. Hey. Please. Bye.
> RAMON HAS LEFT THE SESSION.
HONEY: I know they will.
> RAMON HAS ENTERED THE CHATROOM.
RAMON: Hi. How are you today?
HONEY: What?
RAMON: Hi. How can I help you today? How are you?
HONEY: What's going on? Why do you keep asking me how I am?
RAMON: Just saying hello. Friendly type. How can I help you?
HONEY: I've broken it, Ramon.
RAMON: Oh. You've broken something. You bought from us? From the website?
HONEY: Yes, Ramon.
RAMON: Can I ask what this was?
HONEY: Microwave. I used it for a show on my YouTube channel, and now the door won't close properly and the thing won't go round.
RAMON: Ok. Wow.
HONEY: Don't be sarcastic, Ramon.
RAMON: No sarcasm. I wish I had a YouTube.
HONEY: I'm still detecting sarcasm.
RAMON: I mean it. What show? Cooking?
HONEY: Can we just get on with it, Ramon? I don't have all day. But it's a video game channel. Are you hungry or something?
RAMON: Sure. Always hungry. Sorry. Ok. So is latch broke? Check latch?
HONEY: Check latch? Do you mean "chocolate"?
RAMON: No. Is door latch broken? Might be the spring.
HONEY: It isn't the latch. The door just keeps bouncing open.
RAMON: That shouldn't happen. What model this is?
HONEY: Do you think I should take the PS4 out?
RAMON: PS4?
HONEY: PlayStation 4?
RAMON: Where is PlayStation 4 please?
HONEY: In the microwave. Should I take it out? Do you think that's why the door won't close?
RAMON: Sure.
HONEY: Give me a second. I'll just go and try it.
RAMON: Why put a PlayStation in there? I don't think I get all this.
HONEY: It was for my YouTube channel. I was trying to microwave it to see what would happen. I microwave all sorts of stuff on there. Once I put a pear on a joypad and microwaved them both!
RAMON: Crazy!!! No wonder you break.
HONEY: Ok. It worked. Half the PS4 was sticking out and stopping the door from closing. Me so silly.
RAMON: Great! All solved now?
HONEY: Yes, all solved now, Ramon. Thank you. Hey. Listen, Ramon - can I ask you something?
RAMON: Okay. One more thing.
HONEY: What happens now?
RAMON: When happens now?
HONEY: I mean, between us. Will I ever hear from you again?
RAMON: No. This is the end now. I'm going to email you the customer service feedback form. Have I been helpful? It would be great if you could fill it out. This is the end then.
HONEY: You make it sound so final.
RAMON: I know. But it has to end. It has been great talking to you. Good luck with your YouTube.
HONEY: Sarcasm again.
RAMON: Not sarcasm. Hey. Please. Bye.
> RAMON HAS LEFT THE SESSION.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
- RING-SIR! Phoning Honey meets "Nick"
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- RING-SIR! Phoning Honey meets "Kevin J"
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