This week I've been chatting the chats to an online technical support guy. The names of companies, individuals and products have been changed to protect the cussing.
HONEY: Ok then.
> Nick has entered the chat.
HONEY: Oh there you are.
NICK: Hi. This is Nick. Sorry to keep you waiting.
HONEY: I should think so.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: I don't know. I can't see you.
NICK: Sure. Who is this?
HONEY: You're Nick. It says so next to your words. I'm assuming it's short for Nicholas or Nimbletrump.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: You've already asked that. If I am to assume you want to know who I am, then I am Honey.
NICK: Thanks. How can I help you today Honey?
HONEY: I'm trying to sync my phone to my tablet to make all the apps happen on all things, and the other things, but it isn't working. It just isn't working. I must be doing something wrong. Things!?
NICK: Ok. We can work through that together. No problem.
HONEY: There is a problem, Nick, otherwise I wouldn't be on here.
NICK: Sure. I just need to ask you some questions first.
HONEY: What sort of questions?
NICK: They're just questions about your setup and products.
HONEY: That's a bit prying, Nick. What does my setup have to do with anything? But if you must know, I'm single, and I live alone, apart from occasional visits by The Vark.
NICK: I just need to ask some questions about your technical setup.
HONEY: It's getting worse!
NICK: What is Honey?
HONEY: Your line of interrogation! I feel like I'm being waterboarded by a master interrogator! Whatever happened to the days when one could expect to be probed-a-gently?
NICK: Honey you don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer but I'm unable to help unless I can establish some basic facts.
HONEY: Did you just swear at me, Nick?
NICK: I can assure you I would NEVER have done that Honey.
HONEY: Well it just flashed up on the screen for a moment before it got deleted. The F/C word followed by the M and H words!
NICK: I really can promise you I would never have done that Honey. I just want to help you get to the bottom of whatever the problem is.
HONEY: At least now you're ready to acknowledge there is a problem. It took you swearing at me to get us there though.
NICK: I didn't swear at you Honey. Our customers are very important to us.
HONEY: I'm really sorry, Nick, but I need to go. The Vark is here, and it wants feeding. You probably want to know what I'm going on about?
NICK: You might say that.
HONEY: There's no might about it, Nimbletrump. I already did say that. But just to clarify, The Vark is a big worm wearing a curly blonde wig over its face, and I feed it by shoving pickled raisins up what I assume to be a snout of some kind. Now get a load of this: The Vark has YOUR MOUTH tattooed on its gills. "Nimbletrump, Nimbletrump, What do'st thou see, When thou has one's face 'gainst the Nimbletrump tree?".
> You have been disconnected from the chat <