Hello and goodbye. I'm Phoning Honey, the epoxy-coated prankster who just loves showing you around his online helpline prank transcripts. When I'm not doing that, I'm playing the bassoon in a Van Halen/Def Leppard tribute band. We're called 'Vas Deferens'.
But enough about that - here's my latest thing. And as we sing in Vas Deferens - Yummy yummy I've put ants on my mummy... and they're crawling all around her mouth - yeah!
All names have been changed irreversibly.
But enough about that - here's my latest thing. And as we sing in Vas Deferens - Yummy yummy I've put ants on my mummy... and they're crawling all around her mouth - yeah!
All names have been changed irreversibly.
> YOU ARE BEING CONNECTED TO AN OPERATOR...
HONEY: Just as I planned.
> YOUR CHAT SESSION HAS BEGUN.
HONEY: OK then.
PETER: Hello. This is Peter.
HONEY: LOL.
PETER: I'm going to be helping you today.
HONEY: LOL, Peter.
PETER: Which of our products are you experiencing problems with?
HONEY: What?
PETER: Which of our products are you experiencing problems with?
HONEY: NetNanny.
PETER: I'm sorry. NetNanny is not one of our products.
HONEY: NatNenny then.
PETER: That is not one of our products.
HONEY: I can't remember what it's called. It's something like NetNimmo, but I can't remember what exactly the name is. You can't blame me for this - I bought it whilst temporarily blinded by salty sea spume (S.S.S), then I installed it and threw away the box, packaging, manual and disc. I was furious with myself (and all other people).
PETER: Can you describe the issue you are having?
HONEY: Definitely.
...
PETER: Can you describe the issue you are having?
HONEY: To you? Yes. NetNanny isn't working properly. I installed it, but instead of a Nanny, a big Grandad keeps appearing on my screen instead. He told me his name was Clem Brendle.
PETER: Are you sure it is NetNanny you are using? NetNanny is not one of our brands.
HONEY: Did I buy the wrong thing?
PETER: I don't know. None of our products do what you are describing?
HONEY: No Clem Brendle?
PETER: No. Nothing like that.
PETER: Did I buy NotNanny by mistake? Please - could you describe to me what your Nanny is supposed to look like? Does your Nanny look more like a Granddad?
PETER: Could you explain some more please about the type of operating difficulty you are experiencing, and what software you were anticipating?
HONEY: When I boot up the computer a Granddad appears and berates me. He accused me of doing something to his grapes! He said I swapped one of them for an olive! LOL! I was anticipating the literal opposite of that (ie; an off-screen Nanny who didn't accuse me of swapping her olive for a grape).
PETER: Is it a software issue?
HONEY: I don't know what that even means.
PETER: Is it an issue with your software? Which software of ours are you using?
HONEY: I don't know.
PETER: Then I cannot help you. I am sorry.
HONEY: Wait. I just found out what the software is called.
PETER: Ok.
HONEY: It's called 'Peter-B-Gone'. Peter?
PETER: I am here.
HONEY: Be gone!
> YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED FROM THE CHAT SESSION.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
HONEY: Just as I planned.
> YOUR CHAT SESSION HAS BEGUN.
HONEY: OK then.
PETER: Hello. This is Peter.
HONEY: LOL.
PETER: I'm going to be helping you today.
HONEY: LOL, Peter.
PETER: Which of our products are you experiencing problems with?
HONEY: What?
PETER: Which of our products are you experiencing problems with?
HONEY: NetNanny.
PETER: I'm sorry. NetNanny is not one of our products.
HONEY: NatNenny then.
PETER: That is not one of our products.
HONEY: I can't remember what it's called. It's something like NetNimmo, but I can't remember what exactly the name is. You can't blame me for this - I bought it whilst temporarily blinded by salty sea spume (S.S.S), then I installed it and threw away the box, packaging, manual and disc. I was furious with myself (and all other people).
PETER: Can you describe the issue you are having?
HONEY: Definitely.
...
PETER: Can you describe the issue you are having?
HONEY: To you? Yes. NetNanny isn't working properly. I installed it, but instead of a Nanny, a big Grandad keeps appearing on my screen instead. He told me his name was Clem Brendle.
PETER: Are you sure it is NetNanny you are using? NetNanny is not one of our brands.
HONEY: Did I buy the wrong thing?
PETER: I don't know. None of our products do what you are describing?
HONEY: No Clem Brendle?
PETER: No. Nothing like that.
PETER: Did I buy NotNanny by mistake? Please - could you describe to me what your Nanny is supposed to look like? Does your Nanny look more like a Granddad?
PETER: Could you explain some more please about the type of operating difficulty you are experiencing, and what software you were anticipating?
HONEY: When I boot up the computer a Granddad appears and berates me. He accused me of doing something to his grapes! He said I swapped one of them for an olive! LOL! I was anticipating the literal opposite of that (ie; an off-screen Nanny who didn't accuse me of swapping her olive for a grape).
PETER: Is it a software issue?
HONEY: I don't know what that even means.
PETER: Is it an issue with your software? Which software of ours are you using?
HONEY: I don't know.
PETER: Then I cannot help you. I am sorry.
HONEY: Wait. I just found out what the software is called.
PETER: Ok.
HONEY: It's called 'Peter-B-Gone'. Peter?
PETER: I am here.
HONEY: Be gone!
> YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED FROM THE CHAT SESSION.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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