In the words of U2: Guten tag, baby! I'm Phoning Honey, the comedic prankster who likes nothing more than apportioning blame. Sure, some people might think I'm a cruel time-waster for the things I do, but if I didn't do those things I'd have to do something else - something even more cruel. EG: propelling a puppy over a viaduct full of brakes.
This week I've been chatting the chats to an online technical support guy. The names of companies, individuals and products have been changed to protect the cussing.
This week I've been chatting the chats to an online technical support guy. The names of companies, individuals and products have been changed to protect the cussing.
> Please wait while we connect you to an operator...
HONEY: Ok then.
> Nick has entered the chat.
HONEY: Oh there you are.
NICK: Hi. This is Nick. Sorry to keep you waiting.
HONEY: I should think so.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: I don't know. I can't see you.
NICK: Sure. Who is this?
HONEY: You're Nick. It says so next to your words. I'm assuming it's short for Nicholas or Nimbletrump.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: You've already asked that. If I am to assume you want to know who I am, then I am Honey.
NICK: Thanks. How can I help you today Honey?
HONEY: I'm trying to sync my phone to my tablet to make all the apps happen on all things, and the other things, but it isn't working. It just isn't working. I must be doing something wrong. Things!?
NICK: Ok. We can work through that together. No problem.
HONEY: There is a problem, Nick, otherwise I wouldn't be on here.
NICK: Sure. I just need to ask you some questions first.
HONEY: What sort of questions?
NICK: They're just questions about your setup and products.
HONEY: That's a bit prying, Nick. What does my setup have to do with anything? But if you must know, I'm single, and I live alone, apart from occasional visits by The Vark.
NICK: I just need to ask some questions about your technical setup.
HONEY: It's getting worse!
NICK: What is Honey?
HONEY: Your line of interrogation! I feel like I'm being waterboarded by a master interrogator! Whatever happened to the days when one could expect to be probed-a-gently?
NICK: Honey you don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer but I'm unable to help unless I can establish some basic facts.
HONEY: Did you just swear at me, Nick?
NICK: I can assure you I would NEVER have done that Honey.
HONEY: Well it just flashed up on the screen for a moment before it got deleted. The F/C word followed by the M and H words!
NICK: I really can promise you I would never have done that Honey. I just want to help you get to the bottom of whatever the problem is.
HONEY: At least now you're ready to acknowledge there is a problem. It took you swearing at me to get us there though.
NICK: I didn't swear at you Honey. Our customers are very important to us.
HONEY: I'm really sorry, Nick, but I need to go. The Vark is here, and it wants feeding. You probably want to know what I'm going on about?
NICK: You might say that.
HONEY: There's no might about it, Nimbletrump. I already did say that. But just to clarify, The Vark is a big worm wearing a curly blonde wig over its face, and I feed it by shoving pickled raisins up what I assume to be a snout of some kind. Now get a load of this: The Vark has YOUR MOUTH tattooed on its gills. "Nimbletrump, Nimbletrump, What do'st thou see, When thou has one's face 'gainst the Nimbletrump tree?".
> You have been disconnected from the chat <
HONEY: Ok then.
> Nick has entered the chat.
HONEY: Oh there you are.
NICK: Hi. This is Nick. Sorry to keep you waiting.
HONEY: I should think so.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: I don't know. I can't see you.
NICK: Sure. Who is this?
HONEY: You're Nick. It says so next to your words. I'm assuming it's short for Nicholas or Nimbletrump.
NICK: Who am I speaking to?
HONEY: You've already asked that. If I am to assume you want to know who I am, then I am Honey.
NICK: Thanks. How can I help you today Honey?
HONEY: I'm trying to sync my phone to my tablet to make all the apps happen on all things, and the other things, but it isn't working. It just isn't working. I must be doing something wrong. Things!?
NICK: Ok. We can work through that together. No problem.
HONEY: There is a problem, Nick, otherwise I wouldn't be on here.
NICK: Sure. I just need to ask you some questions first.
HONEY: What sort of questions?
NICK: They're just questions about your setup and products.
HONEY: That's a bit prying, Nick. What does my setup have to do with anything? But if you must know, I'm single, and I live alone, apart from occasional visits by The Vark.
NICK: I just need to ask some questions about your technical setup.
HONEY: It's getting worse!
NICK: What is Honey?
HONEY: Your line of interrogation! I feel like I'm being waterboarded by a master interrogator! Whatever happened to the days when one could expect to be probed-a-gently?
NICK: Honey you don't have to answer anything you don't want to answer but I'm unable to help unless I can establish some basic facts.
HONEY: Did you just swear at me, Nick?
NICK: I can assure you I would NEVER have done that Honey.
HONEY: Well it just flashed up on the screen for a moment before it got deleted. The F/C word followed by the M and H words!
NICK: I really can promise you I would never have done that Honey. I just want to help you get to the bottom of whatever the problem is.
HONEY: At least now you're ready to acknowledge there is a problem. It took you swearing at me to get us there though.
NICK: I didn't swear at you Honey. Our customers are very important to us.
HONEY: I'm really sorry, Nick, but I need to go. The Vark is here, and it wants feeding. You probably want to know what I'm going on about?
NICK: You might say that.
HONEY: There's no might about it, Nimbletrump. I already did say that. But just to clarify, The Vark is a big worm wearing a curly blonde wig over its face, and I feed it by shoving pickled raisins up what I assume to be a snout of some kind. Now get a load of this: The Vark has YOUR MOUTH tattooed on its gills. "Nimbletrump, Nimbletrump, What do'st thou see, When thou has one's face 'gainst the Nimbletrump tree?".
> You have been disconnected from the chat <
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